Lamisha Serf-Walls

The other side of Rejection

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As a writer much of the writing process revolves around getting your writing published and in order to get accepted, you usually have to go through a lot of rejection.  And while some people can take the rejection in stride as they move onto their next project, I am still learning to look on the bright side.

Today I received an email stating several of my pieces that were under review for possible greeting cards had been rejected.  This isn’t the first time I have received a rejection, and while I am generally a little disappointed, I am usually able to move onward and upward.  Today was a little different.

Over the last few weeks I have been feeling like good news was just around the corner.  I just knew the next time I heard from the greeting card company, that I would be getting several pieces published.  I even had a number in my head of how many I felt were going to be published and a vivid picture of the check I would receive.  Imagine my disappointment when instead of getting a check in the mail, I got a rejection via email.

I was slightly stunned.  I really felt with all of my being that I was going to end this year on a really high note with my writing.  I could just feel it.  I knew that something big was going to happen and since I didn’t have anything else currently in the works (writing wise), this had to be it. Right?  Surprised, disappointed, and feeling a little rejected, I retreated to my office to update my list of pending poems.  It was there I realized I had a choice to make.

I could either wallow in my disappointment, trying to figure out what was “wrong” with my poems, or I could choose to look at the bright side.

I decided to find something positive to focus on, so instead of focusing on the 5 poems that were just rejected, I decided to look at the ones I have still in the process.  I counted almost 75 poems still being considered and of those 75, about 10 are in the final review process and are one step closer to being published.  That is truly something to celebrate.  I also realized while I could choose to take these “rejections” personally, the truth is it’s really not personal and if I have any hope of publishing an article, or book one day, I have to develop a thicker skin.  The business side of writing is not for the weak at heart, and the easier it is for me to take the rejections now, the better I will be down the line.

So where does that leave my gut feeling that something good is waiting just around the corner?  It’s a little bit shaken, but still there.  I still have high hopes of ending this year on a good note with my writing and I have 2 months for that to happen, but if it doesn’t, I will choose to see the good in the situation, just as I did today.

The moral of this story is this: Dreams are magical and perfect creations in our imagination and as they begin to manifest in our reality, it may not always go as planned, but there will always be a choice to see the good in the situation.  And if you make the choice to give up on your dream because of the challenges you face, it probably wasn’t your true passion to begin with.

 

Ease Into It

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The other day I set an intention to get my fitness and meditation practices back on track, and yesterday was my first day back.  I was happy to find nice weather outside as I began my extended walk/jog on my lunch break and that optimistic feeling might have caused me to over-estimate my current fitness level.

As I began I warmed up a bit by walking and with the sun shining down on me boy was I feeling good. I felt so good that I broke out into a jog, thinking I could at least jog half of the total distance.  I was wrong.  I found very quickly that I am much more out of shape than I thought and realized I should probably walk before I run.  And as you may already know  patience is not my forte, and sometimes I have a difficult time easing into things.  As I huffed and puffed, I decided to listen to my body and walk the remainder of the distance, but instead of berating myself and judging my lack of progress, I used it as an opportunity to really enjoy my surroundings.  It turned out to be a very lovely walk, leaving me feeling energetic and focused for the rest of my day, a sure sign that exercise and fresh air does wonders for the mind and body.  I also realized that had I not listened to my body, I would have felt very differently about my new fitness regime and over the course of the day I kept thinking…you have to ease into it.

That thought stuck with me because while it applies to my health and fitness plans, it also relates to my dreams as well.  I often find myself passionate and excited about a new project or idea and I want to dive in head first and I have found that if I do the unfortunate result is burn out.  (My two previous attempts at blogging is a great example.)  And while my passion and drive may never cease (at least I hope it doesn’t), I am reminded that in order for my dreams and goals to last, I have to ease into them.

What does that mean?

In regards to my life coaching career it means allowing myself the space to learn along the way, to plan for unforeseen challenges, and enjoy the ride.  There’s a concept I often forget…enjoying the ride.  I have often been so focused (and frustrated) on getting there, that I have found myself dismissing my little victories along the way and forgetting that the journey is really the best part.  And though I will be extremely proud, excited, and feeling over the moon once my business really takes off, I will feel that way because of all the things I did to get there.  The planning, writing, saving, creating, and all the other wonderful things that go into building a business are all things I want to truly experience and if I were to jump in head first, I might miss everything it takes to get there.

I don’t want to miss that.

I want to take it one step at a time (did I just say that?) in order to not only do it the right way, but the right way for me.  It may not be the way everyone else would do it, but then again I am not everyone else.  I am me.  I am passionate about helping people.  I am creative and I am absolutely in love with the idea of helping people achieve their own dreams and as I learn what it takes to achieve mine, I will be that much better at helping someone else.  Those are the things that excite me and allow me to take a step back and say “I will do this”.

