Lamisha Serf-Walls

The Big, Ugly, Green-Eyed Monster

by

We have all had this experience at one time or another right?  You have an amazing dream, you work hard for it, you have a passion that runs deep, yet you keep running up against brick walls and speed bumps.  And then as you open your Facebook page to drown your sorrows in some mindless news feed scrolling, you see the amazing things everyone else is doing. (What?!)

You see business posts about how someone just made a bajillion dollars within their very first day of launching a new program.  Someone else just had a baby and is now rockin’ a beach body with 6-pack abs and don’t get me started on the other people taking amazing vacations, getting job promotions, and landing free tickets to their favorite show.  All the while you feel like pulling your hair out because you can’t get your website to look right, your clients won’t call you back, and your dog just puked on the rug.  (Insert a string of expletives here.)

You wonder how it can be so easy for everyone else and not for you.  You question what you are doing wrong and as shallow as it might sound, you want what they have…and you want it yesterday!

Can I tell you a secret?envy

You are not alone.  Everyone has had their own experience with the big, ugly, green-eyed monster, especially when things feel like they are taking a turn for the worst. I’ve been there and the reason I am writing this post now, is because I found my own green-eyed monster poking it’s ugly head out a bit recently and I don’t like it.

Step one in dealing with the monster is recognizing it.  Step two is realizing that everyone has their own version and you are not alone.  Step three, dismantle it.

But how?

I think we all know that the face we put on Facebook and other social media platforms isn’t always 100% accurate right?  I mean, sure people post their best statuses and best pictures during times when things are going well, but that doesn’t accurately depict what is really going on in their lives.  And even if their lives are all shiny diamonds and gorgeous rainbows, there really is no reason to compare.

Take your big dream for example.  It’s YOURS.  It’s unique, exciting, and dipped in all your amazing-ness because it is your dream, not someone elses.  Their path to success isn’t going to be the same for you and let’s be honest, how they define success might not be the same either.  For one person success is being able to live a minimalist lifestyle with their family at home while another is being able to travel the world on a whim.  Your dreams, your goals, your success, are all yours.  You get to dictate what it looks like, how it feels, and what that means to you.

That sounds all fine and good but when it feels like things are going nowhere and your dreams have grown stagnant, their lives sound really good.  So what about that?

In my own experience (just this past week), I have had to identify where the green-eyed monster was coming from.  Is it really about what they have or is it a lack that you feel regardless of the comparison?  Is it because they are so much further than you or are you worrying about something that has yet to come?

Understanding the core issue to envy is key, but it can be hard to pinpoint especially when you are in the throes of it.  Here are a few things to remember when dealing with your own big, ugly, green-eyed monster:

  • “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt – This is by far one of my favorite quotes because it is so true.  We don’t know much about what other people have going on or what it took for them to get to where they are today.  It isn’t fair to you and your dreams to compare your progress, journey, or pain point to someone else.  Be easy with yourself and trust that things are working out exactly as they should.
  • Bring yourself back to this moment.- Every time we focus on a future (or past) moment in time, we are not allowing ourselves to truly be in this moment.  Envy is the same.  When we are looking at what others have and we don’t or when we are wishing, wanting, and desiring to be anywhere other than where we are, there is opportunity for a disconnect.  But, when we are in this moment and can accept it just as it is, then there is no comparison or room for envy.
  • Trust– A big part of making your dreams become a reality comes down to trust.  Trusting your intuition, your gift, and your path and reminding yourself that you will have all the things you need to make your dreams come true in due time.  There may be lessons to learn, people to meet, or opportunities to accept that will lead you to the very next step and being envious how it worked out for someone else is a waste of energy.  Trust the process.
  • Celebrate the success of others– I understand sometimes the last thing you want to do is celebrate the success of another especially when you are struggling with your own dreams, but what if seeing the success of others is somehow letting you know that not only is success possible, but that yours is on the horizon.  What if that could provide a bit of inspiration instead of envy for you to keep going?  Wouldn’t that be something?  Instead of wallowing in the world of envy, you could be congratulating and celebrating with others as you trust that your own success will come when the time is right.

We have all experienced our own version of the green-eyed monster, so if you find yourself feeling a bit envious, just be easy with yourself.  Your time will come and your journey will be amazing, in its own way.  For now, just relax, regroup, trust the process, and remember why your dream is so important to begin with.  And if all else fails, stay off of social media sites, chances are you could use a little unplugged time anyways.

**February is the month for love or it could be your month to get started on your big dreams.  Sign up for my newsletter to be added to my VIP list so you are the first to find out about free calls and new group coaching I will be launching very soon.  And if you have been thinking about leaping into the life of your dreams and want some help on your journey, contact me to schedule a consultation.  I would love to find out more about how I can help you make 2014 your best year yet!**

When OTHER Things Come First…

by

I have been working on this post for quite a while now and it seems the more I wait to post it, the more inspiration I have to do so.

