Lamisha Serf-Walls

What’s Your ‘But’ Statement?

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If you ever meet me out in public and we start chatting about your career, work, or hobbies, beware!  I might just ask you the question I love to ask and found myself asking to almost every person I have worked with in the last 10 years and that question is this:

If you could do anything in the world (and money weren’t an issue), what would you do? (Sometimes the question is phrased differently depending on if I am speaking to someone about their career or just a general hobby.)

It doesn’t matter what answer you give, I will most certainly follow it up with this:

So why aren’t you doing it?

After a string of answers like : “Because I have a family to support.” or “It’s too late.” or “I don’t know where to begin.”

I get to the nitty-gritty of why people aren’t accomplishing their dreams and it goes a little something like this.

“I would love to start my own non-profit activity center for children, BUT I just don’t have the money to do it.  I mean I do have bills to pay!”

OR

“I would love to sit in a little cabin in the woods somewhere and write books all day, BUT what if I can’t do it?”

OR

“I would love to open my own bookstore/coffee shop/literary center for the community, BUT I’m broke and I have to keep my crappy job because it’s all I have.”

The truth is we all have a ‘but’ statement and what that is, is the reason we feel we can’t/shouldn’t/will never/won’t accomplish the life of our dreams.  For many of us it boils down to dollars and cents.  For others, it’s simply knowing how to get started, but I think it’s more than that.Fear

You see, I am finding more and more that your ‘but’ statement (no matter what it is) is really another form of fear.  For the person that says they don’t have enough money, they may fear losing what they have on their dream that feels so risky.  For the person that just doesn’t know how to start, it could be fear of failure.  For the person afraid of whether they can do it or not, it could be fear of ridicule both self-induced and the ridicule of others.

Regardless of what form your ‘but’ statement takes, what it really is, is a form of fear manifesting as an excuse.  If you would have asked me 2 years ago why I wasn’t on my path to coaching already I would have told you I didn’t have the money to do it.  I couldn’t afford the training programs I thought I needed to succeed.  It took a long time for me to even entertain the thought of doing things differently.

Today, I encourage you to identify your ‘but’ statement.  The truth is, you probably have more than one, so write them down and face them.  Get them out of your head and utilize your amazing imagination to think of all the ways those fears can become irrelevant.

If lack of money is one of your fears, then think of all the ways money can flow into your life.  Some examples might be gifts, a raise, a new job, selling old stuff, refunds, rebates, unexpected checks in the mail etc.  There are an abundance of ways for money to flow and for your dreams to come true.  Don’t limit yourself to the singular road you ‘think’ will lead you to what you desire.  There is so much more out there if you open your mind to the possibilities.

The first step is identifying your ‘but’ statement.  So, if I asked you about your dreams, what would you say?

” I would really love to _____________, BUT _______________.” Fill in the blanks.

If you are ready to talk more in-depth about your ‘but’ statement and what is really holding you back from the life of your dreams, contact me to schedule your consultation.  I would love to hear more about what lights you up and how I can help make your dreams a reality.  The truth is, if more people were doing the things they love the world would be a much happier place, so let’s do our part.  

It’s All About Love

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loveI love all things ‘love’.  As a Leo I am a hopeless romantic who enjoys all the traditional valentines gifts.  You know, chocolate, flowers, candles, perfume etc.  I enjoy it all.  I cry at happy endings to amazing love stories and anything that has a heart or the word ‘love’ on it you can bet your bottom dollar I want it.  But Valentines Day (and every other day of the year) isn’t just about romantic love.  We are moving into a world that offers a spirit of universal love in all forms and I LOVE that!

Not only are more people practicing random acts of kindness and sharing their love for humankind with one another, but we are moving into a period where more and more people are doing the work that they love.  More people are accepting their bodies, personalities, and true gifts each and every day.  More people are lending a helping hand when they see someone is in need and standing up for those who can’t speak for themselves.

It’s All About Love…keylove

Today and everyday, love yourself, treat yourself, and stop all that negative-dream-crushing-self-talk that keeps you playing small.  Be kind to others and to yourself!  Do more of what you love.  Find your gifts.  Love them and embrace them and for goodness sakes give them to the world!  Listen to your heart and follow the call to do work that you absolutely adore.  That passion you have burning in your soul, use it!  Support one another in struggles and successes.  Share, care, and collaborate when you can.  Uplift and motivate.  Inspire and ignite the fire that has been dormant for too many of us for far too long.

We are provided 24 amazing hours each day to live the best way we know how and I can’t think of a better way than to practice love in any way we can.  It’s simple to do if we can break away from our monkey minds, computers, smart phones, and get off of autopilot that we tend to be operating from most days.  Be conscious, aware, and open to how love may present itself to you.  You just might be surprised at how often you see, feel, and share it when you become aware.

And should you find yourself wondering where to begin, start with yourself.  Go out and do the things that bring you joy.  Paint, sing, write, crochet, dance, draw, read, take pictures, work out, create, or whatever it is that you haven’t given yourself the permission to do.  Go do that!

