Lamisha Serf-Walls

Are You In Danger of This? (And how not to sacrifice your happiness.)

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What if someone could tell you without a shadow of a doubt the way your future will likely unfold if you continue on the exact course you are on this very minute?

Would you be interested?

No, I’m not switching businesses and becoming a psychic 🙂

I ask you that because I know something that you might not be aware of and again I’m no psychic, but I have seen this enough to know that you might be in danger.

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Meet Joni* (Names have been changed for privacy sake.)

Joni is an incredibly talented entrepreneur.  She’s sweet, charismatic, caring, compassionate and people adore her!  She’s married to her soul mate, has a gorgeous home, and is blessed with creativity that flows like an open faucet.  Her business is booming and her calendar is booked out 9 months!

BUT…

She’s got a problem and it’s a BIG one.

She is having a hard time finding balance amongst all the awesomeness that is her life.

When she is in work mode, she’s hard-core.  She works long hours, stays up late, and often burns the candle at both ends.

When she manages to find time to focus on her ‘home’ life with her hubby, she is constantly trying to make up for lost time.

She’s lost on the teeter-totter of two extremes and no matter what she does she can’t quite find the happy medium.

The result:

She’s frustrated and cranky most days.  When she’s focused on her business, she worries about her relationship and the many things at home that feel half-assed or un-done.  When she’s at home, she worries about being at work. She thinks: “What if my clients need me?  What about the next deadline?  The next launch? Did I return all important emails?”

She’s stuck, overwhelmed, and feels guilty about not being where she needs to be and often feels like a failure.

She frequently discounts her successes or over looks them completely because she becomes hyper-focused on the things that aren’t working (aka not being able to find balance).

What on the outside looks like an awesome life, on the inside feels unbalanced and incomplete.  She frequently thinks that “if only” she could find the balance between her two very important worlds, she could finally ease into relaxation mode and actually enjoy the magnificent life she has created.

But without being able to see the core issue (which is not the lack of balance in her life), she is destined for a life of exhaustion, fear, frustration, and stuck-ness. She is blind to the belief that is holding her back because she is simply too close to see it.  What she thinks is a simple fix that centers around time management and taking a break every now and then is really just a symptom of a deeper issue.

She has a choice.  She can continue to try to treat the symptom (i.e. the lack of balance in her life) and experience the brief reprieve that it provides for her or she can choose to seek help.  And to be honest, she must first understand and be aware of the consequences of not clearing this issue.

Examples:

  • A stressed work life can result in physical illness
  • A stressed home life can result in relationship trouble
  • A stressed inner life can result in incredible fear, lack of confidence, self-sabotage, and even worse…an unhappy, unfulfilled life.

Getting to the end of her rope and being truly ready to move through this challenge once and for all, Joni reaches out for help.  She knows the magnificence that lies on the other side of this struggle and she’s ready to identify and clear the belief that is holding her hostage in exhaustion, fear, and frustration.

The question is are YOU?

happinessMany of you may be able to directly relate to the specific challenge or symptom that Joni has struggled with or you have your own issue that manifests itself in your life or business in your relationships, self-care, time management, procrastination, marketing (or lack thereof), or maybe it is something different.

The point is we all have that one thing that keeps showing up for us over and over again that leaves us feeling drained, frustrated, and just plain stuck.  There are some of you who are ready to throw in the towel and accept that ‘this is just the way life is’ and you may even believe ‘you just can’t have it all’.

But I am here to tell you, there IS a solution to your problem and it starts with this first step: You must first know the consequences of continuing on the path you are on and refuse to sacrifice the joy and fulfilling life you are destined for any longer.

That’s it.

Life is supposed to be amazing and you are meant to work through the lessons, beliefs, and challenges that hold us back from that incredible joy.  It is part of your journey, but you get to choose if you are ready to move forward and clear it and some of the biggest challenges are those we can’t see directly because we are simply too close.

With that I ask you:

What amazing-ness are you sacrificing by staying stuck? AND Are you ready to take the first step to free yourself from the struggle and frustration?