In working with a client a few weeks ago, we had a conversation about why our dreams take the backseat to more pressing things.  I realized in that moment I too had been putting off many things that would progress my dreams for one reason or another and then it hit me.

Even when we have the inspiration to dive head first into creating the life of our dreams, LIFE still happens.

There are deadlines, work stuff, family stuff, and in general other stuff that seems so much more important in the moment.  Those things take our attention, focus, and energy and leave little for us to use for the things that truly matter to us.  The things we are meant to do and truly love doing.

It puts us in a quandary of sorts.busy

We make excuses as to why we can’t get started on our book or do research for our business.  We make a laundry list of reasons why we simply don’t have the time or the money to give to that thing that we really want and need to.  Laundry, cleaning the house, fixing the car, going to work, taking the kids to soccer, basketball, and ballet all come first.  We argue with ourselves about how selfish it is to think that we should take time away from our children, our jobs, our spouses, our responsibilities to do what we want to do, but is it really a selfish act?

We have to ask ourselves if following our hearts and making room for the things that bring us joy is selfish.  Is it really?  Maybe in the world we are living in it is and what an unhappy place that is.  A place that makes us feel bad for doing something we enjoy and presses upon us the need to serve others and make other people happy while sacrificing our own.

Before I head down a rabbit hole of how terrible the world can be, let me stop and say that I don’t believe our choice lies between selfish and selfless living.  Nor is it a question of doing one thing over the other.  I suggest a compromise.  A meeting and melding of two worlds that creates a necessary balance between selfish and selfless acts.  A space where needs are met and dreams are lived.

Are you with me?

What I propose is simple.  So simple you may even wonder why you didn’t implement it long ago.  That simple step is this.

Instead of diving into your day checking off items on your to-do list and rushing to and fro, why not set a sacred space for your dream?

Call it the Dream Hour or Selfish Session or something a bit more personal ( and catchy).  It doesn’t matter what you call it, what matters is what you do with that time.

Set a specific amount of time each day at the beginning of your day to give to your dream.  You don’t have to operate using lists and an agenda either.  Simply show up for a set amount of time and commit that time to making progress on your dream.  If it’s writing, then write or read what you have written.  Are you a singer?  Then sing your song or listen to inspiring artists.

Make your dreams, your purpose, your passions a priority in your life, otherwise they will always end up being an afterthought in your long, busy day.  

Your dreams deserve the space to thrive, so what difference does 30-60 minutes a day make when you are creating a life that you love?  If you are like many, you might even spend more time than that on social media sites.

Don’t wait for the New Year to get started either, start today.  I promise you won’t be sorry you did.

When Is The Perfect Time???

by

How many times do you find yourself waiting, planning, scheming, and trying to get everything just right before you move forward with a big goal?  Something like moving or changing jobs can require a bit of planning in order to do it without a lot of unnecessary stress, but when it comes to your dreams, when is the perfect time to get started?

It has been my experience that there isn’t a specific moment when the clouds part, the sun is shining, and you just know that everything is perfect.  Let’s face it, perfect is word that tends to cause us to procrastinate on the things we want most in life because we want it to be just right.  And my perfect may not be the same as yours and I would bet that your perfect may not even be all that realistic right?

What I am really talking about here is how you know when it’s time to move forward and take that leap you have dreaming of.  For me, it took some visualization, excitement, and inspiration I gained by watching others take that big scary leap.  It was then that I realized the perfect time I was waiting for was just a ploy for me to, well keep dreaming.  In the dream phase my goal was beautiful, exciting, but not quite real.  I mean, I wanted it, but it was more of a figment of my imagination than it was something I could accomplish.  When I put the perfection aside and took the leap, I had more inspiration than I knew what to do with and it seemed that things were coming together by my not waiting for the perfect moment.

How could it be?

How could it all come together in the most organic, unplanned, yet almost magical way?medium_10799618335

It came together because I always had the potential to accomplish my dreams and one day I just decided to take that first step.  I didn’t have to know the whole dance, hell I still don’t know the whole dance, but I’m learning more and more each day.  I guarantee you will too.

You see, that perfect time you are waiting for is now. Today. Or Tomorrow.  Or whenever you choose for it to be.  It’s not about getting specific things lined up so you can take that first step.  It’s about taking the first step and trusting that the rest will fall in line.

It’s about believing in yourself and allowing your path to be guided by the magical intuition you have been gifted with because it will always lead the way if you listen.

Do you hear it now?  What is it saying?

Whether you make today, tomorrow, or next week your “perfect time”, you will be right because you get to choose.  The question is why wait?

