Lamisha Serf-Walls

The Real Deal: Part 2

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A few months ago I shared a post titled The Real Deal.  It was my confession to you (and myself) that I am not perfect and I am in fact human.  (Contrary to how I may act sometimes. 🙂  )

Well consider this part two of that post.large__4182902199

Over the last two days I have been struggling with a lot of questions, doubts, concerns, and overall worry about the future.  A few comments from a friend that were meant to be helpful actually uncovered some deep insecurities and fear within myself that I thought I was managing by putting on a happy face and staying positive.

You see, when I started this life coaching business venture, I had one plan in mind.  I was going to build it from the bottom little-by-little and I fully believed that what I didn’t know about the business end of things I would figure out along the way.  When I got word that I would be losing my current job, I took it as a sign that I should dive more fully into my business and continue building it piece-by-piece and that things would rapidly take off.  For the first time in my life I wasn’t worried about the future.  I didn’t have to know how it was going to happen or what would come next and I certainly wasn’t worried about money.  (If you know me personally, you know that is a HUGE thing for me to say.)

I had faith and I was trusting the process.

Then I received some rather blunt, yet constructive comments about my business and all of my faith and trust flew out the window.  A million “I can’t…” thoughts flew into my mind accompanied by other dream crushing statements that seemed to multiply by the moment.  I was doubting myself, my business, and my future.  I was frustrated, stuck, and lost.  I didn’t know what action to take (if any) and I felt like a failure.

It sucked.  It was ugly.  But, it was necessary.

What I now know is that the insecurities and hidden fear that bubbled up were there all along.  I was simply trying to cover them up.  I didn’t want to admit that there were things I didn’t know and my emotional reaction to a friend and mentors constructive comments gave me the opportunity to face them head on.  I had the option to continue to wallow in self-doubt and worry or take a step back and re-evaluate things.

While there are many things that I have yet to learn, I know this:  I LOVE coaching and I’m good at what I do because of experiences like this.  I know where my clients are coming from when they feel lost, stuck, and unsure of what to do next.  I understand how it feels when things don’t go as planned.  But, I also know what it means to keep going and to keep your dream alive.

Aside from learning to deal with the fear and insecurities that came up in this situation, I have also learned the importance of standing in your power and trusting your intuition.  Just because someone shares their insights and thoughts with you does not mean you have to do anything with it, especially if it doesn’t resonate with you.  You get to choose whether to use the information or discard it.  It’s your choice.

Trust your dreams.  Trust the process, even when it doesn’t go the way you expected.  But most of all trust yourself!

Onward and upward!!!

photo credit: patricklanigan via photopin cc

When You Just Want To Give Up…And A Free Gift

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For some people, a life coach is thought of as a personal cheerleader who is always happy, always inspiring, and always pushing you to turn that frown upside down even when things feel difficult.  The thing is, life can feel difficult sometimes and if life can feel that way, so can your dreams.

While I like to think I am in some ways a motivator and an inspirational voice to my clients, sometimes things just feel impossible.  I know that.  I get it.  I have experienced it.

Who hasn’t been in that space where you doubt why you started this journey to begin with.  When life keeps throwing curve balls your way and you aren’t sure which side is up, how can you do anything other than lose faith in your dreams???

It happens.  It sucks, but it happens.givingup

Our current reality is what we see and feel every day.  Each time we punch the clock, check our account balance, or ponder how to find time to do that thing we really need to do to make progress, reality is staring us in the eye.  Heck, sometimes it’s jumping up and down saying, “You can’t get rid of me!!!” And it is during those times that our inspiration hits rock bottom.  The Dream Crusher starts in on us telling us things that just aren’t true.

“You’re a fraud!”

“You will never write that book.”

“You just aren’t meant to do that.”

“You aren’t smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough, clear enough, professional enough…”

You get the idea.

It is in that moment you want to just give up altogether.  You think about throwing in the towel and raising your white flag because it all just seems too hard!!!

If you are in that place right now, I want you to know that you are not alone.

Every successful person in the world has at one time or another (likely many times), felt like they were never going to get there.  They have had their Dream Crusher sweep in and steal their dreams, leading them to believe it just isn’t meant to be.  They have heard the same voices and wanted to throw in the flag.  They have wondered why they keep going and have thought about just quitting altogether.

Only they don’t.

Instead, they take a step back.  Breathe a little, regroup, revise, revisit plans, and allow their inspiration to return.  They meet with friends who believe in their vision.  They sleep.  They go for walks.  They get some exercise and by golly they get back up and keep going.

They remember why they had this dream to begin with.  They remember how far they have come to make it happen.  They remember the passion and drive that brought them to where they are today.  But most of all, they remember the faith they had to get started in the first place and remind themselves that while they don’t have the answers now, they don’t have to have it all figured out at once.  It’s going to happen.  In fact, it already is happening before their very eyes.  They are learning what kind of strength and fortitude they truly have.

