Lamisha Serf-Walls

He’s Got It All Figured Out…

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I once thought that no one had life all figured out.  I thought we were all living the best we knew how, doing the best we could while still growing and evolving into better versions of ourselves.  Yet no matter how evolved we get or how much we grow, we never have it figured out.  That is, until I thought about my son.

Yesterday I was thinking about life and how sometimes it feels like a struggle as we muddle through the challenges and other times it is simply euphoric.  The good times make you feel like everything is running smoothly and nothing can tear you down.  I was wondering how we could live more in the space of goodness and less in the mindset of challenges.  I wondered if that was even possible.  Then it hit me!  My soon to be 3-year-old has it all figured out.

Sound crazy?  I don’t think so.  The other day my some came home from daycare with the biggest smile on his face and I could feel the joy flowing so easily from him.  It’s not just when he comes home either, it seems to be all the time.  At any given moment I can look at him and he is singing as loud as possible, dancing, bouncing around the room, or his new favorite thing is singing into his microphone or banging on his drum set.  He has found joy, better yet, he lives it in everything he does.  From the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed he has spent approximately 90-95% of his day in happy mode.  Sure he doesn’t have everyday problems to deal with like us adults, but it got me thinking about how we can all spend that much time in happy mode.

Is it as simple as thinking happy thoughts or turning your thoughts to the good in your life?  Maybe.  Maybe it is a combination of focusing on the good things in life, but also taking the time to be playful.  Taking time to sing, dance, and let loose.  In a world where it often feels like there is never enough time or money, the simple things in life mean so much.

So, for today I will let loose and smile while thinking of the little boy who has not only stolen my heart, but has taught me a very valuable lesson about life.  And the next time he is bouncing off the walls with enthusiasm and his natural zest for life, instead of trying to calm him down, I will simply join in his joy.

We could all use a little more joy in our lives right?

Gratitude: Transformation & Positivity

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This week I was struck by how much I am changing in various ways.  I am growing, transforming, and moving into a new chapter in my life bit by bit and I must say in all the years I thought change was scary, I am finding it to be such a good thing.  Sure it isn’t always easy, and I have come to face some parts of myself that I don’t particularly like, but I am grateful for those parts too.  I am happy for the purpose they served in my life and I am grateful for the courage to move into a new me.  The truth is I have always been transforming in one form or another.  I think we all are.  But there is something about conscious transformation that feels different.  A good different.  A proud different.  And so I am grateful this week for transformation.

I am also grateful for the power of positivity.  Not just the arbitrary thought that positive is better than negative, but the power it has in my life (and yours too if you practice it).  I have consciously made an effort to let go of my resistance to life and believe that all will be fine.  Things will work out and be happy where I am right here, right now.  I have made lists of things that make me smile and things about my partner I adore just so I can build on top of my good vibes.  All-in-all it has allowed me to see and experience a different aspect of life.  The good that is in life no matter what is going on in ours.  I am finding that even when things feel less than hopeful or down right disastrous, a little bit of positivity goes a long way.

So my dear readers, I wish you well as you head into the weekend.  May you embrace whatever changes are lurking around the corner and find the positive in every single, delicious moment of this life.  It is all so good, even when it’s not.

Using The “What If” Game To Increase Positivity

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I will be the first to tell you I am not as positive as I would like to be all the time.  In fact, there are days when I feel down and I long to find my way back to the light airy feel of a positive disposition and when positivity quotes and pep talks fail, I play the “What If” game.  You probably have never heard of it as it is something I sort of created as I was trying desperately to get back to a place of feeling good.  You know how it goes…you attract how you feel (or for those familiar with the Law of Attraction, you get what you vibrate).  I didn’t like how I was feeling, thinking, and the overall icky feeling a negative mood can bring, so I started day dreaming…and that is when the “What If” game was born.

Here’s how it works:

Whenever you are feeling particularly negative about a certain situation, circumstance, or person you start by using your creativity and imagination to ask yourself various questions starting with “what if”, only they are framed in a positive light.

