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The Big, Ugly, Green-Eyed Monster

February 5, 2014 by Lamisha

We have all had this experience at one time or another right?  You have an amazing dream, you work hard for it, you have a passion that runs deep, yet you keep running up against brick walls and speed bumps.  And then as you open your Facebook page to drown your sorrows in some mindless news feed scrolling, you see the amazing things everyone else is doing. (What?!)

You see business posts about how someone just made a bajillion dollars within their very first day of launching a new program.  Someone else just had a baby and is now rockin’ a beach body with 6-pack abs and don’t get me started on the other people taking amazing vacations, getting job promotions, and landing free tickets to their favorite show.  All the while you feel like pulling your hair out because you can’t get your website to look right, your clients won’t call you back, and your dog just puked on the rug.  (Insert a string of expletives here.)

You wonder how it can be so easy for everyone else and not for you.  You question what you are doing wrong and as shallow as it might sound, you want what they have…and you want it yesterday!

Can I tell you a secret?envy

You are not alone.  Everyone has had their own experience with the big, ugly, green-eyed monster, especially when things feel like they are taking a turn for the worst. I’ve been there and the reason I am writing this post now, is because I found my own green-eyed monster poking it’s ugly head out a bit recently and I don’t like it.

Step one in dealing with the monster is recognizing it.  Step two is realizing that everyone has their own version and you are not alone.  Step three, dismantle it.

But how?

I think we all know that the face we put on Facebook and other social media platforms isn’t always 100% accurate right?  I mean, sure people post their best statuses and best pictures during times when things are going well, but that doesn’t accurately depict what is really going on in their lives.  And even if their lives are all shiny diamonds and gorgeous rainbows, there really is no reason to compare.

Take your big dream for example.  It’s YOURS.  It’s unique, exciting, and dipped in all your amazing-ness because it is your dream, not someone elses.  Their path to success isn’t going to be the same for you and let’s be honest, how they define success might not be the same either.  For one person success is being able to live a minimalist lifestyle with their family at home while another is being able to travel the world on a whim.  Your dreams, your goals, your success, are all yours.  You get to dictate what it looks like, how it feels, and what that means to you.

That sounds all fine and good but when it feels like things are going nowhere and your dreams have grown stagnant, their lives sound really good.  So what about that?

In my own experience (just this past week), I have had to identify where the green-eyed monster was coming from.  Is it really about what they have or is it a lack that you feel regardless of the comparison?  Is it because they are so much further than you or are you worrying about something that has yet to come?

Understanding the core issue to envy is key, but it can be hard to pinpoint especially when you are in the throes of it.  Here are a few things to remember when dealing with your own big, ugly, green-eyed monster:

  • “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt – This is by far one of my favorite quotes because it is so true.  We don’t know much about what other people have going on or what it took for them to get to where they are today.  It isn’t fair to you and your dreams to compare your progress, journey, or pain point to someone else.  Be easy with yourself and trust that things are working out exactly as they should.
  • Bring yourself back to this moment.- Every time we focus on a future (or past) moment in time, we are not allowing ourselves to truly be in this moment.  Envy is the same.  When we are looking at what others have and we don’t or when we are wishing, wanting, and desiring to be anywhere other than where we are, there is opportunity for a disconnect.  But, when we are in this moment and can accept it just as it is, then there is no comparison or room for envy.
  • Trust– A big part of making your dreams become a reality comes down to trust.  Trusting your intuition, your gift, and your path and reminding yourself that you will have all the things you need to make your dreams come true in due time.  There may be lessons to learn, people to meet, or opportunities to accept that will lead you to the very next step and being envious how it worked out for someone else is a waste of energy.  Trust the process.
  • Celebrate the success of others– I understand sometimes the last thing you want to do is celebrate the success of another especially when you are struggling with your own dreams, but what if seeing the success of others is somehow letting you know that not only is success possible, but that yours is on the horizon.  What if that could provide a bit of inspiration instead of envy for you to keep going?  Wouldn’t that be something?  Instead of wallowing in the world of envy, you could be congratulating and celebrating with others as you trust that your own success will come when the time is right.

We have all experienced our own version of the green-eyed monster, so if you find yourself feeling a bit envious, just be easy with yourself.  Your time will come and your journey will be amazing, in its own way.  For now, just relax, regroup, trust the process, and remember why your dream is so important to begin with.  And if all else fails, stay off of social media sites, chances are you could use a little unplugged time anyways.

