Lamisha Serf-Walls

Away From the Flock

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You’ve heard the saying “birds of a feather flock together” or  “misery loves company”, I was living those sayings for awhile and not in a good way.  For a long time I found myself drawn to people who could commiserate with my misery, particularly in the workplace.  I found myself in a job that I didn’t love, working for a boss that was manipulative, frustrating, and simply unfair.  Many of my coworkers felt the same way, so each day we would spend our breaks complaining about our work lives, though not many of us were doing anything about it.  I soon realized this was not healthy thing for me, and it was keeping me in a very negative mood most days and I just didn’t like the person I was becoming.  I would like to say I came to that realization on my own, but I didn’t.  My partner helped me realize I was allowing the negativity to affect me as a person.  Not only was it affecting me, but I was bringing my anger and frustration home, which was not something I wanted to do.  So after many months of thinking “I can’t help it”,  I made some changes.

 
I began seeing my job for what it was, a job, not a career.  While that thought alone didn’t fix my problematic boss situation, or keep me from being frustrated day in and day out, it was a start.  The next thing I did was limit the time I spent complaining and started focusing on the positive aspects of my position.  I began thinking of what the future may hold for me and what lesson I was supposed to be learning.  I had been looking for another job on and off for about 2 years and had difficulty finding the “right” position which I attributed that to the lesson I still had to learn in my current position.  I didn’t immediately know what the lesson was since I was so focused on the negativity, but then something happened…I changed my attitude.

Once I changed my attitude about my situation my situation changed.  It was like magic!  Within a few months I was asked to apply for a position with another company that seemingly fell out of the sky.  I wasn’t actively looking for another job at the time, but this position fit perfectly with my family life and the impending move we had planned in the coming months.  I couldn’t believe it!  Just when I had stopped looking for the things to complain about, and stopped flocking with the negative crowd, my reality changed and it changed for the better.  Lesson learned…or so I thought.

Lately I have been feeling a pull towards the future me.  The one that has her own business, sets her own hours, and is doing the work that she loves.  A version of me that seems so very far away and at times the thought can be frustrating.  Add to that the stress and frustration at work and I found myself beginning to move towards the flock of negativity again.  Not. Good. News.  With that said there is a flip side to this and that is, I am aware of it.
I am very aware of the road I am beginning to travel down, and I remember very clearly what happened the last time I was on this road.  So I am choosing to turn around and head down a more productive, more positive, more optimistic path.  One of faith.

I have faith that I am being challenged right now for a reason, and while I don’t know what that reason is, I know it will lead me to something better.  I just have to believe not only in myself, but in my dream.  And I am going to do just that.

I intend to be more aware of my complaining and limit it as much as possible so I don’t follow the flock down a road I have already traveled.  I already know what is at the end, and it is not pretty.  I choose to embrace the positive aspects of life and have faith that those positives will multiply.  I’ve seen it happen before, and I know it will happen again with a little faith.
What about you? How do you stay positive, even when your outer circumstances are less than ideal?

It’s just a phase

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Recently bedtime in my house has been anything but peaceful as my partner and I have struggled to get our 2-year-old to fall asleep in his own bed.  Our night-time routine begins just like every other night with a bath, story, and cuddles, and after the lights go out we spend the next 2-2 1/2 hours trying to coax our little one to sleep.  Each night I try to figure him out as I wonder if maybe he just isn’t tired or he napped too long that day and each night as I ask my partner (the logical one in our house) for a solution she reminds me as she has many times before..it’s just a phase.

That thought stuck with me tonight as I tried desperately to find the solution (again) to our bedtime challenge and as my mind wandered and I allowed the words to sink in, I realized we are all going through our own phases.

Our lives are composed of a chain of phases starting from the time we are born up through adulthood.  Some phases come and go, while others stick around for much longer and there are times when people tend to get stuck in one particular phase for the rest of their lives without growing into the next.

It’s all a part of life.

Many times in my life I have felt stuck, wanting so badly to move forward without knowing how or why.  I have been frustrated, confused, angry, and just plain worn out from the fight between where I am and where I want to be.  I have often felt like I was standing in one place as I watched my dreams float on by, wondering if I could ever get unstuck and catch up with them.  Looking back what was really happening is that I didn’t know I was going through a phase and while I’m not entirely sure what that particular phase was, I now know if I had embraced it as opposed to fighting it, I probably would have moved through it much faster than I actually did.

This year alone I have felt stuck more times than I care to count in regards to moving forward with my life coach training.  It felt that the resources and money just weren’t there, yet every avenue I attempted in order to create the income I needed were leaving me empty-handed and confused.  I began questioning my path and wondered if the Universe was simply leading me in a different direction.  When I listened to my heart, I found I wasn’t being lead in a different direction entirely.  Instead I realized there were a few other things I needed to do before I could continue on my path.

I realized that this is just a phase.  Just as my 2-year-old will learn to fall asleep on his own, I too will get the resources together to begin my life coach training and move into a new phase. Somehow just realizing it is a phase makes me feel better about it and allows me to feel less stuck.

You have probably gone through (or are going through) your own phases.  Maybe you too felt stuck in one place as you continued to fight your way forward toward something you wanted in your life and it has left you feeling confused, frustrated, and just plain tired.

The thing about phases is you don’t always know the name, or how long they will last, but if you go with the flow instead of fighting it, it just might pass by faster than you think.  Don’t allow a plateau in your growth to spoil your inspiration or motivation for achieving your dreams and most of all don’t question what you know in your heart you are meant to do.

