Lamisha Serf-Walls

When You Just Want To Give Up…And A Free Gift

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For some people, a life coach is thought of as a personal cheerleader who is always happy, always inspiring, and always pushing you to turn that frown upside down even when things feel difficult.  The thing is, life can feel difficult sometimes and if life can feel that way, so can your dreams.

While I like to think I am in some ways a motivator and an inspirational voice to my clients, sometimes things just feel impossible.  I know that.  I get it.  I have experienced it.

Who hasn’t been in that space where you doubt why you started this journey to begin with.  When life keeps throwing curve balls your way and you aren’t sure which side is up, how can you do anything other than lose faith in your dreams???

It happens.  It sucks, but it happens.givingup

Our current reality is what we see and feel every day.  Each time we punch the clock, check our account balance, or ponder how to find time to do that thing we really need to do to make progress, reality is staring us in the eye.  Heck, sometimes it’s jumping up and down saying, “You can’t get rid of me!!!” And it is during those times that our inspiration hits rock bottom.  The Dream Crusher starts in on us telling us things that just aren’t true.

“You’re a fraud!”

“You will never write that book.”

“You just aren’t meant to do that.”

“You aren’t smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough, clear enough, professional enough…”

You get the idea.

It is in that moment you want to just give up altogether.  You think about throwing in the towel and raising your white flag because it all just seems too hard!!!

If you are in that place right now, I want you to know that you are not alone.

Every successful person in the world has at one time or another (likely many times), felt like they were never going to get there.  They have had their Dream Crusher sweep in and steal their dreams, leading them to believe it just isn’t meant to be.  They have heard the same voices and wanted to throw in the flag.  They have wondered why they keep going and have thought about just quitting altogether.

Only they don’t.

Instead, they take a step back.  Breathe a little, regroup, revise, revisit plans, and allow their inspiration to return.  They meet with friends who believe in their vision.  They sleep.  They go for walks.  They get some exercise and by golly they get back up and keep going.

They remember why they had this dream to begin with.  They remember how far they have come to make it happen.  They remember the passion and drive that brought them to where they are today.  But most of all, they remember the faith they had to get started in the first place and remind themselves that while they don’t have the answers now, they don’t have to have it all figured out at once.  It’s going to happen.  In fact, it already is happening before their very eyes.  They are learning what kind of strength and fortitude they truly have.

And so can you.

So if you are ever find yourself just wanting to give up, just breathe, relax, and remember why you started to begin with.  Your vision, your power, your purpose, your passion is why you started and those are the things that will keep you going.

For those of you looking for some concrete practices on keeping your dream alive, sign up for my mailing list (so you get first dibs on product launches, new offerings, and free stuff) and snag your free copy of 20 Ways To Keep Your Dream Alive.  I promise you won’t be sorry you did!

What To Do With In-Between Time

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When you set out on your journey to create the life of your dreams, it isn’t abnormal to feel a slow withdraw from the reality you have been living.  Everyday responsibilities and commitments may not feel the same as they once did and though you are working on your dream in your spare time, it can seem like it just isn’t enough.  It can get to a point where you feel like you are in limbo, teetering between two worlds, yet not fully engaged in either.

I get it, in fact I more than just “get” it.  I’m living it, this very moment.

If you are like me, you might be used to fully engaging in whatever activity you have set forth to accomplish and it can feel unnatural to withdraw your energy.  If you aren’t quite sure how the future is going to unfold (and let’s be honest we don’t always know what lies ahead), it can make this in-between time feel even more unstable and often scary.  Not being fully aware of what is next on your path can easily create doubt, worry, and a loss of faith in your dreams.

So, what do you do?  If you aren’t here or there and are struggling to find your footing between worlds, what can you possibly do???

The answer is very simple and is one I have heard over and over again (and I am sure you have too.)

Be here now.

Image from bepresentproject.com
Image from bepresentproject.com

As humans we are very good at reflecting on the past and planning for the future, but most of us generally stink at being IN the moment.  We are so busy planning our next moment and reflecting on past mistakes and misgivings, that our entire lives are focused on planning on what is to come while not making the same mistakes and we miss this moment.

I am no Eckhart Tolle or Ram Dass, but I know that being in the moment is an incredible lesson to be learned and is one of my own personal quests in this life.  In fact, it is one I think I am just beginning to get a handle on.

