Lamisha Serf-Walls

Giving Dreams Room To Breathe & Grow

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I have seen my fair share of people working hard to have a happy life.  There seems to be a universal campaign for accomplishing goals through back-breaking work, blood, sweat, and tears.  Many of us have grown up with the idea that if we could just do more by working longer or harder than we would finally reach the platform of success.  And while I certainly believe in the benefit of (inspired) action, I feel like something is missing in this formula for a successful life.

People that know me, know that I have always been a doer in life.  I have always focused on doing the next thing and looking for the next step in my dreams and only recently have I been able to understand the importance of non-action, and allowing the space for our dreams to breathe and grow.

Not sure what I mean?  Let me explain.

When we decide we are going to move forward with a new goal, career, or project typically there is some sort of planning phase.  After the planning phase comes the execution.  And since we are so accustomed to instant gratification in our everyday living, we seem to be chomping at the bit to make things happen by working long hours and in some cases spreading ourselves too thin.  The fear of failing has caused us to overcompensate in the action arena to a point that we never allow ourselves (and our dreams) a chance to breathe.

I know I have struggled with this many times in my life where I want instant results for the work I am putting in, but the reality is things take time. 

I have also learned that when I am able to take a step back and stop measuring my progress (or lack thereof in some cases), I find things almost magically happen.  The right people flow into my life effortlessly and the next inspirational nugget appears before my very eyes and each time it happens I am reminded of the importance of allowing my dreams to breathe and grow.

I was reminded of that just a few weeks ago.

Photo from www.MyDreamsMatter.com
Photo from www.MyDreamsMatter.com

While I was having a conversation with a friend about some things I needed/wanted to take care of for my business, I mentioned needing to find someone to design my logo.  I had actually thought about it several times, but wasn’t trying to make anything happen with it as I had other things that I was working on.  About an hour after that conversation I saw a post on FB from a friend of mine that said “Designing a logo!”.  I almost fell out of my chair.  I couldn’t believe it!  I immediately sent my friend a message and inquired about her services and found that not only was it affordable, but she does absolutely amazing work!

Was it just dumb luck?  Or, did I allow enough space and time for things to unfold in the most organic and perfect way for me?

I truly believe that by giving my dreams/needs the space they need to grow and evolve, the resources I need will continue to unfold in the most beautiful of ways.

Not sure it will work for you?  Try it out!

The next time you find yourself forcing something to happen or working long hours trying desperately to make something happen, take a break.  Step back from it and leave it be for a while and open yourself to what you see and hear around you.  Just be easy about it and allow your next inspirational nugget present itself to you.  I promise you it will.

Have you had something like this happen for you recently?  I would love to hear how your dreams are unfolding as you give them room to breathe and grow.  Share your thoughts in the comments below!

 

Decisions, Decisions Which Will You Choose?

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Everyday we are making hundreds of decisions.  Decisions about what time to wake up, what to wear, what to eat, where to go, how to get there etc.  Some decisions are not huge life-altering choices and are seemingly easier to make.  If I decide to wake up at 5 am as opposed to 5:30 am, I can make that choice rather easily.  When I decide what to eat for lunch, I simply ask myself, “What do I feel like eating?”, and if it is readily available, I will eat that.  Many times these daily decisions require little to no assistance from anyone but ourselves, giving us the freedom to follow our emotions, inspiration, and our own feelings to choose between choice A and choice B.

Then there are the other decisions.

You know, the ones that feel huge, life-altering, oh-my-goodness-I-hope-I-make-the-right-choice, kind of decisions.  Those decisions are much less easy-going and can create a lot of anxiety, frustration, and worry.  Decisions about what house to buy, what career to choose, or what partner is right for us.  These are the decisions we talk to our friends, parents, spouses, and co-workers about in order to ensure we are making the right decision and yet, even with the advice from so many people, we still question some of our choices.  steve_jobs_quotes

I guess you could say many of us believe that someone else knows more about us than we do.  Maybe they are more experienced, more educated, more successful, etc., and in our eyes, they know what is best for us.  The problem with always consulting someone else on major life decisions, we lose our sense of power and freedom.  When we believe someone else knows what is best for us more than we do, we are giving away our power to someone else and in turn can lose our confidence to make choices in the future.

How many of us made a choice for our careers based on someone else’s advice.  Maybe we thought that a certain field would be more profitable or we would be more successful in it, yet we always knew it wasn’t the best place for us.

