Lamisha Serf-Walls

Don’t Borrow Trouble

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The last two days have been interesting.  I have found myself in the weirdest of moods and somehow my inspiration has fallen by the wayside.  I can’t quite put my finger on what has changed in the last two days, but I do know that it will pass.

We all have these moments don’t we?  Times when things aren’t “bad” or “good” and instead they hang somewhere in the space between two extremes and just feel “meh”.  It is part of the ebb and flow of life and while I tried many ways get out of this mood none of them worked.  So, after trying everything in my be-happy-arsenal, I just let it be.

I stopped trying to fight the inevitable feeling of blah and accepted it for what it is…a pause in action, momentum, and a chance to just be.  Does that sound too hippp-dippy for you?  Think of it as a break.  A break from whatever it is I needed a break from…sometimes even we don’t know what that is.letitbe

While I would like to say I am so good at simply being, I’m not.  I tend to fight the feeling especially when I am in moods like these.  A feeling that is hard to name and almost impossible to find the source of.  Yet, being the overachiever, I can do anything, go-getter that I tend to be…I had to know.

So, I began thinking about all the many reasons I could feel like this.  Is it the weather? Job frustrations? Personal issues? Worry about the future? Stress?  No matter what reason I gave it, none of them felt right and then I had to ask myself…

Why am I borrowing trouble?

I first heard this term from a co-worker a few years ago and if you don’t know what borrowing trouble is, it is worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet and creating undue stress, frustration, and anything else that is not needed in the moment.  That is exactly what I was doing.

Somehow I thought that if I could name it or find the source, then it would cease to exist.  That if only I could figure it out and wrestle it to the ground, I could somehow solve the mystery and get back to my bubbly, inspired self, and move forward with all the good stuff on my path.

I was wrong.

So, I settled with the feeling and decided to let it hang around for a bit, hoping that it would slowly dissipate.  Lucky for me it is working.  I am beginning to feel a bit better and hope that with some additional rest, listening to my body, and just being, I will be back to my regular self again soon.  In the meantime, I am remembering a very important lesson about not borrowing trouble and I want to pass it along to you.

When you find yourself worrying about something that is not in this very moment, you are borrowing trouble.  When you are wondering how something is going to happen and trying to think of all the ways it can go wrong, you are borrowing trouble.  When you are trying desperately to figure something out instead of allowing it to be what it is and letting go a little bit, you have the potential to be borrowing trouble.  And when you are feeling a feeling that you can’t quite figure out instead of listening to what it is telling you, you may be borrowing trouble.

There is enough “trouble” in the world without us looking for it, so why not take some time to just be in the moment and learn whatever lesson it is here to teach us, knowing that it will soon pass.

The good news about these moments and moods is that it helps us remember who we want to be, how we want to feel, and creates a sense of gratitude for the good stuff.  So, if you find yourself in a similar situation remember, don’t go borrowing trouble and in the words of Abraham Hicks, “hang on it will be over soon.”

Gratitude: Telling A Different Story

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Over the last few weeks in my rush to get things done, I have missed my gratitude posts and I am feeling the effects.  Instead of reflecting back on each week with wonder and appreciation, I am finding myself returning to a mindset of “if only” and lots of frustration about seemingly small blips on my emotional radar.  I have also found that my meditation practice has been very hit or miss and that is also affecting what I like to call my emotional feng shui.  With that said, I wanted to make sure I got back on track with both meditating and my gratitude practice because I know how important both practices are for my growth and sanity.

Coming back from a week-long vacation can be a bit jarring and uncomfortable for some and I had a few ups and downs myself trying to get back into my daily groove.  While I found myself appreciating the time off, I was also more cranky than usual.  Outside my moments of crankiness I took on an observer role to figure out the cause (if any) and to see what it was that was causing me to head down a much-traveled-never-turns-out-good-road that I have experienced before.

Here’s what I realized…

I have read many blogs and articles about “telling a different story” and while I understood what the phrase meant, it never hit me emotionally.  It seems I only understood it on an intellectual level and never really applied it to my life.  Maybe I was in denial or maybe as a student of life, I wasn’t ready to receive the message.  Either way, I now understand.

We all have certain characteristics that have become a part of our emotional, psychological, moral and spiritual fabrics.  Many times we don’t take the time to question if the story we tell is still true as we say things like, “I’m not a good communicator.” or “I’ve never been good with writing.”  We even use these stories to describe others based on how we perceive them and yet we never once question if the story we are telling about ourselves or others still holds true.

