Lamisha Serf-Walls

Go with your gut

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As a creative soul I love trying new things and thinking outside the box, but one thing is for sure, decisions are not my forte.  In fact they make me tremble with anxiety for the most part, especially those large, potentially life changing decisions that as adults we often have to make.

A few years ago I was looking to get out of the job I was in and into a job that would allow me to actually utilize my Masters degree in Psychology.  The idea of helping young children find a forever home sounded wonderful and I was up for the challenge.  Unfortunately the pay that comes along with that challenge was not even in the ball park of what I needed to survive.  I was offered the position along with the measly salary that came with it.  I had a decision to make.  I could either keep the job I didn’t like with potential for a possible raise, or take a more challenging job for less money.

And so it began…

I made ample lists of pros vs cons, looked at my budget until my eyes crossed, and tried to make sense of my predicament. I agonized over it for about a week, hoping that someone, anyone would give me the right answer as to what I should do.  My partner (as lovely and kind as she is) told me she would support me in whatever decision I made.  That was not the answer I was looking for, albeit sweet and very supportive.

I wanted someone to make the tough choice for me, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen.

I didn’t have much time left when I finally made a decision.  I was not going to take the job that I thought I wanted/needed, and instead stay in my current position while negotiating an additional $4,000 a year.  Even though it seemed like the right choice, I couldn’t help but wonder if I would regret it later.  Looking back now I know I made the right decision.

So why did I doubt myself?

It comes down to trust.  Sometimes I don’t trust myself to make the right decisions and I have a fear of doing something I will regret.  I don’t want to look back and say, I should have taken path B instead of A or vice versa and feel terrible about it later.

I realize there aren’t necessarily right or wrong decisions in life as much as there are two (or more) paths that lead in one direction or another.  Each way may lead down a different road that will inevitably converge later down the line and the best thing you can do is go with your gut.

Trust your intuition, no matter what.

Whether you find yourself making a decision about finances, business, or in how you accomplish your dreams, the most important thing to do is to trust your intuition as it is your internal compass.

If you trust your intuition, you can never go wrong.

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I want to hear from you. Do you always listen to your intuition?  Can you tell the difference between your intuitive voice, and the voice of fear?

It’s just a phase

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Recently bedtime in my house has been anything but peaceful as my partner and I have struggled to get our 2-year-old to fall asleep in his own bed.  Our night-time routine begins just like every other night with a bath, story, and cuddles, and after the lights go out we spend the next 2-2 1/2 hours trying to coax our little one to sleep.  Each night I try to figure him out as I wonder if maybe he just isn’t tired or he napped too long that day and each night as I ask my partner (the logical one in our house) for a solution she reminds me as she has many times before..it’s just a phase.

That thought stuck with me tonight as I tried desperately to find the solution (again) to our bedtime challenge and as my mind wandered and I allowed the words to sink in, I realized we are all going through our own phases.

Our lives are composed of a chain of phases starting from the time we are born up through adulthood.  Some phases come and go, while others stick around for much longer and there are times when people tend to get stuck in one particular phase for the rest of their lives without growing into the next.

It’s all a part of life.

Many times in my life I have felt stuck, wanting so badly to move forward without knowing how or why.  I have been frustrated, confused, angry, and just plain worn out from the fight between where I am and where I want to be.  I have often felt like I was standing in one place as I watched my dreams float on by, wondering if I could ever get unstuck and catch up with them.  Looking back what was really happening is that I didn’t know I was going through a phase and while I’m not entirely sure what that particular phase was, I now know if I had embraced it as opposed to fighting it, I probably would have moved through it much faster than I actually did.

This year alone I have felt stuck more times than I care to count in regards to moving forward with my life coach training.  It felt that the resources and money just weren’t there, yet every avenue I attempted in order to create the income I needed were leaving me empty-handed and confused.  I began questioning my path and wondered if the Universe was simply leading me in a different direction.  When I listened to my heart, I found I wasn’t being lead in a different direction entirely.  Instead I realized there were a few other things I needed to do before I could continue on my path.