I truly believe life is meant to be enjoyed and love is meant to be shared, so get out there and do it!  And should you find yourself stuck, confused, or in a rut and unable to figure out how to move forward with your amazing passion, purpose, and dreams.  Know that I would be honored to be a part of your journey by sharing my gift of coaching with you.  There is nothing I love more than sharing in the excitement and wonder of my clients….except maybe chocolates and roses. 🙂

Now is your time to shine and do more of what you LOVE and I want to help you do that.  Contact me today to sign up for free consultation and find out how I can help you infuse your life with more love, inspiration, and joy.  You deserve it!

Why “Trying Harder” isn’t the Answer

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I cringe every time I hear the words “try harder”.  For some reason it sends the message that you just aren’t doing enough to make it (whatever it seems to be at the moment) happen.  It also suggests that if you are giving your all, it just isn’t enough.

Ick!  Just writing that makes me cringe.

I am not the kind of coach that is going to tell you to push through the pain and “try harder”.  I won’t tell you to power through or work harder at whatever you are doing. 

Why?

Because honestly, I care more than that and I don’t believe our dreams come true with blood, sweat, and tears (at least it doesn’t have to be that way).

I believe in a better way.

When clients come to me and say they are feeling stuck or in a standstill with the progression of their dreams, I try to tap into what they mean by “stuck”.  Are they stuck on ideas, actions, motivation, clients, or forward movement?  Do they need logistical assistance or is it an internal block we need to address?

Understanding where the glitch lies is paramount in helping them work through it.  Unlike how some sports coaches might tell players to work through the pain and “power through”, I just don’t believe in telling someone to “try harder”. 

I like to actually suggest the opposite.

Instead of pushing and fighting for the next step, what if you were able to take a step back and simple allow it to come to you?  What if you could relax, regroup, and trust that you don’t have to fight, claw, and force the answers to come.  What if right here, right now, you didn’t have to do anything?  What if they could simply flow….

In our society that is a big what if because we aren’t taught that growing up.  In school we are taught that if our grades aren’t high enough or if we aren’t doing well enough in a particular area, then we must try harder.  But what happens when we are giving our all and we still feel blocked?  What then?

Sometimes trying too hard pushes the thing we want to achieve, further away.  By forcing it and trying desperately to make it work, we cut off the flow of inspiration and energy.  We allow the frustration to settle in and when that happens, the fight gets harder.

Take writer’s block for instance.  For those of you who have ever experienced the Achilles heal of writing, you know the harder you try to force your words to flow, the harder it gets.  But, when you are able to step away, change your focus, get some fresh air, and then come back to it, it seems as if the clouds part and the heavenly writing angels sing.  Your thoughts turn into beautiful words that when weaved together create a tapestry of creative-awesomeness. flow

I believe the sweet spot for your dreams to become reality is in your inspiration.  When it feels hard, sticky, frustrating, or like your progress has reached a plateau, the answer is not to try harder. 

The answer lies in letting go of the reins and creating the space for your next step to appear.

How do you do that?  Here are a few things that I find helpful. 

  • Change your focus to something else. 
  • Sing, dance, or listen to music. 
  • Read a good book, go for a run, or do some yoga. 
  • Meditate, have coffee with your friends, or write in your journal. 
  • Laugh, smile, or do something nice for someone else. 
  • Take a hot shower, get a massage, or go for a walk.
  • Enjoy some time in nature, breathe deeply, and remember that all is working out for you.
  • Remember you don’t have to have it all done right this moment, but trust that you will have it done.
  • Enjoy the journey.  It’s so easy to get caught up in the decisions, steps, and plans we have in life, but in the grand scheme of things, the juice is in the journey.  Enjoy it!

You may find that your sticking points are scattered along your path as things grow and evolve, but if you can remember to flow instead of forcing the next step to come, you will not only soon be celebrating your dreams becoming reality, but will also find that you had fun along the way!

Being Here, Instead of There

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I find that I learn life lessons far better through experience as opposed to theory and this past weekend, I found myself learning a life lesson that I have known in theory for many years, but am only now beginning to bring it into my experience by one of the wisest teachers I know….my three year old son.

You see the misconception that many people have about parenting is that the parent is the “know all” to the child.  Parents are supposed to teach all the important life lessons since theoretically we have learned them all ourselves and while that may be true for some things, I find I learn far more from my son, than I have taught him in the last 3 years of his life.  The most recent lesson came yesterday when he absolutely refused to take his nap.  (If you are a parent, you know exactly what I am talking about.)

The lesson he taught me: Be.Here.Now.behere

The struggle began with my preconceived, preplanned expectation of what I wanted to accomplish during nap time yesterday.  I had some work to do and it seemed that nap time was a good time to dig in and get some things done before the big game.  My son had plans of his own.  Mainly to avoid sleep at all costs and to teach Momma a very important lesson about life.

Every time I tried to put my little one down for his nap, he fought me.  Being the parent, I thought I knew what was best for him and could tell that he was in fact tired.  It was my duty to get him down so he could rest his weary head, right?  Maybe.  Upon further reflection today, I realized what I was really trying to do was get him to fall in line with my expectations so I could have a bit of a rest and get some (in my mind very important) things done.

