Lamisha Serf-Walls

Using The “What If” Game To Increase Positivity

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I will be the first to tell you I am not as positive as I would like to be all the time.  In fact, there are days when I feel down and I long to find my way back to the light airy feel of a positive disposition and when positivity quotes and pep talks fail, I play the “What If” game.  You probably have never heard of it as it is something I sort of created as I was trying desperately to get back to a place of feeling good.  You know how it goes…you attract how you feel (or for those familiar with the Law of Attraction, you get what you vibrate).  I didn’t like how I was feeling, thinking, and the overall icky feeling a negative mood can bring, so I started day dreaming…and that is when the “What If” game was born.

Here’s how it works:

Whenever you are feeling particularly negative about a certain situation, circumstance, or person you start by using your creativity and imagination to ask yourself various questions starting with “what if”, only they are framed in a positive light.

For instance, if the worry is about having enough money you might ask yourself “What if I had all I needed?” “What if all of my debt were paid off and every dollar I earned was simply disposable income?”, “What if I had a job that paid exactly the dollar figure I know I am worth?” Can you see how that might feel?  Where does your mind go when you think of that?  Do you imagine all the things you would buy with that money?  Can you feel the relaxation or elation you might feel if that were true?  This isn’t necessarily about believing that is happening, it is simply experiencing the feeling as if it has happened.  Will it magically put money into your bank account?  Probably not right this second, but it will turn your mood around so you are in a better place to relax and allow money, opportunities, and other resources to flow to you and through you.

Another example might be surrounding a close relationship.  “What if my partner gave me all the love and affection I desire?”, “What if I found my soul mate tomorrow?”, “What if my partner surprised me with a romantic dinner and flowers?”  How does that feel?  Are you giddy?  Have butterflies in your tummy?  Are you smiling from ear to ear, floating on cloud 9 just imagining your partner?  Viewing your partner in a positive light even in the midst of a challenging situation can shift not only your mood, but the entire dynamic of the situation.

You get the point.

The idea is to ask yourself these questions in such a way that you use your imagination to see these things happening and then feel the effect of the thought itself.  Do you remember as a child imagining something you were really looking forward to no matter how far out it seemed?  Or maybe you were imagining what it would be like go to Disney World or fly your own airplane or sing on stage?  Do you remember the magic you felt as you thought about these things not because they were happening, but simply because you were thinking about them with all the details, people, sounds, and events included?

It seems that somewhere between childhood and adulthood we have lost our ability to imagine and dream of far away things just because we can.  We have lost the ability to reap the benefits of positive excitement by imagining the never-ending “what if’s” that produce that good feeling that most children carry with them at all times.

It doesn’t really matter where we lost it or how, what matters is that you can enjoy that feeling again.  Try it.  The next time you are feeling particularly negative, play the “what if” game and see if it doesn’t move you into a more negative frame of mind.  Or better yet, play it once a day to give yourself a positive boost and see how it affects your life.

Profound Inspiration On Authenticity

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The world we live in can often times make us feel like we have to play a specific role in order to “fit in”.  For misfits like myself it can become a tireless task to be accepted by all groups and to attempt to be like everyone else when deep down we know, we are just us.  Many of us are taught from a young age to merely exist and blend in with those around us.  Sure we want to be successful but at what cost?  The cost of our individuality?

There are many things that connect us as human beings, but a vast number of things that make us unique as well and those things are what make this life experience so amazing. (In my humble opinion.)  The fact that we all have our own experiences, opinions, decisions, and choices in this life make it the huge melting pot that it is, yet many people can’t seem to understand that “different” doesn’t necessarily mean “bad”.  And so, many of us strive to live the lives we think we should when really our authentic selves are waiting to come to the surface.  For some it can take an entire lifetime of working hard to fit in, only to realize they were really meant to stand out and follow their heart’s desires all along.  Others realize it much sooner, but still live half of their lives ignoring and denying who they truly are on the inside.

These last few weeks I have been doing a lot of thinking about authentic living.  I have had times in my life where I felt like I needed to fit in and have since begun what feels like a huge transition into living truly and authentically from my heart, and part of that authentic living means accomplishing my less than normal dreams.  And as I have begun sorting through my own beliefs on what is normal and what isn’t, I stumbled across some profoundly inspiring information/quotes that I want to share with you.

In the January 2013 issue of The Oprah Magazine, Oprah interviewed spiritual teacher Carolyn Myss about discovering happiness and finding our true path in this life.  One of the questions Carolyn was asked was why are people so confused about what they are meant to do in this life and her response resonated with me to my core.