Sometimes instead of saying not this, the Universe is simply saying not yet.  

Finding Balance

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As a child you probably had no problem answering the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Chances are you didn’t even begin to think about whether it was realistic, because as a child, everything is realistic.  Life is magical and if you can imagine it, it can happen.

Sadly we grow up and society places limitations on what we deem realistic and we lose a bit of that spark of imagination we had as a child.  The magical essence of life is gone and for some it never returns.  Those that lose the sense of magic in life, tend to live and make decisions in very practical ways.  They may make life decisions in ways that make sense and very rarely think and live outside the box.

I have two very distinct sides of myself that at times fight for control over situations and decisions in my life.  One side is the creative dreamer that enjoys creating, writing, choreographing and doing anything that allows me to stretch outside the box.  The other side is logical, practical and a planner.  She sets a plan and executes accordingly.  This side is also quite controlling and when things don’t fall into place the way I thought they should…well let’s say it isn’t a pretty sight.

It would seem that having a combination of these two sides would provide a nice balance, but to be honest it doesn’t.  When I begin to think of all the wonderful things I want to do in my life, my realistic/logical side often kicks in and begins asking “how”.  How will you start a business, when you don’t know anything about business?  What are the steps?  When do we start?  How long will it take?  The list of questions goes on and at some point I begin questioning whether I can do it or not.  My self-talk takes a very negative turn and fear kicks into full throttle.  It goes downhill from there.

During these times I find my logical/realistic side fueling my limiting beliefs, the very beliefs I need to release in order to make my dreams a reality.

There are other times when my imaginative side is in control and I am floating on the belief that anything is possible.   During these times I truly believe that all of the unknown pieces will fall into place if I am patient, believe in myself, and keep my mind open to the many possibilities of how my dreams can come true.  These thoughts often lead to more complacency than action.

What I have found is that neither side will benefit me if used exclusively and yet I am at a loss as to how I can combine the two to work together.  How can I dream a magical dream, yet set some action steps that will allow me to make progress as I go?  I’m afraid there is no formula that will work for me and as with anything in life it will take a bit of trial and error.

Yet again I am presented with an opportunity to learn.

I now have the opportunity to practice patience as I figure everything out.  By allowing myself to not have all the answers, I am relieving a lot of pressure I have had on myself for the past few years.  Additionally, I am giving myself the space to learn how to release the fear and uncertainty that comes with my dreams and as I shed each layer, I become more open to life and possibility.  By allowing my dreams to unfold organically, I can believe in the magic again without feeling like I always have to control how my dreams come true.  I am reminded that while I may have a plan in place, the Universe may have a better way and if my focus resides on my one and only plan, I am stifling the very thing that I love so much…my creativity.

The key?  Believing that anything is possible (no matter what you want to accomplish), setting a loose plan, and being flexible about how your dreams meet reality. Sounds easier than it is, but with a little practice anything is possible.

Relax, Regroup, Release

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Yesterday I wrote about patience and how it takes a lot of practice to attain, at least for me it does.  I started thinking about how I could be more mindful of each moment as opposed to being so preoccupied with the future.  I found that impatience isn’t the only challenge I have from time to time.  I often find myself scatter-brained and lacking focus.
Recently I have found myself trying to pass the time waiting for certain pieces of my dreams to fall into place (i.e. waiting on possible publishing results of some of my work), by changing my focus and attempting to do many things at once.  For instance at this very moment I am in the middle of reading 3 books at once, I have started a blog, and I work a full-time job amongst many other items that have my attention throughout the day.  While I like to think I have it all together and can continue to juggle all of these items, I am afraid I am doing nothing more than scattering my energy inefficiently, leaving me feeling drained and frustrated.

Since I am typically a “fixer” of things, when I see there is a problem, I want to know what I can do to fix it…now.  The joy of life is that not all things can be fixed in the blink of an eye and somethings don’t need “fixed” as much as they need to be re-evaluated or re-balanced.  In this case, I think I need a bit of both in order to settle myself and adjust my focus.

In addition to being a “fixer”, I am very much a “doer”, meaning I pride myself on checking items off my to-do list and feel good when I see how much I have accomplished.  This is not always a healthy thing, and can definitely become a problem as I move closer and closer to starting my own business.  If I don’t address this now, my future may consist of working long hours with little separation between work life and personal life.

So where does that leave me today with my “fixer” and “doer” mentalities?  Well, I think the first step is to stop for a moment and regroup.  Instead of feeling like I need to always do something, maybe I need to just be in this moment and take it as it comes.  This is yet another life lesson I know I am meant to learn.  Instead of always focusing on getting through my dream list or my to-do list as quickly as possible, what if I simply enjoyed today for what it is and streamline my focus a bit?

What if???

What if this incessant feeling of being stuck is really a reminder to be in each moment as mindfully as possible and allow my dreams to unfold more naturally instead of trying to control everything?  What if I focus more on the process and flow of life, as opposed to the destination? What if my lack of patience and focus is simply part of my path to achieving all that my heart desires?

If all of the above statements are true (and I believe most if not all of them are), then I welcome them with open arms and I intend to relax, regroup, and release my death grip on the future and open my awareness to today.

Food for thought:

What if at this very moment you are exactly where you are meant to be on your path to greatness, challenges and all? Do you welcome them, or wish them away??