Lamisha Serf-Walls

My Monarch Messenger

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This past weekend as my partner was leaving to run some errands, she noticed we had a beautiful visitor just outside the front door.  A monarch butterfly had landed on our mums and decided to stay awhile, several hours to be exact.  Every once and awhile it would fly out to the front yard, around our tree and back again. When she showed me the picture she had taken, I was intrigued.

I have seen many butterflies recently on walks around our neighborhood.  I have seen all yellow ones, black ones, and even gorgeous black and yellow ones quite frequently, and every time I see a new one, I smile.  I am reminded of the transformation that takes place inside the cocoon in order for this gorgeous creature to emerge.  Since I have been seeing more and more butterflies recently, I have found it to be a confirmation of my own transformation taking place and a message that I am not alone on my journey. (Something I know to be true, but a little reminder every now and then doesn’t hurt.)

Though I have seen several butterflies recently there were two things that made this particular butterfly stand out to me.  One is that it was a monarch butterfly and in the year we have lived here, I have never seen a monarch butterfly, let alone have one visit us for such a long time.  The other thing that made this butterfly stand out to me is the length of time it stayed perched on our flowers, flying away every once in a while only to return to its original place.  I couldn’t help but think there was some sort of symbolism or message that we were supposed to get.  And since I know there are no such things as coincidences, I wanted to find out the message from our monarch.

Our weekend visitor

Here is what I found from www.zimbio.com.  “Monarchs bring the message of courage: have courage, walk with courage, make changes in courage.  This butterfly travels huge distances on their annual migration following the same route as many birds.  Humans do not have the courage, generally, to travel to unknown places with the conviction of faith that the Monarchs have.  That is the other part of the message-to have faith.  Monarchs realize that the world is not something they control, and yet they make this huge journey.  Humans feel the need to control everything-people, environment, weather, plants and animals.  The message is to let go and let the journey happen. (from Spirit Animals-the Monarch Butterfly-Missing August 29, 2008)

There are many lines in this seemingly small passage that speak to me, one of which is to walk and make changes with courage.  Change has the ability to excite and scare me all in the same breath, and while my journey forward isn’t always outlined and mapped out for me, courage is a necessity to keep moving forward.

Having faith is another part of the message that really resonated with me.  Despite not knowing what may come around the corner, we all must have faith that it will work out for us no matter what.  Sure maybe our journey didn’t take us the route we thought we should go, but in the end sometimes the route we didn’t think of is much better.  We must keep the faith that all will be revealed at the right time, and we will end up exactly where we should be, even if it isn’t where we thought we would end up.

This takes me to the idea of control.  This piece hit a chord with me more than I would like to admit.  I, like many people I am sure, have this desire to have as much control as possible over the outcomes of my dreams, job, and life in general.  The reality is, I can’t really control everything…though try as I might, it just doesn’t work.  So in order to succeed on any journey we are on in life, we must learn to “let go and let the journey happen”.  I love that so much.

Thank you my monarch messenger for such an amazing gift of your beauty, and the reminder to have courage and faith as I move toward my dreams and just when I feel frustration and resistance setting in, I will learn to let go and allow my journey to happen.

How do you let go and allow your journey to simply unfold?

Go with your gut

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As a creative soul I love trying new things and thinking outside the box, but one thing is for sure, decisions are not my forte.  In fact they make me tremble with anxiety for the most part, especially those large, potentially life changing decisions that as adults we often have to make.

A few years ago I was looking to get out of the job I was in and into a job that would allow me to actually utilize my Masters degree in Psychology.  The idea of helping young children find a forever home sounded wonderful and I was up for the challenge.  Unfortunately the pay that comes along with that challenge was not even in the ball park of what I needed to survive.  I was offered the position along with the measly salary that came with it.  I had a decision to make.  I could either keep the job I didn’t like with potential for a possible raise, or take a more challenging job for less money.

And so it began…

I made ample lists of pros vs cons, looked at my budget until my eyes crossed, and tried to make sense of my predicament. I agonized over it for about a week, hoping that someone, anyone would give me the right answer as to what I should do.  My partner (as lovely and kind as she is) told me she would support me in whatever decision I made.  That was not the answer I was looking for, albeit sweet and very supportive.

I wanted someone to make the tough choice for me, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen.

I didn’t have much time left when I finally made a decision.  I was not going to take the job that I thought I wanted/needed, and instead stay in my current position while negotiating an additional $4,000 a year.  Even though it seemed like the right choice, I couldn’t help but wonder if I would regret it later.  Looking back now I know I made the right decision.

So why did I doubt myself?

It comes down to trust.  Sometimes I don’t trust myself to make the right decisions and I have a fear of doing something I will regret.  I don’t want to look back and say, I should have taken path B instead of A or vice versa and feel terrible about it later.

I realize there aren’t necessarily right or wrong decisions in life as much as there are two (or more) paths that lead in one direction or another.  Each way may lead down a different road that will inevitably converge later down the line and the best thing you can do is go with your gut.

Trust your intuition, no matter what.

Whether you find yourself making a decision about finances, business, or in how you accomplish your dreams, the most important thing to do is to trust your intuition as it is your internal compass.

If you trust your intuition, you can never go wrong.

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I want to hear from you. Do you always listen to your intuition?  Can you tell the difference between your intuitive voice, and the voice of fear?

