Lamisha Serf-Walls

Re-frame, Re-focus, and Move On

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I often find it difficult to write when I am having a particularly challenging day and yesterday was that kind of day.  The financial mishap I thought I had taken care of not once, but twice had reared its ugly head again and I had a difficult time with it.  In the midst of trying to clear it up and ensure it wasn’t going to happen again, I kept wondering how in the world I had created such a mess.  Sure everyone makes mistakes, but why wouldn’t this particularly large mistake just go away??

Where had I gone wrong?  I just couldn’t figure it out.  Each day I meditate, write my gratitude list, read inspiring blogs and other blogs, and try to keep a generally positive attitude.  How could this happen to me???

When I was finally able to step out of my drama-filled cloud of confusion, I realized some stuff just happens.  And while I may have done all of those generally positive things, I am not perfect.  I have a tendency to complain with the best of them about seemingly small details and while those complaints may not be directly related to this financial mishap, it certainly doesn’t help.

Instead of continue to ask questions about why this happened or wonder where I had gone wrong, I took a step back and decided to re-frame, re-focus, and just move on. 

Re-frame– Sometimes things happen and while we (read I) want to figure out the cause behind the mishaps in everyday life, sometimes it’s just a mystery.  The key is not to dwell on the insignificant things and to re-frame the negative into a positive.  In my case, things could have been much worse.  It could have been a situation that couldn’t be fixed and I would have been stuck with trying to find several thousand dollars to make it right.  Lucky for me this situation is something that can be remedied despite the extra fees that I am incurring for a seemingly innocent mistake on my part.  So, it could always be worse.

Re-focus- After a challenging situation it is important to take some time to turn your attention back to what is important.  In this case it means re-focusing on my coaching business, writing, and other projects I have in the works.  Turning my attention away from the situation moves my energy in a more positive direction and creates a flow toward my goals instead of harping on the past.

Move On- Once you have re-focused your energy, it is time to move onward and upward leaving the challenging situation or frustration behind.  Simply put, just let it go.

This three-step process can apply to everyday life as well as disappointments and challenges that happen while working toward the life of your dreams.  Things happen and the speed bumps, detours, and disappointments we encounter can lead us to more clarity, desire, and drive for the things we want, so don’t allow them to destroy your momentum.  Simply re-frame, re-focus, and move on.

Surprise Speed Bumps

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Recently I have been on a super positivity kick.  I have been focusing on the positive that surrounds me daily, making lists of things I am grateful for, and staying focused on the things I want to create and cultivate in my life.  For the most part things are running smoothly.  I am feeling good about where I am headed and am confident in the process and while some things seem to be moving slower than I want, I continue to bring my focus back to the present.  I know all is well and all will be well.  No worries.

Well almost no worries.  While I have spent most of my time focusing on the positive, there have been moments (or many moments) when some negative thoughts creep in.  I do my best to send them on their way by thinking more positive thoughts with the intention of staying in my positive frame of mind more and more each day.  Naturally I thought my manifestation process would get easier and then today I hit a surprise speed bump.

Long story short, I had an “accidental” financial oversight that resulted in me being in the red by several thousand dollars.  YIKES!  I quickly called all necessary parties to get this matter resolved as quickly as possible, however in the back of my mind I kept thinking “What a dumb thing to do.” and “I can’t believe I did that!”.  Needless to say my self-talk wasn’t all that great.  I made a mistake and I was ok with it to some degree (provided it could be fixed), but the interesting part was the lack of emotional reaction I had.

In the past if something like this would have happened, I would likely have broken down into tears while anxiety took over my body.  My mind would have been racing while my stomach twisted into knots and I would be in the throes of a serious reaction.

As I took a moment to step back from the situation, I realized even though this mistake does require some rearranging of resources and phone calls to hopefully get it all worked out, I have grown.  I took the situation and responded accordingly without reacting to it negatively.  Sure I was concerned about the mistake, but I was able to take it in stride.  Something I would not have been able to do a year ago.

I suppose this “accident” was a way for me to realize I am making progress in my personal growth and though all of the manifestations are not here right now, I am becoming an overall more positive person.