If so, I invite you to schedule a 30-Minute Consultation to chat with me about your challenges and to see if (like Joni) you are ready to clear them once and for all.  No strings attached.  So what do you say? Are you ready?

P.S. Don’t forget that the 7-Day Resolution Refresh challenge begins on Monday so if you are in need of some inspiration to get some of those amazing goals knocked off your to-do list, get signed up so you don’t miss a beat!

 

Confession Time: I Didn’t Listen To My Heart…and I Failed (sort of)

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To be honest with you, I have been dreading writing this post.  Part of me knew I had to do some processing mentally and emotionally before I could put anything in writing and the other part of me was just plain embarrassed.

Embarrassed of looking like a fraud, a scam, a loser and my worst fear…a FAILURE.

So what did I fail at exactly?

I failed at listening to my intuition when it told me something wasn’t a good fit.

I failed at recognizing the signs that reinforced something wasn’t a good fit.

I failed at standing in my power to declare to myself and YOU that it’s ok to pull the plug on something that isn’t a good fit.

So what is this elusive ‘thing’ that isn’t a good fit?

The 90-Days To Biz Brilliance program.

Yep, the program I was so excited about (initially before the signs) and the same program I put off releasing twice for various reasons (because I clearly ignored the signs.)

The short story is this.  I fell into the trap of thinking that other people know me better than myself and while some of my clients are female entrepreneurs, I am not a ‘business coach’.  Here’s where it gets a little confusing even for me.  The biz brilliance program is actually full of amazing content, support, information, and practices to handle the stuff that comes up when you are creating a business, but it is also good for people NOT in business.

I was excited about the program.  I shared it with you and in various other networks happily.  I loved the feeling of the program, but something I couldn’t quite put my finger on felt off.  The more I shared, the more off it felt.  And when the feeling got to be too much, I knew that it wasn’t going to fly, but I was too afraid to pull the plug for fear of looking unprofessional.  I didn’t want anyone to think any less of me and to see me the way I was seeing me in that moment…a failure.

But despite all of that this is what I have learned:

  • I now know what the off feeling feels like in my body and I can use that in the future
  • I took a HUGE step to create a program that has good bones and can be used in another way…later
  • I am not a failure
  • I now have more clarity about what isn’t a good fit for me, which is equally as important as knowing what is
  • Life (and my business) goes on despite this bump in the road
  • Listening to my intuition and inner wisdom is always the best way

It is imperative to trust that tiny whisper within that tells you something isn’t right and the nudge you get to go in a particular direction.  Learn to listen to yourself and let go of the other stuff that doesn’t feel right for you.  Tap into your intuition on a daily basis and allow it to guide you forward.  It takes practice, I know especially when you are in business and there are so formulas for ‘success’.  Your success will come to you in a way that feels right and fits your path.

Another big thing this experience taught me is that trying is succeeding in its own right, so keep trying.  Keep experimenting and keep going.  Do you know how many times Albert Einstein ‘failed’ in his experiments before he got one ‘right’?  If one of the most amazing scientific geniuses in history can ‘fail’ a few times to get to something incredible, then don’t you think we can too?

Life is about experience, so remember that as you try and try (and try) again.  Don’t forget to trust too.  Trust is a big part of the process.  Knowing that you will get to where you are going as long as you keep going.

 

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P.S. We are entering the last 4 months of the year (where does the time go!) and I know there are dreams and goals that you have been procrastinating on.  It’s time to get a Jump Start don’t you think? My 1-month Jump Start package is available to help you take big action and get moving immediately toward your dreams.  Haven’t you waited long enough?  Get signed up for your free 30-minute consultation to get started for September. 

It’s Time To Come Clean…

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Vortex-ClarityI seem to be in the remedial school of life these days, learning and re-learning lessons that I thought I had mastered long ago (ok well some of them might be a few months old, but who’s counting?).  Last week I was going through a particularly emotional lesson and now I have reached the sunrise or clarity portion of that lesson.

Here’s what I have learned.

