Lamisha Serf-Walls

When OTHER Things Come First…

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I have been working on this post for quite a while now and it seems the more I wait to post it, the more inspiration I have to do so.

In working with a client a few weeks ago, we had a conversation about why our dreams take the backseat to more pressing things.  I realized in that moment I too had been putting off many things that would progress my dreams for one reason or another and then it hit me.

Even when we have the inspiration to dive head first into creating the life of our dreams, LIFE still happens.

There are deadlines, work stuff, family stuff, and in general other stuff that seems so much more important in the moment.  Those things take our attention, focus, and energy and leave little for us to use for the things that truly matter to us.  The things we are meant to do and truly love doing.

It puts us in a quandary of sorts.busy

We make excuses as to why we can’t get started on our book or do research for our business.  We make a laundry list of reasons why we simply don’t have the time or the money to give to that thing that we really want and need to.  Laundry, cleaning the house, fixing the car, going to work, taking the kids to soccer, basketball, and ballet all come first.  We argue with ourselves about how selfish it is to think that we should take time away from our children, our jobs, our spouses, our responsibilities to do what we want to do, but is it really a selfish act?

We have to ask ourselves if following our hearts and making room for the things that bring us joy is selfish.  Is it really?  Maybe in the world we are living in it is and what an unhappy place that is.  A place that makes us feel bad for doing something we enjoy and presses upon us the need to serve others and make other people happy while sacrificing our own.

Before I head down a rabbit hole of how terrible the world can be, let me stop and say that I don’t believe our choice lies between selfish and selfless living.  Nor is it a question of doing one thing over the other.  I suggest a compromise.  A meeting and melding of two worlds that creates a necessary balance between selfish and selfless acts.  A space where needs are met and dreams are lived.

Are you with me?

What I propose is simple.  So simple you may even wonder why you didn’t implement it long ago.  That simple step is this.

Instead of diving into your day checking off items on your to-do list and rushing to and fro, why not set a sacred space for your dream?

Call it the Dream Hour or Selfish Session or something a bit more personal ( and catchy).  It doesn’t matter what you call it, what matters is what you do with that time.

Set a specific amount of time each day at the beginning of your day to give to your dream.  You don’t have to operate using lists and an agenda either.  Simply show up for a set amount of time and commit that time to making progress on your dream.  If it’s writing, then write or read what you have written.  Are you a singer?  Then sing your song or listen to inspiring artists.

Make your dreams, your purpose, your passions a priority in your life, otherwise they will always end up being an afterthought in your long, busy day.  

Your dreams deserve the space to thrive, so what difference does 30-60 minutes a day make when you are creating a life that you love?  If you are like many, you might even spend more time than that on social media sites.

Don’t wait for the New Year to get started either, start today.  I promise you won’t be sorry you did.

Where’s Your Doodle Space?

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I am so happy to be back on the blog today after a much-needed and much enjoyed few days off.  In fact, just before taking a few days off for Thanksgiving, I had a discussion with my life coach about just how important it is to create space in order to relax, regroup, and allow the thoughts, ideas, and inspiration to flow.  My coach called this space my “margin”.  You know like the margins on a piece of paper.

Being a visual learner it seemed like a perfect analogy for what I was not doing very well.  Instead of allowing myself extra space to fill in with fun thoughts, ideas, and doodles, I have been writing on every single, teeny, tiny space that is provided.  And then after I have tired myself out with all the extra “stuff”, I find myself annoyed, tired, and frustrated that I am having a hard time filling it in with doodles.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/linderesa/7925910376/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/linderesa/7925910376/

Why can’t I write, doodle, and create beautiful things??? Umm, maybe it’s because I was filling my space with a bunch of filler stuff that just made me feel (momentarily) like I had completed some monumental task…(ahem-laundry?).  The truth is that while I felt for a moment like I had accomplished a great deal, I wasn’t allowing myself to have fun.  I wasn’t being playful or allowing myself to relax.  So, what better time to relax than when family is in town for a holiday?

