Lamisha Serf-Walls

Expect The Unexpected

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Whenever I have heard the phrase “Expect the Unexpected”, it has always been in a negative way, meaning always be prepared for the worst.  For many years I lived waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop and when things in life got too good, I became leery.  Looking around every corner for the disaster to hit and by golly each time I looked for it, it showed up!  Lately, I have begun thinking of the unexpected as gifts of wonder, beauty, and generally more positive opportunities and experiences.

 

Today, “Expect the Unexpected” leaves me wondering what wonderful blessings are lurking around the corner and it gets me excited about life.  What a great feeling that is!

My transition from expecting negative to expecting positive didn’t happen overnight.  It was a gradual progression that happened over many years.  It actually came because I realized that every time I started expecting a disaster, one would appear, yet on the off-chance I was excited about life and excited for a new opportunity to reveal itself, an opportunity would also pop up.  After years of trial and error (unbeknownst to me), I realized what I expect, I get (to some degree).

Over the last month, I have been opening my eyes and my heart to whatever opportunities may come.  I have thought this thought even in times of uncertainty, and decided that whatever happens I will accept the opportunity and be open to it.  I will accept it with open arms and be grateful for I know there is a reason for it in my life right now, even if I don’t know the why.  Last week I wrote about getting over my self-doubt and moving from psyching myself out, to psyching myself up about a potential writing opportunity and at that point I decided I was going to do my best and if it worked out I would be grateful, and if it didn’t, I would still be grateful yet remain open for whatever new opportunities may come.  What I didn’t know was how quickly that opportunity would appear.  While I am still waiting to hear back from the first writing opportunity, I am currently working on another one!

Life never ceases to amaze me.

If you know me, you know that when I get my heart set on something it is often hard for me to let it go and I often find myself disappointed when it doesn’t work out as I had envisioned it to be, but this time I tried something different.  I decided that I am going to be open to what comes and let go of my control a bit more and have faith.  Faith that I am on the right path that will lead me to my dreams.  Trust in myself and confidence in my gifts.  And with a grateful heart and an open mind, I am sure to have many more wonderful opportunities come about.  That is not to say I should become complacent because we all know that action is part of making your dreams a reality.  But instead of dreaming and then worrying about the how, when, why, etc., I am going to dream and allow it to fly.  I am going to do what I can, and then trust that if it is meant to be, it will be.

I am learning that sometimes when the other shoe drops it’s a good thing. Sometimes it is exactly what you needed, and that proverbial shoe just might be a piece of your dream puzzle.  So be open and expect the unexpected and when the unexpected comes, no matter what form it may be, be grateful, for you never know where it may lead.

More Inspiration: Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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As a writer, I tend to look for inspiration in all sorts of places and many times it comes from other writers.  Today I read a post on Facebook by Oriah Mountain Dreamer entitled The Blessings of Things Gone “Wrong” and if you haven’t read her work, you are in for a treat.  I was just recently introduced to her writing this year, and I am dying to read more.

 

Her post got me thinking of how the things in life that seem to go “wrong” are simply leading us in a different direction, or putting us in a better position for something else.  For instance, being let go from a job, may seem like a terrible thing at first, but when it gives you the opportunity to live your dream then wasn’t the “wrong” really right?  It sheds new light on the frustrations and annoyances in everyday life.  In the moment they may feel yucky and simply like we have a bit of bad luck, but what if we changed our perception of these moments and looked for the blessing in them?

Have you ever been late for a meeting, or delayed for your travels only to later hear of a tragic car accident that occurred around the time you would have been driving?  Or maybe you miss a deadline only to find out there were major errors in your report and you are provided an extension to fix them?  The list could go on and on, but the moral of the story is that no matter how bad something seems, your situation may very well be working in your favor, and you have yet to see the blessing in it.

 
So as we enter into the holiday season, a time that can get even the best of us frazzled and frustrated, look for the blessings in every moment, but especially when things feel like they are going “wrong”.  When you change you perspective, not only your mood, but your reality tends to change as well.

Safe travels to those that are traveling, and if you are like myself and enjoying a nice Thanksgiving at home, enjoy!