The truth is some of us (me included) have been taught to believe that there is a right and a wrong decision in life, but there isn’t.  There are simply choices that will lead you down one path or another (or many).  There is no formula that you can use to determine which is right and which is wrong because it is different for every person. 

Bummer huh?

So, how do you know what is the right career path, product, partner, business decision, etc. for you?

The best way is to listen to your intuition.  You know that feeling in your gut that causes you to pick up the phone to call someone just as they were going to call you for something.  That’s the one.  It is also what I call leading with your inspiration.

When you follow the same principles for the big decisions as you do for the little ones, you learn to trust your intuition.  Did you consult with all of your friends and family members before you selected your breakfast this morning?  Probably not.  You most likely followed your intuition or inspiration for what you wanted to eat.

The same goes for making any other decision in life.  Sure, some of the bigger decisions may require some research etc., but if you can quiet your mind and get in touch with what you are feeling, you will be able to feel for the best decision for you.

In my coaching, I work with my clients to help them get more in tune with their inspiration.  I encourage them to follow what feels good to them and to listen to their internal compass (their emotions) to decide what is right for them. As they follow their intuition and lead with their inspiration, amazing opportunities and big shifts happen in what we are working on.

Are you interested in learning how to trust your intuition and follow your inspiration to finally live the life of your dreams? What to know more about how I can help you?  Visit my services page to see how I can help you make major moves toward your dreams.  What are you waiting for?  Send me an email at lamisha@lifeoncedreamt.com to schedule a FREE coaching call.

 

From Faith To Fear And Back Again

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I know I typically begin the week with either my Inspiration Round-up or Dreamer Highlight, but in light of keeping it real with you lovely readers, I decided to start the week this post instead.  It is something I have been dealing with in the past few weeks and I am sure many of you have (or will) go through it as well.

I spent most of June and July imagining, envisioning, and creating my coaching framework as well as figuring out how I would present the information to potential clients.  The process was very easy-going and high-flying as everything was so exciting.  I didn’t feel a sense of urgency to get things completed by a certain date because I was simply following my inspiration to the very next step.  I had this intuitive knowing that August 1st would be when I open practice up to take new clients.  I had an idea that once I did, clients would come to me and would immediately want to get started.  I even went so far as to set a goal for how many new clients I wanted to book by the end of the month.

We are halfway through the month and I am not anywhere near my goal.  Fear

Bummer.

Actually it hit me much harder than just a “bummer” moment.  In fact, I have found myself deep in the throes of doubtful thinking, fear, and disbelief. My self-talk was running rampant as I condescendingly asked myself “How could you actually believe it would take off so easily?”

This was an admittedly ugly place to be for sure.

As I began moving through the muck of self-doubt, I realized I had allowed fear to take the place of the light, easy-going faith I had as I created my coaching model seemingly effortlessly.  Through that process I kept reassuring myself (read my Ego) that I didn’t have to have it mapped out as to how, when, and who would want to work with me.  I just knew that as long as I do what I love and stay true to myself the people who are meant to work with me will.

While I might have doubted how quickly I would book clients, I never once questioned that life coaching is what I am meant to do.

This weekend I did some thinking about my client goal for this month and couldn’t help but wonder if I had made a mistake by having a number I wanted to hit for the month.  Instead of focusing on writing blog posts, working with my current awesome clients, and creating resources for my readers, I found myself keeping score of how many clients I had (or didn’t have).  And while we are taught in the traditional/logical business world to set goals, map out a plan, and execute, I am beginning to see that might not be the best tactic for me.  My philosophy does center around following my inspiration and the general goal setting is not all that inspirational for me.

So, I am happy to say I have moved through the muck and am moving back into trusting this process.  I honestly believe and know that if you do what you love, the rest will fall into place, so that is exactly what I plan on doing.

In the past two weeks I have moved from a place of faith in the process to fear and back again and I must say it feels so much better.

Do I think I will always be high-flying and trust the process?  Probably not, but I now know it is not where I have to stay.  I can allow my Ego to have her say before I kindly tell her to relax and trust the process.  And what is even better than that?  I can use my personal experience to help my clients who may be struggling with the same thing.

Where do you have doubts in your life?  I am interested to know how you deal with your own doubts, please feel free to share below!

 

The Real Deal…

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When I first set out to create my blog, I had this idea to keep most posts upbeat and positive.  I wanted this to be a place of inspiration, motivation, and information to help people move confidently in the direction of their dreams.  I wanted it to be a space of uplifting posts, quotes, and tips to help readers focus on the positive.  As a life coach, I thought it was my duty to keep things light, bright, and positive all the time.

