Lamisha Serf-Walls

The Doubt Factor: The real reason other people doubt you

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It’s not YOU, it’s THEM.

That’s the easy answer.  But let me back up a moment.

Have you ever had an experience where you share your biggest, brightest, most expansive dream with a loved one only to have them crap all over it?

What started out as a celebratory conversation turns into a self-loathing, dream-crushing, doubt-filled experience that sends you back to the “logical” drawing board for your life.

I have had this experience more times than I can count and recently I had a client share with me her experience.

Hit the link below to find out what I told her.

 

Are you ready to build a solid, unshakeable belief system and mindset within yourself?  Schedule a free 30- minute consultation below and let’s chat about how we can do that together.

Book a FREE 30-Minute consultation here.

I’m Afraid to Tell You This…

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photo credit: Nebel via photopin (license)
photo credit: Nebel via photopin (license)

There have been many moments in the last 2 years when I’ve wanted to share something with you but have been afraid of what you might think.  I’ve held back and decided it might not be the right time or a good idea for fear of how it might change what you think of me.

But, I know I’m not doing you or myself any favors by not sharing the not so happy parts of my journey and as I was thinking over the last few months, I realized it’s time to share this with you.

I’ve been afraid to tell you about the 5-month period in 2014 when I thought I was going to have to close my business and give up on my dream.  It was something I never thought I would do, but there were moments when I didn’t think I had a choice.

Lucky for me, I did.

From May – September last year, I struggled to make my business work.  I had a handful of clients and the number was slowly dwindling down to almost nothing.  But it wasn’t just that,  I was struggling with something far worse…my identity.

I knew I wanted to coach.  I knew I was meant for this work and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was my path.  The problem came when I couldn’t quite figure out what I wasn’t doing ‘right’ in order to make my business thrive.

Looking back it became completely clear:  I was allowing others to be my guru instead of listening to my intuition.

In fact, it got so bad at one point, I was questioning my skills, my coaching, and my dream of helping other women make their dream a reality.

On more than one night I cried out of fear, worry, and pure disappointment that somehow my entire path was being thrown off and I had somehow missed the mark.  What was true was I had missed the mark, but it wasn’t in my path, it was by allowing someone else to throw me off it.

My heart and soul knew exactly what I needed to do, but I didn’t trust it.  I allowed certain mentors and coaches lead the way because I was so new to it all, I thought they knew everything.  And the truth is, they did…for their own path, but not for mine.

It took 5 months of desperation, fear, and distracted worry to lead me back to what I set out to do in the beginning…change lives.

It took many tearful nights and a whole lot of doubt for me to get to a space of clarity to see that yes I did know how to make things happen and I could listen to that inner voice inside that was telling me all along it would all work out.

Turns out she’s pretty smart.

Looking back on those moments, I am so glad I didn’t give up.  I’m glad that I reached out to the right mentors that didn’t tell me what to do or try to convince me to do it their way.

I found people that would support me in my vision, who believed in me, and helped me tap into that power deep inside that helped me stay the course and not give up.

Did they question me when I became too fearful to fly?

Yes, but out of love and the desire to see me soar.  But what they did for me more than anything else is remind me that above all else, I have to follow my heart-the very thing I teach all of my clients.

You see coaching isn’t about leading you in one direction or another or telling you how to do something.  It’s a co-creative journey that when done well, will lead you back to the power you have had all along to create the amazing life of your dreams.  Coaching is about clarifying your desires, uncovering your fears and other blocks, and empowering you in a way that reminds you, anything is possible.

I learned early on with the right support, you can make anything happen and it’s exactly why I do what I do.

After those scary 5 months of uncertainty, I now stand taller and more proud of my decisions because I know I am making them from the heart and honestly, there is nothing better.