So I have decided that while my passion is what fuels my ideas, creations, and my life, it’s something I want to last and so I will be patient.  I will enjoy the journey as it unfolds, be present in each experience, and keep my vision alive, both for my dream of being a life coach, and my intention of getting my health back on track.  But above all else, I am learning more and more, that life is a wonderful journey, and if you can’t enjoy the journey, the destination won’t mean all that much anyways.

Back On Track

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Over the last year or so I have attempted to work some type of fitness into my daily routine as much as possible.  Some weeks I do really well while during others I am lucky to fit a 20 minute walk in an entire week.  Needless to say I have not been very consistent or motivated.  While my weight hasn’t fluctuated all that much despite the lack of activity, I am beginning to see a difference in how I feel, both in regards to my mental focus (or lack there of) and energy and it is not a positive difference at all.  I find myself fatigued much of the time and while my to do list continues to grow, my motivation continues to plummet.  This weekend I was reminded that I need to refocus my health goal and set a new intention to create (and stick to) a fitness regime.

One of my most basic issues with setting a plan surprisingly is that I have been working on being in the flow of life.  Instead of setting a schedule and stressing over every detail, I am sort of letting life take me where it chooses to some degree.  I am learning that this method only works with some things, and perhaps fitness is not one of these areas.  If I am honest with myself (and you) “flowing with life” is probably an excuse I have come up with to make me feel better about not exercising as much as I need to.  I know I have not made my own fitness regime a priority in my life and while it isn’t always my favorite thing to do, I need to make the time for it again.

How do you make time?

I have always believed that we make the time for the things that are important to us, but in a world where we wear many hats, how can you make the time for all that you need and want to do?  Sometimes it seems impossible.

I could give you a million reasons why I don’t work out, how it doesn’t fit into my schedule, or why it is just difficult to stick to, but I won’t.  Instead I will tell you why making time for fitness and any other task that is part of your dream is important.

There will always be something else to do instead of your craft (or any goal or dream you may have) and you may very well find a way to rationalize why the other thing is more important at that moment, but if your dream is worth achieving you must make the time for it.  No.Matter.What.  It doesn’t necessarily have to be every day, but if you create a schedule, stick to it.  (This goes for me and my fitness schedule as well.)  If writing a book is important and you are ready to achieve that dream, set a writing schedule.  If you want to make your dreams a reality, they aren’t going to magically appear, just as I am not going to wake up one morning and suddenly be able to run a mini-marathon, believe me if this was true, I would have run several by now.

We must prioritize the things that are important to us.  If you are like me, you have a list a mile long of things you want to accomplish in a day, but the reality is that even with an unlimited number of hours in a day, you still wouldn’t complete everything.  Prioritizing is a must, but I think the most important thing to do is to is remember we are human.

Life happens.

There will be times when we get distracted and fall out of our routines.  It happens, and the best we can do is flow with what comes and get back to what is important to us.  That is exactly what I am intending to do.  I am getting back to a peaceful mind, energetic body, and creative soul through exercise and meditation.  And while it will require me to rethink how I spend my time (especially since I am blogging again), making time for meditation and exercise is essential for the rest of my dreams to become reality.

With so many responsibilities in our day-to-day lives, we often forget to take care of ourselves and our needs.  Now is the time to change that.  I encourage you to look at your dreams and goals and without judgement, see where you can fit more time to those things that bring you joy, so you too can be that much closer to making your dreams a reality.

What do you want to make more time for?

What can you do now???

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It isn’t often that dreams happen overnight.  If it were that easy, everyone would have accomplished their dreams long ago.  The reality is that any goal, dream, or aspiration takes time, patience, planning, and a lot of hard work.  I have often felt stuck or frustrated because my dreams weren’t materializing as quickly as I would like and it seemed that even taking the first step was more difficult than I thought it would be.  So I often ask myself the question, “What do you do when you are waiting for the pieces to fall into place?”

What can you do NOW?

The first thing I did when I realized (and realized again) that life coaching was the path for me, was a lot of research.  I looked at websites for different life coaches to see what it was all about, even though I had a vague understanding of what the job entailed, I wanted to see how others were doing it.  So I scoured the internet for as many life coach as I could find.  This just happened to be right around the time we were planning on moving to SC, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to see if there were any life coaches in the area we were moving to and see if maybe they could use some help in their business.  I learned very quickly life coaching isn’t really that type of business.  I did, however find one woman who was willing to speak with me regarding her experience with her business and the training she went through before starting her business.  After speaking with her I thought I would feel inspired and motivated to keep moving forward, but what I felt was the exact opposite.  I realized the first person I spoke to was in it purely for the money, ironically enough it can be a tough business to be in for the money.

