Lamisha Serf-Walls

Follow The Joy

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Last month I read a post from Jess Lively that really inspired me.  I put the thought into my mental memory bank for later retrieval and after the last two days of my day job I was reminded of this post about a concept of “pretiring”.  Check out her post here.

Jess discusses how she plans to give herself permission each day to do things that she enjoys and to follow her heart to what feels good.  My initial thought was…”you can do that?”.  As I thought about it more, it made so much sense to me.  How different would your world look if you followed your intuition/gut/spidey senses and did the things that made you feel good even just a little bit.  I am a realistic person much more than I like to admit, and the reality for me is that I have a family to help support and I can’t just up and quit my day job to follow my heart.  But I can begin feeling out my writing gigs and only responding to the ones the resonate with me.  I can only write the things that feel natural and organic, and not try to fit into any one box.  The truth is, I don’t belong in a box, I like to wear far too many hats to sit in one place for too long.

I have been inspired to begin doing more things that feel right as opposed to the things I feel I should do, although there are many shoulds that I can’t get away from.  (I should get up for work to pay the bills until my side gigs turn into something that can support myself and my family etc. )

I have read a lot about following your heart and fulfilling your life purpose and from what others are saying, the more you do that authentically, the more you will see opportunities come into focus and you allow your path to unfold for you.  It is at this point that your life’s work doesn’t feel like work, it feels like joy.  So, I am doing just that.  Doing the things that feel good and bring me joy.  What a concept right?

**Disclaimer** Do not be fooled by fear.  Fear has a funny way of making something feel wrong when really it is just trying to limit what you are doing. I too have to be careful when fear comes around because I often mistake it for my gut telling me that something isn’t right, when in actuality it is trying to keep me where I am.  Use your judgement and feel how fear feels for yourself.  It may be different for everyone, but I urge you not to let a fear of failure to stop you from moving towards your dreams.

So, what if you did more of what feels right to you and followed your joy more?  What would your life look like?  I am sure it would look (and feel) much different from how it does now.  I invite you to do something each day that inspires you, excites you, and lights the flame of desire for your dreams.  The more you do, the more you will find to be excited about.  I’d love to hear what you plan on doing more of!

Don’t Forget To Dream

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In the last month or so I have spoken to two friends that I have known for several years.  Both are a bit older than myself and find that they have reached a point in life that they need a change.  After talking to them and asking them questions about why they feel the way they do, I came to the conclusion that they have lost the ability to dream.

I asked one of my friends the question I have asked many people regarding if money were not an issue what would she want to do, and I was astounded at her response.  She didn’t know.  She had no way of identifying what brings her joy or what she would want to do next in life.  A few weeks later, I was talking to my other friend and the conversation went in the same direction.  This friend even asked me “Am I too old to dream?” After telling her “Of course not, you are never too old to dream.”, she confided in me she didn’t know how to dream.  She had always been focused on getting by and simply making it to the next day, that she never allowed herself to think too far into the future.  While I believe living in the moment is a beautiful thing, dreaming is what makes life magical. 

I fear that many people in the world have lost their ability to dream at some point or another as they are overcome by their current reality.  Their current state of being has overpowered their ability to be open to possibilities and limited their ability to see the world through a child’s eyes again.  A world where there are no restrictions, no boundaries, and nothing stopping you from dreaming of the best life possible.  Sometimes we grow up knowing that bills have to be paid and so we must work and are often told to get our head out of the clouds and come back to reality.  If you ask me, losing the ability to dream is one of the most detrimental parts of being an adult.

The good news is that you can begin to dream again.  Just as I told both of my friends, just because you lose sight of it for a while, doesn’t mean it’s gone forever.  You simply have to flex your imagination and begin to see the world differently.  For some people dreaming doesn’t have to be winning the lottery or striking it rich somehow.  For many, dreaming means doing work that they love, making a difference in the lives of others, and simply being the best person they can be.  And if you have lost your ability to dream, you might wonder where to begin.

My first suggestion is to begin seeing the magic that is already around you, some of which you may be overlooking.  Keep a little notebook of magical moments and write them down as you experience them.  Maybe you want to keep a gratitude or beauty journal where you write down all the things you observe that strike you as beautiful or list items everyday that you are grateful for.  The key is to get out of your head and into the world.  Become an observer of your surroundings and look at the world through different eyes.  Enjoy the twinkling Christmas lights, notice the beautiful colors of the sunrise or the sunset at night, enjoy looking up at the stars at night and feel the abundant magic that lies within all of these things.  The more you begin to notice the magic of everyday life, the easier it will be for you to believe that you can employ that same magic in your own life.