“Because they define their life by what they want versus what they have.”

Wow…how many of us can think of a time when we have found ourselves unhappy due to not having something in particular?  What if we all took stock of what we have and live from a space of gratitude for those things instead of trying to keep up with society and what they dictate is enough?  I don’t think our lives should be defined by our possessions or the things we want to have, but more by who we are…our true, authentic selves.

The interview goes on to discuss life purpose and how many people find achieving their dreams and goals as a difficult thing.  They often find they are met with resistance and struggle.

“People suffer when they pursue a life or chase a dream that doesn’t belong to them.”

I had to stop for a moment and really absorb what this statement suggests.  If we are traveling a path that is not ours, meaning we are trying to live a life that is not authentic for us, then we are likely to be met with resistance, frustration, and challenge.  That is not to suggest that achieving our own dreams won’t have its own struggles and life lessons, but there will likely be a distinct difference in how those challenges feel.  The key is realizing when you are operating from your true self and when you are attempting to achieve a goal simply for the way it looks on the outside.  Are you achieving your dreams because it is your soul’s purpose or are you doing it for other reasons?

So, how do we find our life purpose?  By that I mean our true, authentic path that we are meant to travel in this lifetime.  What if you don’t know where to start?  Carolyn suggests:

“Have no judgments about your life.  No expectations.  Give up the need to know what happens tomorrow.  Just be fully present and appreciate all that is in your life right now.” 

Again, I don’t think she suggests sitting around and waiting for life to happen for you, but instead to be fully present with where you are right now and to listen.  Listen to your inner voice, your joy, and your passion.  It is likely you haven’t heard what it is trying to say if you have been attempting to live a life that isn’t yours.  Enjoy this moment, be grateful for it, and listen to what comes up for you.  I think you will find your true self shine through and it may be 180 degrees different from the life you were trying to live, but I firmly believe when we are living fully from our authentic selves, life simply flows.  You might just find that your true path offers more joy, happiness, and peace than you ever imagined.

Are you willing to live from that place?

Gratitude: Magic & Mayhem

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This week has been a bit crazy and it seems that it may continue for a few weeks, so when deciding what to write about in today’s post it took me a little bit to decide on my two items.  After some reflection on the week and looking forward to the weekend, finally decided on magic and mayhem

There is always a lot of hustle and bustle around the holidays for my family.  Since we live so far away, we have to plan our shopping early and make sure to wrap and package our gifts to get them mailed off in time.  At the moment my living room looks like Santa’s workshop exploded with the many gifts, and piles of items to be mailed.  With that said I was reminded of the magical essence this time of year brings with the decorations, sweet-smelling treats, and the tale of Santa and his reindeer delivering wonderful things to families around the world.  I am reminded of the general good-will feeling that comes with the holidays and for that I am grateful.  I am grateful to be able to share in the magic with my son as his imagination grows especially during this time of year.  In spite of all the manic hustle and bustle that has gone on this week, I am comforted by the magic.

In addition to magic, I am surprisingly grateful for the mayhem that has taken place the last few days.  Without it, I wouldn’t learn lessons of patience and faith.  Without it, I might miss the appreciation and peace that comes when the mayhem has subsided.  In a weird, twisted, maybe confusing way, I am blessed by the mayhem because it keeps me on my toes and makes me stronger for next time.

May you all find a little bit of magic in the midst of whatever mayhem you maybe experiencing, but most of all enjoy your weekend.

Follow The Joy

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Last month I read a post from Jess Lively that really inspired me.  I put the thought into my mental memory bank for later retrieval and after the last two days of my day job I was reminded of this post about a concept of “pretiring”.  Check out her post here.

Jess discusses how she plans to give herself permission each day to do things that she enjoys and to follow her heart to what feels good.  My initial thought was…”you can do that?”.  As I thought about it more, it made so much sense to me.  How different would your world look if you followed your intuition/gut/spidey senses and did the things that made you feel good even just a little bit.  I am a realistic person much more than I like to admit, and the reality for me is that I have a family to help support and I can’t just up and quit my day job to follow my heart.  But I can begin feeling out my writing gigs and only responding to the ones the resonate with me.  I can only write the things that feel natural and organic, and not try to fit into any one box.  The truth is, I don’t belong in a box, I like to wear far too many hats to sit in one place for too long.

