Lamisha Serf-Walls

This or That: What To Do At a Crossroad

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crossroad

Happy Tuesday Lovely readers!

How many of you have been in a situation lately or in your life when you have had to make a decision?  I’m not talking “what shall I have for dinner tonight” although for some of us this can prove to be a pretty challenging decision.  I am talking about the BIG decisions.

For instance: Taking one job over another.  Moving ‘there’ or staying right where you are.  Follow your dreams or stay where it’s secure.

In the course of my life I have made many seemingly big decisions and every time I sat down to think them through, I got anxious.  I wanted to make the right decision!  My thoughts were clouded by all the pros and cons and I was overwhelmed by the options and how they would play out in the future.

I was at a crossroads and I didn’t know which way to go.

What I didn’t know then (but I know now), is that we all have an internal-decision-maker.  It’s called the heart.  Ok, maybe not the physical, blood pumping heart, but it’s the intuitive “heart” that can feel its way through situations.  The problem is we forget we have it because we have grown so accustomed to thinking our way through issues, we immediately try to do what is logical.  If you are like me, you may have found the logical route to be more than a bit rocky and instead downright miserable.

The work I do with clients is to help get them out of their heads and into their hearts.  Instead of thinking through the pros and cons of a situation, I want them to feel their way forward.  Our bodies are amazing and they can provide a lot of information about the decisions and choices we make on a daily basis.  I find that the ‘wrong’ choices (or at least not the best choice for me in the moment) feels restrictive to me.  My chest tightens and things just feel heavy overall.  However, when I make a choice from my heart and it is the ‘right’ choice, I feel expansive and an opening occurs in my chest.  I feel uplifted and light.  Those are my markers, but you may feel differently.  The key is tapping into your body every now and again (I suggest daily) to get to know the feelings that come up as you make your decisions.  It could help you immensely as you move forward along your path.

Now, I don’t believe in making ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ choices (even though sometimes it feels like there is one or the other).  I believe that every choice we make along our paths is an opportunity for growth, learning, and experience.  Whether you feel you have made the ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ decision, there is always an opportunity for you to move forward and make your dreams a reality.  Always.

But, in order to get there and enjoy it to the best of your ability, you must learn to tap into your intuitive heart and feel your way forward.  And that is why I have created something called Crossroad Coaching.  

Crossroad Coaching is for when you have those moments of uncertainty and you are unsure of which way to go.  You have a decision to make and are having trouble discerning what is best for you, right now.  That is where I come in.  I can help you tap into your intuitive heart and help you work out where the kinks might be, so you can feel good about your decision.  I want you to feel comfortable and confident in the decisions you make and I want you to step boldly into your future with the light, bright, and expansive feeling you have when you know everything is working out exactly as it should.  If you are interested in how Crossroad Coaching works, feel free to contact me and we can chat about your specific situation.

And should you find yourself questioning whether to follow your dreams now or later, take a look at this awesome video from Marie Forleo where she gives some insight to a reader who has a decision to make of her own.

Accessing The Expert Within

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If I have learned anything this past year, or more accurately in the past month or so, it is the importance of listening to your intuition and making decisions that are right for you.  I have far too often fallen into the trap of wanting to always make the right decision whether it is in my business, family life, or other more mundane tasks like buying the right products.

You see, something you may not know about me is that I was very much a Ms. Goodie Two Shoes when I was younger.  Growing up I would beam with confidence when I received my gold stars for a job well done.  If the teacher was looking for a volunteer, I had my hand raised faster than she could blink.  I aimed to please and I wanted nothing more than to receive an abundance of accolades from the people I looked up to.  It doesn’t sound all that bad right?  I mean after all, I was on honor roll more often than not and I did very well in school.  But the downside to it all is that my delicate confidence depended on what other people thought of me and my decisions.  (Imagine the turmoil that ensued when my mother found out I was not her straight-laced-heterosexual daughter, but instead I was her seemingly-straight-laced-gay daughter….(gasp!))

While I have managed to step out of my comfort zone and do things the non-traditional (sometimes very non-traditional) way, I realized about a month ago that I still had this habit of seeking advice, knowledge, and insight about what I should do because I wanted to do what was right.  I didn’t want to make a mistake.  I wanted to select the perfect logo, find the perfect business name, and set up the perfect website that would draw in clients from every corner of the world.

I wanted everything to be perfect and I wanted everyone to like my new business (and me).

But the problem was that every comment, opinion, thought, and insight created a battle inside me, a battle between my gut/intuition and the oh-so-wise thoughts of someone else.  It was a battle that left me feeling more confused than ever and it wasn’t until I received a series of particularly hurtful comments that I finally realized what the struggle was about.

