Lamisha Serf-Walls

From “Meant To Be” to “Maybe Not”

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I had a realization today and it is one that I have been struggling with for a while now.  You see, when I found out I only had 3 months left of my full-time job, I took it as a sign from the Universe that my coaching business was ready to take off.  I thought I was going to have some amazing space and time to create, write, and build an ever-growing business that would sustain me.  I had stars in my eyes, a heart full of hope, and no one could tell me otherwise.

from www.liketoquote.com
from www.liketoquote.com

I absolutely believed that this was happening and that the reason my job was ending was so I could move into my purpose more fully.  But then, after 2 months passed and business didn’t explode I began questioning things.  I hadn’t even thought of getting another full-time gig.  I thought it was working out perfectly and that it was meant to be for me to work from home, building, creating, and expanding my ever-growing business.

But, that’s not how it has happened thus far.  To be honest with you, my month of giving has really become my month of offering what I believe to be a great deal, but with no takers.

Bummer.Big Bummer.

Not only did I not want to entertain the idea of taking a full-time gig (because hello why else would I be losing my job just as I was starting my own business-terrible logic), but I was also dealing with a dwindling dream.  I had gotten excited about something that I thought was meant to be, even though it might not work out that way.  The funny thing is had you asked me a month before I found out my full-time job would be ending when I planned on taking my new coaching business full-time, I would have most certainly told you that I wouldn’t consider it until I had built a solid foundation.  And yet after I found out about position being eliminated, I thought it was a sign just to jump!  Funny how we see things so differently in varying circumstances huh?

So, what’s my point?

My point is that things happen for a reason and while we might think we know what that reason is while it is happening, we may not ever really know until the dust settles later.  So instead of wishing, hoping, and standing on the belief that we always know why things work out the way they do, why not stand in a place of faith.  Faith that things are working out exactly how they should without placing constraints on the situation trying to make it fit into a logical stream of thinking.  If I know anything about my journey to coaching, I know that the path isn’t always logical and it is very rarely linear.  My path has been more about following the inspirational nuggets along the way.  Being inspired to do one thing that leads to another etc.  That is how things have worked out for me and many of my clients and I know that is how it will continue to work out.

In this case that means not discounting another full-time gig or feeling badly about services and offers that go no where.  Not only am I allowing myself to be open to what comes, but I am also following my own coaching advice and going where my inspiration takes me.  I am readjusting my focus and seeing the bigger picture.  I may not know what is next for me, but I am sure that it is going to be great.

In the mean time I am going to continue working on my business ideas, tweaking my website, and creating content that is inspiring, useful, and uplifting for you lovely readers.  I am also going to continue to build a solid foundation for my business.  I am learning, growing, and evolving every day as a business woman and that will never stop.  So as I work on my services, offerings etc. my focus is on providing the best services I can for my clients.  It also means being open to where, how, and how my next clients will be and trusting the process.

As for the job front, I’m not sure what will happen.  I am following my inspiration and going where it leads me, if that means I end up in another full-time job, so be it.

As one of my dear friends has reminded me over and over again…I am letting it flow, letting it flow, letting it flow. 🙂

Identifying Your Gift

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Last week I wrote a post about finding your gift, embracing it, and sharing it with the world and I wanted to go a little deeper into those three pieces.

I have come across many people in the world who don’t believe they have much to give in this world and are honestly blind to the wonderful gifts they have and use everyday.  Sure, they have interests and hobbies, but nothing they deem is of value to the world.

If you are one of those people, know that you DO have a gift to share and if you aren’t sure how to find it, read on.

While traditional society can make a big deal about doctors, lawyers, famous musicians, and artists, the truth is most of us don’t fall into any of those categories.  In fact, each gift we have, even if it is similar to someone else, is unique to us because of our life experiences.  No two singers, actors, dancers, writers, editors, boat-makers, professional golfers, or anyone else has the same experience to share with the world.  Each perspective is unique and beautiful and adds amazing value to the world because no matter how hard we try, we can’t all reach every single person with our gifts.

So how do you find what your gift might be?Gift

  • Think about what you do naturally.  What comes easy to you?  What are you known for in your social circles?  Maybe it’s communicating, organizing, styling, fixing things, etc.  It doesn’t have to be one single thing.  It can (and is likely to) be many things.
  • Think about what you enjoy doing.  Many times our thing is something we love to do.  For me, it is inspiring, writing, and helping people get unstuck along with many other things I enjoy doing.  What is it for you?
  • Ask around.  See what your parents, teachers, friends, co-workers, and employers say about you.  Many times other people can see your gifts much more clearly than we can because of our perspective and sometimes the lack of confidence that comes with it.
  • Get rid of the “shoulds”.  Far too often we have an idea of what we “should” be doing in life.  “I should do something more professional, worthwhile, more important” etc.  Let go of what others believe you should become and think of who you are.  Who do you want to become?