0001-23099893If you have a dream that you aren’t ready to let go of and you need someone to support you along the way, I have 2 spots left in my Breakthrough program for February before my rates increase March 1st.  Now is the time to make the commitment to yourself and the dream that has been following you for years. Are you ready to take that next step? If so, I invite you to sign up for a free 30-Minute Consultation to chat about how I might be able to help you.  If I am not the right coach for you, I promise to help you find one that is.

 

 

Are You In Danger of This? (And how not to sacrifice your happiness.)

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Danger

 

What if someone could tell you without a shadow of a doubt the way your future will likely unfold if you continue on the exact course you are on this very minute?

Would you be interested?

No, I’m not switching businesses and becoming a psychic 🙂

I ask you that because I know something that you might not be aware of and again I’m no psychic, but I have seen this enough to know that you might be in danger.

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Meet Joni* (Names have been changed for privacy sake.)

Joni is an incredibly talented entrepreneur.  She’s sweet, charismatic, caring, compassionate and people adore her!  She’s married to her soul mate, has a gorgeous home, and is blessed with creativity that flows like an open faucet.  Her business is booming and her calendar is booked out 9 months!

BUT…

She’s got a problem and it’s a BIG one.

She is having a hard time finding balance amongst all the awesomeness that is her life.

When she is in work mode, she’s hard-core.  She works long hours, stays up late, and often burns the candle at both ends.

When she manages to find time to focus on her ‘home’ life with her hubby, she is constantly trying to make up for lost time.

She’s lost on the teeter-totter of two extremes and no matter what she does she can’t quite find the happy medium.

The result:

She’s frustrated and cranky most days.  When she’s focused on her business, she worries about her relationship and the many things at home that feel half-assed or un-done.  When she’s at home, she worries about being at work. She thinks: “What if my clients need me?  What about the next deadline?  The next launch? Did I return all important emails?”

She’s stuck, overwhelmed, and feels guilty about not being where she needs to be and often feels like a failure.

She frequently discounts her successes or over looks them completely because she becomes hyper-focused on the things that aren’t working (aka not being able to find balance).

What on the outside looks like an awesome life, on the inside feels unbalanced and incomplete.  She frequently thinks that “if only” she could find the balance between her two very important worlds, she could finally ease into relaxation mode and actually enjoy the magnificent life she has created.

But without being able to see the core issue (which is not the lack of balance in her life), she is destined for a life of exhaustion, fear, frustration, and stuck-ness. She is blind to the belief that is holding her back because she is simply too close to see it.  What she thinks is a simple fix that centers around time management and taking a break every now and then is really just a symptom of a deeper issue.

She has a choice.  She can continue to try to treat the symptom (i.e. the lack of balance in her life) and experience the brief reprieve that it provides for her or she can choose to seek help.  And to be honest, she must first understand and be aware of the consequences of not clearing this issue.

Examples:

  • A stressed work life can result in physical illness
  • A stressed home life can result in relationship trouble
  • A stressed inner life can result in incredible fear, lack of confidence, self-sabotage, and even worse…an unhappy, unfulfilled life.

Getting to the end of her rope and being truly ready to move through this challenge once and for all, Joni reaches out for help.  She knows the magnificence that lies on the other side of this struggle and she’s ready to identify and clear the belief that is holding her hostage in exhaustion, fear, and frustration.

The question is are YOU?

happinessMany of you may be able to directly relate to the specific challenge or symptom that Joni has struggled with or you have your own issue that manifests itself in your life or business in your relationships, self-care, time management, procrastination, marketing (or lack thereof), or maybe it is something different.

The point is we all have that one thing that keeps showing up for us over and over again that leaves us feeling drained, frustrated, and just plain stuck.  There are some of you who are ready to throw in the towel and accept that ‘this is just the way life is’ and you may even believe ‘you just can’t have it all’.

But I am here to tell you, there IS a solution to your problem and it starts with this first step: You must first know the consequences of continuing on the path you are on and refuse to sacrifice the joy and fulfilling life you are destined for any longer.

That’s it.

