Lamisha Serf-Walls

Inspiration From Monsters and Cavemen…Who Knew?!

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Generally my family and I implement “family movie night” at least once a week as a way to relax and regroup after a long week.  This week we had a bit of a movie marathon and watched Monster University and The Croods, both of which I highly recommend (especially if you have children).  For the most part, family movie night is a chance to get away from whatever may be on my mind from the week before, yet there are times when the movies hit a chord within me so strongly that it sends my mind into a flutter of inspiration.

This Saturday was one of those nights.

Inspiration #1

While watching Monster University I was inspired by the message that we can each use our unique gifts and perspectives to do similar work and it is our unique experiences that make that work not only different, but amazing.

What does that really mean?

Regardless of how many people we feel are doing exactly the same thing that we want to do (only in our mind much better), we each bring our own set of talents, gifts, and experiences to the table.  No one else is better or worse than us, they are just different and different is ok.  In fact, it’s better than ok, it’s great!  Different means we can extend our reach to a group of people others can’t reach simply because of who we are.

This comes up a lot with my clients.  So many people, (myself included) view what other people are doing in the same genre as ourselves as doing it bigger and better that we find ourselves comparing apples to oranges.  Sure you can have two writers who have a similar style, but the truth is each is unique and amazing in their own way.  The same goes for two business owners, coaches, stylists, or whatever your dream might entail. Don’t let the success of another put a damper on your amazing gift.

YOU have a gift that can reach people that the other person can’t, so stand in your power and celebrate the wonderful things you bring to the table!

So the next time you start questioning your dream because you feel like you couldn’t possibly live up to someone you believe is doing it better, remember the little lesson from Monster University.  Better yet, watch the movie and see if you experience the same inspiration I did.

Inspiration #2

I expected the next movie to be more entertaining than insightful, but I couldn’t help but notice some interesting themes.

The first theme is one I have heard and dealt with several times in my lifetime.  Fear of the unknown.  When we fear what we do not know and allow it to stop us from stepping outside of our comfort zone, we become caged birds (or in this case caged cavemen).  We become too fearful of taking risks that we don’t really live and experience the precious gift of life.

One quote that stood out to me came from the teenage daughter as she was talking about her dad’s philosophy on staying safe:

“That wasn’t living!  That was just…not dying!  There’s a difference!”

How many of us have lived in this way before?  Merely surviving a life that may be uncomfortable and not all that great, but too fearful of what could go wrong in the future to take that step to do something bigger.

Surviving isn’t thriving.  Living a life with your dreams tucked down in your soul never to see the light of day isn’t living life to it’s fullest and I assure you it is not what you were given this precious time to do.

You were meant to love life, explore, and experience it.  Feel it, devour the juicy tidbits of amazingness.  To identify your gifts and share them with the world.  You were meant to be happy!  So if you aren’t happy right now, is it because you are fearful of stepping outside your comfort zone?  Fearful that the next thing might be worse than now?

What if it isn’t?  What if it is bigger, better, and more amazing than you ever dreamed?  Would one single, scarey step be worth it?

Another theme that came up was the idea of “following the light to tomorrow”.  Essentially it means to just keep going.Light

When things get tough as they sometimes do, remembering your dreams and why you started to begin with can help you just keep going.  Continue moving forward toward the light of tomorrow with your dreams alive and you can do anything.  Just keep going.

So, if you aren’t living the life of your dreams and you are too worried about others doing something better than you, are you ready to take the step to move forward?  Ready to live your gifts and share them with the world? Ready to do more that just merely survive?

If so, contact me to find out more information on getting ready to make 2014 the best year yet!  I want to offer you a chance to get a head start on your dreams and to make some big things happen next year.  If you are ready, I have a special treat for you!!! Send me an email today to find out more information on your FREE session and if you choose to work with me after our free session and get started this month, I am offering packages at a discounted rate (to go along with my gratitude and giving theme).  You don’t want to miss this!!!

I Got The Message, “Let Go and It Will Grow”

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In light of being completely and 100% authentic with you lovely readers I wanted to share something that happened a few weeks ago.  It is something that I have only shared with 2 people for fear others might think I’m crazy and while the “crazy” part is likely true,  I think it’s an important message to share with you.