And so can you.

So if you are ever find yourself just wanting to give up, just breathe, relax, and remember why you started to begin with.  Your vision, your power, your purpose, your passion is why you started and those are the things that will keep you going.

For those of you looking for some concrete practices on keeping your dream alive, sign up for my mailing list (so you get first dibs on product launches, new offerings, and free stuff) and snag your free copy of 20 Ways To Keep Your Dream Alive.  I promise you won’t be sorry you did!

I Got The Message, “Let Go and It Will Grow”

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In light of being completely and 100% authentic with you lovely readers I wanted to share something that happened a few weeks ago.  It is something that I have only shared with 2 people for fear others might think I’m crazy and while the “crazy” part is likely true,  I think it’s an important message to share with you.

A few weeks ago I was dealing with some major fear, anxiety, and frustration around what was or wasn’t happening in my business.  I created my business Facebook page, I set up a pay what you can offer and created my mailing list sign-up and they were going nowhere.  Add to that the anxiety of what may or may not be coming next for me job-wise and you can imagine I was a mess.  Even as a life coach, I still find myself fighting back the doubt sometimes.

So there I was, trying desperately through anxious-action to make things happen.  (When will I ever learn??) I was researching, reading, writing, and trying to come up with a plan.  A solid, no-nonsense, fool-proof plan to bring in the right clients.  I could feel the stress building and my Dream Crusher was coming in loud and clear.

I heard her say, “You have NO idea what you are doing.”, “You don’t know anything about business.”, “You should really just find another job and be done with it.”, “You have a family to help take care of for goodness sake.” “You are a fraud!”

She wasn’t being very nice and while I could have continued to let that voice take over my thoughts and cause me to give up, I didn’t.  Instead I meditated.

I knew I had to quiet the fearful thoughts that were flowing through my mind so I sat down, closed my eyes, and let them go.

My 15 minute meditation felt much longer and much deeper than what I am used to and I was not at all prepared for what happened next.  Just as my thoughts floated away, I saw a beautiful butterfly in my mind’s eye with two fingers holding onto one of the wings.  The other wing was furiously flapping as the butterfly was trying to get away.  In that moment I heard “Let go and it will grow.”

What?!butterfly

I meditate at least 5 times a week, sometimes more and during my morning meditations, I very rarely hear or see anything.  I have heard experiences where some people get great inspiration and insight from their meditations, but I don’t experience it quite as clear.  That is until that moment.

A few days later, after hearing the message 2-3 more times (not in meditation), I really felt the significance.

The fluttering and frantic butterfly was me and the fingers holding one of the butterflies wings was also me.  I was the one holding myself back.  Instead of following my intuition and inspiration and allowing that to lead me to the next thing (the way I coach others), I was trying too hard to make something happen.  I was acting out of fear instead of inspiration.  I allowed the doubt, fear, and frustration to send me into a tizzy that resulted in a lot of needy action.

I wasn’t thinking clearly.

I wasn’t following my own advice.

I wasn’t listening to my intuition.

Until that moment.

The message “Let go and it will grow.” has come back to me time and time again.  When I find myself struggling to find a solution or plan right this moment, I know I am trying too hard.  When I am trying to force things to work a very specific way, I know I have lost my faith.  When I am too focused on what I feel is going wrong instead of seeing what is going right, I have lost my way.  When I am too focused on blog views, new followers, new likes on Facebook, and the lack of clients, I am forgetting what is important.

My intuition tells me that letting go of the outcome and detaching from whatever I believe should be the end result is going to help things along.  When I let go of the butterfly and allow it the freedom to fly, I free up energy that can be used for other things.  I know this to be true because I have seen it happen over and over again in other areas of my life.

With a strong vision, belief in myself, and my work, things will keep moving forward. 

Do you have something you need to be easy about instead of trying so damn hard?  Take a step back for a while and do things you truly enjoy.  You just might be amazed at what happens next.

 

Be Easy…You’re Still Learning!

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When I was initially inspired to become a life coach, it came at a time when I felt a push to help people do what they really wanted to do, not what they felt they had to do.  In a weird sort of way I was coaching without realizing it and while the different jobs I had that allowed me to talk to people about their “office jobs” or other obligations, I was actually living my purpose, just in a different way.

Since beginning my “official” business (all of a month ago), I have come to realize the coaching piece is what comes naturally to me.  Asking the right questions.  Getting to the core of the issue.  Helping clients take that next step etc. has all been easy, but I am learning a lot about other aspects of running an online business.  And like many of my clients who are just stepping into what they were meant to do, I often find myself getting frustrated or impatient about what I don’t yet know.