From Psych-Out to Psych-Up

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There are many times in life when you have to simply ignore the anxious ramblings in your head that ask you if you are good enough, strong enough, smart enough, ______(fill in the blank) enough and like Nike says “Just Do It”.  Get rid of the negative self-talk, and the voice in your head that says you aren’t enough in whatever capacity and do what scares you anyways.  If you psych yourself out and you get cold feet and walk away simply because you are afraid, you will never know what the outcome could have been.  Simply put, if you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

 

As a writer most writing gigs don’t fall from the sky (I wish they did), but instead you must do your research, submit query letters, and apply, apply, apply, that is if you want to get paid.  And this writer despite the joy I get from writing this blog, would like to have more paid writing opportunities to add to my publishing portfolio.  So, I apply and most days after applying, I wait only to find that if you aren’t chosen for the gig, you never hear from the person ever again.  Sometimes that is better than hearing a flat-out no, but I guess that depends who you ask.  But, on the off-chance I get a response and they are asking for more information like I did this weekend, I begin to psych myself out, especially if it is something even the slightest bit out of my comfort zone.

The voice in my head begins its rambling of panic asking if I am good enough, and goodness forbid they ask me for a sample piece, then my mental chatter goes into overtime.  ‘Can I do this?’ ‘What if it isn’t good enough?’ ‘What if they say no?’  To which I respond sometimes, but psyching myself out entirely and end up not getting the gig.

Not this time!

I applied for a gig that I thought would be fun and interesting.  I genuinely want the gig, and it’s paid! (win-win all around)  It is something I knew I could do before applying, so why am I questioning it now?  Because that is how I work sometimes, not a good way to work, but the way I work none the less.  The difference is that instead of psyching myself out, I am psyching myself up.  I am going to write the sample, and give it my all because I know I can do it.  Not in a cocky, I am better than you kind of way, but the type of knowing that stands out as courageous confidence.  This writing gig is small, but if I want to fulfill my dream of being a published writer in various genres and eventually publish a book, this is a good step in that direction.

I am moving out of my head and into my heart.  The heart that knows that I can do this. The heart that has the confidence, the joy, and the courage to do something different even if it scares me a little, and in spite of the potential rejection, I am going to continue to move forward applying for other writing gigs that may scare me.  And if the chips fall and I am not selected for this particular writing gig, then it just wasn’t meant to be, and there will be another one (or two or three) out there for me and I look forward to those as well.

Moving forward confidently and courageously toward my dreams without all the negative mental chatter.

 

A Collaborative Approach

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I have never been a big fan of competition and as a dance coach I often found it challenging to get my dancers out of the mindset that if they didn’t bring home a trophy, then they were “losers”.  Instead of believing the myth that if you don’t win whatever you do doesn’t matter, I believe in progress and improvement, but beyond that the idea that we only have to be better than yourselves.

I often see people getting so wrapped up in what someone else is doing as they attempt to “be better than” so and so, or they feel the need to measure up to another person’s standards and successes that they lose their purpose.  They begin to focus on the other person and forget why they are doing what they are doing in the first place.

Our dreams are not here as a competition.  They are simply our heart’s desire that we wish to fulfill in our lives.  They are ours, and ours alone.  They are what we make of them, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing.  Of course society says something very different.  In today’s world you have to fight your way to the top and sometimes that means stepping on others to get there.  We are constantly bombarded with not only the idea that we can reach the peak of perfection, but that perfection has a certain look, a certain feel, and a certain amount of money in a bank account.

I’m not buying it.

I say be the best you, you can be.  Don’t worry about what someone else is doing.  Don’t worry about how much money they are making, or how successful their business is compared to yours.  Focus on your life purpose, your dreams, and being a better you.  That is what matters.  And as you move along your path, support others in their goals and dreams and it will come back to you tenfold (that’s my belief anyways).  Find ways to collaborate with others and be more co-creative with a joint vision instead of seeing the other as your competitor.

In my opinion our society has too much division the way it is and we must take a different approach for our future.  Let’s support one another, collaborate in unity, and be kind.  Encourage, uplift, and inspire others to follow their dreams whatever they may be and if you happen to be in the same field and can offer some helpful advice, do it.  It is through this collaborative approach that we will all succeed in achieving our hearts desire, and the idea of competing against someone else’s dream or journey will be a thing of the past.

