Lamisha Serf-Walls

Letting Go Of The “How”

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Yesterday I set the date for action on writing my first children’s book.  I was excited, a little anxious, but mostly excited.  The words were forming in my head and if it weren’t for my day job, I would have immediately grabbed a pen and paper and started writing.  One of you wonderful readers called me brave for setting the date and I hadn’t even written one word yet.  I was feeling far beyond optimistic.  I had decided my dream would come true and nothing was going to stop me until….

I started wondering (more like worrying) about the “how”.  How am I going to get this writing contract by the end of the year when I didn’t know the first thing about getting a book published?  Do I need an agent or can I just send my proposal and manuscript on my own?  Where do I find the right publishers?  How long will it take?

The questions just wouldn’t stop and as I started researching the “how”, I became frozen in fear.  There were so many websites saying how hard it is to get a book published let alone a children’s book, and how long the process takes.  The rejections will come flying in or you won’t hear anything at all.  As I read all I kept feeling was my dream slowly deflating.  I wish I could say I was easily able to brush it off and find my positive place again, but I can’t.  Instead I fell into a fog of disappointment and fear that carried over to this morning.

I woke up feeling uneasy, overwhelmed, and just off.  I couldn’t put my finger on it but as soon as I began writing this post the fog began to lift.  I then remembered this…I don’t have to know the “how” right this second.  I don’t have to figure it all out right now.  If I can float on my excitement and creativity and keep my dream alive, the Universe will conspire to help me.  With a positive attitude I will be led to the path that is right for me and while so many naysayers (online at least) have stated the difficult road that lies ahead, I am choosing to believe it doesn’t have to be that way.  Just as easily as so many other pieces in my life have fallen into place, this will too one way or another.

I don’t have to know the “how” in order to believe it is possible.  In fact, no knowing the “how” makes it that much more exciting.

Profound Inspiration On Authenticity

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The world we live in can often times make us feel like we have to play a specific role in order to “fit in”.  For misfits like myself it can become a tireless task to be accepted by all groups and to attempt to be like everyone else when deep down we know, we are just us.  Many of us are taught from a young age to merely exist and blend in with those around us.  Sure we want to be successful but at what cost?  The cost of our individuality?

There are many things that connect us as human beings, but a vast number of things that make us unique as well and those things are what make this life experience so amazing. (In my humble opinion.)  The fact that we all have our own experiences, opinions, decisions, and choices in this life make it the huge melting pot that it is, yet many people can’t seem to understand that “different” doesn’t necessarily mean “bad”.  And so, many of us strive to live the lives we think we should when really our authentic selves are waiting to come to the surface.  For some it can take an entire lifetime of working hard to fit in, only to realize they were really meant to stand out and follow their heart’s desires all along.  Others realize it much sooner, but still live half of their lives ignoring and denying who they truly are on the inside.

These last few weeks I have been doing a lot of thinking about authentic living.  I have had times in my life where I felt like I needed to fit in and have since begun what feels like a huge transition into living truly and authentically from my heart, and part of that authentic living means accomplishing my less than normal dreams.  And as I have begun sorting through my own beliefs on what is normal and what isn’t, I stumbled across some profoundly inspiring information/quotes that I want to share with you.

In the January 2013 issue of The Oprah Magazine, Oprah interviewed spiritual teacher Carolyn Myss about discovering happiness and finding our true path in this life.  One of the questions Carolyn was asked was why are people so confused about what they are meant to do in this life and her response resonated with me to my core.

“Because they define their life by what they want versus what they have.”

Wow…how many of us can think of a time when we have found ourselves unhappy due to not having something in particular?  What if we all took stock of what we have and live from a space of gratitude for those things instead of trying to keep up with society and what they dictate is enough?  I don’t think our lives should be defined by our possessions or the things we want to have, but more by who we are…our true, authentic selves.

The interview goes on to discuss life purpose and how many people find achieving their dreams and goals as a difficult thing.  They often find they are met with resistance and struggle.

“People suffer when they pursue a life or chase a dream that doesn’t belong to them.”

I had to stop for a moment and really absorb what this statement suggests.  If we are traveling a path that is not ours, meaning we are trying to live a life that is not authentic for us, then we are likely to be met with resistance, frustration, and challenge.  That is not to suggest that achieving our own dreams won’t have its own struggles and life lessons, but there will likely be a distinct difference in how those challenges feel.  The key is realizing when you are operating from your true self and when you are attempting to achieve a goal simply for the way it looks on the outside.  Are you achieving your dreams because it is your soul’s purpose or are you doing it for other reasons?

