Lamisha Serf-Walls

The When/Then Manifesting Pitfall

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manifest

When you think of your happiness and what it takes for you to live a happy life, do you find that you mostly feel that way in the present?

Or, do you find yourself falling into what I call the When/Then Manifesting Pitfall.

We all know that when we want to create or manifest a specific thing (be it a career, money, a relationship etc.) it is because we think it will make us feel good.  We search for happiness and want certain things in our lives to feel fulfilled, worthy, and blissful.  But when we are in the process of creating or manifesting those things, we often find ourselves feeling antsy, uncomfortable, and impatient.

We might look around asking “Well where is it?”. 

And if you are like me you might be saying…“When I have the money/car/relationship/career/body I want…THEN I’ll be happy/grateful/fulfilled etc.”

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.

When you are in manifesting mode, you have to first know that it is coming and enjoy the process.

I have one too many times fallen into the habit of taking score of what I want and how long it takes to get here.  All the while I am missing all of the amazing things around me.  At times in my life I have been a conditional happy person, meaning under certain conditions I would be happy.  (Mostly when things were going really well.)

Falling into the When/Then Pitfall is so easy in our world.  We are constantly on the look out for the next thing to bring about joy that we miss the very thing in front of us that could make us happy now.  And the crazy thing is that in order to manifest what you want, you have to be happy first.

What the career of your dreams? Make peace with the job you have.

What more money? Be grateful for the money you have and enjoy where you are.

What a better relationship? Appreciate the positive aspects your partner brings to the table and simply be happy.

The best thing you can do when you are trying to manifest anything, is start by focusing on what brings you joy in all aspects of your life. 

Find your joy with the in-between time.  As the details are coming together and you haven’t yet reached the ultimate manifestation, know that it is coming and choose joy, happiness, and bliss now.  After all life is to be lived and enjoyed in the present as opposed to some arbitrary moment in the future.

Life is meant to be loved, enjoyed, and appreciated in the moment…always.  Don’t wait for the future to live the life of your dreams…start now with the little moments.

Your action step for the day is to be mindful of all the joy, happiness, and blissful moments you have right in front of you.  Notice them, appreciate them, and welcome them with open arms.  When you do that, I guarantee all those things you have been wanting to manifest will come that much quicker. 🙂

Are You In Danger of This? (And how not to sacrifice your happiness.)

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Danger

 

What if someone could tell you without a shadow of a doubt the way your future will likely unfold if you continue on the exact course you are on this very minute?

Would you be interested?

No, I’m not switching businesses and becoming a psychic 🙂

I ask you that because I know something that you might not be aware of and again I’m no psychic, but I have seen this enough to know that you might be in danger.

**********

Meet Joni* (Names have been changed for privacy sake.)

Joni is an incredibly talented entrepreneur.  She’s sweet, charismatic, caring, compassionate and people adore her!  She’s married to her soul mate, has a gorgeous home, and is blessed with creativity that flows like an open faucet.  Her business is booming and her calendar is booked out 9 months!

BUT…

She’s got a problem and it’s a BIG one.

She is having a hard time finding balance amongst all the awesomeness that is her life.

When she is in work mode, she’s hard-core.  She works long hours, stays up late, and often burns the candle at both ends.

When she manages to find time to focus on her ‘home’ life with her hubby, she is constantly trying to make up for lost time.

She’s lost on the teeter-totter of two extremes and no matter what she does she can’t quite find the happy medium.

The result:

She’s frustrated and cranky most days.  When she’s focused on her business, she worries about her relationship and the many things at home that feel half-assed or un-done.  When she’s at home, she worries about being at work. She thinks: “What if my clients need me?  What about the next deadline?  The next launch? Did I return all important emails?”

She’s stuck, overwhelmed, and feels guilty about not being where she needs to be and often feels like a failure.

She frequently discounts her successes or over looks them completely because she becomes hyper-focused on the things that aren’t working (aka not being able to find balance).

What on the outside looks like an awesome life, on the inside feels unbalanced and incomplete.  She frequently thinks that “if only” she could find the balance between her two very important worlds, she could finally ease into relaxation mode and actually enjoy the magnificent life she has created.

But without being able to see the core issue (which is not the lack of balance in her life), she is destined for a life of exhaustion, fear, frustration, and stuck-ness. She is blind to the belief that is holding her back because she is simply too close to see it.  What she thinks is a simple fix that centers around time management and taking a break every now and then is really just a symptom of a deeper issue.

She has a choice.  She can continue to try to treat the symptom (i.e. the lack of balance in her life) and experience the brief reprieve that it provides for her or she can choose to seek help.  And to be honest, she must first understand and be aware of the consequences of not clearing this issue.

Examples:

  • A stressed work life can result in physical illness
  • A stressed home life can result in relationship trouble
  • A stressed inner life can result in incredible fear, lack of confidence, self-sabotage, and even worse…an unhappy, unfulfilled life.