The struggle inside myself was a struggle against my inner knowing….the expert within.  You see, when you set out to fulfill your life’s calling there is a feeling you get that doesn’t go away.  It’s the feeling you feel when you first figure out what you want to do and the same feeling that keeps you moving forward when things get tough.  It’s the voice that tells you that it’s going to be alright and you will have all the things you need to make it happen.  It’s the resonance you feel when you meet people on your path who are exactly who you needed to meet to move to the next step.

That feeling, that voice, that resonance…is YOU.  medium_10770581383

Over the years, I have tried to live in a way that pleased those I deemed “experts” in life and when I set out on my journey to create a new business, I started moving down a similar path until my inner expert reminded me that I will find my way and know what direction to go because it will simply feel right for me.  It may not be right for everyone and it certainly won’t be the same path someone else took to get there, but it is mine and my inner expert will guide me to where I need to be, and yours will too.

You don’t need someone to map out your plan for you.  You have a wealth of knowledge and wisdom within you that will guide you along the way and you will know you are on your right path because it will feel right…for you.

You may be asking yourself if we all have inner experts then why in the world would we hire a life coach or anyone else to help us???

The truth is sometimes your inner expert will guide you to a life coach or someone else to help you on your path because it’s what you need.  As a coach I never tell my clients what they should or shouldn’t do.  Instead, we discuss the challenges, concerns, and struggles that may be holding them back from moving forward and when they are ready to make a decision, I help them tap into their own inner expert so they know what is right for them.  I also hold them accountable along their journey so that pesky thing we know as fear doesn’t get in the way of their incredible potential.

Whatever decisions you have to make as this year comes to an end don’t question whether it is the right or wrong decision based on someone else’s opinion instead, tap into the expert within and know that he/she will not lead you astray.

You are wiser than you believe yourself to be!

photo credit: symphony of love via photopin cc

Authenticity and Intuition

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Everyone who sets out on a new path into a future that is unknown experiences bouts of fear, insecurity, excitement, and a variety of other feelings that come with the territory.  It’s normal.  It’s expected and it’s sometimes necessary to learn extremely important lessons.  Do you know how I know this?  Because I have had to learn some pretty big lessons in authenticity and intuition.

You see, when you start something new you might look around to others for their help and expertise in various decisions and choices you are making.  Being a newbie in whatever field you are in, it is often suggested to have a mentor to provide guidance and insight into what you are doing.  It’s also great to have a second eye on new projects or things that you are working on in order to help you grow your skill set.  It doesn’t matter what your dream might be, but if it’s new, there will likely be some growing pains along the way.

But, what happens when you begin outsourcing decisions and opinions to a degree that you lose faith in your own ability to choose what is right and wrong for you?  What happens when you lose the little bit of confidence you had to begin with?

What happens is you lose the connection with your intuition and your authentic self, which can be detrimental to dream and your wavering confidence.

But wait a minute Lamisha, didn’t you say that it’s okay to ask for help and assistance when we are reaching for our dreams and that we don’t have to do it alone???

Yes I did say that and I still stand by that statement, BUT it is also important to stay true to who you are and to stay connected to your intuition.  Advice, insight, and assistance are all fine and good, but when it doesn’t feel right and goes against who you are, take note.  Whatever the suggestion is might not be what is right for you in that moment.

I don’t expect my clients (or myself for that matter) to know everything there is to know in order to accomplish their dreams, but I encourage them to listen to their intuition and use it as guidance for the choices they make.  Does that mean that if a suggestion is scary they don’t do it?

Not necessarily.  It can take some work to learn to differentiate between fear and intuition, but once you figure it out, you can begin feeling your way to the future life of your dreams.

It also doesn’t mean you won’t ever have to experience challenging lessons along the way.  Sometimes our intuition will lead us to exactly what we need to learn and experience, so take it as a gift and a lesson.

I guess what I am saying is to trust yourself.  Believe in your dream and trust that the path will light up for you and the steps, advice, inspiration, and action steps on your path will come when they are meant to.  If it just doesn’t feel right and you feel like you are creating someone else’s idea of your dream, then that’s not for you.  Take a step back and remember what your dream is and set the intention on being open to the steps that will keep your dream authentic for you. We all have experienced those “gut feelings” now and again, so tap into your intuition and I assure you it won’t lead you astray.

Intention and Small Actions=Progress

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I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about how quickly things have happened in terms of my dream of becoming a life coach.  Just last night as I worked on getting my new Facebook page up and running, I remembered a time not too long ago when this was just a dream.  My coaching business was a thought, a hope, a desire that felt like it was off in the distance somewhere.  It wasn’t until I took the leap of faith, that it all became real.