A few weeks ago I was dealing with some major fear, anxiety, and frustration around what was or wasn’t happening in my business.  I created my business Facebook page, I set up a pay what you can offer and created my mailing list sign-up and they were going nowhere.  Add to that the anxiety of what may or may not be coming next for me job-wise and you can imagine I was a mess.  Even as a life coach, I still find myself fighting back the doubt sometimes.

So there I was, trying desperately through anxious-action to make things happen.  (When will I ever learn??) I was researching, reading, writing, and trying to come up with a plan.  A solid, no-nonsense, fool-proof plan to bring in the right clients.  I could feel the stress building and my Dream Crusher was coming in loud and clear.

I heard her say, “You have NO idea what you are doing.”, “You don’t know anything about business.”, “You should really just find another job and be done with it.”, “You have a family to help take care of for goodness sake.” “You are a fraud!”

She wasn’t being very nice and while I could have continued to let that voice take over my thoughts and cause me to give up, I didn’t.  Instead I meditated.

I knew I had to quiet the fearful thoughts that were flowing through my mind so I sat down, closed my eyes, and let them go.

My 15 minute meditation felt much longer and much deeper than what I am used to and I was not at all prepared for what happened next.  Just as my thoughts floated away, I saw a beautiful butterfly in my mind’s eye with two fingers holding onto one of the wings.  The other wing was furiously flapping as the butterfly was trying to get away.  In that moment I heard “Let go and it will grow.”

What?!butterfly

I meditate at least 5 times a week, sometimes more and during my morning meditations, I very rarely hear or see anything.  I have heard experiences where some people get great inspiration and insight from their meditations, but I don’t experience it quite as clear.  That is until that moment.

A few days later, after hearing the message 2-3 more times (not in meditation), I really felt the significance.

The fluttering and frantic butterfly was me and the fingers holding one of the butterflies wings was also me.  I was the one holding myself back.  Instead of following my intuition and inspiration and allowing that to lead me to the next thing (the way I coach others), I was trying too hard to make something happen.  I was acting out of fear instead of inspiration.  I allowed the doubt, fear, and frustration to send me into a tizzy that resulted in a lot of needy action.

I wasn’t thinking clearly.

I wasn’t following my own advice.

I wasn’t listening to my intuition.

Until that moment.

The message “Let go and it will grow.” has come back to me time and time again.  When I find myself struggling to find a solution or plan right this moment, I know I am trying too hard.  When I am trying to force things to work a very specific way, I know I have lost my faith.  When I am too focused on what I feel is going wrong instead of seeing what is going right, I have lost my way.  When I am too focused on blog views, new followers, new likes on Facebook, and the lack of clients, I am forgetting what is important.

My intuition tells me that letting go of the outcome and detaching from whatever I believe should be the end result is going to help things along.  When I let go of the butterfly and allow it the freedom to fly, I free up energy that can be used for other things.  I know this to be true because I have seen it happen over and over again in other areas of my life.

With a strong vision, belief in myself, and my work, things will keep moving forward. 

Do you have something you need to be easy about instead of trying so damn hard?  Take a step back for a while and do things you truly enjoy.  You just might be amazed at what happens next.

 

Seeking Balance Amongst the Chaos

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I have to admit that I am generally a person of extremes.  When it comes to my time commitments, I generally have found myself either super busy or super bored.  I don’t do it intentionally, but it happens more often than not and I find myself desperately seeking excitement or desperately seeking peace and I am almost never in a space where I feel balanced.

That is going to change very soon.

I currently have a full plate and while much of the fullness is the result of my own expectations and choices, I still have a lot going on.  In addition to finishing up my last 7 weeks of my current full-time job (eek!), I am also taking on a bit more freelance work, building my business layer-by-layer, coaching a few clients, and tending to my family.  Did I mention I am also looking for other work on and off and trying to figure out where I will end up come January 2014?  Needless to say my schedule is full.

I am proud to say I haven’t reached a point of total overwhelm, but sometimes I feel like I am aimlessly juggling noodles which if you haven’t tried is not an easy task.

I know that many of you are going through similar challenges.  You are venturing into the land of your dreams while still handling your current responsibilities so it can get a little crazy.  The good news is it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.  Below I have come up with a few tips to help create more balance and to ease the chaos.  These are steps that I plan on implementing and I hope you find them helpful too!