I realized that this is just a phase.  Just as my 2-year-old will learn to fall asleep on his own, I too will get the resources together to begin my life coach training and move into a new phase. Somehow just realizing it is a phase makes me feel better about it and allows me to feel less stuck.

You have probably gone through (or are going through) your own phases.  Maybe you too felt stuck in one place as you continued to fight your way forward toward something you wanted in your life and it has left you feeling confused, frustrated, and just plain tired.

The thing about phases is you don’t always know the name, or how long they will last, but if you go with the flow instead of fighting it, it just might pass by faster than you think.  Don’t allow a plateau in your growth to spoil your inspiration or motivation for achieving your dreams and most of all don’t question what you know in your heart you are meant to do.

Sometimes instead of saying not this, the Universe is simply saying not yet.  

What brings you joy?

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If money wasn’t an issue and you could do anything as your career or job, what would it be?

I have probably asked that question to 100 different people.  Sometimes I ask out of pure curiosity, while other times I am hoping to inspire.  Most of the people I ask are miserable at their current job and yet they feel as if they have no other choice.  It is easy to feel that way, especially in this economy where jobs are scarce and you feel lucky just to be working.  Typically the answers I get are thought of as hobbies or interests, but if you dig a little deeper they are things these individuals would do simply for the joy it brings them.

Once I get an answer to the first question, I follow-up with this.  Well why aren’t you doing that?  I generally get a laundry list of reasons why they can’t, won’t, don’t have the time/money/resources etc. to do the things that bring them joy.  It is at that moment I realize most people aren’t doing things that they love because they have grown to believe that it isn’t worthwhile.  Some believe doing something for the simple joy of it is a waste of time and might just be a little selfish.

I couldn’t disagree more.  I believe we are all meant to do the things that bring us joy and the more we do it, the happier we are.  So why do we believe that our happiness is wrong?

If someone asked me the same question I have asked so many (and believe me I have asked myself many times), I would say this: I want to help people find their joy and inspire, empower, and encourage them to do the things they didn’t think they could do.  I have done this in many ways throughout my life through coaching high school kids, encouraging my friends and co-workers, but I decided I wanted something more.  I am now choosing to allow my joy to become my career as a life coach, (in the not too distant future), and I can’t wait to go to “work” loving what I do every single day. (I will share more about how I decided that life coaching was for me in another post, stay tuned.)

I believe in doing things that bring us joy and happiness.  I believe in the magical essence of dreams fulfilled and wishes coming true, but most of all, I believe each one of us have the ability and opportunity to do the things make us happy, but like with everything else in life, it is a choice.  You make the choice to give yourself permission to be happy.  You make the choice to dream.  You make the choice to set an intention to do work you love and believe that the money and everything else that is needed will follow.  What do you choose?  A guaranteed mediocre future, or the unknown with more possibilities for happiness than you can even imagine?

With that said my question to you is this…If money wasn’t an issue and you could do anything as your career/job, what would it be and are you doing it?  Leave me a comment, I would love to know!

 

Finding Balance

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As a child you probably had no problem answering the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Chances are you didn’t even begin to think about whether it was realistic, because as a child, everything is realistic.  Life is magical and if you can imagine it, it can happen.

Sadly we grow up and society places limitations on what we deem realistic and we lose a bit of that spark of imagination we had as a child.  The magical essence of life is gone and for some it never returns.  Those that lose the sense of magic in life, tend to live and make decisions in very practical ways.  They may make life decisions in ways that make sense and very rarely think and live outside the box.

I have two very distinct sides of myself that at times fight for control over situations and decisions in my life.  One side is the creative dreamer that enjoys creating, writing, choreographing and doing anything that allows me to stretch outside the box.  The other side is logical, practical and a planner.  She sets a plan and executes accordingly.  This side is also quite controlling and when things don’t fall into place the way I thought they should…well let’s say it isn’t a pretty sight.