The more you notice the magic around you, the more you will begin to feel the joy that comes with it.  The appreciation for the things, people, circumstances, and brilliance that are already around you.  Use that joy to begin thinking of other things that bring you joy and write it down.  In your perfect world what does happiness look like for you?  Describe it, feel it, taste it, smell it, and see it.  That is what dreams are made of.  They are magical visualizations full of vibrant feelings that employ all of your senses.  Dreams light the fire inside you to move forward and to not only believe your dream is possible, but to know it is.  Sure it might seem crazy to someone else, but this is your dream.  Dream it, feel it, and then go out and get it.

Life isn’t meant to be difficult.  Sure there are times when we all struggle with certain circumstances in life, but I truly believe life is meant to be enjoyed.  So find your joy again.  Find it, feel it, and keep it.  And as you venture through your day, and make your plans for 2013, don’t forget to dream!

Expect The Unexpected

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Whenever I have heard the phrase “Expect the Unexpected”, it has always been in a negative way, meaning always be prepared for the worst.  For many years I lived waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop and when things in life got too good, I became leery.  Looking around every corner for the disaster to hit and by golly each time I looked for it, it showed up!  Lately, I have begun thinking of the unexpected as gifts of wonder, beauty, and generally more positive opportunities and experiences.

 

Today, “Expect the Unexpected” leaves me wondering what wonderful blessings are lurking around the corner and it gets me excited about life.  What a great feeling that is!

My transition from expecting negative to expecting positive didn’t happen overnight.  It was a gradual progression that happened over many years.  It actually came because I realized that every time I started expecting a disaster, one would appear, yet on the off-chance I was excited about life and excited for a new opportunity to reveal itself, an opportunity would also pop up.  After years of trial and error (unbeknownst to me), I realized what I expect, I get (to some degree).

Over the last month, I have been opening my eyes and my heart to whatever opportunities may come.  I have thought this thought even in times of uncertainty, and decided that whatever happens I will accept the opportunity and be open to it.  I will accept it with open arms and be grateful for I know there is a reason for it in my life right now, even if I don’t know the why.  Last week I wrote about getting over my self-doubt and moving from psyching myself out, to psyching myself up about a potential writing opportunity and at that point I decided I was going to do my best and if it worked out I would be grateful, and if it didn’t, I would still be grateful yet remain open for whatever new opportunities may come.  What I didn’t know was how quickly that opportunity would appear.  While I am still waiting to hear back from the first writing opportunity, I am currently working on another one!

Life never ceases to amaze me.

If you know me, you know that when I get my heart set on something it is often hard for me to let it go and I often find myself disappointed when it doesn’t work out as I had envisioned it to be, but this time I tried something different.  I decided that I am going to be open to what comes and let go of my control a bit more and have faith.  Faith that I am on the right path that will lead me to my dreams.  Trust in myself and confidence in my gifts.  And with a grateful heart and an open mind, I am sure to have many more wonderful opportunities come about.  That is not to say I should become complacent because we all know that action is part of making your dreams a reality.  But instead of dreaming and then worrying about the how, when, why, etc., I am going to dream and allow it to fly.  I am going to do what I can, and then trust that if it is meant to be, it will be.

I am learning that sometimes when the other shoe drops it’s a good thing. Sometimes it is exactly what you needed, and that proverbial shoe just might be a piece of your dream puzzle.  So be open and expect the unexpected and when the unexpected comes, no matter what form it may be, be grateful, for you never know where it may lead.

From Psych-Out to Psych-Up

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There are many times in life when you have to simply ignore the anxious ramblings in your head that ask you if you are good enough, strong enough, smart enough, ______(fill in the blank) enough and like Nike says “Just Do It”.  Get rid of the negative self-talk, and the voice in your head that says you aren’t enough in whatever capacity and do what scares you anyways.  If you psych yourself out and you get cold feet and walk away simply because you are afraid, you will never know what the outcome could have been.  Simply put, if you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

 

As a writer most writing gigs don’t fall from the sky (I wish they did), but instead you must do your research, submit query letters, and apply, apply, apply, that is if you want to get paid.  And this writer despite the joy I get from writing this blog, would like to have more paid writing opportunities to add to my publishing portfolio.  So, I apply and most days after applying, I wait only to find that if you aren’t chosen for the gig, you never hear from the person ever again.  Sometimes that is better than hearing a flat-out no, but I guess that depends who you ask.  But, on the off-chance I get a response and they are asking for more information like I did this weekend, I begin to psych myself out, especially if it is something even the slightest bit out of my comfort zone.

The voice in my head begins its rambling of panic asking if I am good enough, and goodness forbid they ask me for a sample piece, then my mental chatter goes into overtime.  ‘Can I do this?’ ‘What if it isn’t good enough?’ ‘What if they say no?’  To which I respond sometimes, but psyching myself out entirely and end up not getting the gig.

Not this time!