While I was slightly discouraged, the passion for helping people achieve their dreams didn’t stop.  So I kept talking about my dream with some of my friends and realized my best friend knew not one, but two life coaches.  She was able to connect me with one that was able to explain to me her process, training, and overall business and the conversation was wonderful.  I left the conversation feeling more empowered, more excited, and more motivated than I had been before.  I was on my way.

Many months passed with our move and settling into a new area and I began to feel stuck again.  Now I knew what I was meant to do, and I really just wanted to jump right in and do it.  I was mentally ready to begin my training courses, however I had no idea what programs would be best, what the cost would entail etc.  So the next logical step was to research the programs and find the best one for me.  It took me a few weeks to read through the different program options and weigh all of the pros and cons, but I finally found the program for me.  The next step would be to get the money together to begin the courses so I could keep moving forward, but one of my goals along this process is to limit any new debt and to ensure that when I begin my programming I have paid off as much as possible.  Incurring new debt for this purpose was not something I wanted to do.  So, I made a decision to spend some time paying down some of my debt first, and then beginning my program a bit later.  A task that requires a lot of patience and faith.

So that is where I am today.  Part of beginning this blog was the result of the thought…What can I do NOW??  I needed to be able to reach out to people to motivate, inspire, and empower them even if I couldn’t do it through life coaching…yet.  It has certainly allowed me to feel better about moving forward, bit by bit, to reach my goals and while there are still some days when I want to just throw my plans to the side and dive right in, I know that my planning and patience will benefit me in the long run.

The moral of this story is this: Even if you feel you can’t jump right into your goal, find something you can do today that will put you a little bit closer to it and keep you inspired to continue moving forward.  If you want to write a book (one of my dreams), maybe you can begin with writing one page a day.  What ever your dream may be, thee is always something you can do today.  You just have to figure out what that is.

I am a reformed believer that there is always something you can do to put you closer to your goals no matter how far away they may seem.  Each step makes a huge difference and will keep you on right track.

My question for you today is this: What can you do today to put you a little bit closer to your dream?

Away From the Flock

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You’ve heard the saying “birds of a feather flock together” or  “misery loves company”, I was living those sayings for awhile and not in a good way.  For a long time I found myself drawn to people who could commiserate with my misery, particularly in the workplace.  I found myself in a job that I didn’t love, working for a boss that was manipulative, frustrating, and simply unfair.  Many of my coworkers felt the same way, so each day we would spend our breaks complaining about our work lives, though not many of us were doing anything about it.  I soon realized this was not healthy thing for me, and it was keeping me in a very negative mood most days and I just didn’t like the person I was becoming.  I would like to say I came to that realization on my own, but I didn’t.  My partner helped me realize I was allowing the negativity to affect me as a person.  Not only was it affecting me, but I was bringing my anger and frustration home, which was not something I wanted to do.  So after many months of thinking “I can’t help it”,  I made some changes.

 
I began seeing my job for what it was, a job, not a career.  While that thought alone didn’t fix my problematic boss situation, or keep me from being frustrated day in and day out, it was a start.  The next thing I did was limit the time I spent complaining and started focusing on the positive aspects of my position.  I began thinking of what the future may hold for me and what lesson I was supposed to be learning.  I had been looking for another job on and off for about 2 years and had difficulty finding the “right” position which I attributed that to the lesson I still had to learn in my current position.  I didn’t immediately know what the lesson was since I was so focused on the negativity, but then something happened…I changed my attitude.

Once I changed my attitude about my situation my situation changed.  It was like magic!  Within a few months I was asked to apply for a position with another company that seemingly fell out of the sky.  I wasn’t actively looking for another job at the time, but this position fit perfectly with my family life and the impending move we had planned in the coming months.  I couldn’t believe it!  Just when I had stopped looking for the things to complain about, and stopped flocking with the negative crowd, my reality changed and it changed for the better.  Lesson learned…or so I thought.

Lately I have been feeling a pull towards the future me.  The one that has her own business, sets her own hours, and is doing the work that she loves.  A version of me that seems so very far away and at times the thought can be frustrating.  Add to that the stress and frustration at work and I found myself beginning to move towards the flock of negativity again.  Not. Good. News.  With that said there is a flip side to this and that is, I am aware of it.
I am very aware of the road I am beginning to travel down, and I remember very clearly what happened the last time I was on this road.  So I am choosing to turn around and head down a more productive, more positive, more optimistic path.  One of faith.

I have faith that I am being challenged right now for a reason, and while I don’t know what that reason is, I know it will lead me to something better.  I just have to believe not only in myself, but in my dream.  And I am going to do just that.

I intend to be more aware of my complaining and limit it as much as possible so I don’t follow the flock down a road I have already traveled.  I already know what is at the end, and it is not pretty.  I choose to embrace the positive aspects of life and have faith that those positives will multiply.  I’ve seen it happen before, and I know it will happen again with a little faith.
What about you? How do you stay positive, even when your outer circumstances are less than ideal?