Lamisha Serf-Walls

Using The “What If” Game To Increase Positivity

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I will be the first to tell you I am not as positive as I would like to be all the time.  In fact, there are days when I feel down and I long to find my way back to the light airy feel of a positive disposition and when positivity quotes and pep talks fail, I play the “What If” game.  You probably have never heard of it as it is something I sort of created as I was trying desperately to get back to a place of feeling good.  You know how it goes…you attract how you feel (or for those familiar with the Law of Attraction, you get what you vibrate).  I didn’t like how I was feeling, thinking, and the overall icky feeling a negative mood can bring, so I started day dreaming…and that is when the “What If” game was born.

Here’s how it works:

Whenever you are feeling particularly negative about a certain situation, circumstance, or person you start by using your creativity and imagination to ask yourself various questions starting with “what if”, only they are framed in a positive light.

For instance, if the worry is about having enough money you might ask yourself “What if I had all I needed?” “What if all of my debt were paid off and every dollar I earned was simply disposable income?”, “What if I had a job that paid exactly the dollar figure I know I am worth?” Can you see how that might feel?  Where does your mind go when you think of that?  Do you imagine all the things you would buy with that money?  Can you feel the relaxation or elation you might feel if that were true?  This isn’t necessarily about believing that is happening, it is simply experiencing the feeling as if it has happened.  Will it magically put money into your bank account?  Probably not right this second, but it will turn your mood around so you are in a better place to relax and allow money, opportunities, and other resources to flow to you and through you.

Another example might be surrounding a close relationship.  “What if my partner gave me all the love and affection I desire?”, “What if I found my soul mate tomorrow?”, “What if my partner surprised me with a romantic dinner and flowers?”  How does that feel?  Are you giddy?  Have butterflies in your tummy?  Are you smiling from ear to ear, floating on cloud 9 just imagining your partner?  Viewing your partner in a positive light even in the midst of a challenging situation can shift not only your mood, but the entire dynamic of the situation.

You get the point.

The idea is to ask yourself these questions in such a way that you use your imagination to see these things happening and then feel the effect of the thought itself.  Do you remember as a child imagining something you were really looking forward to no matter how far out it seemed?  Or maybe you were imagining what it would be like go to Disney World or fly your own airplane or sing on stage?  Do you remember the magic you felt as you thought about these things not because they were happening, but simply because you were thinking about them with all the details, people, sounds, and events included?

It seems that somewhere between childhood and adulthood we have lost our ability to imagine and dream of far away things just because we can.  We have lost the ability to reap the benefits of positive excitement by imagining the never-ending “what if’s” that produce that good feeling that most children carry with them at all times.

It doesn’t really matter where we lost it or how, what matters is that you can enjoy that feeling again.  Try it.  The next time you are feeling particularly negative, play the “what if” game and see if it doesn’t move you into a more negative frame of mind.  Or better yet, play it once a day to give yourself a positive boost and see how it affects your life.

Keep Your Dreams Alive

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I can’t tell you how many people I have met in various areas of my life who have told me that in one way or another they had given up on their dream.  Some thought them to be unpractical, while others simply didn’t believe in themselves.  I once was a naysayer about my own abilities and struggle with it still from time to time.  When I set out to do something new my old self would immediately say “I can’t..”  I have learned to ignore that little feeling and move forward through the discomfort of change or growing, and I usually find that I could do it and that my old self was just giving me lip service.  But what about those people who have just gotten caught up in everyday life?

How do you keep your dreams alive?

I can’t tell you for certain how to do it, because I believe we are all very different beings.  Some of us respond to certain things, while others do not, but I can share with you how I do it.  Maybe you will find something that will be useful in your own dream resuscitation.

Visualize

I am one of the best day-dreamers around (ahem don’t tell my boss).  I often think of what it will look like to have my dream become reality.  I think about the type of clients I want to work with, how I want my schedule to be set up, what my business name might be, and even what my business card will look like.  I have fun with it.  I simply paint a mental picture of my dream.  And while I may not always feel the dream when I feel like things are moving slowly, visualizing the end result is usually enough to keep me moving in the right direction and best of all it keeps me believing not only that my dream can become reality, but it will.