I applied for a gig that I thought would be fun and interesting.  I genuinely want the gig, and it’s paid! (win-win all around)  It is something I knew I could do before applying, so why am I questioning it now?  Because that is how I work sometimes, not a good way to work, but the way I work none the less.  The difference is that instead of psyching myself out, I am psyching myself up.  I am going to write the sample, and give it my all because I know I can do it.  Not in a cocky, I am better than you kind of way, but the type of knowing that stands out as courageous confidence.  This writing gig is small, but if I want to fulfill my dream of being a published writer in various genres and eventually publish a book, this is a good step in that direction.

I am moving out of my head and into my heart.  The heart that knows that I can do this. The heart that has the confidence, the joy, and the courage to do something different even if it scares me a little, and in spite of the potential rejection, I am going to continue to move forward applying for other writing gigs that may scare me.  And if the chips fall and I am not selected for this particular writing gig, then it just wasn’t meant to be, and there will be another one (or two or three) out there for me and I look forward to those as well.

Moving forward confidently and courageously toward my dreams without all the negative mental chatter.

 

For Love or Money

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I have thought a lot about satisfaction in the workplace in recent years and can’t help but wonder how many people are actually doing work that they love?  My guess is not too many.

For many years I have surveyed (for my own interest) different people who I have worked with and asked them how happy they are in their job.  Most of them look at me quizzically, not understanding the question.  It seems a large portion of our population has succumbed to the thought that the work that you do is just that…work.  Work is not meant to be enjoyed, not meant to be fun, and is simply a means to an end.  The end being paying bills, saving for retirement, and taking care of everyday expenses etc.  And even though I just recently (in the last 2 years or so), have come to the realization regarding the work I am meant to do, the idea that work is just work has never been something that sat well with me.  In fact I realize now, all the time I had been asking different people if they enjoyed their work, I was trying to figure out how they got there.  The challenge is that I never found one person that said, “Yes, I love this!”  That is not to say those people aren’t out there, I am sure there are many people who enjoy their work, I just haven’t spoken to them.

 
I understand for the most part why a lot of people aren’t doing work that they love.  It stems partially from the society that we live in that requires us to make a decision in our college years to determine what we want to do for the rest of our lives.  The reality is that what we choose during college doesn’t always translate into work after college(says the writer who has a Bachelors in Exercise Science and a Masters in Psychology, but isn’t doing either of those things and is looking for a new career).  For instance, I had an interest in fitness, but didn’t know where I wanted to go with it after college.  By the time I realized it probably wasn’t something I would enjoy for the long haul, I already had too many credit hours to switch to something else, and I didn’t even know what I wanted to switch to.  I wanted/needed to graduate so I stuck with the fitness degree.  Fast forward a few years and you would find me enrolling in a Masters program for Psychology with an idea of helping people.  Still unsure of the path I would take, I finished the degree and finally (a few years after that) found my calling.  I was meant to be a life coach.

I think another reason many people don’t follow their dream career is because sometimes dreams don’t seem “practical”.  I had a friend in college who was (and still is) a wonderful artist.  She was accepted into a prestigious art program not far from her home and because her mother didn’t think that art could pay the bills, she was forced into a career in business and finance, a far cry from the creative outlet she was looking for.

I have often thought about the conundrum of doing work for love or for money and wondered how many people have ever really thought about the work that they do.  Most people probably do their work for the income it brings in, even if it isn’t as much as they would like to make from it.  In an economy that still seems unsteady, it seems irresponsible, frivolous, and some may say just plain stupid to give up a “sure thing” job to dive head first into a dream that you may never achieve.  I beg to differ.  While I am absolutely a numbers gal and can be very practical when it comes to money and finances, I am also a dreamer, creator, and artist.

I was meant to do work that I love.

Looking back I now realize a part of me has always pushed me into work that I love be it choreography, being a dance teacher and coach, but most of all talking to people and motivating them to do the things they love.  I have always been doing this, only now am I seeing it from the stand point of a career.  A career that would make me excited to get up everyday.  Something that would allow me to help others and to push people to realize their dreams and have the courage to achieve them.  For me it hasn’t ever been about money.  I have taken “jobs” just because I need to pay the bills, but I have a bigger vision in mind.  I want to do the work that makes my heart sing.  For me it’s more about the love of what I do than the money I make doing it.  Sure, I have bills to pay, retirement to save for, and a family to help support, but I know that if I am doing the work that I love, it will all work out.  It won’t happen magically in a year or two and it will take some hard work, financial planning, and dedication to my career, but if I can do work that I love, it is icing on the cake.

So let me ask you this…do you do what you do for love or for money?  And if it isn’t for love, can you do what you love as a career?  It might require a bit of outside the box thinking, but I am sure there is a way.