In an instant.  universe

I have seen this phenomenon happen over and over again.  It seems that when we make a choice to do something and put even the smallest action into it, things seem to unfold almost magically.  The intention and thought have a way of creating a bit of momentum and even the smallest step adds just enough energy to allow everything to align and progress is made.  Add a little more action and the pieces continually fall into place.

Is this a formula for guaranteed success?  Not necessarily.  There are some things that require more intention, a bit more action, and what seems like a lot of momentum…while you are in it.  I can tell you there have been many times when I feel like I am standing still in terms of progress and then when I look back on it, I realize I have come much further than I realized.  Sometimes you just have to be easy about your dreams.

What I find interesting is how often we hear people talking about setting a goal, creating an action plan, working the action plan, working hard, etc. in order to reach your goals.  I think this method works for some people, but I find myself taking score of what I have yet to accomplish.  I am constantly looking at if I have arrived in order to move on and if I haven’t, I tend to get discouraged.

I find that setting an intention to do, be, or have something sets the energetic wheels in motion and when you follow your inspiration to the next step because it just feels right, there lies another opportunity for progress.  Continue to follow that feeling and you will find yourself much further than you ever thought you could be.

Sometimes you don’t need a step-by-step map of how to get to your dream.  With a vision, an open mind, and a little action, you can trust that your intuition and inspiration will lead you to the very next step.  And if you aren’t sure where to start, just take a tiny step and watch as your path is illuminated little-by-little.

What can you do today to get you to the very next step?  Share in the comments below, I would love to hear your intentions!

Decisions, Decisions Which Will You Choose?

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Everyday we are making hundreds of decisions.  Decisions about what time to wake up, what to wear, what to eat, where to go, how to get there etc.  Some decisions are not huge life-altering choices and are seemingly easier to make.  If I decide to wake up at 5 am as opposed to 5:30 am, I can make that choice rather easily.  When I decide what to eat for lunch, I simply ask myself, “What do I feel like eating?”, and if it is readily available, I will eat that.  Many times these daily decisions require little to no assistance from anyone but ourselves, giving us the freedom to follow our emotions, inspiration, and our own feelings to choose between choice A and choice B.

Then there are the other decisions.

You know, the ones that feel huge, life-altering, oh-my-goodness-I-hope-I-make-the-right-choice, kind of decisions.  Those decisions are much less easy-going and can create a lot of anxiety, frustration, and worry.  Decisions about what house to buy, what career to choose, or what partner is right for us.  These are the decisions we talk to our friends, parents, spouses, and co-workers about in order to ensure we are making the right decision and yet, even with the advice from so many people, we still question some of our choices.  steve_jobs_quotes

I guess you could say many of us believe that someone else knows more about us than we do.  Maybe they are more experienced, more educated, more successful, etc., and in our eyes, they know what is best for us.  The problem with always consulting someone else on major life decisions, we lose our sense of power and freedom.  When we believe someone else knows what is best for us more than we do, we are giving away our power to someone else and in turn can lose our confidence to make choices in the future.

How many of us made a choice for our careers based on someone else’s advice.  Maybe we thought that a certain field would be more profitable or we would be more successful in it, yet we always knew it wasn’t the best place for us.

The truth is some of us (me included) have been taught to believe that there is a right and a wrong decision in life, but there isn’t.  There are simply choices that will lead you down one path or another (or many).  There is no formula that you can use to determine which is right and which is wrong because it is different for every person. 

Bummer huh?

So, how do you know what is the right career path, product, partner, business decision, etc. for you?

The best way is to listen to your intuition.  You know that feeling in your gut that causes you to pick up the phone to call someone just as they were going to call you for something.  That’s the one.  It is also what I call leading with your inspiration.

When you follow the same principles for the big decisions as you do for the little ones, you learn to trust your intuition.  Did you consult with all of your friends and family members before you selected your breakfast this morning?  Probably not.  You most likely followed your intuition or inspiration for what you wanted to eat.

The same goes for making any other decision in life.  Sure, some of the bigger decisions may require some research etc., but if you can quiet your mind and get in touch with what you are feeling, you will be able to feel for the best decision for you.

In my coaching, I work with my clients to help them get more in tune with their inspiration.  I encourage them to follow what feels good to them and to listen to their internal compass (their emotions) to decide what is right for them. As they follow their intuition and lead with their inspiration, amazing opportunities and big shifts happen in what we are working on.

Are you interested in learning how to trust your intuition and follow your inspiration to finally live the life of your dreams? What to know more about how I can help you?  Visit my services page to see how I can help you make major moves toward your dreams.  What are you waiting for?  Send me an email at lamisha@lifeoncedreamt.com to schedule a FREE coaching call.