Things are getting busier with the holidays creeping up, but if you are ready to take the leap into your dreams I am ready to help you get to where you are going.  Send me an email at lamisha@lifeoncedreamt.com to get more info or to sign up for your free session today. 

photo credit: symphony of love via photopin cc

Intention and Small Actions=Progress

by

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about how quickly things have happened in terms of my dream of becoming a life coach.  Just last night as I worked on getting my new Facebook page up and running, I remembered a time not too long ago when this was just a dream.  My coaching business was a thought, a hope, a desire that felt like it was off in the distance somewhere.  It wasn’t until I took the leap of faith, that it all became real.

In an instant.  universe

I have seen this phenomenon happen over and over again.  It seems that when we make a choice to do something and put even the smallest action into it, things seem to unfold almost magically.  The intention and thought have a way of creating a bit of momentum and even the smallest step adds just enough energy to allow everything to align and progress is made.  Add a little more action and the pieces continually fall into place.

Is this a formula for guaranteed success?  Not necessarily.  There are some things that require more intention, a bit more action, and what seems like a lot of momentum…while you are in it.  I can tell you there have been many times when I feel like I am standing still in terms of progress and then when I look back on it, I realize I have come much further than I realized.  Sometimes you just have to be easy about your dreams.

What I find interesting is how often we hear people talking about setting a goal, creating an action plan, working the action plan, working hard, etc. in order to reach your goals.  I think this method works for some people, but I find myself taking score of what I have yet to accomplish.  I am constantly looking at if I have arrived in order to move on and if I haven’t, I tend to get discouraged.

I find that setting an intention to do, be, or have something sets the energetic wheels in motion and when you follow your inspiration to the next step because it just feels right, there lies another opportunity for progress.  Continue to follow that feeling and you will find yourself much further than you ever thought you could be.

Sometimes you don’t need a step-by-step map of how to get to your dream.  With a vision, an open mind, and a little action, you can trust that your intuition and inspiration will lead you to the very next step.  And if you aren’t sure where to start, just take a tiny step and watch as your path is illuminated little-by-little.

What can you do today to get you to the very next step?  Share in the comments below, I would love to hear your intentions!

From Faith To Fear And Back Again

by

I know I typically begin the week with either my Inspiration Round-up or Dreamer Highlight, but in light of keeping it real with you lovely readers, I decided to start the week this post instead.  It is something I have been dealing with in the past few weeks and I am sure many of you have (or will) go through it as well.

I spent most of June and July imagining, envisioning, and creating my coaching framework as well as figuring out how I would present the information to potential clients.  The process was very easy-going and high-flying as everything was so exciting.  I didn’t feel a sense of urgency to get things completed by a certain date because I was simply following my inspiration to the very next step.  I had this intuitive knowing that August 1st would be when I open practice up to take new clients.  I had an idea that once I did, clients would come to me and would immediately want to get started.  I even went so far as to set a goal for how many new clients I wanted to book by the end of the month.

We are halfway through the month and I am not anywhere near my goal.  Fear

Bummer.

Actually it hit me much harder than just a “bummer” moment.  In fact, I have found myself deep in the throes of doubtful thinking, fear, and disbelief. My self-talk was running rampant as I condescendingly asked myself “How could you actually believe it would take off so easily?”

This was an admittedly ugly place to be for sure.

As I began moving through the muck of self-doubt, I realized I had allowed fear to take the place of the light, easy-going faith I had as I created my coaching model seemingly effortlessly.  Through that process I kept reassuring myself (read my Ego) that I didn’t have to have it mapped out as to how, when, and who would want to work with me.  I just knew that as long as I do what I love and stay true to myself the people who are meant to work with me will.

While I might have doubted how quickly I would book clients, I never once questioned that life coaching is what I am meant to do.

This weekend I did some thinking about my client goal for this month and couldn’t help but wonder if I had made a mistake by having a number I wanted to hit for the month.  Instead of focusing on writing blog posts, working with my current awesome clients, and creating resources for my readers, I found myself keeping score of how many clients I had (or didn’t have).  And while we are taught in the traditional/logical business world to set goals, map out a plan, and execute, I am beginning to see that might not be the best tactic for me.  My philosophy does center around following my inspiration and the general goal setting is not all that inspirational for me.

So, I am happy to say I have moved through the muck and am moving back into trusting this process.  I honestly believe and know that if you do what you love, the rest will fall into place, so that is exactly what I plan on doing.

In the past two weeks I have moved from a place of faith in the process to fear and back again and I must say it feels so much better.

Do I think I will always be high-flying and trust the process?  Probably not, but I now know it is not where I have to stay.  I can allow my Ego to have her say before I kindly tell her to relax and trust the process.  And what is even better than that?  I can use my personal experience to help my clients who may be struggling with the same thing.

Where do you have doubts in your life?  I am interested to know how you deal with your own doubts, please feel free to share below!