  • I have the POWER to create the life and reality of my dreams.  I believe in that so much that I built a business around this exact idea.  In fact it’s not an idea, but instead a truth.  A truth that applies to you too.  YOU have the power to create whatever it is you want.  You just have to decide what you want, hold the intention, and take inspired action.
  • I may not have the skills and connection that others have, but that does not discount my abilities to do the work I love.  I have unique abilities that allow me to connect to and with the exact people I should be connecting with.  Our differences are beautiful and our gifts are unique.  It’s what makes this world amazing.  And being my true authentic self is the best (and truly the only) way to serve my clients.  This article shares my lesson on being the authentic expert.
  • The intuitive guidance that led me to my business was not wrong and it is the same intuitive guidance that I have been discounting for the past few months.  Sure, there are many things I still need to learn, but if something doesn’t sit right with me intuitively, it’s not for me.  I’m ok with that and you should be too.
  • I am surrounded by amazingly talented women who are doing incredible things in the world.  I support them, uplift them, and celebrate their magnificence and I know that their brilliance has no effect on what I am doing or not doing.  Their success doesn’t cause my demise and vice versa.  We are connected. Period.  And the success of one creates a vortex of power for others.
  • When I am in my power, standing in my truth, and sharing who I really am, I have more of an impact on those around me.  This post is a perfect example of how passion, purpose, and authenticity can come together to create an amazing inspirational energy that can’t be denied.
  • I also know that this very moment with all of its lessons is completely perfect.  I am living the life of my dreams and everyday I am closer to more expansion, creation, and success.  The key to all of that is inspired action.  And the inspiration behind the action comes from intuition.  You have it too, so stand in that power and trust your gut to tell you who to hire, what to do, and where to go.
  • Last but not least, I am uncovering more and more of who I really am which is allowing me to reach more women, inspire change, and support the dreams of others.  This life of mine is amazing! Not because of money, numbers, or crazy success.  Not at all.  It’s amazing because I am doing what I love, making a difference, and learning lessons along the way.

Should you find yourself going through lessons you thought you learned, never fear.  A perfect life is not without lessons.   A ‘perfect’ life is the life you are living right now with lessons, love, connection, dreams, and a lot of growth. 

If you are ready to step into your power to create the amazing life or business of your dreams, now is the time to follow your calling.  I have opened up a few spots for my 1-Month Jump Start program for July 2014 that will get you moving in 30 days or less. 4 sessions in 4 weeks = major progress.  This offer expires June 30th so if you want in on this incredibly affordable and powerful opportunity, you can sign up here.

Moving Through the Storm and Into the Sunrise

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photo credit: Hamed Saber via photopin cc

Last week I shared a few videos on how to add a bit more self-care into every single day.  It seems fitting since this week I need not only a little, but it seems quite a lot.

I am moving through a period of transformation not just in my business, but also in my personal life.  I am uncovering another layer of who I am and learning to be with whatever comes up which for me can be a pretty emotional process.  You see, I am realizing that some of the lessons I thought I learned (and incidentally mastered) are resurfacing for deeper clearing and healing.  It’s like going through college and taking Psych 101 and moving onto Psych 205.  More info, more processing, more to integrate into everyday living.

So here I am in the center of what I call for my clients a ‘blissful breakthrough‘ though I am not quite at the bliss yet.  I’m still in the uncovering, releasing, and accepting phase.  Loosening old thoughts that have been lodged in my psyche for as long as I can remember.  Letting go of the crud that has weighed me down over the years and releasing the expectation that the world must shift in order for me to stay present, be successful, and happy.

As far as shifts go, I know them well.  I have gone through many periods of growth followed by long periods of plateau and here I am in the growth phase once again.  And in my experience after the emotional upheaval that may come, the silence, and the shift comes incredible clarity.

It’s almost like being in the middle of a treacherous storm.  Heavy rain, powerful wind, and old debris falling away only to be followed by the most amazing sunrise that only comes after a powerful storm.

The storm is your breakthrough.  The sunrise is your bliss.  Moments like these remind me why I am able to do the work I do.  It’s because I get it.  I’ve been there and am still learning, growing, and evolving.