  1. Brain dump- Write down every single thing you need to do.  You may choose to do this daily, weekly, or monthly but the key is to get every thing down on paper so you don’t have to remember it all.  You might want to divide the list into categories.  For instance, you might have Work, Business, Home, etc. and list all the tasks you need to complete and by when (if there is a deadline).
  2. Learn to say NO– Too often we find ourselves saying yes to every invitation and opportunity that comes up even when it is something we don’t really want to do. It’s ok to say no sometimes.  Heck it’s ok to say no a lot of the time if it isn’t in line with what you want for your life.  Before you go adding another item to your list, think about whether it will add value to your life and your vision.  If it is simply a time filler, say no and move onto something that you are inspired to do.
  3. Cut the fat- Go through the list you just created and figure out what you can get rid of.  Are there things that someone else can do for you?  For instance, if you have on your list to “fall clean” for the holidays, maybe you can hire someone to come in and do that for you.  Get creative and figure out what you can drop now and more importantly think of the things you can put in its place that are more enjoyable and more aligned with your vision.  If you can be writing two chapters for your upcoming novel in the time it takes to clean your house from top to bottom, by all means hire someone!
  4. Listen to your body- I have learned that when I am overwhelmed with the tasks I have to do I often feel tension and stress in the center of my chest.  When I start feeling that way I know I need to take a step back and relax.  Sometimes I go for a walk, meditate, or take a nap.  The key is to notice how your body responds to stress and not only listen, but respond to what you need in that moment.  I guarantee if you listen you will find you need to take a break.
  5. Ask yourself what do you WANT to do- This may seem counter-intuitive when you have a lot going on, but doing something that you truly want to do can give you enough energy to get through 2-3 more tasks on your list.  If you aren’t used to asking yourself what you want to do, set scheduled check-in times.  Stop what you are doing, be still, and feel for the answer.  Are you hungry?  Thirsty?  Tired? Antsy? What do you want to do?  You might be surprised at what you get.
  6. Have fun- This one is a big one.  Despite all the things we put on our plate even after we cut the fat, we need to make sure to make room for fun.  Do things that you want to do simply because you enjoy them.  Do you want to go to a museum or a concert?  Feel like going dancing?  Do it!  You might just find that following your inspiration to just enjoy yourself may lead you to the very next piece you need to keep moving forward.

I hope some of the tips above help you find balance as you move forward on your journey.  Do you have a practice that you do that wasn’t included?  Feel free to share in the comments section.  I would love to hear about how you find balance in your everyday life.

As for me, I am going to listen to my body and get some much-needed rest.

 

Have you been thinking about your intentions for the New Year and want some assistance getting clear about our dreams?  Let’s chat about how I can help you get a jump start on your vision for the future.  There is no time like the present to start.  Contact me to find how you can get started. 

Lessons Learned In: Unplugging & Balance

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Well friends, the weekend is coming to an end and as I end this (partial) unplugged weekend, I learned some very valuable lessons that I want to share with you.

Lesson: Unplugging from technology may be difficult, but it is well worth the time and effort for the amount of peace and serenity it provides.

I have to say that when I set the intention to spend the weekend “unplugged” I hadn’t put much thought behind it.  I knew I needed some time away from the constant feed of emails, constant Facebook feeds, and the endless supply of information simply because I spend so much time through the week connected for my day job, my business, and my side gigs, I often am left feeling depleted and frazzled.  I thought it would be easy to leave the phone behind and not scramble to check my emails every time I had a new notification.  I was wrong.  It was much more difficult than I thought.  Though on Friday, just after making my declaration in my last post, I took a book outside and sat in the mild South Carolina weather and read for about 20 minutes and I couldn’t help but feel free.  I felt the tension ease in my shoulders and a growing sense of peace fall over me as I collapsed into the nothingness that became my Friday evening.

As the weekend wore on, I had an on/off relationship with peace.  While the frazzled feeling never returned, I checked my email a few times as well as my Facebook page, though not nearly as often as I would have.  I was making progress.  Today, was by far the best since I was able to disconnect almost completely and only picked up the computer now to write this post.  What I found about this semi-unplugged time was that it is far more a habit than I realized and it is something I could stand to give up every once in a while.  In fact, I intend to be more mindful of my email/Facebook checking even throughout the week as it can end up being a drain of not only my energy, but also my time.

Another thing I realized about this time is that I was far less focused on measurements of various things such as website statistics and Facebook likes.  Things that when you think about it are nothing but numbers.  It can be far too easy to fall into the trap of thinking that certain numbers (or lack there of) mean one’s success or failure.  Taking time away from those measurements has definitely allowed me to relax about business related things as well.  All-in-all, this intention taught me that it is not only healthy, but necessary to take time away from things every once in a while to allow you to reconnect with nature, family, and friends.  It’s nice to let go of our online lives for a bit so we don’t miss what life is all about.

