Lamisha Serf-Walls

I Got The Message, “Let Go and It Will Grow”

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In light of being completely and 100% authentic with you lovely readers I wanted to share something that happened a few weeks ago.  It is something that I have only shared with 2 people for fear others might think I’m crazy and while the “crazy” part is likely true,  I think it’s an important message to share with you.

A few weeks ago I was dealing with some major fear, anxiety, and frustration around what was or wasn’t happening in my business.  I created my business Facebook page, I set up a pay what you can offer and created my mailing list sign-up and they were going nowhere.  Add to that the anxiety of what may or may not be coming next for me job-wise and you can imagine I was a mess.  Even as a life coach, I still find myself fighting back the doubt sometimes.

So there I was, trying desperately through anxious-action to make things happen.  (When will I ever learn??) I was researching, reading, writing, and trying to come up with a plan.  A solid, no-nonsense, fool-proof plan to bring in the right clients.  I could feel the stress building and my Dream Crusher was coming in loud and clear.

I heard her say, “You have NO idea what you are doing.”, “You don’t know anything about business.”, “You should really just find another job and be done with it.”, “You have a family to help take care of for goodness sake.” “You are a fraud!”

She wasn’t being very nice and while I could have continued to let that voice take over my thoughts and cause me to give up, I didn’t.  Instead I meditated.

I knew I had to quiet the fearful thoughts that were flowing through my mind so I sat down, closed my eyes, and let them go.

My 15 minute meditation felt much longer and much deeper than what I am used to and I was not at all prepared for what happened next.  Just as my thoughts floated away, I saw a beautiful butterfly in my mind’s eye with two fingers holding onto one of the wings.  The other wing was furiously flapping as the butterfly was trying to get away.  In that moment I heard “Let go and it will grow.”

What?!butterfly

I meditate at least 5 times a week, sometimes more and during my morning meditations, I very rarely hear or see anything.  I have heard experiences where some people get great inspiration and insight from their meditations, but I don’t experience it quite as clear.  That is until that moment.

A few days later, after hearing the message 2-3 more times (not in meditation), I really felt the significance.

The fluttering and frantic butterfly was me and the fingers holding one of the butterflies wings was also me.  I was the one holding myself back.  Instead of following my intuition and inspiration and allowing that to lead me to the next thing (the way I coach others), I was trying too hard to make something happen.  I was acting out of fear instead of inspiration.  I allowed the doubt, fear, and frustration to send me into a tizzy that resulted in a lot of needy action.

I wasn’t thinking clearly.

I wasn’t following my own advice.

I wasn’t listening to my intuition.

Until that moment.

The message “Let go and it will grow.” has come back to me time and time again.  When I find myself struggling to find a solution or plan right this moment, I know I am trying too hard.  When I am trying to force things to work a very specific way, I know I have lost my faith.  When I am too focused on what I feel is going wrong instead of seeing what is going right, I have lost my way.  When I am too focused on blog views, new followers, new likes on Facebook, and the lack of clients, I am forgetting what is important.

My intuition tells me that letting go of the outcome and detaching from whatever I believe should be the end result is going to help things along.  When I let go of the butterfly and allow it the freedom to fly, I free up energy that can be used for other things.  I know this to be true because I have seen it happen over and over again in other areas of my life.

With a strong vision, belief in myself, and my work, things will keep moving forward. 

Do you have something you need to be easy about instead of trying so damn hard?  Take a step back for a while and do things you truly enjoy.  You just might be amazed at what happens next.

 

Missing Link-Imagination

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I recently took a poll of my Facebook friends to find out what it was exactly that they felt they needed to tackle their ‘ultimate dream’.  I wanted to find out what my potential clients are struggling with so I can create more resources, programs, and content to assist them.  The responses were interesting to say the least because what they were lacking falls into one of three categories: resources (time, money, space), belief in self (courage, confidence), or knowing where to start.  I knew as soon as I read their comments that I was on to something because these were many of the things I struggled with in the last 2 years as I contemplated how I was going to begin my life coaching business.

While all of the responses fell into one of the three categories, most people said the lack of time, money, or space to create their ‘ultimate dream’, was the thing they were missing.  This isn’t all that surprising when you figure how many people are juggling a multitude of responsibilities and are simply trying to keep up with their busy schedules.  From what I gathered, a lot of the people who responded in this way had some idea of how to couragemake their dream a reality, but they only saw one way to make it happen.

Many of the responders also said that they were lacking the courage and confidence to make it happen in addition to the resources.  So before even setting out to achieve their ultimate dream, they were felt like they just couldn’t do it.  It seemed just too big to tackle right now.  Interesting…

The last response came from people not really knowing how to begin.  These are people who know what they want to do, but just haven’t put anything into action to find a way to make it happen.  These may be people who feel like their dream is so far out of reality, they can’t even fathom how to make it happen.  In fact, they may not even allow themselves to think about it too much because it is that far out.