So, how do we find our life purpose?  By that I mean our true, authentic path that we are meant to travel in this lifetime.  What if you don’t know where to start?  Carolyn suggests:

“Have no judgments about your life.  No expectations.  Give up the need to know what happens tomorrow.  Just be fully present and appreciate all that is in your life right now.” 

Again, I don’t think she suggests sitting around and waiting for life to happen for you, but instead to be fully present with where you are right now and to listen.  Listen to your inner voice, your joy, and your passion.  It is likely you haven’t heard what it is trying to say if you have been attempting to live a life that isn’t yours.  Enjoy this moment, be grateful for it, and listen to what comes up for you.  I think you will find your true self shine through and it may be 180 degrees different from the life you were trying to live, but I firmly believe when we are living fully from our authentic selves, life simply flows.  You might just find that your true path offers more joy, happiness, and peace than you ever imagined.

Are you willing to live from that place?

To Do or Not Do…That Is The Question

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Most goal setting techniques involve setting a list of steps and then acting on those steps one at a time.  It makes sense in some cases to do things that way, but that isn’t always the best method I am realizing.  Sometimes it is important to take some time away from “doing” and to allow your previous actions to take shape and to allow the Universe to work some magic.

I recently finished Marlise Karlin’s book The Power of Peace in You and in it she describes igniting the power of stillness and peace within and living from that space to discover a life better than you imagined.  You can read my full review here, but one quote I found that really hit me is one that discusses doing vs not doing as a way to accomplish your dreams.

“Often, the best thing to do is…nothing at all, allowing space for inspiration by leaving a void.  It is here, in this essential non-doing, where you release attachment to the outcome-that the miraculous emerges to show you a different pathway for getting where you want to go.  You can’t tap into the Energy field of inspired solutions or discover the unforeseen if you are always racing to get it done at all costs.” Marlise Karlin in The Power of Peace in You

This quote has proven to provide a profound shift in my thinking regarding attaining my goals and dreams.  I have since moved (albeit slowly) from a place of doing to a place of non-doing in some situations and while it has been somewhat uncomfortable there, I am learning that there is certainly some value in it.  The key for me is knowing when to do and not do.

I suppose like anything in life, this is a matter of balance.  Just like a farmer can’t continuously plant seeds in the same space over and over again and expect his crop to grow overnight, I must learn to be content with letting my own dream crop grow.  Sometimes that means allowing my ideas, creations, and thoughts to ferment before I do anything with them.   For instance, when I started this blog, I went through a long period of thinking, pondering, creating, and allowing the right name, niche, idea to come to me.  And when it finally did, there was no question as to whether I should act or not act.  Maybe that is the key.

Plant your seeds of imagination and plant as many as you come up with, but be patient as you allow them to take shape or die out because the ones that are meant to be will be.  When you provide the space of non-doing, you allow miracles to happen because let’s face it, if you are always trying to do, do, do, the Universe has no time to work on your behalf.  But, if you are like me, you might wonder what you are supposed to do in the time you are not working on your goals.  My answer (one I often need to remember myself)? Have fun.

When you are not actively working on your goals and you are providing a space for them to breathe and grow, do something fun.  Catch up on a hobby you have missed.  Read a good book, get outside in nature, have coffee with a friend.  Life is meant to be enjoyed and if you are working on your goals all the time, no matter how happy they make you, you are likely to burn out.

So what are you doing or not doing right now in regards to your dreams and life goals?

Taking My Own Advice With Tiny Steps or Big Leaps

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Have you ever found yourself giving advice to someone else and seeing the picture so clearly, only to realize the very advice you are giving is advice you can/should implement in your own life?  That happened to me today and while the advice was far from prophetic it hit me like a ton of bricks just a few hours ago…I should be listening to myself!

A co-worker had recently mentioned feeling stuck in life, wanting to change multiple areas of her life at once.  With so much to do it seemed overwhelming, yet the yearning, the need, and the desire to change each area was still there, but the time to do it all wasn’t.  In that moment the solution seemed so clear.  It was as if I was looking straight through a clear glass of water and the solution was on the other side staring back at me.  It was simple or so it seemed.

The first piece of advice is nothing we haven’t heard before.  When you feel overwhelmed, break the big stuff down into little pieces and do it one step at a time.  My particular advice was this.  Find something you can do each week no matter how small or insignificant it seems and do at least one thing each week that will move you closer to your dreams.  Set it on your calendar, make a date with yourself, schedule it in your phone if you have to.  It doesn’t matter how you do it, just do it.

