Lamisha Serf-Walls

Using The “What If” Game To Increase Positivity

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I will be the first to tell you I am not as positive as I would like to be all the time.  In fact, there are days when I feel down and I long to find my way back to the light airy feel of a positive disposition and when positivity quotes and pep talks fail, I play the “What If” game.  You probably have never heard of it as it is something I sort of created as I was trying desperately to get back to a place of feeling good.  You know how it goes…you attract how you feel (or for those familiar with the Law of Attraction, you get what you vibrate).  I didn’t like how I was feeling, thinking, and the overall icky feeling a negative mood can bring, so I started day dreaming…and that is when the “What If” game was born.

Here’s how it works:

Whenever you are feeling particularly negative about a certain situation, circumstance, or person you start by using your creativity and imagination to ask yourself various questions starting with “what if”, only they are framed in a positive light.

For instance, if the worry is about having enough money you might ask yourself “What if I had all I needed?” “What if all of my debt were paid off and every dollar I earned was simply disposable income?”, “What if I had a job that paid exactly the dollar figure I know I am worth?” Can you see how that might feel?  Where does your mind go when you think of that?  Do you imagine all the things you would buy with that money?  Can you feel the relaxation or elation you might feel if that were true?  This isn’t necessarily about believing that is happening, it is simply experiencing the feeling as if it has happened.  Will it magically put money into your bank account?  Probably not right this second, but it will turn your mood around so you are in a better place to relax and allow money, opportunities, and other resources to flow to you and through you.

Another example might be surrounding a close relationship.  “What if my partner gave me all the love and affection I desire?”, “What if I found my soul mate tomorrow?”, “What if my partner surprised me with a romantic dinner and flowers?”  How does that feel?  Are you giddy?  Have butterflies in your tummy?  Are you smiling from ear to ear, floating on cloud 9 just imagining your partner?  Viewing your partner in a positive light even in the midst of a challenging situation can shift not only your mood, but the entire dynamic of the situation.

You get the point.

The idea is to ask yourself these questions in such a way that you use your imagination to see these things happening and then feel the effect of the thought itself.  Do you remember as a child imagining something you were really looking forward to no matter how far out it seemed?  Or maybe you were imagining what it would be like go to Disney World or fly your own airplane or sing on stage?  Do you remember the magic you felt as you thought about these things not because they were happening, but simply because you were thinking about them with all the details, people, sounds, and events included?

It seems that somewhere between childhood and adulthood we have lost our ability to imagine and dream of far away things just because we can.  We have lost the ability to reap the benefits of positive excitement by imagining the never-ending “what if’s” that produce that good feeling that most children carry with them at all times.

It doesn’t really matter where we lost it or how, what matters is that you can enjoy that feeling again.  Try it.  The next time you are feeling particularly negative, play the “what if” game and see if it doesn’t move you into a more negative frame of mind.  Or better yet, play it once a day to give yourself a positive boost and see how it affects your life.

Lessons In Layers

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I have had an epiphany this past week and it is one that I believe I have begun to develop over the years, but for some reason this it is hitting me now.  Maybe it is because I have been doing a lot of internal work, thinking, ruminating, and wondering about life and my journey in this life.

I just realized lessons aren’t learned in distinct moments, but instead occur in layers over time.

It seems I have had many “aha” moments throughout my life only to find myself repeating the same “aha” only to a different degree or in a different situation.  A friend of mine posted something a few months back about learning and re-learning lessons and I told her I thought of learning in the form of college courses.  Instead of learning Patience (period), we learn Patience 101 and Patience 202 etc.  It seems that there are various situations that we can learn the same lesson and yet it still feels new.  And since I tend to have a lot of “aha” moments, I would like to think I am learning them on another level as opposed to believing I am just too stubborn to learn.

As I have come to this Lessons In Layers theory, I began thinking of the lessons that I feel I have learned at least on the surface level.  For instance, thoughts become things, positive thoughts=positive experiences, patience, letting go, allowing life to flow, etc.  I truly believe those are things I have learned, or at least understand on some level and yet I find myself in situations where I realize them in entirely new ways.  It can be both exciting and frustrating depending on how you view it (yet another layer) and yet I feel the same way about personal growth.

At one point in my life (more recent than I care to admit), I thought growing and evolving personally and spiritually was not only a journey, but one that actually had an end (before death of course).  I thought I could hurry up and learn these lessons in order to get to a life of unfettered bliss.  Some part of myself thought that my happiness would begin once all my dreams came true and I would finally be able to live happily ever after.  And being the go-getter that I am, I found myself doing all I could to get there, only to find I was losing this beautiful journey by being caught up in a non-existent destination.  If it wasn’t for a very dear, very wise friend of mine telling me (more than once) that life is about the journey and growth is happening all the time, I would likely still be pushing my way to the end..wherever that may be.

So where am I today?  I am not at the end at all and I am ok with that, for the most part.  I have accepted the fact that I am growing everyday and learning lessons in various layers, in various situations and times.  I am learning to flow with life and sometimes I need a gentle reminder while other times I need a good bonk on the head to revive this important lesson.  The most important part of where I am right now in life is my journey.  I am coming to a place of presence in both mind, body, and spirit to how magnificent life is no matter what is going on.  And while this is a lesson that will come and go, I am ok with taking it slow sometimes.  Sometimes we just need to absorb our experiences with our entire being before we take another step and give thanks for the journey.  I am learning that the journey is the best part…

Gratitude: Perspective

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Last week I had a few moments where disappointment had set in and I turned into a negative Nancy (momentarily).  It seemed that everything I have been working for just wasn’t enough and the things I needed to happen were going nowhere.  I felt stuck, frustrated, and hopeless.  It was not a good place to be, and I wasn’t a delight to be around for sure.  I knew in my head that the “issues” I was feeling were just my way of fighting against what was my current reality and that I needed to desperately find the positive in the situation for fear of falling into a dark abyss of despair.  It sounds much worse than it was, but you couldn’t tell me that in the moment.  So, I took some time to sit with my disappointment and while I felt like everything was going wrong, I slowly but surely came back to my normal self.  I began seeing the situation for what it was and decided to view it from a new perspective.