So what do all these people have in common?  They are all using their logic to get them from point A to point B.  They are using their memories, knowledge, current reality, and logical thinking in order to figure out how to make their dreams come true and if they come up against a roadblock, many people tend to give up.  I think I have a better way of doing this.  imagination-11

Instead of looking at the reality of your situation (the responsibilities, bills to pay, kids to care for, schedules to keep up with, the fact that you have never had enough money to travel, or you are too afraid to fail etc.) and using that to find the most realistic way of doing things, I encourage you to use your imagination. Out of the box thinking allows you to be open to other possibilities of how your dream may come to fruition.  Instead of seeing a straight and narrow path to your goal or dream, you see a beautiful web of possibilities with fun stuff all along the way!  It’s there that you begin to feel the magic.

When you tap into your imagination and follow what feels good and right for you, the journey is enjoyable too.  You aren’t constantly taking score of where you are in relationship to where you want to be, but instead are enjoying the little nuggets along the way.  One piece leads to the next and to the next and before you know it you have unlocked your potential to create the ultimate dream regardless of what that entails.

There are an infinite number of possibilities to creating the life of your dreams and by hanging onto the one most likely way (in your mind), you are blocking out all the rest.  The only true limitation in achieving the life of your dreams, is the illusion you can’t do it, don’t have the means, or that it’s just too good for you, because the truth is you can have all you need.

Are you ready?

From Faith To Fear And Back Again

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I know I typically begin the week with either my Inspiration Round-up or Dreamer Highlight, but in light of keeping it real with you lovely readers, I decided to start the week this post instead.  It is something I have been dealing with in the past few weeks and I am sure many of you have (or will) go through it as well.

I spent most of June and July imagining, envisioning, and creating my coaching framework as well as figuring out how I would present the information to potential clients.  The process was very easy-going and high-flying as everything was so exciting.  I didn’t feel a sense of urgency to get things completed by a certain date because I was simply following my inspiration to the very next step.  I had this intuitive knowing that August 1st would be when I open practice up to take new clients.  I had an idea that once I did, clients would come to me and would immediately want to get started.  I even went so far as to set a goal for how many new clients I wanted to book by the end of the month.

We are halfway through the month and I am not anywhere near my goal.  Fear

Bummer.

Actually it hit me much harder than just a “bummer” moment.  In fact, I have found myself deep in the throes of doubtful thinking, fear, and disbelief. My self-talk was running rampant as I condescendingly asked myself “How could you actually believe it would take off so easily?”

This was an admittedly ugly place to be for sure.

As I began moving through the muck of self-doubt, I realized I had allowed fear to take the place of the light, easy-going faith I had as I created my coaching model seemingly effortlessly.  Through that process I kept reassuring myself (read my Ego) that I didn’t have to have it mapped out as to how, when, and who would want to work with me.  I just knew that as long as I do what I love and stay true to myself the people who are meant to work with me will.

While I might have doubted how quickly I would book clients, I never once questioned that life coaching is what I am meant to do.

This weekend I did some thinking about my client goal for this month and couldn’t help but wonder if I had made a mistake by having a number I wanted to hit for the month.  Instead of focusing on writing blog posts, working with my current awesome clients, and creating resources for my readers, I found myself keeping score of how many clients I had (or didn’t have).  And while we are taught in the traditional/logical business world to set goals, map out a plan, and execute, I am beginning to see that might not be the best tactic for me.  My philosophy does center around following my inspiration and the general goal setting is not all that inspirational for me.

So, I am happy to say I have moved through the muck and am moving back into trusting this process.  I honestly believe and know that if you do what you love, the rest will fall into place, so that is exactly what I plan on doing.

In the past two weeks I have moved from a place of faith in the process to fear and back again and I must say it feels so much better.

Do I think I will always be high-flying and trust the process?  Probably not, but I now know it is not where I have to stay.  I can allow my Ego to have her say before I kindly tell her to relax and trust the process.  And what is even better than that?  I can use my personal experience to help my clients who may be struggling with the same thing.

Where do you have doubts in your life?  I am interested to know how you deal with your own doubts, please feel free to share below!

 

When Dream Crushers Attack

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As you begin to realize your passions and you create a vision of what you want to accomplish, you may begin to notice a little voice in your head that will list many reasons why you can’t or shouldn’t do it.  Sometimes those “reasons” come with a laundry list of things you don’t know, things you haven’t done, resources you don’t have etc., yet not one of them should be the reason you give up on our dreams.  I like to call that voice the Dream Crusher.