If you are like me you are probably thinking “Yeah, I get it, focus on the present, but what can I DO to do that??”

The specific steps may be a little different for everyone, but I have outlined a few of the things that work for me.  Try them out and see if they help you too.

  • Meditate- Meditation is the act of being present.  For constant planners and doers, this can be challenging at first, but with consistent practice it gets much easier.  This practice is by far one of the best ways for me to focus on the moment and has a very powerful effect on my mindfulness throughout the rest of the day.
  • Stop Multi-tasking– Say what?? Multi-tasking is a way of life for many, but while we are trying to 10 things at once, we are robbing ourselves (and our work, family, health etc.) of operating on all cylinders.  Splitting your energy and focus can result in mistakes, frustration, anxiety, and worry.  So the next time you find yourself doing one thing, thinking about another, and planning your next steps, stop and take a deep breath.  Move into the next moment with a singular focus and take it one thing at a time.
  • Practice Gratitude-This has been another paramount practice for me during my time of transition.  Instead of focusing on the things that haven’t yet happened or worrying about what the future may bring, take a step back.  Look around you and become aware of the beautiful blessings that surround you daily.  On your drive to work how many times have you been aware of the flaming sunrise before you?  What about the crisp fall air that reminds you, you are alive?  There are always amazing things going on around you and if you can settle into the present and become mindful of them, the future will not only be incredible, but you will be able to enjoy the beauty when you encounter it.
  • Trust- While worry can creep in during moments of overwhelm, it is important to trust the process and unfolding.  Things are working out for you just as they did when you began your dream journey.  The pieces fall into your path at exactly the right moment and while you are moving toward your ultimate dream, remember to trust in the process.  You might find it helpful to create a mantra or two that remind you that all is well and everything is working out.

While the above practices appear to be much less doing and more being, it is important to continue to follow your inspiration along the way.  What is interesting is that the more you become aware of the present moment, the more you are able to recognize those inspirational nuggets.  You might enjoy a nice conversation with a stranger in line at the coffee shop or become aware of the beautiful surroundings when you hear about an incredible connection that will help you on your journey.

Life is full of those little miracles that will lead you down your beautiful path of your dreams.  You just have to be mindful of them.

My wish for you today is to enjoy the start of your week by slowing down, becoming mindful, and being fully present in the moment.

Purging: Stuff, Ideas, and Clutter

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While many people tend to do the whole “Spring Cleaning” thing, I tend to do it sporadically throughout the year.  I have no rhyme or reason to it and I don’t really schedule it either.  I simply get this incredible urge to clear out my physical space to create a better flow.  One of those times tends to come at the end of the year.

It’s that time again.letgo

I have been feeling this incredible urge to organize, purge, and open up the space around me, but it doesn’t just stop there.  I am also doing a lot of mental and spiritual work.  I am setting some internal intentions for how I want the rest of the year to go and making plans for 2014 as well.  While I haven’t done much physical purging as of late, I have a feeling I am going to be doing so much more in the coming weeks to make room for all the amazing things coming in the new year.

There are a few reasons I tend to get this way particularly around the new year.  One is the fact that I am somewhat of a minimalist.  I don’t need a ton of stuff and I can easily part with most items if I don’t like them anymore or don’t use them.  Clothes are the easiest for me.  I have a closet full of clothes now, but much of what I have I don’t wear since I work from home.  I guess knowing new things typically come in around the holidays, I want to make sure I am making room for them and keeping things I know I will be using.

When it comes to ideas, I have a tendency to reflect on the past year while planning (loosely) for the year ahead.  I can see a lot of growth in the past year and look forward to what is coming in the new year and letting go of some of  my old beliefs can be helpful in that regard.  This one isn’t always smooth sailing.  I tend to learn lessons throughout the year and learn them again and again as time wears on.  Some things are easier for me while others remain sticking points much longer than I would like and as I am growing my business I have lots of ideas that I want to get rid of.

When I talk about clutter, there is the very physical clutter that I just can’t stand (i.e. piles of papers, unnecessary items etc.) as well as the unnecessary time clutter.  This can come in the form of practices that are no longer working for me, habits, or commitments that no longer fit my bigger vision.  This is probably going to be the toughest thing for me pare down as I like to be busy.  I also have a tendency to pride myself on longevity in a task or position and letting go of something that no longer fits my bigger vision can be difficult.