Talk About It

Talk about your dreams with the people you care about.  Share what you want to accomplish with friends, family, co-workers even.  Those of you that know me personally have probably heard me talk about life coaching or writing a million times over and are probably tired of hearing about it already (though I hope not) and the best part about that is you all become my cheerleaders.  When you share something like this with people who love and care for you, they become part of your journey.  They are going to talk you off the ledge when you feel like quitting.  They are the ones that will say, “But you want nothing more than to ____”.  They are going to remind you why your dream is your dream to begin with, and they get that info from you!  Share your dreams so you can be reminded of them later.

Multiple Dreams

This one may not be so obvious, but it has been a really great way for me to stay excited about all of my aspirations.  I have a tendency to have laser focus when it comes to something I want to do.  Sounds great right?  Not exactly.  If things don’t go exactly as planned or certain parts of my journey become delayed, I can get pretty down about it.  My mind goes into over drive and the negative chatter takes over.  I seem to only notice what is not going well and it goes downhill from there.  But when I have a few dreams to focus on, I can flow between them and if one seems to be at a standstill for one reason or another, then I can easily change focus to work on something else.  This may not work for everyone as some people prefer to do one thing at a time, but it seems to work for me.

Dream Board

Dream or vision boards are a visual representation of what you want to create.  It can be a collage of words, quotes, pictures, or items that remind you of what you are trying to accomplish.  I created a dream board for 2012 and when I looked back at it, I found that many of the items came to fruition.  I am still planning (read procrastinating) on making a dream board for 2013, however I am still envisioning what I want to accomplish this year.  Keeping to my theme this year, I am trying to be open and flow with life as much as possible, so I want to create my board in a way that allows me to do that.  Once my board is complete, I will hang it in my office where I can see it everyday.  I may not look at all of the items on it everyday, but seeing the board everyday will certainly keep my dreams in the forefront of my mind and keep me excited for what is to come.

So those are the ways I am keeping my dreams alive.  How do you do it?

Dreams Of Past and Present

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I spent much of today in reflection.  I reflected on what this day means to us because of one brave, amazing man and his fight for freedom so many years ago.  What it means today as we welcome in the second term for a President that has a vision much like that of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., a vision of equality, love, cooperation, and freedom for all.  I soon realized that the vision these two men shared is (as Dr. King so eloquently stated in his famous speech) a dream.  A dream of freedom that is unfolding before our very eyes and I am humbled, inspired, and proud to live during a time in history where dreams for our collective good are getting closer to being our reality and I am reminded that no dream is too big or too small to accomplish.

We each have our own personal dreams that we wish to fulfill in our lifetime and yet these men have dreams that reach far beyond the individual.  They have dreams that span the entire country and effect us as a whole to make this great land a better place.  One that is more peaceful, equal, and fair.  One that brings us together in unity and blurs the lines that divide us and I am grateful.  Grateful beyond words for the courage, vision, and fortitude to keep going when things get tough and never letting go of that dream.  We can all learn something from these amazing leaders about dreaming…no matter what your dream is, never let it go.  Keep fighting, striving, believing, and moving toward your vision step-by-step, because the worst thing you can do is give up on something that means so much.  What if Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had given up?  Where would we be today?

From My Heart

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The post below is something I felt the need to write/share with my FB page earlier today and while some of my recent posts have moved away from my dream journey, creating a better world is truly one of my dreams and so I am sharing it here.

Let me introduce myself in a way that many of you may not know me…

I am a woman, a partner, a lesbian, a mother, a tree-huggin’, animal lovin’, save the planet, peace-maker.  I believe in love, life, and the pursuit of happiness just as much as the next guy.  I believe in equal rights for all, a safe place to raise my children, and leaving a better world than the one I was born into.  I am an Earth savin’, peace-speaking writer, with a heart of gold, who believes in helping others in whatever capacity I can.  I am spiritual and believe that God/the Universe/Spirit or whatever you choose to call this force, did not create us to watch us falter and fail.  I believe that we, as a human race have leaps and bounds to grow and I believe IN us.  I know that we can make this world better, but it isn’t going to be the government or the laws that make us kinder, wiser, more humble with one another.  It isn’t the government that is going to clean up our Earth and make the world a better place.  Sure they are one piece of this extravagant puzzle, but you and I are the tools to create positive change.