I am so very grateful for perspective because no matter what life throws at you, if you can shift your perspective for a moment, you can see things with fresh eyes.  For me it meant shifting my thoughts away from what wasn’t happening and moving them to what is happening.  It meant shifting my view of what I didn’t have to see the many blessings I do have.  It also meant viewing my current situation as a gift.  A gift of realizing even when things aren’t going as planned or aren’t moving as quickly as I would like them to, I am still blessed and exactly where I need to be at this moment.  For some reason that thought takes some of the heat off of myself and allows me to stop fighting the current of life and allows me to flow.  Of course you couldn’t tell me that in the heat of the moment.  I am a bit stubborn and can be emotional too, so before I can shift my perception I have to first feel the frustration, anger, and disappointment making sure not to let it linger too long.  I will chalk this up to another lesson learned or at least one I am continually learning.

Perspective is truly a gift.  What can you change your perspective on that would change your reality a bit?

 

Gratitude: Accepting Mistakes

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I am finding my weekly gratitude practice changing and not in the way that I like.  As each week winds down I am finding it more difficult to remember specific moments during the week for which I am grateful, so I have decided to implement a daily gratitude practice written in a journal each day.  This will allow me to get into the flow of gratitude again and will help my weekly post here as well.

For this week as strange as it sounds I am grateful for accepting my mistakes.

As much as I would love to say (and feel) that I am perfect, of course I am not.  I make mistakes, but for some reason those mistakes affect me in a way that can be at times embarrassing and makes me really uncomfortable.  Of course no one likes to make mistakes, but that is usually where lessons are learned right?  Well I suppose I don’t prefer this method of learning lessons, I’d rather study the book of life, only there isn’t one.  So mistakes will happen and I will make many an I will learn from them (hopefully), though it isn’t always easy to accept.

Just a few moments ago, I realized I had made a mistake…several actually.  I was doing a task for my midnight hustle gig and it came to my attention that the link I had set up and sent to several people was incorrect.  This was the first time I had completed this task and I was a little anxious about doing it for fear of making a mistake, and sure enough I did.  Maybe it was my anxiety about making a mistake that caused it, or maybe my intuition was telling me to triple check everything.  Either way, the mistake was made.  Is it a world shattering, life altering, ginormous mistake? No, but sometimes it can feel that way.

So what have I learned???

I have learned to double and triple check my work.  I have learned to fix my mistakes as soon as I realize them and to accept it as a part of life.  Making mistakes doesn’t make me incompetent, irresponsible, or incapable of accomplishing my tasks.  What it does mean is that I am human and I am learning.

Mistakes are going to happen and when they do, I will look to them for the lessons they are teaching me instead of focusing on the how bad it feels at the time.  I am only human and what a blessing that is, mistakes included!

 

Letter To My Future Self 2013

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I have a confession to make.  I had the best intentions to get this letter completed in the first or second week of the year, but time got away from me.  Life happened both at work and at home and things just got plain busy, however I made a commitment to myself (and to you) that I would write this letter and so I have chosen to share (and write) it here.  There is a part of me that believes it wasn’t pure lack of planning and busyness that caused me to wait, but maybe a deeper knowing in what I wanted to say in the letter had to brew awhile before it was ready.  Well, ready or not, here it is…

Dear Lamisha,

When I look at the woman standing before me I am amazed.  Not only in the confidence you exude, but also the pure peace that emanates from your being.  The woman I knew in 2012 is long gone and a newer, more peaceful and centered woman stands before me, transformed.  I wish I could tell you that this transformation happened overnight, but you know better than that.  This transformation has taken place in much the same way all changes take place.  Step-by-step.  But it all started with your theme of the year.  Do you remember?  To simply be open.  To some it is vague, but for you it was a true lesson and the starting point of this transformation.

You see, by your willingness to be open to what life, the Universe, God, etc. has to offer and letting go of your control where you needed to, you welcomed in a trust you have never known before.  A trust that all is happening in the right time, for the right reasons, and this journey you are on is a wonderful adventure when you are open.  And it can be fun too!

Do you remember what your letter looked like for 2012?  Of course you do, it was cluttered with income amounts, possessions you wanted to have, and specific expectations that the old you wanted too much to control and yet very little on that list came to be and why is that?  Could it be you didn’t let go of the wheel enough to allow things to happen in their own time?  Possibly, or more likely it was all part of your path to get you here.  To the state of peace in allowing life to flow.

Please don’t think that ‘peace’ is your only accomplishment for this year, though it is your greatest, there are many other very exciting opportunities, situations, and adventures that you were open to.  Sure your blog following has grown, your book idea is no longer just an idea, your midnight hustle has developed into a more substantial income, and your life coach dream is taking flight, but even if all of that hadn’t happened and peace is all that was gained this year…it would be enough.  Because within peace lies the space to allow the magic of your dreams to come true.  And though I want to share with you every teeny, tiny, delightful morsel of your best year yet, and to warn you of some potential challenges, I will leave it to you to explore and enjoy.  Just know that as you move, evolve, and grow this year, you are transforming step-by-step into the peacefully grounded woman standing before me.

Enjoy the ride!