I have been inspired to begin doing more things that feel right as opposed to the things I feel I should do, although there are many shoulds that I can’t get away from.  (I should get up for work to pay the bills until my side gigs turn into something that can support myself and my family etc. )

I have read a lot about following your heart and fulfilling your life purpose and from what others are saying, the more you do that authentically, the more you will see opportunities come into focus and you allow your path to unfold for you.  It is at this point that your life’s work doesn’t feel like work, it feels like joy.  So, I am doing just that.  Doing the things that feel good and bring me joy.  What a concept right?

**Disclaimer** Do not be fooled by fear.  Fear has a funny way of making something feel wrong when really it is just trying to limit what you are doing. I too have to be careful when fear comes around because I often mistake it for my gut telling me that something isn’t right, when in actuality it is trying to keep me where I am.  Use your judgement and feel how fear feels for yourself.  It may be different for everyone, but I urge you not to let a fear of failure to stop you from moving towards your dreams.

So, what if you did more of what feels right to you and followed your joy more?  What would your life look like?  I am sure it would look (and feel) much different from how it does now.  I invite you to do something each day that inspires you, excites you, and lights the flame of desire for your dreams.  The more you do, the more you will find to be excited about.  I’d love to hear what you plan on doing more of!

Don’t Forget To Dream

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In the last month or so I have spoken to two friends that I have known for several years.  Both are a bit older than myself and find that they have reached a point in life that they need a change.  After talking to them and asking them questions about why they feel the way they do, I came to the conclusion that they have lost the ability to dream.

I asked one of my friends the question I have asked many people regarding if money were not an issue what would she want to do, and I was astounded at her response.  She didn’t know.  She had no way of identifying what brings her joy or what she would want to do next in life.  A few weeks later, I was talking to my other friend and the conversation went in the same direction.  This friend even asked me “Am I too old to dream?” After telling her “Of course not, you are never too old to dream.”, she confided in me she didn’t know how to dream.  She had always been focused on getting by and simply making it to the next day, that she never allowed herself to think too far into the future.  While I believe living in the moment is a beautiful thing, dreaming is what makes life magical. 

I fear that many people in the world have lost their ability to dream at some point or another as they are overcome by their current reality.  Their current state of being has overpowered their ability to be open to possibilities and limited their ability to see the world through a child’s eyes again.  A world where there are no restrictions, no boundaries, and nothing stopping you from dreaming of the best life possible.  Sometimes we grow up knowing that bills have to be paid and so we must work and are often told to get our head out of the clouds and come back to reality.  If you ask me, losing the ability to dream is one of the most detrimental parts of being an adult.

The good news is that you can begin to dream again.  Just as I told both of my friends, just because you lose sight of it for a while, doesn’t mean it’s gone forever.  You simply have to flex your imagination and begin to see the world differently.  For some people dreaming doesn’t have to be winning the lottery or striking it rich somehow.  For many, dreaming means doing work that they love, making a difference in the lives of others, and simply being the best person they can be.  And if you have lost your ability to dream, you might wonder where to begin.

My first suggestion is to begin seeing the magic that is already around you, some of which you may be overlooking.  Keep a little notebook of magical moments and write them down as you experience them.  Maybe you want to keep a gratitude or beauty journal where you write down all the things you observe that strike you as beautiful or list items everyday that you are grateful for.  The key is to get out of your head and into the world.  Become an observer of your surroundings and look at the world through different eyes.  Enjoy the twinkling Christmas lights, notice the beautiful colors of the sunrise or the sunset at night, enjoy looking up at the stars at night and feel the abundant magic that lies within all of these things.  The more you begin to notice the magic of everyday life, the easier it will be for you to believe that you can employ that same magic in your own life.

The more you notice the magic around you, the more you will begin to feel the joy that comes with it.  The appreciation for the things, people, circumstances, and brilliance that are already around you.  Use that joy to begin thinking of other things that bring you joy and write it down.  In your perfect world what does happiness look like for you?  Describe it, feel it, taste it, smell it, and see it.  That is what dreams are made of.  They are magical visualizations full of vibrant feelings that employ all of your senses.  Dreams light the fire inside you to move forward and to not only believe your dream is possible, but to know it is.  Sure it might seem crazy to someone else, but this is your dream.  Dream it, feel it, and then go out and get it.

Life isn’t meant to be difficult.  Sure there are times when we all struggle with certain circumstances in life, but I truly believe life is meant to be enjoyed.  So find your joy again.  Find it, feel it, and keep it.  And as you venture through your day, and make your plans for 2013, don’t forget to dream!