Lesson:  Work/life balance is even more important when you own your own business.

Since I have been juggling many responsibilities for the past few months, I have begun to feel a drain on my energy and my capacity to focus on certain things.  Not only have I placed more focus on my business and put more effort into ways to market myself and get new clients, but I have also increased my freelance writing work as well.  In the process of all this work I began to lose my sense of ease and flow.  I was so focused on doing the next thing and figuring out how to move forward that I forgot to just relax, breathe, and flow with life.  Sounds kinda airy-fairy, I know but I realized even in the early stages of my business how crucial it is for me to maintain a good work/life balance.

So, as I embraced the idea of being “unplugged” this weekend, I was eager to get out and do something just for fun with no thought to what I “should” be doing.  In fact, I didn’t do any work all weekend long which is a first for me at least recently.  I am teaching myself to get into the practice of not only taking time away from technology every now and then, but also to do things for fun.  Life is meant to be enjoyed right?

How was your weekend?  Did you unplug and enjoy time with friends and family?

Living My Dream

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Wow what a difference a year makes!  Today is officially the one year anniversary for my blog.  It started as a past-time to keep me inspired and engaged while I waited for the pieces to fall into place for my ultimate dream career.  When I began I didn’t think that a year in I would have launched my business and be on my way to helping others follow their hearts to do the same.  It’s been a pretty amazing journey and looking back I can see how creating this blog was the single step that built the momentum for the rest of it to fall into place.

realityWhen I began, I had this preconceived notion of how my dream would take shape.  In my mind the path was logical, realistic, but boy did it feel hard.  I thought that was how it was supposed to be.  You always hear people talking about working hard, never giving up, and making sacrifices to live the life of their dreams, so I thought sure enough I was on the right path.  The only problem was that the more I wrote, the more my desire grew.  I wanted to feel like I was making progress, right now.  I couldn’t figure out how to reconcile my passion with the idea that I had to save a large sum of money, invest 6 months of my time to do something that I have always been doing.  Wasn’t the realistic way the only way?  In April, I realized the realistic way is only one way to make something happen.

It was then that I took a leap of faith.  By simply declaring (to myself) that I was going to create my own coaching model utilizing my experience, Masters in Psychology, and the many tools I have learned along the way, I took the seemingly small step that helped me create what I have today.  Did I know everything at that moment? Of course not.  But I set the intention and the flood gates of ideas opened and the pieces fell into place.  Before I knew it I had created my coaching model and began working with two guinea pig clients who have made some incredible progress!

Am I still learning?  Yes and boy am I learning a lot!  I am learning the ins and outs of business.  I am learning how to better serve my clients and how to grow into this new dream that I held so close to my heart for over a decade.

So what held me back all these years?  I was bound by reality.  Like the caged bird who knows only how to live, breathe, and survive behind bars, I allowed myself to be contained in the logical world.  I thought everyone worked a job they hated just to make ends meet and that only the lucky/rich/free people were able to do the things they wanted to simply because they loved it.  For many years my actions were driven by the need to fulfill my responsibilities in life.  Bills, work, and taking care of my family were all reasons I succumbed to the idea that I couldn’t live with my head in the clouds any longer.

I was wrong.  dream life

Today, one year into this blogging journey and only a few months into my business, I am excited for what the future holds.  I am eager to help clients break free from their perceived limitations in time, money, space, etc. so they too can feel the freedom of living a life of passion while still taking care of all the other stuff too!  You can have it all!  The time, the joy, the family, the money, the career that sets your soul on fire…all of it!  All it takes is one little step forward to get the momentum going.  And I can tell you from where I stand in my own journey, it is an incredible feeling to be living my dream and while I am still growing, evolving, and learning, I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Don’t wait another minute to live the life you were meant to live, to use the gifts you have to give to the world, and to do what makes you happy.  Life is too short to put your happiness off for another moment.

I would be honored to help you move along your journey to living the life you once dreamt.  Interested in working with me and taking advantage of the incredible pay what you can deal from yesterday?  Send me an email at lamisha@lifeoncedreamt.com or contact me here to get a free 30 minute coaching session to get started.  I promise you won’t be sorry you did.