Getting to the end of her rope and being truly ready to move through this challenge once and for all, Joni reaches out for help.  She knows the magnificence that lies on the other side of this struggle and she’s ready to identify and clear the belief that is holding her hostage in exhaustion, fear, and frustration.

The question is are YOU?

happinessMany of you may be able to directly relate to the specific challenge or symptom that Joni has struggled with or you have your own issue that manifests itself in your life or business in your relationships, self-care, time management, procrastination, marketing (or lack thereof), or maybe it is something different.

The point is we all have that one thing that keeps showing up for us over and over again that leaves us feeling drained, frustrated, and just plain stuck.  There are some of you who are ready to throw in the towel and accept that ‘this is just the way life is’ and you may even believe ‘you just can’t have it all’.

But I am here to tell you, there IS a solution to your problem and it starts with this first step: You must first know the consequences of continuing on the path you are on and refuse to sacrifice the joy and fulfilling life you are destined for any longer.

That’s it.

Life is supposed to be amazing and you are meant to work through the lessons, beliefs, and challenges that hold us back from that incredible joy.  It is part of your journey, but you get to choose if you are ready to move forward and clear it and some of the biggest challenges are those we can’t see directly because we are simply too close.

With that I ask you:

What amazing-ness are you sacrificing by staying stuck? AND Are you ready to take the first step to free yourself from the struggle and frustration?

If so, I invite you to schedule a 30-Minute Consultation to chat with me about your challenges and to see if (like Joni) you are ready to clear them once and for all.  No strings attached.  So what do you say? Are you ready?

P.S. Don’t forget that the 7-Day Resolution Refresh challenge begins on Monday so if you are in need of some inspiration to get some of those amazing goals knocked off your to-do list, get signed up so you don’t miss a beat!

 

Dreamer Highlight: Eyoälha of Jump For Joy! Photo Project

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This week I wanted to take the time to highlight one very unique blog I follow.  I first found the Jump For Joy! Photo Project through one of Lilou Mace’s interviews and I was struck by the simple joy the founder Eyoälha is able to capture.  I chose her for this week’s Dreamer Highlight because she has taken something that brings her so much joy and turned it into an incredibly creative project that makes her happy.  She proves that following your dream can be as simple as just doing what you love.

What she is doing:  Eyoälha is “Showcasing the beauty of the human spirit – in mid-air – around the world!”  She has taken something she loves (photography) and turned in into a project that follows other creative, soulful, inspirational people doing great things in the world and capturing their joy on film to be used later in a book.  I love the fact that her photography not captures the joy of others, but also invokes joy in those that follow her work.  She brings joy with her in every photo she shares as she inspires others to find their own joy in life.

How she did it:  She simply took her vision, her camera, and her passion on the road.  She created a blog to share her journey as she travels all over the world to take pictures of inspirational people who are full of joy.  Some of you may be asking how she can support her vision and where she gets her resources.  Well, she has set up a page where people can donate air miles or money to her project.  (Where there is a vision and purpose, there is a way to make it happen…always).

Another thing I love about this project is that with each photo, newsletter, and jumper highlight she does, she is reminding us all to play a little more and to do what makes us happy.  She reminds us to bring back more of our playful nature we had as children and to enjoy this beautiful life we have been given.  And if you need a bit of inspiration to do so, check out her pictures and try your own jump session.  I have said it before and I will say it again…life is meant to be enjoyed and if you aren’t enjoying yourself, there are some changes to be made.

Check out her wonderfully playful project and ask yourself what you jump for.  Is it writing, dancing, singing, or something less creative?  Whatever it is, do more of it and follow your bliss.  And remember, if Eyoälha can live the life of her dreams with a camera and her vision, you can too.  Nothing is impossible!

 

Milking The (Happy) Moments

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I have been spending a lot of time in the last few weeks thinking about happiness and the components that make for a happy life.  I have also thought about the unique experiences we all have of what “happiness” means for us.  For some it may be a day full of productive activities while others view it as time spent with family, friends and what I have found is that happiness truly depends on one person alone and that is YOU.

We live in a society that often places emphasis on particular possessions, qualities, and other various things with the assumption that if only we had them we would finally be happy.  The flaw in this thought is that no matter what you have or how much money you have, happiness is not something you reach and maintain forever more.  The truth is that life happens and we have ups and downs.  We have good times and not so good times that are less than what we believe to be as “happy” and we find ourselves blaming circumstances or people for our change in how happy we are.  I am realizing that my happiness depends on me and it is something that not only takes practice, but it requires a certain amount of presence in order to maintain it.

For much of my life I wanted a life that would bring me love, a career with a purpose, and family and I thought once I had those things I would live “happily ever after”.  How many of us have wanted a life similar to that right? Some look for their knight on a white horse, while others are searching for a pile of money to take all their worries away.

I am guilty of that way of thinking too.  I have spent a good portion of my life looking toward a future event thinking that if only that happened then I would be happy only to find it didn’t exactly work out that way.  I am learning each and every day to not only live in the moment, but to milk the happy moments as much as possible.