I believe in the chain reaction of love and kindness.  Passing from one person to the next until it affects every beautiful human being on this planet.  Pay it forward and back, help each other, uplift instead of speaking down, use your words instead of your fists or worse any other weapons.  Speak kindly to one another, lend a helping hand, believe in your dreams, and help others achieve theirs.  Celebrate our uniqueness, but understand that on the deepest level, we are all the same.  Human beings looking for love, happiness, and peace.

It is no mistake we are here together dealing with some trying and difficult times.  It is no coincidence that there are so many groups it the world working in whatever way they know how to create change.  This is not about a specific agenda or politics.  We are in one of the most incredible times in history and it is up to us to make a difference for generations to come.  So, I ask you to stop the bickering and fighting about who can carry what weapon and stand together against the violence that pervades our world regardless of the form it takes.  Stand together in love and acceptance in one another and give a kind word or smile to those you see struggling.

We will not make a change in hate, we will not make this world a better place by fighting each other tooth and nail and spreading negativity like wild fire to get your point across.  We are given this life for a reason, and I certainly don’t believe that reason was to instill hate in our hearts or the hearts of our children.  Our children are watching our every move, hearing our every word, and absorbing the energy they see in us.  Be a leader in love and in peace.  Teach kindness and understanding over hate and separation.  It is through our teachings of positivity and peace together that this world will be better and I promise that change will not take place by complaining about the politics, control, and financial strife our world seems to be in right now.  However, it will come through you and how you choose to embody this incredible gift of life.

I want to see children growing up in an ever increasing peaceful world.  You may think I see our future through rose-colored glasses and maybe you are right.  But I would rather believe in our ability to create positive change in this world, than believe in the hopelessness of continuing living in our world the way we have been.  I am not willing to give in to the belief that “this is all there is”.  Living is not about surviving, it is about thriving.

The bottom line is this…we can’t keep trying to solve problems with the same energy and consciousness that created them.  We have to step out of that box and try something new…

May this be food for thought that creates inspired action in those of you who read this.

Thank you for reading,
Lamisha

P.S.  Please know this is not something directed at any one person or post.  It is simply something I felt the need to share and express.

 

In The Moment Living-And It’s Benefits

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I hope everyone had a lovely holiday and enjoyed time with family and friends.  I had a very nice time with my little family, just the three of us and as we spent our time together my heart was filled with an immense sense of gratitude.  Gratitude for being in the moment and embracing the love that we share on a daily basis.

Today I have a sense of peace in my life, right now.  I realized this morning that many days I have some worry that is taking up space in my mind and causing me to miss this moment, but today I have nothing but peace.  I must admit it is really nice.  Maybe it is because I don’t return to work until tomorrow and there is nothing really pressing that I have to do today.  Maybe I am floating on the sugar high of the goodies I ate yesterday or maybe I am once again learning to live in the moment more and more.  One thing I know for sure is there are many benefits to being in the moment, some of which I am experiencing right this moment.

Besides the peace and lack of worry, I am finding that I am more open to this very moment.  I can see the beauty that surrounds me and can actively practice gratitude in the moment as opposed to practicing gratitude after the fact.  I am more aware of the blessings in my life and can see the positive in each situation I am presented with when I am not preoccupied with the future.

When I am in the moment, life seems to flow.

I noticed this in the last week when I received notification that another one of my poems was selected to be published in an anthology.  Not only was I not expecting to hear anything from the publishers until sometime early in 2013, I was so fulfilled in the moment with how life was going, that I wasn’t stressed about the results of my writing at all.  I was simply allowing life to flow.  I had let go of my desire to control and stress over the outcome of my writing and was pleasantly surprised with publication and payment for one of my poems.  In addition to that, I have landed 2 freelance writing gigs in the last month or so.

I know that just letting go of the outcome of a situation doesn’t create opportunities by itself, but taking action and then being open to the outcome (no matter what it is) has definitely helped me to not only live in the moment, but has resulted in some really great surprises.  I hope that my “in the moment living” becomes a regular practice as I move into 2013 and that I continue to reap the benefits of allowing life to flow, because truth be told, I am much happier when I am flowing with the current as opposed to fighting it.