As I am beginning my own dream journey towards life coaching, I have been very fortunate to have several life coaches assist me with information, guidance, and insight into the training and the business aspects coaching.  At no time did I feel like they didn’t support me in my endeavors, or feel threatened by my questions and for that I am grateful.  I hope that as I move forward in my own career that I too can offer guidance, assistance, and insight to someone else on a similar path.

I invite you to think of (and act on) ways you can support others in their pursuits.  And if there is anything I can do to support, motivate, and inspire you, please let me know.

For Love or Money

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I have thought a lot about satisfaction in the workplace in recent years and can’t help but wonder how many people are actually doing work that they love?  My guess is not too many.

For many years I have surveyed (for my own interest) different people who I have worked with and asked them how happy they are in their job.  Most of them look at me quizzically, not understanding the question.  It seems a large portion of our population has succumbed to the thought that the work that you do is just that…work.  Work is not meant to be enjoyed, not meant to be fun, and is simply a means to an end.  The end being paying bills, saving for retirement, and taking care of everyday expenses etc.  And even though I just recently (in the last 2 years or so), have come to the realization regarding the work I am meant to do, the idea that work is just work has never been something that sat well with me.  In fact I realize now, all the time I had been asking different people if they enjoyed their work, I was trying to figure out how they got there.  The challenge is that I never found one person that said, “Yes, I love this!”  That is not to say those people aren’t out there, I am sure there are many people who enjoy their work, I just haven’t spoken to them.

 
I understand for the most part why a lot of people aren’t doing work that they love.  It stems partially from the society that we live in that requires us to make a decision in our college years to determine what we want to do for the rest of our lives.  The reality is that what we choose during college doesn’t always translate into work after college(says the writer who has a Bachelors in Exercise Science and a Masters in Psychology, but isn’t doing either of those things and is looking for a new career).  For instance, I had an interest in fitness, but didn’t know where I wanted to go with it after college.  By the time I realized it probably wasn’t something I would enjoy for the long haul, I already had too many credit hours to switch to something else, and I didn’t even know what I wanted to switch to.  I wanted/needed to graduate so I stuck with the fitness degree.  Fast forward a few years and you would find me enrolling in a Masters program for Psychology with an idea of helping people.  Still unsure of the path I would take, I finished the degree and finally (a few years after that) found my calling.  I was meant to be a life coach.

I think another reason many people don’t follow their dream career is because sometimes dreams don’t seem “practical”.  I had a friend in college who was (and still is) a wonderful artist.  She was accepted into a prestigious art program not far from her home and because her mother didn’t think that art could pay the bills, she was forced into a career in business and finance, a far cry from the creative outlet she was looking for.

I have often thought about the conundrum of doing work for love or for money and wondered how many people have ever really thought about the work that they do.  Most people probably do their work for the income it brings in, even if it isn’t as much as they would like to make from it.  In an economy that still seems unsteady, it seems irresponsible, frivolous, and some may say just plain stupid to give up a “sure thing” job to dive head first into a dream that you may never achieve.  I beg to differ.  While I am absolutely a numbers gal and can be very practical when it comes to money and finances, I am also a dreamer, creator, and artist.

I was meant to do work that I love.

Looking back I now realize a part of me has always pushed me into work that I love be it choreography, being a dance teacher and coach, but most of all talking to people and motivating them to do the things they love.  I have always been doing this, only now am I seeing it from the stand point of a career.  A career that would make me excited to get up everyday.  Something that would allow me to help others and to push people to realize their dreams and have the courage to achieve them.  For me it hasn’t ever been about money.  I have taken “jobs” just because I need to pay the bills, but I have a bigger vision in mind.  I want to do the work that makes my heart sing.  For me it’s more about the love of what I do than the money I make doing it.  Sure, I have bills to pay, retirement to save for, and a family to help support, but I know that if I am doing the work that I love, it will all work out.  It won’t happen magically in a year or two and it will take some hard work, financial planning, and dedication to my career, but if I can do work that I love, it is icing on the cake.

So let me ask you this…do you do what you do for love or for money?  And if it isn’t for love, can you do what you love as a career?  It might require a bit of outside the box thinking, but I am sure there is a way.