My last bit of advice is to be easy about it all.  The joy of life is that we can pick and choose and revamp and edit our lives as we see fit.  If one thing doesn’t feel right, we can try something else.  If we make a mistake, no biggie, we can try and try again.  Don’t allow these exercises to be so big and scary that you find yourself intimidated.  Just go with the flow and see where your thoughts take you.

Also, remember that as human beings we grow, change, and evolve, so the passion you had two years ago may not be the same.  You may also find you have many things you enjoy doing, but to different degrees.  For instance, I was once a part-time choreographer/dance coach for competitive high school teams.  It is something that is near and dear to my heart and while I am not doing much with that particular gift at the moment, that doesn’t mean I will never tap into it again.  I am simply allowing another part of myself shine and that is totally ok.

Take some time to answer the questions above and feel free to share in the comments section.  I would love to know what gifts you discover!

 

Resolutions Revisited

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I have to say I can’t believe March is here already.  It seems like not too long ago I was thinking, dreaming, and intending my year ahead full of wonder, magic, and awe.  Ah how quickly the newness subsides and everyday life takes over.  Laundry, work, bills, and life all go on and sometimes our dreams, goals, and resolutions fall quickly to the background.  I suppose that is why many resolutions fall by the wayside never to come about again until next year…that is unless you revisit them.

Last Friday it hit me that we are now entering the third month of the year and my excitement for 2013 had dropped dramatically.  So much that I wasn’t thinking of my dreams all that often and my passion was waning too.  The realization that I was no longer as excited for what is to come as I was in January really got me thinking.  How could I let all of that excitement and fire just fizzle out?  Where did it go?  More importantly, how do I get it back?

I don’t know if there is a set formula to finding your fire again, but this is what I have come up with so far.

  • Remember your resolutions/dreams/intentions.  Revisit the goals you wrote down, the things you told your friends you wanted to do, but most of all FEEL them.  Feel the fire, passion, and desire you had when you set them.  Revisit your resolutions and make friends with them again.
  • Know that each month (and each day) is new and you can recreate the newness whenever you want.  Maybe at the beginning of each month you want to set a mini celebration for what you accomplished the month before and look forward to what is coming in the next month.  Maybe you wan to journal about all the gooey goodness that you had in the month before while setting your intentions for the month ahead.  Whatever you do remember every day, week, and month provides a new start.
  • Bring back the magic.  When the clock struck 12, you were likely filled with a sense of wonder and magic for what was waiting for you in the coming year.  I can’t tell you how many times I heard or read “2013 is my year” only to find that thought is forgotten a few weeks later.  Bring that magical feeling back to life.  Read inspirational quotes, stories, and blogs.  Find someone you admire and ask them what they do to keep the magic and wonder alive.  Embrace positivity and allow it to fill you up each and everyday.  Sounds corny, but it works.

I hope the steps above help you to breathe life into your resolutions and goals and you enjoy not only the things you planned for, but also the delicious surprises that await you.

Now it’s your turn.  What do you do to keep your resolutions alive?  Let me know!

Lessons In Layers

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I have had an epiphany this past week and it is one that I believe I have begun to develop over the years, but for some reason this it is hitting me now.  Maybe it is because I have been doing a lot of internal work, thinking, ruminating, and wondering about life and my journey in this life.

I just realized lessons aren’t learned in distinct moments, but instead occur in layers over time.

It seems I have had many “aha” moments throughout my life only to find myself repeating the same “aha” only to a different degree or in a different situation.  A friend of mine posted something a few months back about learning and re-learning lessons and I told her I thought of learning in the form of college courses.  Instead of learning Patience (period), we learn Patience 101 and Patience 202 etc.  It seems that there are various situations that we can learn the same lesson and yet it still feels new.  And since I tend to have a lot of “aha” moments, I would like to think I am learning them on another level as opposed to believing I am just too stubborn to learn.

As I have come to this Lessons In Layers theory, I began thinking of the lessons that I feel I have learned at least on the surface level.  For instance, thoughts become things, positive thoughts=positive experiences, patience, letting go, allowing life to flow, etc.  I truly believe those are things I have learned, or at least understand on some level and yet I find myself in situations where I realize them in entirely new ways.  It can be both exciting and frustrating depending on how you view it (yet another layer) and yet I feel the same way about personal growth.