We have grown so accustomed to living in a space of familiarity that we will hang on to an understanding of someone, something, or ourselves so much that we assume we have it figured out.  (And you know what they say about assuming.)  Instead of coming into situations and experiences with fresh eyes and a sense of discovery, we use our memories as the be-all, end-all truth.  But the funny thing about life is that things are always changing.

The person I am today is not who I will be tomorrow and the person I was yesterday is gone, yet when we have a death grip on what we know to be true about ourselves or someone else, we leave no room for learning anything different.  And when we have a set expectation of how someone is going to act or react (including ourselves), we generally experience the exact expectation we set forth in the beginning.

So, this week as I was going through some personal challenges, I began thinking about my story.  My story about success, work, relationships, my partner, and the story about who I am and I began to wonder what would happen if I told a different story in each of those areas?  What if instead of telling the same old tired story of lack, frustration, hurt, and any other negative emotion I thought was the truth, I told a different story?  How different would my experience be?

I must admit the idea felt refreshing yet foreign.  I had never consciously attempted to change my own description of what I had always known myself and others to be.  What I found is that like any life or perspective change, it takes time.  I won’t magically begin describing myself as a laid back, go with the flow person in every scenario that I experience, but slowly I can begin changing my story to reflect the person I am becoming.

I am so grateful for this life changing thought that has allowed me the freedom to change how I experience the world around me.  I now know I don’t have to live in the confines of who I always was (or thought I was) and can move into new territory where I am the writer of my reality.

You are too.

I challenge you to take some time this weekend to explore the stories you use to describe yourself or others and see how those same old stories are creating your very existence.  See some things you don’t like?  Try to re-frame and re-phrase your story to reflect what you want to see.  It may feel foreign at first, but just as the caterpillar takes time to transition into a beautiful butterfly, your new story will take some time too.

Be patient and kind with yourself as you explore new territory, but most of all enjoy the freedom of creating your reality, including living the life of your dreams.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend and as always thank you for reading!

When Dream Crushers Attack

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As you begin to realize your passions and you create a vision of what you want to accomplish, you may begin to notice a little voice in your head that will list many reasons why you can’t or shouldn’t do it.  Sometimes those “reasons” come with a laundry list of things you don’t know, things you haven’t done, resources you don’t have etc., yet not one of them should be the reason you give up on our dreams.  I like to call that voice the Dream Crusher.

My Dream Crusher appears as I am realizing my passion, when I am creating the life I want to live, and even when I am being successful.  It also appears when things aren’t going so well to tell me “I told you so”.  I have also found that my Dream Crusher doesn’t only come in the form of my voice.  Sometimes it comes through other people as they ask questions about “how”, “when”, or “why” I am doing something in particular.  Depending on who it is and how I am feeling at the time, it can sound very much like a Dream Crusher Attack.

I am sure you have heard your own version of the Dream Crusher once or twice before.  The little (or sometimes big) voice that tells you why you can’t do something or it causes you to have doubts about your talents, skills, and ability to live the life of your dreams.  Maybe it causes you to pause and wonder if you are good enough, smart enough, or simply skilled enough to move forward on your dream or it causes you to stop moving forward all together.

Doubt is normal.

Doubt is a part of the dream process.  It can appear at any time, but generally makes its first appearance at the start of something new.  The key is not to allow the Dream Crusher to take your excitement and inspiration for too long.  Sure, it may make you question what you are doing, but it also provides an opportunity to remind yourself why you want to achieve a particular goal and it provides a platform for growth.

The reality is that no one begins something new without having a little doubt creep in, but the most successful dreamers don’t allow those doubts to stop them from moving forward.  They simply soothe the doubt as much as they can while still making progress.

You can soothe your doubt by realizing that you don’t have to know everything right this moment.  You can allow the thoughts, inspiration, and other information you need to come to you in due time.  The more you doubt yourself, the more resistance you create, and the longer it will take to manifest your desires.  So, instead of allowing the Dream Crusher to take over your thoughts, take a moment to re-frame.

Also, it is good to remember everyone is on their own dream journey and each journey is unique.  So as you move forward and doubt creeps in, realize that everyone feels doubt from time to time and that you can move through it.  The more you do, the easier it becomes.

