Lamisha Serf-Walls

What To Do With In-Between Time

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When you set out on your journey to create the life of your dreams, it isn’t abnormal to feel a slow withdraw from the reality you have been living.  Everyday responsibilities and commitments may not feel the same as they once did and though you are working on your dream in your spare time, it can seem like it just isn’t enough.  It can get to a point where you feel like you are in limbo, teetering between two worlds, yet not fully engaged in either.

I get it, in fact I more than just “get” it.  I’m living it, this very moment.

If you are like me, you might be used to fully engaging in whatever activity you have set forth to accomplish and it can feel unnatural to withdraw your energy.  If you aren’t quite sure how the future is going to unfold (and let’s be honest we don’t always know what lies ahead), it can make this in-between time feel even more unstable and often scary.  Not being fully aware of what is next on your path can easily create doubt, worry, and a loss of faith in your dreams.

So, what do you do?  If you aren’t here or there and are struggling to find your footing between worlds, what can you possibly do???

The answer is very simple and is one I have heard over and over again (and I am sure you have too.)

Be here now.

Image from bepresentproject.com
Image from bepresentproject.com

As humans we are very good at reflecting on the past and planning for the future, but most of us generally stink at being IN the moment.  We are so busy planning our next moment and reflecting on past mistakes and misgivings, that our entire lives are focused on planning on what is to come while not making the same mistakes and we miss this moment.

I am no Eckhart Tolle or Ram Dass, but I know that being in the moment is an incredible lesson to be learned and is one of my own personal quests in this life.  In fact, it is one I think I am just beginning to get a handle on.

If you are like me you are probably thinking “Yeah, I get it, focus on the present, but what can I DO to do that??”

The specific steps may be a little different for everyone, but I have outlined a few of the things that work for me.  Try them out and see if they help you too.

  • Meditate- Meditation is the act of being present.  For constant planners and doers, this can be challenging at first, but with consistent practice it gets much easier.  This practice is by far one of the best ways for me to focus on the moment and has a very powerful effect on my mindfulness throughout the rest of the day.
  • Stop Multi-tasking– Say what?? Multi-tasking is a way of life for many, but while we are trying to 10 things at once, we are robbing ourselves (and our work, family, health etc.) of operating on all cylinders.  Splitting your energy and focus can result in mistakes, frustration, anxiety, and worry.  So the next time you find yourself doing one thing, thinking about another, and planning your next steps, stop and take a deep breath.  Move into the next moment with a singular focus and take it one thing at a time.
  • Practice Gratitude-This has been another paramount practice for me during my time of transition.  Instead of focusing on the things that haven’t yet happened or worrying about what the future may bring, take a step back.  Look around you and become aware of the beautiful blessings that surround you daily.  On your drive to work how many times have you been aware of the flaming sunrise before you?  What about the crisp fall air that reminds you, you are alive?  There are always amazing things going on around you and if you can settle into the present and become mindful of them, the future will not only be incredible, but you will be able to enjoy the beauty when you encounter it.
  • Trust- While worry can creep in during moments of overwhelm, it is important to trust the process and unfolding.  Things are working out for you just as they did when you began your dream journey.  The pieces fall into your path at exactly the right moment and while you are moving toward your ultimate dream, remember to trust in the process.  You might find it helpful to create a mantra or two that remind you that all is well and everything is working out.

While the above practices appear to be much less doing and more being, it is important to continue to follow your inspiration along the way.  What is interesting is that the more you become aware of the present moment, the more you are able to recognize those inspirational nuggets.  You might enjoy a nice conversation with a stranger in line at the coffee shop or become aware of the beautiful surroundings when you hear about an incredible connection that will help you on your journey.

Life is full of those little miracles that will lead you down your beautiful path of your dreams.  You just have to be mindful of them.

My wish for you today is to enjoy the start of your week by slowing down, becoming mindful, and being fully present in the moment.

Seeking Balance Amongst the Chaos

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I have to admit that I am generally a person of extremes.  When it comes to my time commitments, I generally have found myself either super busy or super bored.  I don’t do it intentionally, but it happens more often than not and I find myself desperately seeking excitement or desperately seeking peace and I am almost never in a space where I feel balanced.

That is going to change very soon.

I currently have a full plate and while much of the fullness is the result of my own expectations and choices, I still have a lot going on.  In addition to finishing up my last 7 weeks of my current full-time job (eek!), I am also taking on a bit more freelance work, building my business layer-by-layer, coaching a few clients, and tending to my family.  Did I mention I am also looking for other work on and off and trying to figure out where I will end up come January 2014?  Needless to say my schedule is full.

I am proud to say I haven’t reached a point of total overwhelm, but sometimes I feel like I am aimlessly juggling noodles which if you haven’t tried is not an easy task.