So the next time you hit a surprise speed bump on your journey to your dreams, take a step back and see what it is telling you.  Is it evidence of changes you are making along the way, or is it a warning to focus more on the happiness you have now?  Either way I think you will find there is an underlying lesson.

 

Delegating The Dream Details

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I have often mentioned that I am a recovering “do-er”, meaning I far too often attempt to use action to make things happen instead of allowing them to happen naturally.  I guess it stems from the mentality that “if you want something done, you gotta do it yourself”, however time and time again I have learned that isn’t always true.  Sometimes the missing pieces fill in perfectly when I give my project the breathing room it needs.  The missing piece may come in the form of a quiet thought while I am focused on something else, or it comes from someone else entirely.  Either way I am learning that I don’t always have to make things happen and that goes for the details of my dreams as well.

Have you ever woken up from a dream with a knowing of what happened, but the details are fuzzy?  You can feel what happened and in some cases you can see the big picture but can’t quite make out the details.  That’s how it can feel when you are inspired to achieve your life dreams.  Often we find ourselves very aware of the big picture.  We know what we want in the end.  We can see it in our minds and feel the deliciousness in our soul, but the details that lead to that big picture are fuzzy.  Some are even invisible.

I am in that space in regards to my coaching business.  I can visualize the end result and the many services and goodies I want to offer my clients, yet many of the details have yet to fill in.  I even found myself moving into “do-er” mode last night while trying to research some of the details.  Not only was the action not inspired action, but it just felt forced.  I realized I was forcing the details to fill in and based on my previous experience, forcing them is never a good idea.  Sure it might get done, but it won’t be without some unnecessary headaches and frustration.  Remembering that, I stopped in my tracks and let it go.

Or so I thought.

This morning I couldn’t shake the feeling that I should be doing something in regards to some of the details.  See, my old thought processes are kicking into gear and becoming impatient with my progress.  The deeper part of me knows that all is well and things are moving along beautifully, however the “do-er” is pulling her hair out.  She would ask a million questions about “how”, “when”, and “who” if I let her, however I have done a pretty good job of keeping those thoughts at bay.  I know my dream is coming together perfectly and that the details will fill in accordingly, but what about the “do-er”?  I had to figure out a way to appease that part of me that wants to make lists and action steps and all that jazz.  So, here’s what I did…

I made a list, but the list was not for me to worry about.  It was a list to the Universe (insert God, Goddess, Energy, whatever tickles your fancy).  On this list are some of the details the “do-er” can’t seem to let go of.  Instead of worrying about them day in and day out, I am letting go of my control over them.  I am accepting and trusting the fact that they will be handled appropriately and only when I am ready to deal with the details (through inspired action and inspirational nuggets), will I take control of them.  Until then, they are out of my hands.

Think of it as delegating tasks.  When the details begin to get overwhelming, delegate.  I am choosing to keep the things on my “list”, that inspire, delight, and motivate me to continually make progress.  The Universe can handle the rest.  And when the time is right, I trust that the details my “do-er” has been stressing about, will fill in beautifully and all will be well.

Far too often we allow the details to overwhelm our excitement and passion for our dreams.  We allow reality as we see it to limit our beliefs and thinking in such a way that it stalls our forward movement.  But, what if instead of worrying about the “how”, we allow it to be revealed to us in perfect timing?  That isn’t to say we get lazy with our dreams, it simply means to keep the vision and motivation alive while not getting bogged down with the idea that we have to figure it all out right this moment.  The truth is we don’t.  All will be revealed in perfect timing.

The vision you hold and the good feelings that stem from your dreams will lead you effortlessly to the “how”.  You just have to have a little faith and delegate the details to the Universe to figure out.

Meditation Challenge: Update

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I would love to be able to begin this post with a celebration for Day #83 of my consecutive 100 day mediation challenge, however I cannot.  I not only missed one day somewhere in the first 50 days of meditation, but this past weekend I missed about 3 more.  (Insert disappointed face here.)

While there is a part of me that is slightly disappointed that I missed so many days in a row, a larger part of me is proud for only missing a total of 4 days in the 83 that I have been practicing.  I recognize that to be a mighty accomplishment for myself.  Especially since I wanted to start a meditation practice for many years and could never stick to it.  Now I know I can and despite my disappointment for missing so many days, I have learned a great deal about myself and my practice.