I am interested to know what you do when your Dream Crusher attacks.  Do you allow it to be there and move forward anyway?  Do you have specific practices?

Re-frame, Re-focus, and Move On

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I often find it difficult to write when I am having a particularly challenging day and yesterday was that kind of day.  The financial mishap I thought I had taken care of not once, but twice had reared its ugly head again and I had a difficult time with it.  In the midst of trying to clear it up and ensure it wasn’t going to happen again, I kept wondering how in the world I had created such a mess.  Sure everyone makes mistakes, but why wouldn’t this particularly large mistake just go away??

Where had I gone wrong?  I just couldn’t figure it out.  Each day I meditate, write my gratitude list, read inspiring blogs and other blogs, and try to keep a generally positive attitude.  How could this happen to me???

When I was finally able to step out of my drama-filled cloud of confusion, I realized some stuff just happens.  And while I may have done all of those generally positive things, I am not perfect.  I have a tendency to complain with the best of them about seemingly small details and while those complaints may not be directly related to this financial mishap, it certainly doesn’t help.

Instead of continue to ask questions about why this happened or wonder where I had gone wrong, I took a step back and decided to re-frame, re-focus, and just move on. 

Re-frame– Sometimes things happen and while we (read I) want to figure out the cause behind the mishaps in everyday life, sometimes it’s just a mystery.  The key is not to dwell on the insignificant things and to re-frame the negative into a positive.  In my case, things could have been much worse.  It could have been a situation that couldn’t be fixed and I would have been stuck with trying to find several thousand dollars to make it right.  Lucky for me this situation is something that can be remedied despite the extra fees that I am incurring for a seemingly innocent mistake on my part.  So, it could always be worse.

Re-focus- After a challenging situation it is important to take some time to turn your attention back to what is important.  In this case it means re-focusing on my coaching business, writing, and other projects I have in the works.  Turning my attention away from the situation moves my energy in a more positive direction and creates a flow toward my goals instead of harping on the past.

Move On- Once you have re-focused your energy, it is time to move onward and upward leaving the challenging situation or frustration behind.  Simply put, just let it go.

This three-step process can apply to everyday life as well as disappointments and challenges that happen while working toward the life of your dreams.  Things happen and the speed bumps, detours, and disappointments we encounter can lead us to more clarity, desire, and drive for the things we want, so don’t allow them to destroy your momentum.  Simply re-frame, re-focus, and move on.

Surprise Speed Bumps

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Recently I have been on a super positivity kick.  I have been focusing on the positive that surrounds me daily, making lists of things I am grateful for, and staying focused on the things I want to create and cultivate in my life.  For the most part things are running smoothly.  I am feeling good about where I am headed and am confident in the process and while some things seem to be moving slower than I want, I continue to bring my focus back to the present.  I know all is well and all will be well.  No worries.

Well almost no worries.  While I have spent most of my time focusing on the positive, there have been moments (or many moments) when some negative thoughts creep in.  I do my best to send them on their way by thinking more positive thoughts with the intention of staying in my positive frame of mind more and more each day.  Naturally I thought my manifestation process would get easier and then today I hit a surprise speed bump.

Long story short, I had an “accidental” financial oversight that resulted in me being in the red by several thousand dollars.  YIKES!  I quickly called all necessary parties to get this matter resolved as quickly as possible, however in the back of my mind I kept thinking “What a dumb thing to do.” and “I can’t believe I did that!”.  Needless to say my self-talk wasn’t all that great.  I made a mistake and I was ok with it to some degree (provided it could be fixed), but the interesting part was the lack of emotional reaction I had.

In the past if something like this would have happened, I would likely have broken down into tears while anxiety took over my body.  My mind would have been racing while my stomach twisted into knots and I would be in the throes of a serious reaction.

As I took a moment to step back from the situation, I realized even though this mistake does require some rearranging of resources and phone calls to hopefully get it all worked out, I have grown.  I took the situation and responded accordingly without reacting to it negatively.  Sure I was concerned about the mistake, but I was able to take it in stride.  Something I would not have been able to do a year ago.

I suppose this “accident” was a way for me to realize I am making progress in my personal growth and though all of the manifestations are not here right now, I am becoming an overall more positive person.

So the next time you hit a surprise speed bump on your journey to your dreams, take a step back and see what it is telling you.  Is it evidence of changes you are making along the way, or is it a warning to focus more on the happiness you have now?  Either way I think you will find there is an underlying lesson.