Lamisha Serf-Walls

Where’s The Balance???

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Spring is upon us and as the weather changes and the trees and flowers bloom with color our lives tend to get busier too.  There are more activities to enjoy on the weekends, more events, and for some more work.  As a self-proclaimed busy bee, I have always enjoyed the buzzy feeling of a full schedule and yet on the flip side if I have too much busy in my life, I get overwhelmed.  From the outside it can often look like I just am never satisfied, and maybe that is true.  Or maybe I just haven’t found the right balance of it all.

I started this week knowing it was going to be a busy one with appointments galore in addition to work responsibilities.  I was of course correct in that assumption, however I often wonder if my thought of “oh boy it’s gonna be one of those weeks…” actually created my reality.  (I tend to think it did at least in my perception of it all.)  And while I know I can change my thoughts and in turn change my experience of a busy schedule, I still think I could use a bit more balance in life as a whole.

It seems when we have a lot going on something always takes the back seat.  One week I am really focused on my writing work, while other weeks I hardly touch it.  Some weekends I just want to lounge around the house and re-group, yet if I do many things that should get done, don’t.

Where is the balance???

I have tried making lists, setting schedules, and flying by the seat of my pants and yet at times I still feel overwhelmed.  And as I think about starting a business and expanding my freelance work, I am left wondering if I will ever be able to do it all???

And just before I allow myself to fall into the hole of self-pity, I remember this.  Balance isn’t something you all of a sudden have.  It’s not something you can purchase or wish for and it will appear.  It is something you learn…over time. 

I often want to say “Bah-humbug!”, because when I want something, I want it to happen right this second and yet I know that isn’t how it works.  Just like anything else I am going to have to muddle my way through this to figure out what works and what doesn’t.  It may require me to say “no” to a few things or to incorporate more free time into my schedule, but one thing is for sure it will not happen by my complaint that “there just isn’t enough time in the day”.

Instead of focusing on my perceived lack of time to do it all, I am changing my focus.  I have even begun saying a little mantra that helps calm me when my feathers get ruffled and I feel overwhelmed.  Sometimes taking a deep breath and thinking to myself “It will all get done at the right time.” puts my mind at ease.  When I stop fighting with time and simply accept it for what it is, I find I have much more time to get things done and the things that don’t get done can be saved for another day.

I am a do-er and I want to do it all.  I often want to throw on my cape and go, go, go until I can’t go anymore, but I know that isn’t what life is all about and it’s not the way we are meant to live.  So, instead of being anxious about my schedule or my dreams that I have yet to attain, I will take a deep breath, repeat my mantra and learn as I grow.  And just as I have learned to be more patient over the years, I too will learn to create more balance in my life and schedule.

I set the intention and so it shall be.

 

Meditation Challenge: Update

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I would love to be able to begin this post with a celebration for Day #83 of my consecutive 100 day mediation challenge, however I cannot.  I not only missed one day somewhere in the first 50 days of meditation, but this past weekend I missed about 3 more.  (Insert disappointed face here.)

While there is a part of me that is slightly disappointed that I missed so many days in a row, a larger part of me is proud for only missing a total of 4 days in the 83 that I have been practicing.  I recognize that to be a mighty accomplishment for myself.  Especially since I wanted to start a meditation practice for many years and could never stick to it.  Now I know I can and despite my disappointment for missing so many days, I have learned a great deal about myself and my practice.

I have learned:

  • The type of meditation I do depends on my mood.  Sometimes I like guided meditations, while other times I do my own to music or in complete silence.  None of them is the right way or better than the other.  I simply listen to what I need in the moment and proceed with what feels right for me.
  • The ideal amount of time for me on a daily basis is about 15-20 minutes in one sitting and it feels really great to do a morning and evening meditation.
  • My patience for the ups and downs of everyday life is much better when I have meditated on that particular day and I feel a more calm sense of peace after I meditate.
  • I am definitely more optimistic and positive in the moment and spend much less time focusing on what hasn’t yet materialized in my future.  It is true that meditation is a mindful practice for the moment, at least for me.
  • Meditation has become a habit for me, not just a ritual or a challenge.  It is a habit I have wanted to create for many years, but never thought I had the time or the focus to do it, and now I have.

With that said I realize missing 4 days of meditating is not the end of the world and while I may not have made it to the 100 consecutive days of meditating like I wanted in the beginning, I have learned a lot in the process not only about meditation in general, but how it applies to my life and my practice.

I have also decided to begin a new 100 day meditation challenge (officially starting April 1st for ease of calculating days), but this time the motivation for the challenge is to simply reap the benefits of meditation on a daily basis while reaching (and surpassing) my goal of 100 days.  Much like healthy eating and exercising, meditation is a daily practice meant to be a lifestyle change, not something you do only when you feel frazzled.  So with that ultimate purpose in mind I will begin again.

Not meeting a goal doesn’t automatically mean failure, sometimes it is just a reminder to take a moment to reset and begin again.

What are you hitting the “reset” button for today?

Letting Go Of The “How”

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Yesterday I set the date for action on writing my first children’s book.  I was excited, a little anxious, but mostly excited.  The words were forming in my head and if it weren’t for my day job, I would have immediately grabbed a pen and paper and started writing.  One of you wonderful readers called me brave for setting the date and I hadn’t even written one word yet.  I was feeling far beyond optimistic.  I had decided my dream would come true and nothing was going to stop me until….