Instead of listening to what he truly needed, I was focused on all the things I needed to do, but wasn’t able to.  I was watching the hours tick by and was planning for the disaster that would occur if he didn’t take his nap.  Cranky kid, cranky Momma, and no work done.  Sadly and selfishly, my thoughts were not on what my son needed from me in that moment, but on what I needed him to do so I could move on with the rest of my schedule.

Thinking about it this morning, I was filled with guilt and the worst kind…Momma-guilt.  The kind that breaks your heart and makes you feel like the worst mother on the planet.  Luckily, I didn’t stay there long before I moved from guilt to curiosity.  What could I learn from this?

Is the lesson that good moms never lose their patience?

Nope.

What I learned is that regardless of what expectations I have set for the day, the week, the month, or the year, shit happens.  Plans don’t work out.  Kids don’t nap.  Cars break down.  It rains. (Though thankfully all that didn’t happen in one day.) And when things don’t go as planned, it’s not only best to just roll with it, it’s imperative.

You see, even with plans and expectations for what I wanted to accomplish yesterday, I could have been fully in the here and now.  And if I was, I would have been better equipped to roll with the punches and find a better way to spend my time.  Instead of thinking about the work I was not doing but desperately needed to do, I could have created some happy memories with my son.

The lesson in all of this is what I have known in theory all along.  Life is lived in the ‘now’.  Not the past or the future.  When we waste our days thinking about what we could’ve, should’ve, or would’ve done or about what has yet to come, we miss the most amazing, magical moments in life.  For me, those moments were with my son.  For you, it might be with your spouse, a friend, or a magical moment that could lead you to the next step of your dream.  And while I would love to say I have mastered this lesson and will always be patient and flow with life, I’m not sure that’s entirely true.

What I do know is that I will be far more mindful of where my thoughts are in the moment.  I will breathe.  I will think, and I will refocus on the present moment, especially when I am with my son.  Because let’s face it, time passes by too quickly and life is too short to worry about work, stress, bills, money, and material things when we have precious children, spouses, friends, pets, family members, etc. around us.

So my question for you is this:  Where are you now?  Here or There???

When You Have The Case of the “Have To-s”

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In the past few weeks, I have noticed more and more people have the case of the “have to-s”.

The case of the “have to’s” is a feeling that there is so much to be done and so little time to do it.  It’s brings a sense of obligation, but not necessarily motivation to complete certain tasks.  It is the feeling you might get when you go to a job you hate and do work that you just have to do to get paid.

Yuck!

We have all been there and many of us are there more frequently than not even when we are doing things to help build our vision for the future.  I know this because I have been there.

In the past few weeks, my list of “have to-s” seems to have grown.  I have emails to send, calls to make, articles and blog posts to write, and appointments to schedule and when the momentum gets moving so quickly and I find myself struggling to catch up, I feel drained, uninspired, and just plain blah!

Have you been there?

busyI’m sure you have.  Heck, you might be there right now, but I assure you, you don’t have to stay there forever.  I have found a few things to help a bit when you find yourself dreading all the things you just have to do.

  • Take A Break– What??? Yes, I know that your list is as long as your leg and you just don’t have time to take a break, but I assure you, you need it.  When things get moving so fast and your head is spinning and you are struggling to complete any one task, you need to take a break.   Take 5 minutes and get some fresh air.  Close your eyes and do some deep breathing exercises or take a little walk.  Whatever you do, just get away from it for a moment so you can come back refreshed.  It doesn’t sound like a lot, but it does wonders!
  • Change Your Language– Instead of thinking of the things on your list as obligations and things you have to do, reframe them to things you get to do!  The words we use have energy in them and “I have to go to work today” feels heavier than ” I get to go to work today”.  While you might not think that going to work is a very uplifting thing, there are many benefits you get from going to work, i.e. a paycheck.  So, if nothing else, think of the money you ‘get to earn’.  A simple change in your words can help change how you feel…true story!
  • Passion First– Something I talk about in my newsletter this month is passion vs productivity (if you haven’t signed up for my VIP List, you totally should).  Sometimes keeping your inspiration alive is as simple as starting your day with something that feeds your soul.  This might be a task you do for your side biz or a bit of writing or craft work.  Whatever it is, start the day with something you LOVE to do.  It can help your day flow better and turn your ‘have to-s’ into ‘want to-s’.
  • Simplify and Be Easy– A question I have had to ask myself many times is, do I really need to do that right this second or have I just set up an unrealistic expectation of myself?  Chances are if you are wanting to do 100 things in 24 hours and still sleep and eat etc. you might have overcommitted yourself.  Simplify things a bit.  So what you wanted to blog 5 days a week and you only have time for 2 this week because you are working on another project.  The world isn’t going to end, your readers aren’t going to leave you, and I promise things will be ok.  Let some things off your plate and make some doodle space for yourself.  Life is far too short to just be busy for busy-sake.

So there you have it!  A few tips to help when you are fighting off a case of the ‘have to-s’.

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