I know that many of you are going through similar challenges.  You are venturing into the land of your dreams while still handling your current responsibilities so it can get a little crazy.  The good news is it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.  Below I have come up with a few tips to help create more balance and to ease the chaos.  These are steps that I plan on implementing and I hope you find them helpful too!

  1. Brain dump- Write down every single thing you need to do.  You may choose to do this daily, weekly, or monthly but the key is to get every thing down on paper so you don’t have to remember it all.  You might want to divide the list into categories.  For instance, you might have Work, Business, Home, etc. and list all the tasks you need to complete and by when (if there is a deadline).
  2. Learn to say NO– Too often we find ourselves saying yes to every invitation and opportunity that comes up even when it is something we don’t really want to do. It’s ok to say no sometimes.  Heck it’s ok to say no a lot of the time if it isn’t in line with what you want for your life.  Before you go adding another item to your list, think about whether it will add value to your life and your vision.  If it is simply a time filler, say no and move onto something that you are inspired to do.
  3. Cut the fat- Go through the list you just created and figure out what you can get rid of.  Are there things that someone else can do for you?  For instance, if you have on your list to “fall clean” for the holidays, maybe you can hire someone to come in and do that for you.  Get creative and figure out what you can drop now and more importantly think of the things you can put in its place that are more enjoyable and more aligned with your vision.  If you can be writing two chapters for your upcoming novel in the time it takes to clean your house from top to bottom, by all means hire someone!
  4. Listen to your body- I have learned that when I am overwhelmed with the tasks I have to do I often feel tension and stress in the center of my chest.  When I start feeling that way I know I need to take a step back and relax.  Sometimes I go for a walk, meditate, or take a nap.  The key is to notice how your body responds to stress and not only listen, but respond to what you need in that moment.  I guarantee if you listen you will find you need to take a break.
  5. Ask yourself what do you WANT to do- This may seem counter-intuitive when you have a lot going on, but doing something that you truly want to do can give you enough energy to get through 2-3 more tasks on your list.  If you aren’t used to asking yourself what you want to do, set scheduled check-in times.  Stop what you are doing, be still, and feel for the answer.  Are you hungry?  Thirsty?  Tired? Antsy? What do you want to do?  You might be surprised at what you get.
  6. Have fun- This one is a big one.  Despite all the things we put on our plate even after we cut the fat, we need to make sure to make room for fun.  Do things that you want to do simply because you enjoy them.  Do you want to go to a museum or a concert?  Feel like going dancing?  Do it!  You might just find that following your inspiration to just enjoy yourself may lead you to the very next piece you need to keep moving forward.

I hope some of the tips above help you find balance as you move forward on your journey.  Do you have a practice that you do that wasn’t included?  Feel free to share in the comments section.  I would love to hear about how you find balance in your everyday life.

As for me, I am going to listen to my body and get some much-needed rest.

 

Have you been thinking about your intentions for the New Year and want some assistance getting clear about our dreams?  Let’s chat about how I can help you get a jump start on your vision for the future.  There is no time like the present to start.  Contact me to find how you can get started. 

Less Than Motivated…

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It happens to us all right?  You have those days where you know you “should” be getting busy and marking things off your to-do list, but you have zero motivation.  The inspiration to act just isn’t there and to be honest you would just as much like to take a nap and try again later…or not.

I am having one of those days today.  My list of things to be done is ever-growing and even after a mid-day nap I can’t fight this “meh” feeling I am having.

What is a coach to do???

Well first thing to do is admit that we are human and we have those days.  Days when things seem a little less go-go-go and a lot more..zzzzzz.

And while I may not be able to put my finger on exactly what is going on, I’m not sure it matters.  What matters is accepting that it happens to us all and it will pass.

So what do you do in the meantime?  You can’t just sleep all day and not tend to your responsibilities right?

I guess that would depend on what your responsibilities are.  I know I have a lot of things I have set a loose deadline for in my business building and freelance writing.  I have very few things that absolutely have to be done today, so while there is a part of me that knows I really should do X, Y, Z…I’m taking the easy way out and meandering my way back to motivation.

I find that if I am less than motivated to act on something, forcing myself to do it makes it so much worse.  Not only is the end result lackluster and boring, but it feels miserable to do.  So, if I can avoid it, I don’t do it.  Luckily enough this feeling only comes during days when I have my day job that is already pretty lackluster and clearly not my passion.

So, I do what I can to pass the time in hopes that this “meh” feeling passes quickly.  The good news is that typically it will move along and I am back to my bubbly, go-getter, inspired self in no time.  I’m just not there yet.

So why am I sharing my less than motivated moment with you?

Because I want you to know that even professionals feel the same way you do.  We are not super-human, always happy, always successful, never-failing people.  Nope, we are just regular passionate, inspired, and mostly motivated individuals that like you, have one of those days.

And this is mine.

The next time you are feeling less than motivated, don’t fight the feeling.  Just go with it and ask yourself honestly, “What do I feel like doing right this moment?”  Should you get an answer, go with it and see if your mood turns around.

