Lamisha Serf-Walls

Stuck on What you REALLY Want? Try this.

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photo credit: Helga Weber via photopin cc
photo credit: Helga Weber via photopin cc

If you don’t know what you want in life, how the world do you think you are supposed to get it???

The first step to creating an amazing life is knowing what that means to you. 

In fact, it’s the first thing I ask every person I work with (and something I’ve been asking friends & coworkers for years) only to find more people have no clue what they want in life.

They are either too stuck in reality to even flex their creative muscles a bit or they don’t really believe they can have what they truly want.

But here’s the thing.

Your dream life isn’t going to just appear out of thin air.  You aren’t going to wake up one day to a life you never envisioned, never imagined, and never thought about.

It’s just not how it works.

So let’s figure out what it is you want so you can get moving on making those amazing dreams a reality, shall we?

  1. Know that you can be, have, or do anything you want.  This step is paramount!  When you know that, you unlock the block in your mind that wants you to play safe and think small.
  2. Think about what you wanted as a child. When you were younger you didn’t know there was this thing called reality that had rules and regulations you had to abide by.  You used your imagination effortlessly and came up with some incredible visions, stories, and desires for who you wanted to be when you grew up.  Revisit those thoughts and think about what you wanted to be as a child. Write it down.
  3. Create a love list.  If you are struggling to figure out what you want in your life as a whole it might be helpful to make separate lists for relationships, family, career, fun, etc.  What you are going to do is make a list of all the things you love (or have loved) over the years in each category.  For instance, in career you might put something like ‘using my creativity’ or ‘helping people’.  Be as specific as possible for each list and see what comes up.  Don’t edit or censor what you write down.  This is simply a list of all the things you love so just let it flow.
  4. Brainstorm with others.  Sometimes talking to someone can help you get clear on what it is you want.  The natural flow of a conversation can be helpful as you get feedback from someone else.  This is also a great way to bounce ideas around and to simply verbalize some of the things you are thinking.  Talking it out is one of the amazing benefits of having a coach.  They ask questions you never thought to ask yourself.
  5. Put it all together.  Take a look at some of the things you have written or what came up in your conversations, what themes do you see?  You might find there is a theme in regards to your career or in the relationship department.  Maybe you find ‘freedom’ to be a theme and you want to create your own business.  Maybe creativity is a theme and you want to do something with your art or writing.  Once you find the theme, the rest of the picture appears almost effortlessly.  But, if you still find yourself stuck with what you want in life, take a moment to imagine your perfect day.  What are you doing? Who are you with? What do you see? Where are you?  How much money are you making? How do you spend your time?  Etc.

Once you know what you want to create you can move onto visualizing it and allowing the next step to come to you.  Don’t be hard on yourself if after following steps 1-5 you are still confused about how everything fits together to create the dream life for you.  Just know that it can and will come together for you.

Are you ready to jump start the process and gain clarity around what you want in your life?  If so, schedule your 30-minute consultation and let’s make it happen.  There really is no reason for you to continue to wait for the life of your dreams to simply appear.  You have to know what you want first.  So what are you waiting for?

Why “Trying Harder” isn’t the Answer

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I cringe every time I hear the words “try harder”.  For some reason it sends the message that you just aren’t doing enough to make it (whatever it seems to be at the moment) happen.  It also suggests that if you are giving your all, it just isn’t enough.

Ick!  Just writing that makes me cringe.

I am not the kind of coach that is going to tell you to push through the pain and “try harder”.  I won’t tell you to power through or work harder at whatever you are doing. 

Why?

Because honestly, I care more than that and I don’t believe our dreams come true with blood, sweat, and tears (at least it doesn’t have to be that way).

I believe in a better way.

When clients come to me and say they are feeling stuck or in a standstill with the progression of their dreams, I try to tap into what they mean by “stuck”.  Are they stuck on ideas, actions, motivation, clients, or forward movement?  Do they need logistical assistance or is it an internal block we need to address?

Understanding where the glitch lies is paramount in helping them work through it.  Unlike how some sports coaches might tell players to work through the pain and “power through”, I just don’t believe in telling someone to “try harder”. 

I like to actually suggest the opposite.

Instead of pushing and fighting for the next step, what if you were able to take a step back and simple allow it to come to you?  What if you could relax, regroup, and trust that you don’t have to fight, claw, and force the answers to come.  What if right here, right now, you didn’t have to do anything?  What if they could simply flow….

In our society that is a big what if because we aren’t taught that growing up.  In school we are taught that if our grades aren’t high enough or if we aren’t doing well enough in a particular area, then we must try harder.  But what happens when we are giving our all and we still feel blocked?  What then?

Sometimes trying too hard pushes the thing we want to achieve, further away.  By forcing it and trying desperately to make it work, we cut off the flow of inspiration and energy.  We allow the frustration to settle in and when that happens, the fight gets harder.

Take writer’s block for instance.  For those of you who have ever experienced the Achilles heal of writing, you know the harder you try to force your words to flow, the harder it gets.  But, when you are able to step away, change your focus, get some fresh air, and then come back to it, it seems as if the clouds part and the heavenly writing angels sing.  Your thoughts turn into beautiful words that when weaved together create a tapestry of creative-awesomeness. flow

I believe the sweet spot for your dreams to become reality is in your inspiration.  When it feels hard, sticky, frustrating, or like your progress has reached a plateau, the answer is not to try harder. 

The answer lies in letting go of the reins and creating the space for your next step to appear.

How do you do that?  Here are a few things that I find helpful. 

  • Change your focus to something else. 
  • Sing, dance, or listen to music. 
  • Read a good book, go for a run, or do some yoga. 
  • Meditate, have coffee with your friends, or write in your journal. 
  • Laugh, smile, or do something nice for someone else. 
  • Take a hot shower, get a massage, or go for a walk.
  • Enjoy some time in nature, breathe deeply, and remember that all is working out for you.
  • Remember you don’t have to have it all done right this moment, but trust that you will have it done.
  • Enjoy the journey.  It’s so easy to get caught up in the decisions, steps, and plans we have in life, but in the grand scheme of things, the juice is in the journey.  Enjoy it!

You may find that your sticking points are scattered along your path as things grow and evolve, but if you can remember to flow instead of forcing the next step to come, you will not only soon be celebrating your dreams becoming reality, but will also find that you had fun along the way!