Lamisha Serf-Walls

The Bright Side of the Flu

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If I thought last week was a bunch of mayhem, I clearly had no idea what was in store for this weekend.  Let’s just say, life has a way of telling you to slow down and let go.

This weekend was spent taking care of my sick son, which involved sleepless nights and a trip to the ER.  Luckily it was nothing but a bit from the flu bug.  A flu bug that was very effective and efficient at taking down myself and my partner in the process.  Two sick adults tending to a sick child is enough to make for a bad comedy, or a good one depending on your sense of humor.  And since I am prone to seeing the silver lining and the bright side to every situation here is what I learned the last few days:

  • With less than 4 hours of sleep and a cranky toddler, coffee can give me enough energy to make it through the day but only one day
  • Sometimes no matter how urgent I believe certain tasks are, the truth is nothing is more important than our health
  • Rest is a must, with or without illness
  • Parents working together (even while sick) are much better than one parent trying to do it all
  • Juggling 2 doctors visits, a sick toddler, a visit to the pharmacy, and trying to rest is a recipe for disaster OR strength, in my case we proved not only how well we work together, but how strong we are even when we are under the weather
  • The flu-shot might be a very good idea for next year 🙂

While the last few days have hardly been a walk in the park and my list of to-do’s have more or less gone out the window, I am realizing that life happens all the time and I don’t have to control everything.  We get sick, we get better, but the main thing is that we will be ok, no matter what and there is nothing better than realizing that.

As we continue to mend and get healthier by the day, I am reminded just how lucky we truly are to have the insurance, benefits, medication, and mutual support for each other and our family and for that I am grateful.  May this week be more normal for all of us, but if it isn’t and the mayhem continues through the end of the year, I know we will not only survive, but we will thrive!

Expect The Unexpected

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Whenever I have heard the phrase “Expect the Unexpected”, it has always been in a negative way, meaning always be prepared for the worst.  For many years I lived waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop and when things in life got too good, I became leery.  Looking around every corner for the disaster to hit and by golly each time I looked for it, it showed up!  Lately, I have begun thinking of the unexpected as gifts of wonder, beauty, and generally more positive opportunities and experiences.

 

Today, “Expect the Unexpected” leaves me wondering what wonderful blessings are lurking around the corner and it gets me excited about life.  What a great feeling that is!

My transition from expecting negative to expecting positive didn’t happen overnight.  It was a gradual progression that happened over many years.  It actually came because I realized that every time I started expecting a disaster, one would appear, yet on the off-chance I was excited about life and excited for a new opportunity to reveal itself, an opportunity would also pop up.  After years of trial and error (unbeknownst to me), I realized what I expect, I get (to some degree).

Over the last month, I have been opening my eyes and my heart to whatever opportunities may come.  I have thought this thought even in times of uncertainty, and decided that whatever happens I will accept the opportunity and be open to it.  I will accept it with open arms and be grateful for I know there is a reason for it in my life right now, even if I don’t know the why.  Last week I wrote about getting over my self-doubt and moving from psyching myself out, to psyching myself up about a potential writing opportunity and at that point I decided I was going to do my best and if it worked out I would be grateful, and if it didn’t, I would still be grateful yet remain open for whatever new opportunities may come.  What I didn’t know was how quickly that opportunity would appear.  While I am still waiting to hear back from the first writing opportunity, I am currently working on another one!

Life never ceases to amaze me.

If you know me, you know that when I get my heart set on something it is often hard for me to let it go and I often find myself disappointed when it doesn’t work out as I had envisioned it to be, but this time I tried something different.  I decided that I am going to be open to what comes and let go of my control a bit more and have faith.  Faith that I am on the right path that will lead me to my dreams.  Trust in myself and confidence in my gifts.  And with a grateful heart and an open mind, I am sure to have many more wonderful opportunities come about.  That is not to say I should become complacent because we all know that action is part of making your dreams a reality.  But instead of dreaming and then worrying about the how, when, why, etc., I am going to dream and allow it to fly.  I am going to do what I can, and then trust that if it is meant to be, it will be.

I am learning that sometimes when the other shoe drops it’s a good thing. Sometimes it is exactly what you needed, and that proverbial shoe just might be a piece of your dream puzzle.  So be open and expect the unexpected and when the unexpected comes, no matter what form it may be, be grateful, for you never know where it may lead.

More Inspiration: Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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As a writer, I tend to look for inspiration in all sorts of places and many times it comes from other writers.  Today I read a post on Facebook by Oriah Mountain Dreamer entitled The Blessings of Things Gone “Wrong” and if you haven’t read her work, you are in for a treat.  I was just recently introduced to her writing this year, and I am dying to read more.

 

Her post got me thinking of how the things in life that seem to go “wrong” are simply leading us in a different direction, or putting us in a better position for something else.  For instance, being let go from a job, may seem like a terrible thing at first, but when it gives you the opportunity to live your dream then wasn’t the “wrong” really right?  It sheds new light on the frustrations and annoyances in everyday life.  In the moment they may feel yucky and simply like we have a bit of bad luck, but what if we changed our perception of these moments and looked for the blessing in them?

Have you ever been late for a meeting, or delayed for your travels only to later hear of a tragic car accident that occurred around the time you would have been driving?  Or maybe you miss a deadline only to find out there were major errors in your report and you are provided an extension to fix them?  The list could go on and on, but the moral of the story is that no matter how bad something seems, your situation may very well be working in your favor, and you have yet to see the blessing in it.