Writing this post was the first thing that came to mind for me.

How The Coach Coaches Herself

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inspirationOne of the things I love about my entrepreneurial journey is my ability to share my lessons, inspirations, and insights on my blog.  Even when I have moments of doubt or when I am feeling frustrated about how things are unfolding, I am glad that I am able to share my experience with you.  It not only helps you to know that we all go through rough times, but also helps me become a better coach in the process.

Lately I have felt a bit like a firefighter, constantly responding to what is going on around me and taking care of things without really being intentional about life in general.  That lack of intentionality goes against a lot of what I believe in, yet in the past few weeks it seems I have had to put out a lot of urgent fires in order to make it through each day.  Whether it is with my day job, home life, or family, I have been far more reaction oriented rather than intention oriented.  I am finding this is not only feeding my anxiety about the future, but also leaves me wondering how to best find balance.

I have written a lot about accepting ‘what is’ in the current situation and not fighting it and I still believe that is important, but I can’t help but wonder how we can balance it all?  How can we remain open and present in this very moment, while still setting our intentions for the future?  How can we loosely plan for our future while still being open to what happens to come our way?

I guess all the questions come at a time when my future is a bit foggy and I fight between two extremes of surrendering to ‘what is’ and falling on faith or jumping into action mode to make things happen.  I know that having faith in what is happening and leading with my inspirational foot is really best.  And as a coach, I know I am simply allowing normal doubt to creep into my otherwise positive thoughts and they will pass as long as I don’t hang on to them for too long.

So, if I had a client in my exact shoes what would I tell her?

Well, I would encourage her to take a step back and breathe without making any decisions one way or another.  This helps us gain some perspective on the “issue” and can often result in nudges from our intuition that leads us to the next step.  Sometimes when we are so close to a situation, we allow our limited view to send us into a tailspin of unnecessary worry.  Sometimes we just need to press the reset button and allow ourselves a chance to regroup.

Message received coach!

Instead of trying to fit my future into a container of reality, I am going to be like the bird in my logo.  Free-flying and open to the endless possibilities that are out there.  I know that by taking a step back and regrouping a little bit things will become clear again.  The momentum will pick up again, and things will fall into place.  Until that happens, I am going to do what I tell my clients.

“Do things that feel good and feed your soul.  Allow yourself some time to just have fun and once you take the stress off a little bit, the inspirational nuggets will return and things will get moving again.  Just be easy, this is all part of the journey.”

Thanks Coach!  🙂

Lessons Learned In: The Faces Of Opportunity and Being Open

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I am coming out of my cranky fog and realizing I learned some pretty hefty lessons this week.  While it wasn’t the most progress-oriented week I have ever had, it is certainly one heavy in life lessons.

Lesson: Opportunities come with many faces, the key is accepting them even when they are in disguise. fall apart

After learning that my current full-time gig would be coming to an end at the end of this year, I recently heard that many other employees were given their pink slip with only 2 weeks to spare.  This shocking news puts a lot of people in some seemingly tough situations as they plan for what is to come.  Some are worrying about how they will pay the bills and take care of their families (understandably so), but I can’t help but see this as an opportunity to move into something better.  In fact, one of my coworkers is thinking of following a passion she has had for many years, to which I responded “YES, Do that!!”  As the saying goes, when one door closes another one opens and I believe that 100%.  It seems we are moving into a time when doing what we are “supposed” to do is not only uninspiring and boring, but it isn’t what we are meant to do.

Opportunities are popping up in some fun, exciting, sometimes shocking ways to get your attention, so listen up!  See the opportunity and be grateful that you have an opportunity to do something different.  And should you find yourself in a similar lay-off position, by golly take it as a blessing and a sign to move onward and upward.  The unknown can be scary, but it is also exciting to know that something better is coming only you get to decide what that is!  So watch as the faces of opportunities appear around you and respond accordingly by following your inspiration.  And don’t forget what I wrote yesterday…don’t borrow trouble!

Lesson: Be open to negative emotions and feelings and they will easily float on by.  Fight them and they hang on for dear life.

This lesson came full force yesterday in the midst of my gray cloud of confusion.  I had this icky feeling I couldn’t pinpoint and I wanted nothing more than to move on from the down feeling it was leaving me with.  Only when I stopped fighting it and stopped trying to rationalize it was I able to be open to it fully.  I didn’t try to change it or soothe it, I simply allowed it to be and an amazing thing happened.  It quickly began to loosen its grip on my mood and as the sun set, I was feeling better.

The next time you feel an icky, less than ideal feeling and you can’t quite figure it out, try being open to it instead of fighting it.  The more you fight, the more power you give to the mood/negativity that you are trying to avoid and by allowing it to flow through you, you create a path for it to float peacefully away.

What lessons have you learned this week?

I hope you have a lovely weekend and as always thank you for reading!