I started wondering (more like worrying) about the “how”.  How am I going to get this writing contract by the end of the year when I didn’t know the first thing about getting a book published?  Do I need an agent or can I just send my proposal and manuscript on my own?  Where do I find the right publishers?  How long will it take?

The questions just wouldn’t stop and as I started researching the “how”, I became frozen in fear.  There were so many websites saying how hard it is to get a book published let alone a children’s book, and how long the process takes.  The rejections will come flying in or you won’t hear anything at all.  As I read all I kept feeling was my dream slowly deflating.  I wish I could say I was easily able to brush it off and find my positive place again, but I can’t.  Instead I fell into a fog of disappointment and fear that carried over to this morning.

I woke up feeling uneasy, overwhelmed, and just off.  I couldn’t put my finger on it but as soon as I began writing this post the fog began to lift.  I then remembered this…I don’t have to know the “how” right this second.  I don’t have to figure it all out right now.  If I can float on my excitement and creativity and keep my dream alive, the Universe will conspire to help me.  With a positive attitude I will be led to the path that is right for me and while so many naysayers (online at least) have stated the difficult road that lies ahead, I am choosing to believe it doesn’t have to be that way.  Just as easily as so many other pieces in my life have fallen into place, this will too one way or another.

I don’t have to know the “how” in order to believe it is possible.  In fact, no knowing the “how” makes it that much more exciting.

Gratitude: Accepting Mistakes

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I am finding my weekly gratitude practice changing and not in the way that I like.  As each week winds down I am finding it more difficult to remember specific moments during the week for which I am grateful, so I have decided to implement a daily gratitude practice written in a journal each day.  This will allow me to get into the flow of gratitude again and will help my weekly post here as well.

For this week as strange as it sounds I am grateful for accepting my mistakes.

As much as I would love to say (and feel) that I am perfect, of course I am not.  I make mistakes, but for some reason those mistakes affect me in a way that can be at times embarrassing and makes me really uncomfortable.  Of course no one likes to make mistakes, but that is usually where lessons are learned right?  Well I suppose I don’t prefer this method of learning lessons, I’d rather study the book of life, only there isn’t one.  So mistakes will happen and I will make many an I will learn from them (hopefully), though it isn’t always easy to accept.

Just a few moments ago, I realized I had made a mistake…several actually.  I was doing a task for my midnight hustle gig and it came to my attention that the link I had set up and sent to several people was incorrect.  This was the first time I had completed this task and I was a little anxious about doing it for fear of making a mistake, and sure enough I did.  Maybe it was my anxiety about making a mistake that caused it, or maybe my intuition was telling me to triple check everything.  Either way, the mistake was made.  Is it a world shattering, life altering, ginormous mistake? No, but sometimes it can feel that way.

So what have I learned???

I have learned to double and triple check my work.  I have learned to fix my mistakes as soon as I realize them and to accept it as a part of life.  Making mistakes doesn’t make me incompetent, irresponsible, or incapable of accomplishing my tasks.  What it does mean is that I am human and I am learning.

Mistakes are going to happen and when they do, I will look to them for the lessons they are teaching me instead of focusing on the how bad it feels at the time.  I am only human and what a blessing that is, mistakes included!

 

Taking My Own Advice With Tiny Steps or Big Leaps

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Have you ever found yourself giving advice to someone else and seeing the picture so clearly, only to realize the very advice you are giving is advice you can/should implement in your own life?  That happened to me today and while the advice was far from prophetic it hit me like a ton of bricks just a few hours ago…I should be listening to myself!

A co-worker had recently mentioned feeling stuck in life, wanting to change multiple areas of her life at once.  With so much to do it seemed overwhelming, yet the yearning, the need, and the desire to change each area was still there, but the time to do it all wasn’t.  In that moment the solution seemed so clear.  It was as if I was looking straight through a clear glass of water and the solution was on the other side staring back at me.  It was simple or so it seemed.

The first piece of advice is nothing we haven’t heard before.  When you feel overwhelmed, break the big stuff down into little pieces and do it one step at a time.  My particular advice was this.  Find something you can do each week no matter how small or insignificant it seems and do at least one thing each week that will move you closer to your dreams.  Set it on your calendar, make a date with yourself, schedule it in your phone if you have to.  It doesn’t matter how you do it, just do it.

Time seems to be a hot commodity in our world.  There never seems to be enough for what we want and need to do but if you are always looking for free time you won’t find it, you have to make time for things that are important.  Sometimes that means getting rid of other things, or moving things around a bit so they fit, but however you choose to do it, you must make the time.  Once you have set this date with yourself to work on your dreams/goals/aspirations etc. keep it.  The momentum will build one step at a time and you will find yourself inspired, motivated and full of passion to continue to make tiny steps or big leaps toward your dreams.

My second piece of advice was to be kind to yourself.  When it comes to goals and dreams, things rarely go exactly as planned and mistakes happen.  In fact they have to happen in order for us to learn.  So when you make a mistake or choose something over your weekly task, it’s ok.  See it, accept it, and do better next time.  You won’t get any closer to your dreams by rehashing your mistakes over and over again.  Know that wherever you are headed takes time and many lessons and accept the lessons with open arms.

Sound like good advice?  I thought it was.  🙂  A few hours later I was wondering how I will ever find the time to write this children’s book I want to work on this year and almost immediately my advice played back in my head.  “You have to make time for what you want…”

This time I am listening and whether my tasks each week are tiny steps or big leaps one thing is for sure, I am making moves to make my dreams my reality and that is what this journey is all about.

What will your tiny step be this week?