I was wrong.

What I think makes me good at what I do is the fact that I am human and I struggle with many of the same issues my clients do.  I have bad days full of frustration, doubt, and sometimes fear.  I have had my experience with the Dream Crusher on more than one occasion, and there are days when I need to be reminded that I have the power and ability to live the life of my dreams.

I am not perfect.  Authenticity

I don’t always pounce out of bed with a beaming smile and positive attitude.  Sometimes I try too hard and more often than not, I need to take a step back from the immediate issue and look at the bigger picture.  My life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.  I often struggle with disappointment and worry as I move through my journey and instead of sharing those moments with you, I have remained silent.

There have been many days when I wanted to share something uplifting, but I simply wasn’t in that state of mind and instead of sharing with you my perspective and how I am learning to deal with various situations, I write nothing at all.  I have allowed my idea of being a super-human up-lifter get in the way of sharing my authentic self with you.  For that I am sorry.

Does it make me any less of a coach to confess that I don’t always have it together?  I don’t think so.  In fact, I think it makes me a more effective coach because I know what it is like to have down moments in life.  We all do.  And while I admit to having my fair share of struggles, I also have a variety of tools that I use to help combat those not-so-positive moments and they are tools that I want to share with you.

The truth is I love what I do.  I love working with people and helping them follow their inspiration to live the life of their dreams, but I don’t want to misrepresent myself in the process.  I am an up-lifter that sometimes needs to be uplifted and I’m ok with that, because isn’t that what life is all about?  It’s not about being perfect, it’s about learning, sharing, and experiencing life as much as possible.  And I have to say, if it wasn’t for the struggles I have (and will) encounter in life, I wouldn’t be able to help my clients deal with their own, because sometimes you have to go through it to understand it.

 

Guidance, Info, and Resources Oh My!

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guidanceAs you continue (or begin as it may be) your path to living the life you once dreamt, you may find yourself in need of guidance, information, and resources to help you along the way.  You may need to know more about setting up a blog, html coding, the legalities of business, how to write a book proposal, or any number of things.  The amount of what you don’t know may feel overwhelming, but never fear because there are many people in the world who have been where you are, are willing to share what they know, and even provide it to you for FREE!!

Asking yourself how to get started or continue your path of things you don’t know?

Here are a few tips to get you started:

  • Reach out to your network. You never know how far your network can reach until you ask.  Tell your friends, family, and co-workers what you are working on.  Ask them if they know of anyone that does _______.  Chances are you will find someone who knows someone who knows about what you are working on.  You have the ability to get some wonderful information simply by reaching out to the people you interact with everyday.
  • Find people doing what you want to do and see if you can pick their brain for information.  When I began looking for information about life coaching, I realized my best friend knew not one, but two coaches that were willing to chat with me about what I wanted to do.  I also “cold-called” a coach in the area that I was moving to, to see if she was willing to give me some information about how she got started.  Turns out, there are more people out there willing to help you…all you have to do is ask!
  • Don’t just ask one person.  This has been paramount for me.  The first life coach I contacted for information actually put a little damper on my joy as she expressed her frustration with her work.  While I was glad she was sharing both the up and the down sides to life coaching, I felt she was more discouraging than anything, but I didn’t let that stop me.  I spoke to another coach (who later became a good friend and client), who has been so helpful through the process. If you find a person that you don’t jive with, no worries, find someone else and just ask!
  • The Internet is full of great info.  There is a ton of information available online and while sometimes it can be a little overwhelming, if you follow your gut you will find exactly what you are looking for. You would be surprised how many bloggers, entrepreneurs, coaches, etc. are willing to offer resources on their websites for free.  You can find a ton of great stuff out there including worksheets, meditations, workbooks, guides, and good ‘ole helpful advice without spending a dime!
  • Hire a coach. You knew I was going to add this one right?  While life coaches don’t know everything, I have found that my clients find the right information, people, and resources they need as we move along in our work together with ease.  It seems that the more we talk about their bigger vision, the easier it becomes to manifest the very next step to take and that is the magic of following your inspiration to create the life of your dreams.  (And I’m not just saying to hire a coach because I am a coach, I am saying to think about it because it really is an amazing and fun journey to go from not knowing to knowing exactly what you are meant to do.

I am currently working on my own resources and programming to better serve my clients and could use your help.  I have put together a short survey and would love it if you would take a few minutes to complete it (anonymously of course).  The information you share will help me create the best resources to you in the coming months.  Thank you in advance for your time!

Click here to take survey