For instance, if the worry is about having enough money you might ask yourself “What if I had all I needed?” “What if all of my debt were paid off and every dollar I earned was simply disposable income?”, “What if I had a job that paid exactly the dollar figure I know I am worth?” Can you see how that might feel?  Where does your mind go when you think of that?  Do you imagine all the things you would buy with that money?  Can you feel the relaxation or elation you might feel if that were true?  This isn’t necessarily about believing that is happening, it is simply experiencing the feeling as if it has happened.  Will it magically put money into your bank account?  Probably not right this second, but it will turn your mood around so you are in a better place to relax and allow money, opportunities, and other resources to flow to you and through you.

Another example might be surrounding a close relationship.  “What if my partner gave me all the love and affection I desire?”, “What if I found my soul mate tomorrow?”, “What if my partner surprised me with a romantic dinner and flowers?”  How does that feel?  Are you giddy?  Have butterflies in your tummy?  Are you smiling from ear to ear, floating on cloud 9 just imagining your partner?  Viewing your partner in a positive light even in the midst of a challenging situation can shift not only your mood, but the entire dynamic of the situation.

You get the point.

The idea is to ask yourself these questions in such a way that you use your imagination to see these things happening and then feel the effect of the thought itself.  Do you remember as a child imagining something you were really looking forward to no matter how far out it seemed?  Or maybe you were imagining what it would be like go to Disney World or fly your own airplane or sing on stage?  Do you remember the magic you felt as you thought about these things not because they were happening, but simply because you were thinking about them with all the details, people, sounds, and events included?

It seems that somewhere between childhood and adulthood we have lost our ability to imagine and dream of far away things just because we can.  We have lost the ability to reap the benefits of positive excitement by imagining the never-ending “what if’s” that produce that good feeling that most children carry with them at all times.

It doesn’t really matter where we lost it or how, what matters is that you can enjoy that feeling again.  Try it.  The next time you are feeling particularly negative, play the “what if” game and see if it doesn’t move you into a more negative frame of mind.  Or better yet, play it once a day to give yourself a positive boost and see how it affects your life.

Celebrating A Day Of (Self) Love

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I couldn’t let this holiday pass without a post about love.  I am one of the biggest saps you will ever meet.  I cry at the drop of a hat, tear up during touching commercials, and I absolutely love romance and all that it entails.  And even though this day has become about giving gifts and cards etc. I still love it.  (I am a greeting card writer after all so it behooves me to be a bit sentimental.)

With that said I want to touch on something that doesn’t get talked about much, especially around this time of year and that is self-love.

All too often many of the greatest givers (myself included) have a tendency to forget or in some cases avoid all together the idea of loving ourselves.  It has been seen by some to be a narcissistic way of living if we tend to our own needs or recognize the gifts we truly have.  It has been all too common to downplay our strengths and focus on our weaknesses all while giving to and doing for others.  Sometimes we see that our needs aren’t as important as the needs of our child, partner, employer, or family and we disconnect entirely from what we want and need in order to give back to ourselves.  It is the lack of balance in loving another and loving ourselves that can cause frustration, fatigue, and resentment.

Is self-love a selfish act?  In my opinion it is not.  It is a necessity in order to effectively love another.  I know this because it has been a struggle of my own, one of which I have been working on for a while now and is one I believe we could all do a little more of.  Please don’t confuse self-love with boasting, narcissism, and the ego because it is far from that.

To me, self-love is accepting all of your being for who you are flaws and all and loving the person you were, the person you are, and who you have yet to become.  It’s not an easy task to do, but as we peel back the layers of ourselves and let them fall away, we uncover our truest selves…human beings full of love, inspiration, power, strength, and beauty.

How does this apply to accomplishing your dreams and goals?  I believe the more we love ourselves and accept ourselves for who we truly are, we view our dreams and goals in a new light.  Instead of not feeling good enough or worthy enough of our amazing gifts, we accept them graciously as they manifest.  So, today I ask you to take a moment and remind yourself that you are worthy of all of the goodness the Universe can give you, but first you must believe you are.

