Lamisha Serf-Walls

Training The Happy

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I began my day today noticing various aspects about the world, my son, and myself that put a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart.  My son is turning 3 this weekend and I am so grateful that he is healthy, vibrant, and quite the entertainer.  Life is good, I am loved, healthy, and in a good place.  It seemed that nothing could ruin my mood today and it was quite lovely.  Until…

Well that’s the thing, there wasn’t anything in particular that happened to dull the vibrant happy I was feeling, it just sort of wore off a bit.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t fall to the other end of the emotional spectrum and feel upset, angry, or sad.  I just wasn’t on the same cloud I was on earlier in the morning.  It got me wondering what happened and how can I get that feeling back?

Just before the happy seemed to fade I had written a poem/greeting card about happiness and the words spoke to me so much that I think I had my answer before the question was formed in my mind.  I realized the idea of “happiness” for many people (me included) stems primarily from a future point in time.  The good feeling comes with thinking of what is coming down the pike or what we are looking forward to.  I know I have always had a tendency to look into the future for the best things to come and incidentally I miss the good stuff that is all around me.  Not only that, but the good stuff around me doesn’t seem to compare to the future event that I have created in my mind.  And yet when that moment comes, I may feel happy it is here, but it is only momentarily until I am waiting for the next future moment to be happy about.

As I was pondering this thought, I realized the importance of not only being happy in the moment, but training the happy.

What is that?

Training the happy simply means doing things in the moment that remind you of the good stuff here and now.  Seeing the beauty around you and being grateful for it.  Finding the positive aspects of life in each and every situation.  Sure it may seem difficult at first, but the more you practice it, the more you train yourself to be happy now, the easier it is to let go of the idea that you will be happy when…whatever happens.  You can be happy now, you just have to train yourself to see the good.

So, as my jovial feeling was dulling, I began thinking of the things that make me happy and I wrote some of them down.  My son’s smile.  His laughter.  The silly things he says and how happy he is to see me when he gets home.  The fact that we found the cake he wanted for his birthday after thinking it wasn’t available.  The sunshine.

I then found my happy factor increasing and the positive thoughts multiplying in my head.  One thought led to another etc.  And while it may seem amazing in the moment, it’s no rocket science.  The process is simple.  Think of what makes you feel good and keep that going.  Sooner or later you will find yourself looking for the good feelings on a regular basis and your happy mood will be the new normal for right now.  And when the future moment comes that knocks your happy socks off, you will savor it fully in the moment and the next because you know there are many happy moments to be celebrated.

So, the next time you find yourself feeling less than joyful, use it as an opportunity to train your happy.  In fact don’t wait for that moment.  Start right now!  Make a list of 20 positive aspects about you, your life, your surroundings, your job, your spouse, etc., and watch your happy factor multiply.

What else do you do to increase your happy?

 

He’s Got It All Figured Out…

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I once thought that no one had life all figured out.  I thought we were all living the best we knew how, doing the best we could while still growing and evolving into better versions of ourselves.  Yet no matter how evolved we get or how much we grow, we never have it figured out.  That is, until I thought about my son.

Yesterday I was thinking about life and how sometimes it feels like a struggle as we muddle through the challenges and other times it is simply euphoric.  The good times make you feel like everything is running smoothly and nothing can tear you down.  I was wondering how we could live more in the space of goodness and less in the mindset of challenges.  I wondered if that was even possible.  Then it hit me!  My soon to be 3-year-old has it all figured out.

Sound crazy?  I don’t think so.  The other day my some came home from daycare with the biggest smile on his face and I could feel the joy flowing so easily from him.  It’s not just when he comes home either, it seems to be all the time.  At any given moment I can look at him and he is singing as loud as possible, dancing, bouncing around the room, or his new favorite thing is singing into his microphone or banging on his drum set.  He has found joy, better yet, he lives it in everything he does.  From the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed he has spent approximately 90-95% of his day in happy mode.  Sure he doesn’t have everyday problems to deal with like us adults, but it got me thinking about how we can all spend that much time in happy mode.

Is it as simple as thinking happy thoughts or turning your thoughts to the good in your life?  Maybe.  Maybe it is a combination of focusing on the good things in life, but also taking the time to be playful.  Taking time to sing, dance, and let loose.  In a world where it often feels like there is never enough time or money, the simple things in life mean so much.

So, for today I will let loose and smile while thinking of the little boy who has not only stolen my heart, but has taught me a very valuable lesson about life.  And the next time he is bouncing off the walls with enthusiasm and his natural zest for life, instead of trying to calm him down, I will simply join in his joy.

We could all use a little more joy in our lives right?

How I’m Building My Life Coaching Dream

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In my last post I talked about my current midnight hustle and how my life coach training may have to be put on hold longer than I originally had planned, however I wanted to give you a little bit of insight into how I am keeping my focus strong on my dream of inspiring and changing lives through coaching.

I decided just before starting this blog, that I wanted to do something now that would  not only support my journey to becoming a life coach, but also keep me inspired, motivated, and focused on my vision.  Since I am very much a do-er, I wanted something that I could do besides sit and daydream about “one day when”.  Over time the list of things I am doing to prepare for my business has grown and I am delighted to share them with you in hopes that you find a bit of inspiration to take action on part of your dreams, even if you have to wait for other pieces to fall into place.

So far here is what I am doing to prepare, plan, and focus on my business:

Research -When I first realized I wanted to be a life coach, I had no idea where to begin, so naturally I enlisted the help of the internet and did as much research as possible.  I wanted to see how other coaches had gotten started, where they studied, and what they were doing.  I even spent some time interviewing people who were in the coaching business.  This piece has been essential and while I did most of my research in the very beginning, I still do a bit here and there as I begin thinking about what I want my business to look like.

