Lamisha Serf-Walls

End of Year Tradition: Letting Go of Stuff

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With the year coming to a close I have begun thinking about end of year traditions that I want to create and stick to in the coming years.  Things that will not only allow me to reflect on the year that is ending, but also make plans and preparations for the year ahead.  One thing I have decided to do is to purposefully let go of some physical “stuff” that is just taking up space in my home and incidentally in my life.

I actually got the idea from Jess Lively as she practices letting go of up to 100 items that she doesn’t absolutely love or use in her day-to-day life.  While my practice may not equate to exactly 100 items, I do plan on getting rid of clothes, books, and other items that I have moved from place to place with no real “home” for them.  I thought this would be a good idea since I will likely be bringing more “things’ into my space with holiday gifts etc.

But this intentional practice is more than just making room for other “things”.

For me it is about letting go of the clutter in my physical space and in turn my mental space.  I have some pretty lofty goals for the coming year and I will need both the physical space and mental space to be able to effectively achieve them (even if I don’t complete them all).  I have found that letting go of “things” generally helps me breathe easier, both figuratively and literally.  I feel good when I am able to let go of “things” and can see the clear space that is the result and the endless possibilities that space leaves for me.  My hope is that each year I will have less and less to get let go of because my space will be filled with intentional items that not only make me feel good, but add to my life on a daily basis.

Do you have any end of year traditions that you practice?  I would love to hear about some of them.

Gratitude: Reflection and New Beginnings

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This week I spent a lot of time in a hotel room with a rambunctious 2-year-old and in between chasing him around and trying to keep him entertained, I spent some time reflecting on this past year and thinking of the new year ahead.  This week I am grateful for reflection and new beginnings.

At the end of each year I tend to think back to the past 12 months and reflect on how far I have come.  I like to think about the challenges I have made it through and my accomplishments.  This past year has been one of many ups and downs, yet as the year is coming to a close I have found most of my growth has occurred in the last 2 months or so.  I don’t know exactly why that is, but I am glad that I have grown and changed this past year the way I have.  I have found that I am more patient with changes in everyday life and am more open to the flow of life, both very important areas of growth for me personally.  All in all it has made for a more peaceful end to the year and takes me to my next gratitude item.

At the end of each year after I reflect on the past year, I also look forward to the year ahead.  I like to think about the things I want to change and new goals for the year ahead.  I like to dream and dream big.  Last year I decided to put together a dream board for 2012.  I put together pictures and words that I looked at everyday in an attempt to fit my year together like a puzzle.  Things I wanted more of in my life, accomplishments I wanted to achieve, and even more general items were depicted on my dream board and I can honestly say it gave me a lot of motivation for the year ahead.  I haven’t decided how I will dream big for 2013 and whether I will make another dream board or not, but I will definitely spend some time as this year comes to a close thinking of the newness that lies ahead.

Some believe that today was to be the end of the world and while I never believed that to be true, I do believe we are at a point in history that is important for all of us.  We are at a point of transition.  A transition from fear, hate, and separation to love and co-creation.  I hope that each and every one of us will take some time to reflect on what we can do to work together to make this world a better place, to reach out and co-create a world of peace and love together as one.  I read a quote today that I love so much and thought I would share it here.

“The lamps are different, But the light is the same.” Rumi  May we move into 2013 with a sense of knowing that we hold within us the same light and love to change the world.  What will you do to change the world?

My No Plan-Plan

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It has been almost a week since my last post and I am so glad to be back.  The last few days I have been traveling with my family and while I typically hold a certain level of expectation for what we plan on doing each day and have a general plan in mind, this time was different.  This time we couldn’t exactly operate on our own accord since the reason for our travels was work-related for my partner and my son and I were just tagging along.  This week I have quickly learned to let go and I must admit, it has been pretty nice.

Generally I like to know what to expect regarding schedules and routines and quite frankly I really enjoy being able to control it.  (Did I just admit that???) I know I can’t always control what is going on and one of the things that makes life an adventure is the joy of the unexpected.  Learning and growing when things get a little hairy and ultimately learning to go with the flow.  This trip has helped me with that lesson.

While we had a loose understanding of what was going to happen during our trip and had an idea of the schedule (as much as you can when you are dealing with the military), we soon realized that “schedule” was sort of a joke.  Within a matter of 24 hours the plan had changed 4 times and it became very clear that we weren’t going to have as much free time as we previously thought.  If this had happened earlier in the year, the control freak in me would have been agitated, annoyed, and just plain angry that we were now unable to do all the fun things we had planned.  The new “go with the flow” side of me just accepted it and made the plan to have no plan.  Ironic isn’t it?

This whole no plan plan is not something I plan on utilizing in every avenue of my life because I really do have to have a plan for my dreams, goals, and many work related tasks, but learning to flow with the energy of life is a HUGE lesson for me.  If you know me personally you will understand that at times I can be a bit of a drama queen and can get very riled up when things don’t go as planned.  I have lived that way for as long as I can remember and yet now I feel like a new me is emerging.  Maybe it is because the year is coming to an end and I am beginning to think of the possibilities of the new year and what I can do to make it the best year yet.  Though I believe that is partially true, I don’t think I set this no plan plan intentionally.  I think it has simply grown out of my experience on this trip.