With that I will leave you with an inspirational quote I found.  May you always know you are worthy of your dreams.

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day!

“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.”
― C. JoyBell C.

 

Profound Inspiration On Authenticity

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The world we live in can often times make us feel like we have to play a specific role in order to “fit in”.  For misfits like myself it can become a tireless task to be accepted by all groups and to attempt to be like everyone else when deep down we know, we are just us.  Many of us are taught from a young age to merely exist and blend in with those around us.  Sure we want to be successful but at what cost?  The cost of our individuality?

There are many things that connect us as human beings, but a vast number of things that make us unique as well and those things are what make this life experience so amazing. (In my humble opinion.)  The fact that we all have our own experiences, opinions, decisions, and choices in this life make it the huge melting pot that it is, yet many people can’t seem to understand that “different” doesn’t necessarily mean “bad”.  And so, many of us strive to live the lives we think we should when really our authentic selves are waiting to come to the surface.  For some it can take an entire lifetime of working hard to fit in, only to realize they were really meant to stand out and follow their heart’s desires all along.  Others realize it much sooner, but still live half of their lives ignoring and denying who they truly are on the inside.

These last few weeks I have been doing a lot of thinking about authentic living.  I have had times in my life where I felt like I needed to fit in and have since begun what feels like a huge transition into living truly and authentically from my heart, and part of that authentic living means accomplishing my less than normal dreams.  And as I have begun sorting through my own beliefs on what is normal and what isn’t, I stumbled across some profoundly inspiring information/quotes that I want to share with you.

In the January 2013 issue of The Oprah Magazine, Oprah interviewed spiritual teacher Carolyn Myss about discovering happiness and finding our true path in this life.  One of the questions Carolyn was asked was why are people so confused about what they are meant to do in this life and her response resonated with me to my core.

“Because they define their life by what they want versus what they have.”

Wow…how many of us can think of a time when we have found ourselves unhappy due to not having something in particular?  What if we all took stock of what we have and live from a space of gratitude for those things instead of trying to keep up with society and what they dictate is enough?  I don’t think our lives should be defined by our possessions or the things we want to have, but more by who we are…our true, authentic selves.

The interview goes on to discuss life purpose and how many people find achieving their dreams and goals as a difficult thing.  They often find they are met with resistance and struggle.

“People suffer when they pursue a life or chase a dream that doesn’t belong to them.”

I had to stop for a moment and really absorb what this statement suggests.  If we are traveling a path that is not ours, meaning we are trying to live a life that is not authentic for us, then we are likely to be met with resistance, frustration, and challenge.  That is not to suggest that achieving our own dreams won’t have its own struggles and life lessons, but there will likely be a distinct difference in how those challenges feel.  The key is realizing when you are operating from your true self and when you are attempting to achieve a goal simply for the way it looks on the outside.  Are you achieving your dreams because it is your soul’s purpose or are you doing it for other reasons?

So, how do we find our life purpose?  By that I mean our true, authentic path that we are meant to travel in this lifetime.  What if you don’t know where to start?  Carolyn suggests:

“Have no judgments about your life.  No expectations.  Give up the need to know what happens tomorrow.  Just be fully present and appreciate all that is in your life right now.” 

Again, I don’t think she suggests sitting around and waiting for life to happen for you, but instead to be fully present with where you are right now and to listen.  Listen to your inner voice, your joy, and your passion.  It is likely you haven’t heard what it is trying to say if you have been attempting to live a life that isn’t yours.  Enjoy this moment, be grateful for it, and listen to what comes up for you.  I think you will find your true self shine through and it may be 180 degrees different from the life you were trying to live, but I firmly believe when we are living fully from our authentic selves, life simply flows.  You might just find that your true path offers more joy, happiness, and peace than you ever imagined.

Are you willing to live from that place?