**February is the month for love or it could be your month to get started on your big dreams.  Sign up for my newsletter to be added to my VIP list so you are the first to find out about free calls and new group coaching I will be launching very soon.  And if you have been thinking about leaping into the life of your dreams and want some help on your journey, contact me to schedule a consultation.  I would love to find out more about how I can help you make 2014 your best year yet!**

Filed Under: abundance, Authenticity, Being, Challenges, Frustration, Inspiration, journey Tagged With: coaching, dreams, Envy, Facebook, goals, green-eyed monster, progress, stagnant

How The Coach Coaches Herself

September 16, 2013 by Lamisha

inspirationOne of the things I love about my entrepreneurial journey is my ability to share my lessons, inspirations, and insights on my blog.  Even when I have moments of doubt or when I am feeling frustrated about how things are unfolding, I am glad that I am able to share my experience with you.  It not only helps you to know that we all go through rough times, but also helps me become a better coach in the process.

Lately I have felt a bit like a firefighter, constantly responding to what is going on around me and taking care of things without really being intentional about life in general.  That lack of intentionality goes against a lot of what I believe in, yet in the past few weeks it seems I have had to put out a lot of urgent fires in order to make it through each day.  Whether it is with my day job, home life, or family, I have been far more reaction oriented rather than intention oriented.  I am finding this is not only feeding my anxiety about the future, but also leaves me wondering how to best find balance.

I have written a lot about accepting ‘what is’ in the current situation and not fighting it and I still believe that is important, but I can’t help but wonder how we can balance it all?  How can we remain open and present in this very moment, while still setting our intentions for the future?  How can we loosely plan for our future while still being open to what happens to come our way?

I guess all the questions come at a time when my future is a bit foggy and I fight between two extremes of surrendering to ‘what is’ and falling on faith or jumping into action mode to make things happen.  I know that having faith in what is happening and leading with my inspirational foot is really best.  And as a coach, I know I am simply allowing normal doubt to creep into my otherwise positive thoughts and they will pass as long as I don’t hang on to them for too long.

So, if I had a client in my exact shoes what would I tell her?

Well, I would encourage her to take a step back and breathe without making any decisions one way or another.  This helps us gain some perspective on the “issue” and can often result in nudges from our intuition that leads us to the next step.  Sometimes when we are so close to a situation, we allow our limited view to send us into a tailspin of unnecessary worry.  Sometimes we just need to press the reset button and allow ourselves a chance to regroup.

Message received coach!

Instead of trying to fit my future into a container of reality, I am going to be like the bird in my logo.  Free-flying and open to the endless possibilities that are out there.  I know that by taking a step back and regrouping a little bit things will become clear again.  The momentum will pick up again, and things will fall into place.  Until that happens, I am going to do what I tell my clients.

“Do things that feel good and feed your soul.  Allow yourself some time to just have fun and once you take the stress off a little bit, the inspirational nuggets will return and things will get moving again.  Just be easy, this is all part of the journey.”

Thanks Coach!  🙂

Filed Under: Challenges, Coaching, Inspiration, Intention, Life, Planning Tagged With: coaching, don't give up, inspiration, intention, keep going, self-coaching

4 Phases To The Life Of Your Dreams

August 28, 2013 by Lamisha

When I set out to create my coaching model, I began thinking about my own process in creating a coaching practice.  I pondered the struggles, challenges, and frustrations I encountered (and still encounter) and put it all together into a 4-phase model.  This doesn’t mean everyone fits perfectly into one phase or another or even moves through them linearly, but I have found that many people deal with these phases at some point as they move toward their dreams.

Phase 1:  Dream Discovery- I have found there are people who either know what their dream is or they don’t and usually the ones that don’t know simply haven’t labeled a specific hobby, thought, or want as a dream.  There are however, people who have forgotten how to dream.  These are the people who have been taught to move through life based on their core survival needs.  They may go to school and study a subject they are good at or follow in the footsteps of a family member because they were expected to.  They may be in a career that pays the bills, but doesn’t necessarily bring them joy.  They may even be people who don’t know it’s possible to do what you love and get paid for it and are strictly living in a “survival of the fittest” mentality.  daretodream

These are people who need help dreaming again.  They are people that I work with to broaden their horizon about life and open their eyes and minds to having the wonder of a child again.  I help them use their imaginations and allow the restrictions of logical thinking to go out the window and tap into the child that always wanted to ________(fill in the blank).  Too often, we feel we need to grow up and let go of that pipe dream that still lies within us.  The truth is if we tapped into that place more, we would not only be happier, but we would find that life is limitless and there is a power within us that allows us to do ultimately anything!