My Dream Crusher appears as I am realizing my passion, when I am creating the life I want to live, and even when I am being successful.  It also appears when things aren’t going so well to tell me “I told you so”.  I have also found that my Dream Crusher doesn’t only come in the form of my voice.  Sometimes it comes through other people as they ask questions about “how”, “when”, or “why” I am doing something in particular.  Depending on who it is and how I am feeling at the time, it can sound very much like a Dream Crusher Attack.

I am sure you have heard your own version of the Dream Crusher once or twice before.  The little (or sometimes big) voice that tells you why you can’t do something or it causes you to have doubts about your talents, skills, and ability to live the life of your dreams.  Maybe it causes you to pause and wonder if you are good enough, smart enough, or simply skilled enough to move forward on your dream or it causes you to stop moving forward all together.

Doubt is normal.

Doubt is a part of the dream process.  It can appear at any time, but generally makes its first appearance at the start of something new.  The key is not to allow the Dream Crusher to take your excitement and inspiration for too long.  Sure, it may make you question what you are doing, but it also provides an opportunity to remind yourself why you want to achieve a particular goal and it provides a platform for growth.

The reality is that no one begins something new without having a little doubt creep in, but the most successful dreamers don’t allow those doubts to stop them from moving forward.  They simply soothe the doubt as much as they can while still making progress.

You can soothe your doubt by realizing that you don’t have to know everything right this moment.  You can allow the thoughts, inspiration, and other information you need to come to you in due time.  The more you doubt yourself, the more resistance you create, and the longer it will take to manifest your desires.  So, instead of allowing the Dream Crusher to take over your thoughts, take a moment to re-frame.

Also, it is good to remember everyone is on their own dream journey and each journey is unique.  So as you move forward and doubt creeps in, realize that everyone feels doubt from time to time and that you can move through it.  The more you do, the easier it becomes.

I am interested to know what you do when your Dream Crusher attacks.  Do you allow it to be there and move forward anyway?  Do you have specific practices?

Fearless Living…The “How”

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Let me first apologize to you lovely readers for taking so long to continue my thoughts from last weeks “fear” theme.  Sometimes the things we plan are not the things we must do in the moment and I am learning that more and more each day.  With that said, I am back and I am excited to update you on some recent developments in my world.

I ended last weeks post with a promise as to how I was going to begin living a fearless life as a way to teach my son (and future children) to do the same.  At the time my thoughts were on taking some much-needed action toward my goals and leaving fear in the dust.  Before I do that, let me give you a little insight into why I haven’t been moving forward as much as I would have liked.

I have talked a little bit about my plans to write a children’s book and I set the intention to begin writing on a certain date.  I thought the best way to do it was to jump right in, but I soon realized (after scheduling conflicts) that maybe I should wait until I have more inspiration before I begin writing.  I still stand by that decision, but the more I found myself waiting for the inspiration to hit me, I realized I was also allowing fear to dictate my plans.

I had a moment (or two) where I thought if I don’t start this book, I can’t fail.  But then again if I don’t start it, I can’t succeed either.  So, in order to accomplish my dream of writing a book, I have to write, but in order to write the best book, I have to be inspired.  To be completely honest with you fear was not only dictating my plans for writing a children’s book, but also my plans on starting my business and many of my other dreams.  Looking back, I can see my vision was a bit skewed.  I thought I needed certain pieces to fall into place in order to execute my plan of action.  I realize what that really was, was fear.

I was procrastinating and in a way sabotaging my dreams by not even getting started.  I did a lot of good talking about my dreams, about my plans, about the many things that had to happen first, and then I could start working on my dreams only to find they were excuses.  Excuses not to start for fear of failure.  Excuses not to begin for fear of not being good enough.  Excuses not to dream bigger, for fear my reality wouldn’t live up to the picture in my head.  And when I jumped off the boat of self-pity and self-sabotage, I remembered this…

The best part of our dreams is the journey we take in reaching them.  The mistakes we make, the lessons we learn, and the amazing experiences we have along the way make our lives worth living.  And to be completely honest with you, if all of my dreams came true in the blink of an eye, what fun would it be?  Sure my book series would be a success and my business would be booming, but would I appreciate it as much without the journey?  Probably not.

So, with that said I am accepting the journey ahead of me with open arms and while fear may accompany me a little bit along the way, I vow that I will not allow it to become the captain of this ship.  Instead, I am moving forward with my dreams and as I do, I will go where my inspiration leads me and I hope you do too.

(Tomorrow I will give you a little insight into the inspirational nuggets that have appeared to me in the last few weeks. )