Intentional or not, this is a great lesson for me to learn.  It is one lesson I am happy to take with me into 2013 and beyond.  I believe a new me is emerging and I can’t wait to see what the new year brings and as we get closer and closer to 2013 there are some other things I would love to share and discuss with you, so check back often to read about my reflections on this past year and my loose intentions for 2013.  I can’t wait to hear about your intentions.

 

Gratitude: Time With My Son

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I normally post two things on Fridays that I am thankful for, but today I am sticking to just one.  In light of the horrible tragedy that has happened in Connecticut today, my mind is taken to how grateful I am for my son.

Children are such a blessing and like all parents, I think our little guy is extra special.  He is funny, silly, but at times oh so serious.  He reminds me to enjoy life, to live in the moment, and not worry so much, except now I must worry about him.  Our son is such a gift and I can’t imagine not being able to hear his laugh or hear him say “Momma! What are you doing?” 100 times a day like he does now.

My heart breaks for the parents who lost their children today, but also for the world we live in that has so much violence, children aren’t even safe in schools.  I wish for us all to live in a world of peace, supporting, uplifting, and encouraging one another.  Not one of anger, deceit, and violence.  I want my son to be able to grow up in a world that doesn’t experience such hate and sadness, but instead cooperation and love.  And while I can’t change the world all by myself, I can do my part, little by little, day-by-day.  And in the midst of all the pain and suffering, I can remember to be grateful for the light, joy, and peace that still exists in this world of ours.

So today I am thankful for the time I get with my son.  The sweet moments when he just wants to be close and feel secure.  The hugs, kisses, and nights when he just wants to snuggle up and watch a movie with his mommies.  For the silly dance parties and tickle fights.  For story time, bath time, and play time.  For the songs we sing, the games we play, and the meals we share, I am grateful.  But most of all I am grateful for the little boy we were blessed with almost 3 years ago. May we never forget how precious life is, and how blessed we are to spend time with our children and loved ones each day.

Tell your loved ones you love them today.  Hug them tighter than ever before and pray for peace in the hearts of the parents, teachers, children, and the entire community that was touched by this tragedy today.  It is up to us to make a difference in this world.  Now is the time.

Raw Reflection

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**Note: This is not something I would normally post on my blog, but in an effort to remain authentic and not give the impression that life is all rainbows and sunshine, I decided to share this.  Some of it has been slightly tweaked from what I originally wrote in an effort to keep some things private. **

I often wonder how many tears a human being can cry before the tears just dry up all together.  I fear (or maybe hope), that I am close to my quota and that one day I will cry no more.  That the tears will not flow as freely as they do now, or better yet that I will have nothing left to cry about.  No more pain to release, no more fear to face, and no more anger to let go of.  Of the millions of tears I have cried in my lifetime, you would think my well would be dry, but it’s not.

Still I cry, sob, and weep for what I wish were different.  For years gone by that I wish I didn’t remember, and other things I wish I did.  For pain that I could understand and leave all together.  I cry for understanding, love, and compassion.  For things I will never receive from the single person that should’ve been there to love me, protect me, and comfort me.  And while my mind knows these things will never come from the source that I have always wished, my heart still aches and breaks for what I will never receive.

Somewhere in life I found comfort in the discomfort.  Safety in the instability.  It is what I knew, what I have always known.  When things feel too stable and the other shoe has yet to drop, I begin rocking my world to the core so it has no choice but to drop, yet my world isn’t the only one that rocks.  I tend to rock those that I care so deeply for, those I love and cherish more than anything.  Maybe it is a way for me to get comfortable again in the chaos, or to recreate the scene with a different outcome. Creating a familiar scene with different players, providing myself once again an opportunity to change the ending.  Maybe I am learning, then again maybe not.  All I know is when I look back at the aftermath of this creation, it doesn’t feel any better than before. The tears still flow, my heart still breaks, as my mind tries to make sense of it all.  Trying desperately to understand how to heal myself and get back to my place of stability.

The things my mind understands don’t always get communicated to my heart and my emotions.  It’s as if they have a life of their own, spinning out of control at times, while other times they lay dormant looking for the right moment to emerge.  My mind understands individuality and the fact that two people deal with things in their own way.  One fights their battle externally, while others fight it internally.  A relationship of opposites, yin and yang, black and white…balance? I’m not so sure. It sometimes feels like being alone on two different islands, close enough to see, but not close enough to reach each other.  Each dealing with her own demons, yet still separated by miles of misunderstanding and confusion. One sitting in solitude with the world on her shoulders never once voicing concern, sadness, or defeat, slowly burying what will have to be released one way or another.  The other very outwardly expressing pain, fear, sadness, and depression as she tries to find the deeper meaning of life.  Looking for peace and acceptance.  Love and compassion. Joy. Wanting nothing more than to fall into the arms of the other, yet feeling so far away.  Blocked by a fortress of protection.

My hope tells me that things will get better, that this too will pass.  It tells me that peace is waiting and that I am making progress.  That I will continue to heal and the tears will become fewer. It tells me that the connection I so deeply want and need will come back and I will be much stronger than before.  That this is part of my journey and love will prevail. It tells me that if something isn’t growing then it is dying out and sometimes there are growing pains and this is but one growth spurt.  That on the other side of this moment of confusion will be clarity.  A clearer understanding of life and compassion for my journey.  That I will be stronger and more connected because of this moment and all the moments before.  That I will not only survive whatever this is, but I will thrive.

Yet in midst of the tears, fear, anxiety, and confusion I find I have more than just hope, I have faith.