Phase 2: Feel The Magic- Phase 2 is really about keeping the magical feeling of wonder alive.  It’s about allowing our dreams to take our thoughts where they may and to get into the knowing that anything is possible.  There are some people who know what they want to do, but have difficulty figuring out how to do it because they only see one or two ways.  (I was one of these people.)  Clients in this phase typically have a vision of how they will achieve a specific dream, yet for some reason it hasn’t worked out.  They may be frustrated and stagnant in their dream and need a bit of assistance bringing the magic back to fuel their vision.  I help clients do just that.  I help them tap into the feeling place of the dream and help them to imagine the thousands of ways it could happen.  Once they let go of the notion that it can only be achieved in one specific way, they find a multitude of possibilities that ignite their passion again.magic

I have found this phase to be one that clients come back to again and again as a means to refuel their vision.  Sometimes everyday life can cause us to forget the amazing possibilities that exist in the world as we focus on the “real world” that comes in the form of bills, responsibilities, family, work, etc.  Sometimes we just need to sit back and remember the magic that is all around us and when we do that, we realize anything is possible, even our dream life.

 

Phase 3: Protect Your Dream– Protecting your dream is probably one of the most important pieces of the process.  Once we are able to identify our dream, feel the possibility and magic in it, it is important to ensure we don’t allow Dream Crushers to cause us to doubt ourselves.  We need to also ensure that even during times when we lose some confidence or aren’t sure where to go that we remember what inspired us in the first place and get back to the magical feeling of our vision.  It is there we find additional inspirational nuggets that will lead us to the next step.  protectdream

Phase 3 is really about building self-confidence, dealing with fear, possible failure, and any other nuance that can cause us to doubt the possibility of making dreams a reality.  During this phase I work with clients to get to the core of the doubt and other self-limiting beliefs that are holding them back and can even provide exercises to use between sessions to keep the Dream Crusher thoughts at bay.

Another important note is that as your vision grows and evolves you may revisit this phase more than once on different subjects/issues, but know that each time you move through it with more courage, confidence, and belief in yourself than you had before.

Phase 4:  Live The Dream: At first glance this phase may seem easy.  Sure you go through each of the other phases doing the “work” and then this is where you finally see the benefit of your work.  That is only partially true.  Yes, this phase is about allowing your dream to transition into reality, but it is an ongoing process.  This is where clients implement their ideas and take inspired action to the next step.  Ideally they have created their vision, aligned with the magical essence of it, dealt with any limiting beliefs, and are now confidently flowing toward a new reality, but that isn’t always how it works.

I am seeing many people moving through this phase as they transition through some of the other phases as well.  For instance, someone who knows what they want may begin taking inspired action and come up against struggles and frustrations that cause them to want to give up or they have allowed the beliefs of others to dictate what they can and can’t achieve.livedream

When I created this loose model, I knew instantly it was not going to be a simple linear equation because life isn’t like that.  Life is a journey of discovery and while it would be nice (sometimes) to simply follow a set map from point A to point B, it wouldn’t be nearly as fun and this process is much the same.  A fun, free-flowing process of discovery and evolution that will ultimately lead to a you living a life you once dreamt.

Do you find yourself falling into one or many of the phases above and want to test the life coaching waters?  If so, I am still offering FREE introductory calls to anyone interested in working with me.  Please feel free to send me an email at lamisha@lifeoncedreamt.com to get set up.  I look forward to working with you!

Filed Under: Coaching, Goals, Life, Planning, Practices Tagged With: coaching, coaching philosophy, dream steps, work with me

Decisions, Decisions Which Will You Choose?

August 21, 2013 by Lamisha

Everyday we are making hundreds of decisions.  Decisions about what time to wake up, what to wear, what to eat, where to go, how to get there etc.  Some decisions are not huge life-altering choices and are seemingly easier to make.  If I decide to wake up at 5 am as opposed to 5:30 am, I can make that choice rather easily.  When I decide what to eat for lunch, I simply ask myself, “What do I feel like eating?”, and if it is readily available, I will eat that.  Many times these daily decisions require little to no assistance from anyone but ourselves, giving us the freedom to follow our emotions, inspiration, and our own feelings to choose between choice A and choice B.

Then there are the other decisions.