My Purging Lists:

Stuff:

  • Clothes and shoes I no longer fit or like
  • Papers, magazines, books that I won’t be reusing or don’t need
  • All of my full-time work “stuff” once this job ends (shredding documents I no longer need now and recycling them)
  • Odds and ends taking up space in closets and storage bins that are not needed/necessary

Ideas:

  • Thoughts that I should be further than I am with my business
  • “Realistic” beliefs that I can only earn a certain amount of money from my business in the first year
  • Comparing where I am in my business progress to others who have been doing it longer

Time Clutter:

  • Excessive Facebook/email checking
  • Too much technology usage during weekend time
  • Jobs that do not interest me

I hope that by letting go of some of the overall clutter above, I will be allowing myself to be much more intentional about what I do with my time, energy, and thoughts.  Let’s face it, you have to be willing to let things go for new things to come in and what better way to get started than to let go of the old stuff that may be holding you back?  As my current position comes to an end, I know my time, schedule, and surroundings will clear out and that will invite new projects, ideas, and inspiration to flow in.

What are you willing to let go of?

Friday Fun…Getting to know me better.

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It’s Friday again and while I had some great ideas for more insightful and useful post today, I decided to do something a little different.

Last week I was nominated for a blog award for up and coming bloggers with under 200 followers (I am speeding toward 200, but who’s counting?).  I don’t always nominate other bloggers because I want to keep my posts useful for you lovely readers, but I thought it would be fun to answer some of the questions that came from that nomination.  If you have read my story, you already know a bit about how I got to where I am, but the following questions come from the lovely Janelle Lavier.  Go check out her blog and leave her some love!

10 Questions from Janelle:

1. What inspired you to write?

Well, I have always been a writer in some form or another.  I wrote poetry in high school and always had a journal in college, but I started this blog with the intention of it being a place I could begin to build my future life coaching business.  Little did I know 6 short months after starting this blog, I had an epiphany to finally fulfill my dream of being a life coach instead of making excuses.  So, here I am!

2. Your favorite color is?

Anyone that knows me well knows my favorite color is purple.  Did you know that is also a color of royalty and spirituality?  Fancy huh?

3. Your thoughts the first time you posted on your blog were?

Who wants to read what I have to say?  Turns out many more people than I thought!  Glad I didn’t quit.  🙂

4.  Fill in the blank. My high school prom was_____________?

Fun with friends, but not what you see in the movies.

5. True or False? Being an adult is better then being a kid?

False. I am constantly trying to get in touch with my childlike nature and wonder.  Life is so magical when you can do that!

6. Fill in the blank….Floor hockey to me is_________?

A foreign concept.

7. If you could have any super hero power it would be?

I would love to fly.

8. Why did you pick that power?

Because feeling the wind all around you and going where ever you want would be the ultimate idea of freedom.  Not only that, but it would definitely be good for the environment too. No pollution!

9. Have you ever broken a bone?

Nope. (knock on wood)

10. What are 2 words to describe yourself?

Passionate and Dramatic (shhh…don’t tell anyone)

A few fun facts I wanted to include about myself.

1. My name (Lamisha) is a family name.  My great-grandmother’s name was Lumisha and my mom changed the ‘u’ to an ‘a’.  Thanks Mom!!

2. I was once a tap dancing Santa in a holiday show.  I got to wear a full on beard, wig, hat, Santa suit etc., talk about an adventure!

3. I once traveled to Duluth, MN to work with a young singer on her stage presence.  It was a paid gig which was awesome for me at the time.  And it was something that scared the day-lights outta me when I decided to do it.

4.  In addition to my writing on my blog, I also write book reviews, children’s app reviews, and greeting cards-just call me Mrs. Deeds.

5.  I absolutely 100% believe that your dreams can and will come true no matter what they may be.  I have no doubt that life coaching is what I was meant to do and I want to help as many clients as possible to do the same.  Ready to get started on your plan for 2014 to make it the best it can possibly be?  Contact me to find out how you can do just that.