 
So as we enter into the holiday season, a time that can get even the best of us frazzled and frustrated, look for the blessings in every moment, but especially when things feel like they are going “wrong”.  When you change you perspective, not only your mood, but your reality tends to change as well.

Safe travels to those that are traveling, and if you are like myself and enjoying a nice Thanksgiving at home, enjoy!

From Psych-Out to Psych-Up

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There are many times in life when you have to simply ignore the anxious ramblings in your head that ask you if you are good enough, strong enough, smart enough, ______(fill in the blank) enough and like Nike says “Just Do It”.  Get rid of the negative self-talk, and the voice in your head that says you aren’t enough in whatever capacity and do what scares you anyways.  If you psych yourself out and you get cold feet and walk away simply because you are afraid, you will never know what the outcome could have been.  Simply put, if you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

 

As a writer most writing gigs don’t fall from the sky (I wish they did), but instead you must do your research, submit query letters, and apply, apply, apply, that is if you want to get paid.  And this writer despite the joy I get from writing this blog, would like to have more paid writing opportunities to add to my publishing portfolio.  So, I apply and most days after applying, I wait only to find that if you aren’t chosen for the gig, you never hear from the person ever again.  Sometimes that is better than hearing a flat-out no, but I guess that depends who you ask.  But, on the off-chance I get a response and they are asking for more information like I did this weekend, I begin to psych myself out, especially if it is something even the slightest bit out of my comfort zone.

The voice in my head begins its rambling of panic asking if I am good enough, and goodness forbid they ask me for a sample piece, then my mental chatter goes into overtime.  ‘Can I do this?’ ‘What if it isn’t good enough?’ ‘What if they say no?’  To which I respond sometimes, but psyching myself out entirely and end up not getting the gig.

Not this time!

I applied for a gig that I thought would be fun and interesting.  I genuinely want the gig, and it’s paid! (win-win all around)  It is something I knew I could do before applying, so why am I questioning it now?  Because that is how I work sometimes, not a good way to work, but the way I work none the less.  The difference is that instead of psyching myself out, I am psyching myself up.  I am going to write the sample, and give it my all because I know I can do it.  Not in a cocky, I am better than you kind of way, but the type of knowing that stands out as courageous confidence.  This writing gig is small, but if I want to fulfill my dream of being a published writer in various genres and eventually publish a book, this is a good step in that direction.

I am moving out of my head and into my heart.  The heart that knows that I can do this. The heart that has the confidence, the joy, and the courage to do something different even if it scares me a little, and in spite of the potential rejection, I am going to continue to move forward applying for other writing gigs that may scare me.  And if the chips fall and I am not selected for this particular writing gig, then it just wasn’t meant to be, and there will be another one (or two or three) out there for me and I look forward to those as well.

Moving forward confidently and courageously toward my dreams without all the negative mental chatter.

 

A Collaborative Approach

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I have never been a big fan of competition and as a dance coach I often found it challenging to get my dancers out of the mindset that if they didn’t bring home a trophy, then they were “losers”.  Instead of believing the myth that if you don’t win whatever you do doesn’t matter, I believe in progress and improvement, but beyond that the idea that we only have to be better than yourselves.

I often see people getting so wrapped up in what someone else is doing as they attempt to “be better than” so and so, or they feel the need to measure up to another person’s standards and successes that they lose their purpose.  They begin to focus on the other person and forget why they are doing what they are doing in the first place.

Our dreams are not here as a competition.  They are simply our heart’s desire that we wish to fulfill in our lives.  They are ours, and ours alone.  They are what we make of them, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing.  Of course society says something very different.  In today’s world you have to fight your way to the top and sometimes that means stepping on others to get there.  We are constantly bombarded with not only the idea that we can reach the peak of perfection, but that perfection has a certain look, a certain feel, and a certain amount of money in a bank account.

I’m not buying it.

I say be the best you, you can be.  Don’t worry about what someone else is doing.  Don’t worry about how much money they are making, or how successful their business is compared to yours.  Focus on your life purpose, your dreams, and being a better you.  That is what matters.  And as you move along your path, support others in their goals and dreams and it will come back to you tenfold (that’s my belief anyways).  Find ways to collaborate with others and be more co-creative with a joint vision instead of seeing the other as your competitor.

In my opinion our society has too much division the way it is and we must take a different approach for our future.  Let’s support one another, collaborate in unity, and be kind.  Encourage, uplift, and inspire others to follow their dreams whatever they may be and if you happen to be in the same field and can offer some helpful advice, do it.  It is through this collaborative approach that we will all succeed in achieving our hearts desire, and the idea of competing against someone else’s dream or journey will be a thing of the past.

As I am beginning my own dream journey towards life coaching, I have been very fortunate to have several life coaches assist me with information, guidance, and insight into the training and the business aspects coaching.  At no time did I feel like they didn’t support me in my endeavors, or feel threatened by my questions and for that I am grateful.  I hope that as I move forward in my own career that I too can offer guidance, assistance, and insight to someone else on a similar path.

I invite you to think of (and act on) ways you can support others in their pursuits.  And if there is anything I can do to support, motivate, and inspire you, please let me know.