It’s just a phase

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Recently bedtime in my house has been anything but peaceful as my partner and I have struggled to get our 2-year-old to fall asleep in his own bed.  Our night-time routine begins just like every other night with a bath, story, and cuddles, and after the lights go out we spend the next 2-2 1/2 hours trying to coax our little one to sleep.  Each night I try to figure him out as I wonder if maybe he just isn’t tired or he napped too long that day and each night as I ask my partner (the logical one in our house) for a solution she reminds me as she has many times before..it’s just a phase.

That thought stuck with me tonight as I tried desperately to find the solution (again) to our bedtime challenge and as my mind wandered and I allowed the words to sink in, I realized we are all going through our own phases.

Our lives are composed of a chain of phases starting from the time we are born up through adulthood.  Some phases come and go, while others stick around for much longer and there are times when people tend to get stuck in one particular phase for the rest of their lives without growing into the next.

It’s all a part of life.

Many times in my life I have felt stuck, wanting so badly to move forward without knowing how or why.  I have been frustrated, confused, angry, and just plain worn out from the fight between where I am and where I want to be.  I have often felt like I was standing in one place as I watched my dreams float on by, wondering if I could ever get unstuck and catch up with them.  Looking back what was really happening is that I didn’t know I was going through a phase and while I’m not entirely sure what that particular phase was, I now know if I had embraced it as opposed to fighting it, I probably would have moved through it much faster than I actually did.

This year alone I have felt stuck more times than I care to count in regards to moving forward with my life coach training.  It felt that the resources and money just weren’t there, yet every avenue I attempted in order to create the income I needed were leaving me empty-handed and confused.  I began questioning my path and wondered if the Universe was simply leading me in a different direction.  When I listened to my heart, I found I wasn’t being lead in a different direction entirely.  Instead I realized there were a few other things I needed to do before I could continue on my path.

I realized that this is just a phase.  Just as my 2-year-old will learn to fall asleep on his own, I too will get the resources together to begin my life coach training and move into a new phase. Somehow just realizing it is a phase makes me feel better about it and allows me to feel less stuck.

You have probably gone through (or are going through) your own phases.  Maybe you too felt stuck in one place as you continued to fight your way forward toward something you wanted in your life and it has left you feeling confused, frustrated, and just plain tired.

The thing about phases is you don’t always know the name, or how long they will last, but if you go with the flow instead of fighting it, it just might pass by faster than you think.  Don’t allow a plateau in your growth to spoil your inspiration or motivation for achieving your dreams and most of all don’t question what you know in your heart you are meant to do.

Sometimes instead of saying not this, the Universe is simply saying not yet.  

Finding Balance

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As a child you probably had no problem answering the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Chances are you didn’t even begin to think about whether it was realistic, because as a child, everything is realistic.  Life is magical and if you can imagine it, it can happen.

Sadly we grow up and society places limitations on what we deem realistic and we lose a bit of that spark of imagination we had as a child.  The magical essence of life is gone and for some it never returns.  Those that lose the sense of magic in life, tend to live and make decisions in very practical ways.  They may make life decisions in ways that make sense and very rarely think and live outside the box.

I have two very distinct sides of myself that at times fight for control over situations and decisions in my life.  One side is the creative dreamer that enjoys creating, writing, choreographing and doing anything that allows me to stretch outside the box.  The other side is logical, practical and a planner.  She sets a plan and executes accordingly.  This side is also quite controlling and when things don’t fall into place the way I thought they should…well let’s say it isn’t a pretty sight.

It would seem that having a combination of these two sides would provide a nice balance, but to be honest it doesn’t.  When I begin to think of all the wonderful things I want to do in my life, my realistic/logical side often kicks in and begins asking “how”.  How will you start a business, when you don’t know anything about business?  What are the steps?  When do we start?  How long will it take?  The list of questions goes on and at some point I begin questioning whether I can do it or not.  My self-talk takes a very negative turn and fear kicks into full throttle.  It goes downhill from there.

During these times I find my logical/realistic side fueling my limiting beliefs, the very beliefs I need to release in order to make my dreams a reality.

There are other times when my imaginative side is in control and I am floating on the belief that anything is possible.   During these times I truly believe that all of the unknown pieces will fall into place if I am patient, believe in myself, and keep my mind open to the many possibilities of how my dreams can come true.  These thoughts often lead to more complacency than action.

What I have found is that neither side will benefit me if used exclusively and yet I am at a loss as to how I can combine the two to work together.  How can I dream a magical dream, yet set some action steps that will allow me to make progress as I go?  I’m afraid there is no formula that will work for me and as with anything in life it will take a bit of trial and error.

Yet again I am presented with an opportunity to learn.

I now have the opportunity to practice patience as I figure everything out.  By allowing myself to not have all the answers, I am relieving a lot of pressure I have had on myself for the past few years.  Additionally, I am giving myself the space to learn how to release the fear and uncertainty that comes with my dreams and as I shed each layer, I become more open to life and possibility.  By allowing my dreams to unfold organically, I can believe in the magic again without feeling like I always have to control how my dreams come true.  I am reminded that while I may have a plan in place, the Universe may have a better way and if my focus resides on my one and only plan, I am stifling the very thing that I love so much…my creativity.

The key?  Believing that anything is possible (no matter what you want to accomplish), setting a loose plan, and being flexible about how your dreams meet reality. Sounds easier than it is, but with a little practice anything is possible.