I have some exciting things in the works that will be available soon to help you get a jump-start on your plans for the new year.  If you want the inside scoop on what, when, and how much (hint: it’s a FREE offer), sign up for my newsletter.  I promise I will only send you really incredible offers and I will not clutter your inbox!  I am so excited to help you all get started early with your plans for the New Year.  2014 is going to be epic!!

Got Time?

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My, how quickly things change.  I went from being less than motivated to a fast and furious flurry of activity in a matter of 24 hours!  Not only was my inspiration sparked, but I was able to dig in and get busy on my list of things to be done and boy did it feel great…that is until time began to feel restrictive.Time

I know I am not alone in this.  It seems over the years we have spent more time adding things to our schedule because we just want to do it all right now!  I am very guilty of that being a “yes” person and all.  I find myself quickly saying yes to new projects, responsibilities, events etc., only to find I am a bit stressed at the thought of doing it all.  Especially if some of those things don’t necessarily line up with what I want for the moment.

It seems the more we pack our schedule full of “stuff”, the less time we have for doing the things we love.  For exploring new ventures or taking time for our dreams.  In fact, the second highest answer I got for why people aren’t living the life of their dreams is that they don’t have the time…or better yet they can’t find it.

Time is not meant to be found.  You can’t go looking in nooks and crannies of the sofa for more time to do something.  It’s not exactly how that works.  I have heard the saying “carve out the time” as if you were carving a pumpkin.  It sounds a bit labor intensive to me, but it is how we live these days.

Like lack of money, lack of time for some people is a major challenge when it comes to moving forward with their dreams.  Some people feel that they have so many responsibilities that it might be selfish to take time away from those things to do something that they want to do.  While I understand where those thoughts might come from, I respectfully disagree.

I think it is much more harmful for us to not do the things we love and the things that are important for us.  I decided to follow my dreams for a variety of reasons, but one of them was so I could teach my son that he can and should do it too.  Whatever he decides is his life’s calling and passion, he should find a way to do that.  Does it mean I have to “find time” to do it?

Not exactly.

Here are a few tips in making time for your dreams.  Some of these are things I implement and others I have taken from working with various clients.

  • Sent an intention to do things you love to do, even if you don’t specifically plan for this time, the intention itself can open doors to more time
  • Get a clear vision of what you would do with the given time.  If you don’t know what you would do with it, chances are you aren’t going to be able to make time.
  • Be okay saying “No” sometimes.  I know this is a big one for me.  Saying “No” to things that don’t resonate with you or that don’t add value to your life is not only ok to do, but it is a must if you are going to be moving forward with your dreams.  Remember you can’t just dig up a bunch of free time.
  • Say “Yes” to your dreams.  This is a big one too.  Know that your dreams are important to you.  Feel the pull and the inspiration to do them.  Allow that pull to grab you and take you where it may because it just might create the exact amount of time you need to do it.
  • Hire a coach.  Working through some of the other challenges that may hold you back can help you see where you can make the time to do the things you love.
  • Take note of what you are doing with your time.  Are you spending a ton of time on Facebook and other social media sites that can suck the life right out of you? Perhaps you want to try a bit of 15-Minute Magic to help limit your social media time.
  • Ask yourself what you want to do often.  I know there are many of us that don’t necessarily want to go to work everyday, but if that is true, take a small step forward to change that.  Being mindful of what you really want to do as opposed to doing things because you have to do them can make all the difference in the world.
  • Spend some time away to visualize, dream big, and immerse yourself in inspirational surroundings.  This gives your mind a break and allows you to loosely focus on your goals.  You can often allow that lovely, easy, inspired feeling to carry you back to your daily life and you might find that you are more able to let some things go.
  • Hire help.  In addition to hiring a coach, you might think about hiring a babysitter, a maid, or someone else to come in and assist you every now and again to provide you the uninterrupted time you need to follow through with your inspired action.

The biggest thing to remember here is to take responsibility for your dreams.  Give them a chance to grow into something truly beautiful for you.  I always say we dream for a reason and that reason is not to make us feel badly about our circumstances.  Our dreams are the precursor to change in our lives.  They cause us to make some much-needed changes, to think outside the box, and to enjoy this thing called life.

Don’t allow your dreams to lie dormant anymore.  No more excuses about why you can’t do it, because you most certainly can and once you make that declaration, watch as the pieces, signs, contacts, money, time, and everything else you may need begin to fall into place.

What are you waiting for???