Blog – As my excitement grew, I felt like I had to do more than just read about coaching.  I realized I was already coaching friends, family, and co-workers in one way or another, so why not use my writing to reach out and inspire others?  After many months of intentionally planning the focus for my blog, in October 2012 I started writing.  I decided my blog would eventually turn into a portion of my business page and what better way to launch a business than to have readers to launch it to?

Brainstorm – This seems like a no-brainer, but I have spent some time over the last year simply writing down ideas, thoughts, possible business names, and things I would like to offer within my coaching.  In fact, I have a notebook dedicated to my business ideas and the best part about it is I just let my creativity flow.  I don’t limit anything that I write or judge it as good or bad, I simply brainstorm.  Who knows what it might turn into?

Collect Information – A few months ago I started a folder in my email entitled “Business”.  In it I collect newsletters, blogs, advice, and other information that I receive from various websites I subscribe to and my intuition tells me this is going to be very beneficial later.  Much of the advice may not apply to me right now, but it is something I can use in the future.  For instance the last one I received today was from Jess Lively in her “Wish I Knew Wednesday” post about dealing with worry and doubt as it applies to business.  I highly recommend being added to her newsletter if you are thinking of starting or have your own business and want some advice from someone who has been running her own business since she was 15.  And since I didn’t study business in college and am a newbie to being my own boss one day, I will take all the advice I can get.

Learning– One other item I am doing a little bit of is studying other coaches and their methods as well as gaining valuable insight from a free training program a dear friend sent me.  I love learning and the more information and knowledge I have before I actually launch my business, the more confidant I will be.  So I am taking full advantage of any information I stumble upon that may add to my training (even before training), or my business knowledge.

Allowing – I had to add this tidbit of info because while it seems that I am actively planning and building my dream, that isn’t exactly the case.  I am simply allowing things to unfold organically.  Conversations lead to research and research leads to books with tons of information etc.  I am keeping an open mind and following the flow of life.  I know in due time my dream will become real

So in a nutshell that is how I am planning for my business that I have yet to create.  My vision is growing more realistic, vibrant, and exciting everyday and I can’t wait for the day I get to experience it.  The truth is it’s far more than a vision, this is my dream on a journey to becoming reality.

 

In The Moment Living-And It’s Benefits

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I hope everyone had a lovely holiday and enjoyed time with family and friends.  I had a very nice time with my little family, just the three of us and as we spent our time together my heart was filled with an immense sense of gratitude.  Gratitude for being in the moment and embracing the love that we share on a daily basis.

Today I have a sense of peace in my life, right now.  I realized this morning that many days I have some worry that is taking up space in my mind and causing me to miss this moment, but today I have nothing but peace.  I must admit it is really nice.  Maybe it is because I don’t return to work until tomorrow and there is nothing really pressing that I have to do today.  Maybe I am floating on the sugar high of the goodies I ate yesterday or maybe I am once again learning to live in the moment more and more.  One thing I know for sure is there are many benefits to being in the moment, some of which I am experiencing right this moment.

Besides the peace and lack of worry, I am finding that I am more open to this very moment.  I can see the beauty that surrounds me and can actively practice gratitude in the moment as opposed to practicing gratitude after the fact.  I am more aware of the blessings in my life and can see the positive in each situation I am presented with when I am not preoccupied with the future.

When I am in the moment, life seems to flow.

I noticed this in the last week when I received notification that another one of my poems was selected to be published in an anthology.  Not only was I not expecting to hear anything from the publishers until sometime early in 2013, I was so fulfilled in the moment with how life was going, that I wasn’t stressed about the results of my writing at all.  I was simply allowing life to flow.  I had let go of my desire to control and stress over the outcome of my writing and was pleasantly surprised with publication and payment for one of my poems.  In addition to that, I have landed 2 freelance writing gigs in the last month or so.

I know that just letting go of the outcome of a situation doesn’t create opportunities by itself, but taking action and then being open to the outcome (no matter what it is) has definitely helped me to not only live in the moment, but has resulted in some really great surprises.  I hope that my “in the moment living” becomes a regular practice as I move into 2013 and that I continue to reap the benefits of allowing life to flow, because truth be told, I am much happier when I am flowing with the current as opposed to fighting it.

 

 

Gratitude: Magic & Mayhem

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This week has been a bit crazy and it seems that it may continue for a few weeks, so when deciding what to write about in today’s post it took me a little bit to decide on my two items.  After some reflection on the week and looking forward to the weekend, finally decided on magic and mayhem

There is always a lot of hustle and bustle around the holidays for my family.  Since we live so far away, we have to plan our shopping early and make sure to wrap and package our gifts to get them mailed off in time.  At the moment my living room looks like Santa’s workshop exploded with the many gifts, and piles of items to be mailed.  With that said I was reminded of the magical essence this time of year brings with the decorations, sweet-smelling treats, and the tale of Santa and his reindeer delivering wonderful things to families around the world.  I am reminded of the general good-will feeling that comes with the holidays and for that I am grateful.  I am grateful to be able to share in the magic with my son as his imagination grows especially during this time of year.  In spite of all the manic hustle and bustle that has gone on this week, I am comforted by the magic.

In addition to magic, I am surprisingly grateful for the mayhem that has taken place the last few days.  Without it, I wouldn’t learn lessons of patience and faith.  Without it, I might miss the appreciation and peace that comes when the mayhem has subsided.  In a weird, twisted, maybe confusing way, I am blessed by the mayhem because it keeps me on my toes and makes me stronger for next time.

May you all find a little bit of magic in the midst of whatever mayhem you maybe experiencing, but most of all enjoy your weekend.