Time seems to be a hot commodity in our world.  There never seems to be enough for what we want and need to do but if you are always looking for free time you won’t find it, you have to make time for things that are important.  Sometimes that means getting rid of other things, or moving things around a bit so they fit, but however you choose to do it, you must make the time.  Once you have set this date with yourself to work on your dreams/goals/aspirations etc. keep it.  The momentum will build one step at a time and you will find yourself inspired, motivated and full of passion to continue to make tiny steps or big leaps toward your dreams.

My second piece of advice was to be kind to yourself.  When it comes to goals and dreams, things rarely go exactly as planned and mistakes happen.  In fact they have to happen in order for us to learn.  So when you make a mistake or choose something over your weekly task, it’s ok.  See it, accept it, and do better next time.  You won’t get any closer to your dreams by rehashing your mistakes over and over again.  Know that wherever you are headed takes time and many lessons and accept the lessons with open arms.

Sound like good advice?  I thought it was.  🙂  A few hours later I was wondering how I will ever find the time to write this children’s book I want to work on this year and almost immediately my advice played back in my head.  “You have to make time for what you want…”

This time I am listening and whether my tasks each week are tiny steps or big leaps one thing is for sure, I am making moves to make my dreams my reality and that is what this journey is all about.

What will your tiny step be this week?

 

 

Keep Your Dreams Alive

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I can’t tell you how many people I have met in various areas of my life who have told me that in one way or another they had given up on their dream.  Some thought them to be unpractical, while others simply didn’t believe in themselves.  I once was a naysayer about my own abilities and struggle with it still from time to time.  When I set out to do something new my old self would immediately say “I can’t..”  I have learned to ignore that little feeling and move forward through the discomfort of change or growing, and I usually find that I could do it and that my old self was just giving me lip service.  But what about those people who have just gotten caught up in everyday life?

How do you keep your dreams alive?

I can’t tell you for certain how to do it, because I believe we are all very different beings.  Some of us respond to certain things, while others do not, but I can share with you how I do it.  Maybe you will find something that will be useful in your own dream resuscitation.

Visualize

I am one of the best day-dreamers around (ahem don’t tell my boss).  I often think of what it will look like to have my dream become reality.  I think about the type of clients I want to work with, how I want my schedule to be set up, what my business name might be, and even what my business card will look like.  I have fun with it.  I simply paint a mental picture of my dream.  And while I may not always feel the dream when I feel like things are moving slowly, visualizing the end result is usually enough to keep me moving in the right direction and best of all it keeps me believing not only that my dream can become reality, but it will.

Talk About It

Talk about your dreams with the people you care about.  Share what you want to accomplish with friends, family, co-workers even.  Those of you that know me personally have probably heard me talk about life coaching or writing a million times over and are probably tired of hearing about it already (though I hope not) and the best part about that is you all become my cheerleaders.  When you share something like this with people who love and care for you, they become part of your journey.  They are going to talk you off the ledge when you feel like quitting.  They are the ones that will say, “But you want nothing more than to ____”.  They are going to remind you why your dream is your dream to begin with, and they get that info from you!  Share your dreams so you can be reminded of them later.

Multiple Dreams

This one may not be so obvious, but it has been a really great way for me to stay excited about all of my aspirations.  I have a tendency to have laser focus when it comes to something I want to do.  Sounds great right?  Not exactly.  If things don’t go exactly as planned or certain parts of my journey become delayed, I can get pretty down about it.  My mind goes into over drive and the negative chatter takes over.  I seem to only notice what is not going well and it goes downhill from there.  But when I have a few dreams to focus on, I can flow between them and if one seems to be at a standstill for one reason or another, then I can easily change focus to work on something else.  This may not work for everyone as some people prefer to do one thing at a time, but it seems to work for me.

Dream Board

Dream or vision boards are a visual representation of what you want to create.  It can be a collage of words, quotes, pictures, or items that remind you of what you are trying to accomplish.  I created a dream board for 2012 and when I looked back at it, I found that many of the items came to fruition.  I am still planning (read procrastinating) on making a dream board for 2013, however I am still envisioning what I want to accomplish this year.  Keeping to my theme this year, I am trying to be open and flow with life as much as possible, so I want to create my board in a way that allows me to do that.  Once my board is complete, I will hang it in my office where I can see it everyday.  I may not look at all of the items on it everyday, but seeing the board everyday will certainly keep my dreams in the forefront of my mind and keep me excited for what is to come.

So those are the ways I am keeping my dreams alive.  How do you do it?