You know, the ones that feel huge, life-altering, oh-my-goodness-I-hope-I-make-the-right-choice, kind of decisions.  Those decisions are much less easy-going and can create a lot of anxiety, frustration, and worry.  Decisions about what house to buy, what career to choose, or what partner is right for us.  These are the decisions we talk to our friends, parents, spouses, and co-workers about in order to ensure we are making the right decision and yet, even with the advice from so many people, we still question some of our choices.  steve_jobs_quotes

I guess you could say many of us believe that someone else knows more about us than we do.  Maybe they are more experienced, more educated, more successful, etc., and in our eyes, they know what is best for us.  The problem with always consulting someone else on major life decisions, we lose our sense of power and freedom.  When we believe someone else knows what is best for us more than we do, we are giving away our power to someone else and in turn can lose our confidence to make choices in the future.

How many of us made a choice for our careers based on someone else’s advice.  Maybe we thought that a certain field would be more profitable or we would be more successful in it, yet we always knew it wasn’t the best place for us.

The truth is some of us (me included) have been taught to believe that there is a right and a wrong decision in life, but there isn’t.  There are simply choices that will lead you down one path or another (or many).  There is no formula that you can use to determine which is right and which is wrong because it is different for every person. 

Bummer huh?

So, how do you know what is the right career path, product, partner, business decision, etc. for you?

The best way is to listen to your intuition.  You know that feeling in your gut that causes you to pick up the phone to call someone just as they were going to call you for something.  That’s the one.  It is also what I call leading with your inspiration.

When you follow the same principles for the big decisions as you do for the little ones, you learn to trust your intuition.  Did you consult with all of your friends and family members before you selected your breakfast this morning?  Probably not.  You most likely followed your intuition or inspiration for what you wanted to eat.

The same goes for making any other decision in life.  Sure, some of the bigger decisions may require some research etc., but if you can quiet your mind and get in touch with what you are feeling, you will be able to feel for the best decision for you.

In my coaching, I work with my clients to help them get more in tune with their inspiration.  I encourage them to follow what feels good to them and to listen to their internal compass (their emotions) to decide what is right for them. As they follow their intuition and lead with their inspiration, amazing opportunities and big shifts happen in what we are working on.

Are you interested in learning how to trust your intuition and follow your inspiration to finally live the life of your dreams? What to know more about how I can help you?  Visit my services page to see how I can help you make major moves toward your dreams.  What are you waiting for?  Send me an email at lamisha@lifeoncedreamt.com to schedule a FREE coaching call.

 

Filed Under: Awareness, Coaching, Decisions, Inspiration, Life Tagged With: choices, coaching, decisions, inspiration, intuition

The Real Deal…

August 15, 2013 by Lamisha

When I first set out to create my blog, I had this idea to keep most posts upbeat and positive.  I wanted this to be a place of inspiration, motivation, and information to help people move confidently in the direction of their dreams.  I wanted it to be a space of uplifting posts, quotes, and tips to help readers focus on the positive.  As a life coach, I thought it was my duty to keep things light, bright, and positive all the time.

I was wrong.

What I think makes me good at what I do is the fact that I am human and I struggle with many of the same issues my clients do.  I have bad days full of frustration, doubt, and sometimes fear.  I have had my experience with the Dream Crusher on more than one occasion, and there are days when I need to be reminded that I have the power and ability to live the life of my dreams.

I am not perfect.  Authenticity

I don’t always pounce out of bed with a beaming smile and positive attitude.  Sometimes I try too hard and more often than not, I need to take a step back from the immediate issue and look at the bigger picture.  My life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.  I often struggle with disappointment and worry as I move through my journey and instead of sharing those moments with you, I have remained silent.

There have been many days when I wanted to share something uplifting, but I simply wasn’t in that state of mind and instead of sharing with you my perspective and how I am learning to deal with various situations, I write nothing at all.  I have allowed my idea of being a super-human up-lifter get in the way of sharing my authentic self with you.  For that I am sorry.

Does it make me any less of a coach to confess that I don’t always have it together?  I don’t think so.  In fact, I think it makes me a more effective coach because I know what it is like to have down moments in life.  We all do.  And while I admit to having my fair share of struggles, I also have a variety of tools that I use to help combat those not-so-positive moments and they are tools that I want to share with you.

The truth is I love what I do.  I love working with people and helping them follow their inspiration to live the life of their dreams, but I don’t want to misrepresent myself in the process.  I am an up-lifter that sometimes needs to be uplifted and I’m ok with that, because isn’t that what life is all about?  It’s not about being perfect, it’s about learning, sharing, and experiencing life as much as possible.  And I have to say, if it wasn’t for the struggles I have (and will) encounter in life, I wouldn’t be able to help my clients deal with their own, because sometimes you have to go through it to understand it.

 

Filed Under: Authenticity, Awareness, Coaching, Life, Perfection Tagged With: authentic, authenticity, coaching, life, reality

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