I have learned:

  • The type of meditation I do depends on my mood.  Sometimes I like guided meditations, while other times I do my own to music or in complete silence.  None of them is the right way or better than the other.  I simply listen to what I need in the moment and proceed with what feels right for me.
  • The ideal amount of time for me on a daily basis is about 15-20 minutes in one sitting and it feels really great to do a morning and evening meditation.
  • My patience for the ups and downs of everyday life is much better when I have meditated on that particular day and I feel a more calm sense of peace after I meditate.
  • I am definitely more optimistic and positive in the moment and spend much less time focusing on what hasn’t yet materialized in my future.  It is true that meditation is a mindful practice for the moment, at least for me.
  • Meditation has become a habit for me, not just a ritual or a challenge.  It is a habit I have wanted to create for many years, but never thought I had the time or the focus to do it, and now I have.

With that said I realize missing 4 days of meditating is not the end of the world and while I may not have made it to the 100 consecutive days of meditating like I wanted in the beginning, I have learned a lot in the process not only about meditation in general, but how it applies to my life and my practice.

I have also decided to begin a new 100 day meditation challenge (officially starting April 1st for ease of calculating days), but this time the motivation for the challenge is to simply reap the benefits of meditation on a daily basis while reaching (and surpassing) my goal of 100 days.  Much like healthy eating and exercising, meditation is a daily practice meant to be a lifestyle change, not something you do only when you feel frazzled.  So with that ultimate purpose in mind I will begin again.

Not meeting a goal doesn’t automatically mean failure, sometimes it is just a reminder to take a moment to reset and begin again.

What are you hitting the “reset” button for today?

A Lesson In Working Smarter, Not Harder

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Life has a way of getting pretty busy.  When you have a full-time work, freelance work, and a family to care for losing one hour like we did this weekend can seem like a disaster waiting to happen.  My full-time work is picking up (not by my choice) and my freelance work is also increasing (to my delight), as well as a recent increase in home-improvement tasks for our home is making for a somewhat hectic schedule…until now.

I have always been a list maker and great and delegating tasks, but when it comes to my own work, I can sometimes find myself flailing to keep up.  But I have since decided it is time for me to work smarter and not harder.  The biggest issue I have found recently was trying to figure out what to do with my 8 hrs of “free” time in the mornings each week.  I tried balancing it between home responsibilities and freelance work, however the home responsibilities usually won out.  The writing work would get done on lunch breaks and a few hours before bed making for a very long day and less sleep.  Two things I don’t enjoy all that much.  And since I will be adding other personal writing to my schedule (writing my first children’s book series, in addition to starting a life coaching business down the road, I figured it is best if I learn to manage my time a bit more effectively now, rather than later.

What I did?

I decided what items I needed to keep in my schedule.  One was my lunch break.  I have been having “working” lunches far too much and have missed out on several opportunities to get outside to take a walk which is causing some issue with my exercise routine (because now it is non-existent).  So I am taking my lunch breaks back.  I also found that at night-time after getting the little one to bed, the last thing I want to do is work for an additional 2 hours.  So I am taking that time back as well and allowing myself some added reading time in addition to potentially getting to bed earlier.  So when will I be doing my writing work?  In the morning.

I haven’t always been a morning person, but since my full-time job schedule has changed I have 2 days a week where I don’t begin work until 11 am providing me with an added 3 hours to do other things.  The “other things” have mostly been house related, but I am thinking that time might better be used with writing work especially when I have several projects to finish.  So, I am dedicating my mornings to whatever writing work I have and making it a point not to work on writing projects at night.

Family time, house projects, and other home related tasks will be set for the weekends.  While we do get some family time in the evenings, it isn’t nearly as much as we would like so we try to make the most of it on our weekends.  And since it isn’t fun to work 6-7 days a week, I am using the weekend as a break from writing.  Family is important to me and spending as much time with my partner and our son is something I don’t get to do nearly enough and I am not going to sacrifice that precious time for my work.

So, my new schedule begins this week.  I will provide an update next week to let you know the differences I have found not only in my efficiency, but also my stress levels.  I am optimistic to say the least.  I think this new plan will work out great and I will not only be more focused, but more relaxed and more healthy overall.

What do you do to keep a balanced home/work life?