As for the current lesson, I am allowing and not fighting it.  Accepting it and not resisting it because I know what lies on the other side of this and I have a choice.  I can fight it, hide it, and ignore  it or I can accept it, allow it, and choose to see the sunrise again.  I choose the sunrise.  Because even on the darkest day, with heavy rain, and crazy wind, I know the sun will rise again.

And while I am being a bit tight-lipped about the specifics of the lesson and my current situation, I want you to know this: Lessons in life are inevitable, but even with them all you get to decide how you feel, what you do, and what you want out of life.  So decide what you want and be willing to experience the lessons along the way and heal what needs to be healed.  It is there you will find your bliss.

<3 Lamisha

 

Being Here, Instead of There

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I find that I learn life lessons far better through experience as opposed to theory and this past weekend, I found myself learning a life lesson that I have known in theory for many years, but am only now beginning to bring it into my experience by one of the wisest teachers I know….my three year old son.

You see the misconception that many people have about parenting is that the parent is the “know all” to the child.  Parents are supposed to teach all the important life lessons since theoretically we have learned them all ourselves and while that may be true for some things, I find I learn far more from my son, than I have taught him in the last 3 years of his life.  The most recent lesson came yesterday when he absolutely refused to take his nap.  (If you are a parent, you know exactly what I am talking about.)

The lesson he taught me: Be.Here.Now.behere

The struggle began with my preconceived, preplanned expectation of what I wanted to accomplish during nap time yesterday.  I had some work to do and it seemed that nap time was a good time to dig in and get some things done before the big game.  My son had plans of his own.  Mainly to avoid sleep at all costs and to teach Momma a very important lesson about life.

Every time I tried to put my little one down for his nap, he fought me.  Being the parent, I thought I knew what was best for him and could tell that he was in fact tired.  It was my duty to get him down so he could rest his weary head, right?  Maybe.  Upon further reflection today, I realized what I was really trying to do was get him to fall in line with my expectations so I could have a bit of a rest and get some (in my mind very important) things done.

Instead of listening to what he truly needed, I was focused on all the things I needed to do, but wasn’t able to.  I was watching the hours tick by and was planning for the disaster that would occur if he didn’t take his nap.  Cranky kid, cranky Momma, and no work done.  Sadly and selfishly, my thoughts were not on what my son needed from me in that moment, but on what I needed him to do so I could move on with the rest of my schedule.

Thinking about it this morning, I was filled with guilt and the worst kind…Momma-guilt.  The kind that breaks your heart and makes you feel like the worst mother on the planet.  Luckily, I didn’t stay there long before I moved from guilt to curiosity.  What could I learn from this?

Is the lesson that good moms never lose their patience?

Nope.

What I learned is that regardless of what expectations I have set for the day, the week, the month, or the year, shit happens.  Plans don’t work out.  Kids don’t nap.  Cars break down.  It rains. (Though thankfully all that didn’t happen in one day.) And when things don’t go as planned, it’s not only best to just roll with it, it’s imperative.

You see, even with plans and expectations for what I wanted to accomplish yesterday, I could have been fully in the here and now.  And if I was, I would have been better equipped to roll with the punches and find a better way to spend my time.  Instead of thinking about the work I was not doing but desperately needed to do, I could have created some happy memories with my son.

The lesson in all of this is what I have known in theory all along.  Life is lived in the ‘now’.  Not the past or the future.  When we waste our days thinking about what we could’ve, should’ve, or would’ve done or about what has yet to come, we miss the most amazing, magical moments in life.  For me, those moments were with my son.  For you, it might be with your spouse, a friend, or a magical moment that could lead you to the next step of your dream.  And while I would love to say I have mastered this lesson and will always be patient and flow with life, I’m not sure that’s entirely true.

What I do know is that I will be far more mindful of where my thoughts are in the moment.  I will breathe.  I will think, and I will refocus on the present moment, especially when I am with my son.  Because let’s face it, time passes by too quickly and life is too short to worry about work, stress, bills, money, and material things when we have precious children, spouses, friends, pets, family members, etc. around us.

So my question for you is this:  Where are you now?  Here or There???