At one point in my life (more recent than I care to admit), I thought growing and evolving personally and spiritually was not only a journey, but one that actually had an end (before death of course).  I thought I could hurry up and learn these lessons in order to get to a life of unfettered bliss.  Some part of myself thought that my happiness would begin once all my dreams came true and I would finally be able to live happily ever after.  And being the go-getter that I am, I found myself doing all I could to get there, only to find I was losing this beautiful journey by being caught up in a non-existent destination.  If it wasn’t for a very dear, very wise friend of mine telling me (more than once) that life is about the journey and growth is happening all the time, I would likely still be pushing my way to the end..wherever that may be.

So where am I today?  I am not at the end at all and I am ok with that, for the most part.  I have accepted the fact that I am growing everyday and learning lessons in various layers, in various situations and times.  I am learning to flow with life and sometimes I need a gentle reminder while other times I need a good bonk on the head to revive this important lesson.  The most important part of where I am right now in life is my journey.  I am coming to a place of presence in both mind, body, and spirit to how magnificent life is no matter what is going on.  And while this is a lesson that will come and go, I am ok with taking it slow sometimes.  Sometimes we just need to absorb our experiences with our entire being before we take another step and give thanks for the journey.  I am learning that the journey is the best part…

Profound Inspiration On Authenticity

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The world we live in can often times make us feel like we have to play a specific role in order to “fit in”.  For misfits like myself it can become a tireless task to be accepted by all groups and to attempt to be like everyone else when deep down we know, we are just us.  Many of us are taught from a young age to merely exist and blend in with those around us.  Sure we want to be successful but at what cost?  The cost of our individuality?

There are many things that connect us as human beings, but a vast number of things that make us unique as well and those things are what make this life experience so amazing. (In my humble opinion.)  The fact that we all have our own experiences, opinions, decisions, and choices in this life make it the huge melting pot that it is, yet many people can’t seem to understand that “different” doesn’t necessarily mean “bad”.  And so, many of us strive to live the lives we think we should when really our authentic selves are waiting to come to the surface.  For some it can take an entire lifetime of working hard to fit in, only to realize they were really meant to stand out and follow their heart’s desires all along.  Others realize it much sooner, but still live half of their lives ignoring and denying who they truly are on the inside.

These last few weeks I have been doing a lot of thinking about authentic living.  I have had times in my life where I felt like I needed to fit in and have since begun what feels like a huge transition into living truly and authentically from my heart, and part of that authentic living means accomplishing my less than normal dreams.  And as I have begun sorting through my own beliefs on what is normal and what isn’t, I stumbled across some profoundly inspiring information/quotes that I want to share with you.

In the January 2013 issue of The Oprah Magazine, Oprah interviewed spiritual teacher Carolyn Myss about discovering happiness and finding our true path in this life.  One of the questions Carolyn was asked was why are people so confused about what they are meant to do in this life and her response resonated with me to my core.

“Because they define their life by what they want versus what they have.”

Wow…how many of us can think of a time when we have found ourselves unhappy due to not having something in particular?  What if we all took stock of what we have and live from a space of gratitude for those things instead of trying to keep up with society and what they dictate is enough?  I don’t think our lives should be defined by our possessions or the things we want to have, but more by who we are…our true, authentic selves.

The interview goes on to discuss life purpose and how many people find achieving their dreams and goals as a difficult thing.  They often find they are met with resistance and struggle.

“People suffer when they pursue a life or chase a dream that doesn’t belong to them.”

I had to stop for a moment and really absorb what this statement suggests.  If we are traveling a path that is not ours, meaning we are trying to live a life that is not authentic for us, then we are likely to be met with resistance, frustration, and challenge.  That is not to suggest that achieving our own dreams won’t have its own struggles and life lessons, but there will likely be a distinct difference in how those challenges feel.  The key is realizing when you are operating from your true self and when you are attempting to achieve a goal simply for the way it looks on the outside.  Are you achieving your dreams because it is your soul’s purpose or are you doing it for other reasons?

So, how do we find our life purpose?  By that I mean our true, authentic path that we are meant to travel in this lifetime.  What if you don’t know where to start?  Carolyn suggests:

“Have no judgments about your life.  No expectations.  Give up the need to know what happens tomorrow.  Just be fully present and appreciate all that is in your life right now.” 

Again, I don’t think she suggests sitting around and waiting for life to happen for you, but instead to be fully present with where you are right now and to listen.  Listen to your inner voice, your joy, and your passion.  It is likely you haven’t heard what it is trying to say if you have been attempting to live a life that isn’t yours.  Enjoy this moment, be grateful for it, and listen to what comes up for you.  I think you will find your true self shine through and it may be 180 degrees different from the life you were trying to live, but I firmly believe when we are living fully from our authentic selves, life simply flows.  You might just find that your true path offers more joy, happiness, and peace than you ever imagined.

Are you willing to live from that place?