Lamisha Serf-Walls

Gratitude: Music and Writing

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This week the two things I am grateful for are things that have impacted my life in so many ways.  They have been used as a means of expression, healing, and continue to add to my life as a whole.  And like many of the things I am grateful for each week, they are things that I often have overlooked.

This week I am grateful for music.  In the last year my musical tastes have changed quite a bit and I found myself not listening to music as much as I have in the past.  This week however, I was reminded of the impact music has had on my life.  I tend to listen to music based on my current mood or sometimes as a way to invoke a sense of relaxation and my musical tastes depend on those moods.  This week however, I started listening to artists I listened to many years ago and was instantly reminded of the circumstances I was going through when a certain CD was on repeat.  It is amazing how quickly I am brought back to specific moment in time through the lyrics of a particular song.

I am also grateful for music because for almost 15 years I used it as a means of expression through dance, and a means of creation as I choreographed specific pieces for groups I worked with.  For a long time music and dance was my life.  I was always listening to a song through the ears of an artist, seeing the choreography appear in my mind’s eye.  It was (and still is, though right now it lies dormant), such a large part of my life and without music and dance, I am not sure where I would be.  My love for music has been renewed this week and I am so grateful for all that it has done for me over the years and I hope to create many more memories that I can later recall through music.

The other thing I am grateful for is my writing.  Much like music, writing has always been a part of my life, though early on in life, I had no idea that it would be something I wanted to do.  Looking back, I always excelled in English, as I found it easy to express myself through the written word, and can remember how proud I was in Middle School, when one of my pieces was published in our local paper.  As the years passed, my writing would ebb and flow.  Sometimes I would write poetry, sometimes I would simply keep a journal, but looking back on it now, I realize my writing was a means of healing for me.  Since then my writing has evolved and I suspect it will continue to change over time, and as it does I will remain grateful for this wonderful means of expression.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

 

From Psych-Out to Psych-Up

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There are many times in life when you have to simply ignore the anxious ramblings in your head that ask you if you are good enough, strong enough, smart enough, ______(fill in the blank) enough and like Nike says “Just Do It”.  Get rid of the negative self-talk, and the voice in your head that says you aren’t enough in whatever capacity and do what scares you anyways.  If you psych yourself out and you get cold feet and walk away simply because you are afraid, you will never know what the outcome could have been.  Simply put, if you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

 

As a writer most writing gigs don’t fall from the sky (I wish they did), but instead you must do your research, submit query letters, and apply, apply, apply, that is if you want to get paid.  And this writer despite the joy I get from writing this blog, would like to have more paid writing opportunities to add to my publishing portfolio.  So, I apply and most days after applying, I wait only to find that if you aren’t chosen for the gig, you never hear from the person ever again.  Sometimes that is better than hearing a flat-out no, but I guess that depends who you ask.  But, on the off-chance I get a response and they are asking for more information like I did this weekend, I begin to psych myself out, especially if it is something even the slightest bit out of my comfort zone.

The voice in my head begins its rambling of panic asking if I am good enough, and goodness forbid they ask me for a sample piece, then my mental chatter goes into overtime.  ‘Can I do this?’ ‘What if it isn’t good enough?’ ‘What if they say no?’  To which I respond sometimes, but psyching myself out entirely and end up not getting the gig.

Not this time!

I applied for a gig that I thought would be fun and interesting.  I genuinely want the gig, and it’s paid! (win-win all around)  It is something I knew I could do before applying, so why am I questioning it now?  Because that is how I work sometimes, not a good way to work, but the way I work none the less.  The difference is that instead of psyching myself out, I am psyching myself up.  I am going to write the sample, and give it my all because I know I can do it.  Not in a cocky, I am better than you kind of way, but the type of knowing that stands out as courageous confidence.  This writing gig is small, but if I want to fulfill my dream of being a published writer in various genres and eventually publish a book, this is a good step in that direction.

I am moving out of my head and into my heart.  The heart that knows that I can do this. The heart that has the confidence, the joy, and the courage to do something different even if it scares me a little, and in spite of the potential rejection, I am going to continue to move forward applying for other writing gigs that may scare me.  And if the chips fall and I am not selected for this particular writing gig, then it just wasn’t meant to be, and there will be another one (or two or three) out there for me and I look forward to those as well.

Moving forward confidently and courageously toward my dreams without all the negative mental chatter.