I decided that during my Thanksgiving time off I was not going to worry about work, writing, or anything else that I felt needed to be done.  I was going to allow myself the time and space to just enjoy the time off.  Simply put-it was awesome!!!

Did I come up with some magical ideas to take my business to another level or come up with an amazing book idea?  Nope. I just enjoyed time with my family, watched a few holiday movies (which I LOVE), and I read a bit.  I slept, ate, and enjoyed life.  In fact, most of my 4 days off was my “margin” time and it was incredible.

And you want to hear something funny?  I tell my clients to do the exact same thing, yet as a coach it can be difficult to remember.

It’s easy to set an intention and go-go-go until it is done, but that can often lead to a quick burn-out.  Instead of living your dream like it’s a sprint, enjoy the marathon.  It’s not about how quickly you get this done, because you will only come up with something else to accomplish next.  Instead of focusing on the end result, focus on enjoying the path and watching it unfold.  If that means making space for your doodles and allowing yourself the time to be playful and fun, do it!  I promise you will feel happier, healthier, and more inspired than ever before and you might even move closer to your dreams in new and exciting ways.

Today I encourage you to put down your to-do list, turn off your phone, log out of your email, and follow your heart to create a bit of doodle space.  I assure you it is well worth your time, even if you find yourself just relaxing outdoors or reading a good book.  Allow your intuition to guide you as to how to fill it in and if you can, implement a bit of room in your schedule for magical surprises to pop up…ya never know when a new one will appear. 🙂
photo credit: Linderesa via photopin cc

To Do or Not Do…That Is The Question

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Most goal setting techniques involve setting a list of steps and then acting on those steps one at a time.  It makes sense in some cases to do things that way, but that isn’t always the best method I am realizing.  Sometimes it is important to take some time away from “doing” and to allow your previous actions to take shape and to allow the Universe to work some magic.

I recently finished Marlise Karlin’s book The Power of Peace in You and in it she describes igniting the power of stillness and peace within and living from that space to discover a life better than you imagined.  You can read my full review here, but one quote I found that really hit me is one that discusses doing vs not doing as a way to accomplish your dreams.

“Often, the best thing to do is…nothing at all, allowing space for inspiration by leaving a void.  It is here, in this essential non-doing, where you release attachment to the outcome-that the miraculous emerges to show you a different pathway for getting where you want to go.  You can’t tap into the Energy field of inspired solutions or discover the unforeseen if you are always racing to get it done at all costs.” Marlise Karlin in The Power of Peace in You

This quote has proven to provide a profound shift in my thinking regarding attaining my goals and dreams.  I have since moved (albeit slowly) from a place of doing to a place of non-doing in some situations and while it has been somewhat uncomfortable there, I am learning that there is certainly some value in it.  The key for me is knowing when to do and not do.

I suppose like anything in life, this is a matter of balance.  Just like a farmer can’t continuously plant seeds in the same space over and over again and expect his crop to grow overnight, I must learn to be content with letting my own dream crop grow.  Sometimes that means allowing my ideas, creations, and thoughts to ferment before I do anything with them.   For instance, when I started this blog, I went through a long period of thinking, pondering, creating, and allowing the right name, niche, idea to come to me.  And when it finally did, there was no question as to whether I should act or not act.  Maybe that is the key.

Plant your seeds of imagination and plant as many as you come up with, but be patient as you allow them to take shape or die out because the ones that are meant to be will be.  When you provide the space of non-doing, you allow miracles to happen because let’s face it, if you are always trying to do, do, do, the Universe has no time to work on your behalf.  But, if you are like me, you might wonder what you are supposed to do in the time you are not working on your goals.  My answer (one I often need to remember myself)? Have fun.

When you are not actively working on your goals and you are providing a space for them to breathe and grow, do something fun.  Catch up on a hobby you have missed.  Read a good book, get outside in nature, have coffee with a friend.  Life is meant to be enjoyed and if you are working on your goals all the time, no matter how happy they make you, you are likely to burn out.

So what are you doing or not doing right now in regards to your dreams and life goals?