Take this weekend for instance.  I had quite possibly one of the best weekends in a very long time.  We celebrated our son’s 3rd birthday with his friends at daycare, had a fun party for him, and enjoyed Easter festivities as a family.  My son laughed, smiled, and played all weekend while intermittently yelling “Birthday!” and singing “Happy Birthday” to himself.  The weather was perfect and I couldn’t have been more grateful.  I realized that while it was a special weekend for us, there was a lesson to be learned.

During one of the slower moments this weekend, I took our dogs out for a little walk and found myself looking at the world from a different view.  The clouds were gorgeous, the trees were swaying in the perfect breeze, and the sun was warm on my face.  I was at peace.  Complete and total peace.  For this moment, I didn’t have a care in the world.  My list of never ending “to do’s” didn’t exist and worries about work, finances, or whatever else we worry about on a day to day basis disappeared.  All I had in that moment was a full heart and an open and quiet mind.  I was living a moment of gratitude.  I gave a quiet thank you to the Universe for the moment, my son, and the beautiful weather we were having.  I admired my surroundings and took a deep breath and as I was moving back toward our house it hit me.  Every time we are feeling happy, joyful, grateful, loving, etc. we should take a moment to be fully in that moment.  Feel it with our entire being and milk it for what it’s worth.

I could have rushed to take the dogs for a walk without being aware of my beautiful surroundings.  I could have simply focused on what was next on our agenda in order to get it done, but then I would have not only missed this epiphany, but also an incredible connection to my happiness.  If I had skimmed over the moment as we sometimes do, I would have likely been so caught up in the activities we had scheduled that I would have missed a wonderful opportunity to give thanks, be grateful, and fully in tune with the moment.

This weekend changed my thoughts on happiness.  Not only do I truly understand the importance of being responsible for our own happiness, but I also value the importance of milking the happy moments for what they are.  For if we are constantly rushing from one moment to the next without truly experiencing what this moment has to offer us, we are going to allow our lives (happiness and all) to slip through our fingers.  And let’s face it, life is about living, loving, and learning on our journey, it is not a race to see who can make it to the end first.

If you don’t do so regularly, I challenge you to be more mindful of your happy moments this week and sit with those feelings for a while.  Milk your happy moments for all they are worth.

Training The Happy

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I began my day today noticing various aspects about the world, my son, and myself that put a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart.  My son is turning 3 this weekend and I am so grateful that he is healthy, vibrant, and quite the entertainer.  Life is good, I am loved, healthy, and in a good place.  It seemed that nothing could ruin my mood today and it was quite lovely.  Until…

Well that’s the thing, there wasn’t anything in particular that happened to dull the vibrant happy I was feeling, it just sort of wore off a bit.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t fall to the other end of the emotional spectrum and feel upset, angry, or sad.  I just wasn’t on the same cloud I was on earlier in the morning.  It got me wondering what happened and how can I get that feeling back?

Just before the happy seemed to fade I had written a poem/greeting card about happiness and the words spoke to me so much that I think I had my answer before the question was formed in my mind.  I realized the idea of “happiness” for many people (me included) stems primarily from a future point in time.  The good feeling comes with thinking of what is coming down the pike or what we are looking forward to.  I know I have always had a tendency to look into the future for the best things to come and incidentally I miss the good stuff that is all around me.  Not only that, but the good stuff around me doesn’t seem to compare to the future event that I have created in my mind.  And yet when that moment comes, I may feel happy it is here, but it is only momentarily until I am waiting for the next future moment to be happy about.

As I was pondering this thought, I realized the importance of not only being happy in the moment, but training the happy.

What is that?

Training the happy simply means doing things in the moment that remind you of the good stuff here and now.  Seeing the beauty around you and being grateful for it.  Finding the positive aspects of life in each and every situation.  Sure it may seem difficult at first, but the more you practice it, the more you train yourself to be happy now, the easier it is to let go of the idea that you will be happy when…whatever happens.  You can be happy now, you just have to train yourself to see the good.

So, as my jovial feeling was dulling, I began thinking of the things that make me happy and I wrote some of them down.  My son’s smile.  His laughter.  The silly things he says and how happy he is to see me when he gets home.  The fact that we found the cake he wanted for his birthday after thinking it wasn’t available.  The sunshine.

I then found my happy factor increasing and the positive thoughts multiplying in my head.  One thought led to another etc.  And while it may seem amazing in the moment, it’s no rocket science.  The process is simple.  Think of what makes you feel good and keep that going.  Sooner or later you will find yourself looking for the good feelings on a regular basis and your happy mood will be the new normal for right now.  And when the future moment comes that knocks your happy socks off, you will savor it fully in the moment and the next because you know there are many happy moments to be celebrated.

So, the next time you find yourself feeling less than joyful, use it as an opportunity to train your happy.  In fact don’t wait for that moment.  Start right now!  Make a list of 20 positive aspects about you, your life, your surroundings, your job, your spouse, etc., and watch your happy factor multiply.

What else do you do to increase your happy?