I realized today that I am not alone and neither are you.   learning

Not only did I again get a few newsletters delivered right to my inbox with the “how-to” instructions on things I don’t yet know, I also had a chat with a good friend who was going through a similar situation.  (By the way, I highly encourage you to sign up for the free newsletters of your favorite blogs because you can get really great information for free and often in the exact moment you need it.  Keep an eye out because I will have my own newsletter available soon.)

Here’s what I realized:

  • You don’t have to know everything at once in order to begin.  Simply take the tiny steps and follow your inspiration and you will likely find the resources, money, opportunities, connections etc. just come to you right when you need them.  It’s the magic of leading with your inspirational foot.
  • It’s really not fair for you to compare your journey to anyone especially if they have been doing it longer.  They too had to find the answers and figure it out so don’t fret when you find you business Facebook page doesn’t have as many likes as your mentor (ahem, I might be coaching  myself here), or that it is taking a bit longer to find the right publisher for your book.  Keep doing what you love and following your inspiration and you will reap the benefits.
  • This is part of the journey and while we often believe we set goals only to achieve them, the journey should be fun.  If it’s not what’s the point.  So stop worrying and find the joy in learning, growing, and evolving into the new, happier, dream-livin’ YOU!
  • Last but not least, you don’t have to do it alone.  There are coaches, guides, mentors, and ample resources out there for you to access.  We live in a time where all the information we want is accessible to us, so use it.  You don’t have to reinvent the wheel to get to where you want to be.  Let’s come together in community and help each other out.  Together we can do more anyway right?

Be easy with yourself and enjoy the process of learning your craft whatever that may be.  And if there are things that really take the joy out of your journey, pay someone else to do it if you can.  Don’t allow a little accounting, website snafu, or other frustration get the best of you.  There are people in the world following their dreams doing the exact thing you don’t enjoy, so why not let them?

And remember, you don’t have to know it all, be it all, and do it all this very moment, so take a break and give yourself a break!

Do you want to see how I can help you find the resources, money, opportunities, and connections to make your dreams a reality?  Contact me to set up a FREE coaching call, I would love to give you a bit of guidance.

Don’t Borrow Trouble

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The last two days have been interesting.  I have found myself in the weirdest of moods and somehow my inspiration has fallen by the wayside.  I can’t quite put my finger on what has changed in the last two days, but I do know that it will pass.

We all have these moments don’t we?  Times when things aren’t “bad” or “good” and instead they hang somewhere in the space between two extremes and just feel “meh”.  It is part of the ebb and flow of life and while I tried many ways get out of this mood none of them worked.  So, after trying everything in my be-happy-arsenal, I just let it be.

I stopped trying to fight the inevitable feeling of blah and accepted it for what it is…a pause in action, momentum, and a chance to just be.  Does that sound too hippp-dippy for you?  Think of it as a break.  A break from whatever it is I needed a break from…sometimes even we don’t know what that is.letitbe

While I would like to say I am so good at simply being, I’m not.  I tend to fight the feeling especially when I am in moods like these.  A feeling that is hard to name and almost impossible to find the source of.  Yet, being the overachiever, I can do anything, go-getter that I tend to be…I had to know.

So, I began thinking about all the many reasons I could feel like this.  Is it the weather? Job frustrations? Personal issues? Worry about the future? Stress?  No matter what reason I gave it, none of them felt right and then I had to ask myself…

Why am I borrowing trouble?

I first heard this term from a co-worker a few years ago and if you don’t know what borrowing trouble is, it is worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet and creating undue stress, frustration, and anything else that is not needed in the moment.  That is exactly what I was doing.

Somehow I thought that if I could name it or find the source, then it would cease to exist.  That if only I could figure it out and wrestle it to the ground, I could somehow solve the mystery and get back to my bubbly, inspired self, and move forward with all the good stuff on my path.

I was wrong.

So, I settled with the feeling and decided to let it hang around for a bit, hoping that it would slowly dissipate.  Lucky for me it is working.  I am beginning to feel a bit better and hope that with some additional rest, listening to my body, and just being, I will be back to my regular self again soon.  In the meantime, I am remembering a very important lesson about not borrowing trouble and I want to pass it along to you.

When you find yourself worrying about something that is not in this very moment, you are borrowing trouble.  When you are wondering how something is going to happen and trying to think of all the ways it can go wrong, you are borrowing trouble.  When you are trying desperately to figure something out instead of allowing it to be what it is and letting go a little bit, you have the potential to be borrowing trouble.  And when you are feeling a feeling that you can’t quite figure out instead of listening to what it is telling you, you may be borrowing trouble.

There is enough “trouble” in the world without us looking for it, so why not take some time to just be in the moment and learn whatever lesson it is here to teach us, knowing that it will soon pass.

The good news about these moments and moods is that it helps us remember who we want to be, how we want to feel, and creates a sense of gratitude for the good stuff.  So, if you find yourself in a similar situation remember, don’t go borrowing trouble and in the words of Abraham Hicks, “hang on it will be over soon.”