Life is supposed to be amazing and you are meant to work through the lessons, beliefs, and challenges that hold us back from that incredible joy.  It is part of your journey, but you get to choose if you are ready to move forward and clear it and some of the biggest challenges are those we can’t see directly because we are simply too close.

With that I ask you:

What amazing-ness are you sacrificing by staying stuck? AND Are you ready to take the first step to free yourself from the struggle and frustration?

If so, I invite you to schedule a 30-Minute Consultation to chat with me about your challenges and to see if (like Joni) you are ready to clear them once and for all.  No strings attached.  So what do you say? Are you ready?

P.S. Don’t forget that the 7-Day Resolution Refresh challenge begins on Monday so if you are in need of some inspiration to get some of those amazing goals knocked off your to-do list, get signed up so you don’t miss a beat!

 

Lessons Learned: Business Building, Worry, and Meditation

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Each time I write one of these posts, I am more amazed at the evolution that is taking place in my personally and in my life.  I am an avid reader and student of life, so I have always wanted to analyze situations and dig a little deeper to find the lessons in most situations, but somehow articulating them here on my blog helps me to focus on them even more.  I hope you find value in them as well.

With that said let’s get to the lessons shall we?

Lesson:  Like building anything, building a business happens in layers and sometimes piece-by-piece.

When I envisioned my coaching business, I saw a booming business with an abundance of one-on-one clients, workshops, seminars, workbooks, books, retreats, etc.  What I did not see was all the behind the coaching stuff.  I didn’t know what I didn’t know and am quickly learning that building a business takes time and it comes in layers.  Much like bricklayers lay each brick on top of the last, I am building my business.  I learned this week that not only is it ok for it to be this way, it’s normal.  Just as I am evolving and changing, my business will do the same and as long as I add to it layer-by-layer, I can enjoy the process as it unfolds.  Enjoying the journey is the most important part!

Lesson:  Worry is worthless. worry

Wow, if I had a nickel for every time I have reminded myself of this fact, I would be rich.  This week in the middle of being blessed with an abundance of writing projects in addition to my day job and my business building, I had a little bit of worry about how I could get it all done.  My mind ran wild as I calculated the number of hours it would take to get everything done.  I was even trying to ration the time so each project got a portion of my time to get it all done.  I quickly learned that the time I spent worrying could be better spent doing something else.  Once I let go of the “how”, I got busy and did what I could with the time I had.  While I didn’t get everything done that I wanted to, I made progress and I wasn’t nearly as stressed.  I count that as a win.  If you are worrying about anything right now, just let it go because it really is worthless.

Lesson: Meditation is my medicine.

Since I have begun a more regular meditation practice (at least 5 days a week) the results have been amazing.  I have been far more calm, less stressed, more focused, and generally more balanced in my thinking/being.  In the last two weeks (especially this week) I have allowed my many responsibilities take precedent over my meditation practice.  While I could feel the stress and frustrations beginning to return, I kept trying to convince myself that I just didn’t have the time.  The Universe decided to prove to me I did have the time.

meditateYesterday after dropping my son off at daycare, I decided to treat myself to a cup of coffee and pay for the person behind me as a nice start to the day.  Upon returning home, I was on my way out the door to take the dogs for a little walk and all I could think of was how little time I had in the morning to tackle my to-do list.  Walking out the door and locking it behind me, I realized what I thought were keys in my pocket were not.  Luckily it was my phone and I was able to call my partner so she could come let me back in.  So what do you do when it’s 7am and you are locked out of the house?  I guess you could do many things, but I decided to watch the sunrise and spend some time meditating outdoors.  I then took myself and the dogs for a stroll around the neighborhood.

When I was able to get back inside, I felt calmer, more peaceful, and ready to tackle the day.  Now I know that meditation is my medicine or more like a vitamin nourishing my soul and protecting me from becoming unbalanced.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend and find some time to get outdoors and enjoy the beautiful colors and weather where you are.  And if you have never meditated, try it out and see if you feel some of the same centering effects I do.

Thanks for reading!