It would seem that having a combination of these two sides would provide a nice balance, but to be honest it doesn’t.  When I begin to think of all the wonderful things I want to do in my life, my realistic/logical side often kicks in and begins asking “how”.  How will you start a business, when you don’t know anything about business?  What are the steps?  When do we start?  How long will it take?  The list of questions goes on and at some point I begin questioning whether I can do it or not.  My self-talk takes a very negative turn and fear kicks into full throttle.  It goes downhill from there.

During these times I find my logical/realistic side fueling my limiting beliefs, the very beliefs I need to release in order to make my dreams a reality.

There are other times when my imaginative side is in control and I am floating on the belief that anything is possible.   During these times I truly believe that all of the unknown pieces will fall into place if I am patient, believe in myself, and keep my mind open to the many possibilities of how my dreams can come true.  These thoughts often lead to more complacency than action.

What I have found is that neither side will benefit me if used exclusively and yet I am at a loss as to how I can combine the two to work together.  How can I dream a magical dream, yet set some action steps that will allow me to make progress as I go?  I’m afraid there is no formula that will work for me and as with anything in life it will take a bit of trial and error.

Yet again I am presented with an opportunity to learn.

I now have the opportunity to practice patience as I figure everything out.  By allowing myself to not have all the answers, I am relieving a lot of pressure I have had on myself for the past few years.  Additionally, I am giving myself the space to learn how to release the fear and uncertainty that comes with my dreams and as I shed each layer, I become more open to life and possibility.  By allowing my dreams to unfold organically, I can believe in the magic again without feeling like I always have to control how my dreams come true.  I am reminded that while I may have a plan in place, the Universe may have a better way and if my focus resides on my one and only plan, I am stifling the very thing that I love so much…my creativity.

The key?  Believing that anything is possible (no matter what you want to accomplish), setting a loose plan, and being flexible about how your dreams meet reality. Sounds easier than it is, but with a little practice anything is possible.

Gratitude: Laughter and Kindness

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I have learned a lot about the value of gratitude over the last couple of years and how important it is in life in general.  I have also realized that as I continue to learn patience and the concept of divine timing for my dreams to materialize, being grateful for the little things happening now is even more important.  With that said, I wanted to incorporate a little bit of gratitude each week by listing a few moments I am truly grateful for from the past week.  My hope is that these posts will serve as a reminder to be mindful of the many wonderful moments in our lives now, no matter where we are on our path.

The first thing I am grateful for this week is my son’s infectious laughter.  My sweet little boy can find humor in anything and I love it.  From a silly face, to a funny noise, he is ready to burst into a fit of laughter at any moment.  His joy for life is evident and reminds me everyday (when I am mindful) that life doesn’t have to be so serious, it can be fun too!  On the days when I am more aware of the fun in life, I may break out in song or dance around our living room just to hear his big, belly laughs.  During those moments I can’t help but be filled with immense gratitude and love for such an amazing moment shared with my little one.

The second thing I am grateful for this week is random kindness.  Today I was the proud giver and receiver of a random act of kindness.  As I was going to get my morning coffee (a treat for myself on Friday’s), I had planned on paying for the order behind me in the drive thru.  I occasionally do this just as a way of spreading a little cheer in the world.  As I pulled up to pay for my order I was informed that the woman in front of me had paid for my order.  I was in awe and proceeded to pay for the woman behind me. (A side note: I allowed this woman to cut in front of me in line as she had been waiting a bit and had entered the drive thru from a second entrance and it might be awhile before anyone let her in. )

I was delighted and surprised that such a simple act of letting someone in front of you in line could multiply to 3 random acts of kindness.  Can you imagine how quickly our world could change if we all committed to one random act of kindness a day or one act a week?

I invite you to be the giver of at least one random act of kindness this weekend.  While you may not see the direct effect you have in that moment, trust that you have created a ripple of kindness that is sure to continue to spread.