Lamisha Serf-Walls

November Theme: Gratitude & Giving

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Happy Friday you Darling Dreamers!

It’s the end of another week and the start of a new month!  I can’t believe in 2 months we will be moving into yet another year of wonderful goodness.  Can you feel the energy speeding up with the holidays quickly approaching?  I sure can!

I have been thinking about 2014 a lot over the last few weeks.  While each year feels like an opportunity to start anew, 2014 seems even more like a clean slate.  Maybe it has to do with my current job coming to an end and the options for the future still to be determined.

Every year around this time, I get excited for the newness and a fresh opportunity to make huge strides in my life and to make it an even better year than the one before.  I tend to do a bit of reflection on the past year to identify the growth, evolution, and lessons learned as well as figure out what I still want to work on.  Then, I might sit down to write a letter to myself for the year ahead or create a vision board of what I want to achieve (depending on how I am feeling).

Do you do any type of reflection before you set your intentions for the coming year?  I asked around to some of my friends and many of them said they haven’t even begun to think of what they want in 2014.  Have you?

If you haven’t, I encourage you to take some time to do just that.  Ask yourself the following questions:

What did I accomplish in 2013?

What lessons did I learn?

What didn’t I accomplish that I wanted to?

What was holding me back?

That last question is a big one and it may not be something you can readily identify.  Many people would answer that with a simple word : Life.

When it comes to resolutions, intentions, goals, and big dreams there are a number of things that can hold a person back.  Maybe you are fearful of failure (who isn’t?).  Maybe you have a fear of the unknown.  Some people fear success.  Others say that lack of motivation, inspiration, and a plan to do what they love is the issue.  Maybe it’s time, resources, money, connections, confidence, that is keeping you where you are.  Or maybe you have no clue what it is.

Identifying what has held you back from achieving your deepest desires is a step in the right direction.  Knowledge is power, so knowing what it is is half the battle.  The other half is knowing what to do to get through it.

As we move swiftly into the November and the holiday season, I encourage you to take some time to reflect on 2013 so far.  Don’t just identify the marks you missed, but make sure to identify the things you did well.  The good, great, and amazing moments of 2013 should be celebrated!

With that said, I wanted to let you know that I have created a theme for November and that theme is Gratitude & Giving.  With the holiday season upon us and a new year just around the corner, I wanted to extend some amazing (and FREE) opportunities/gifts for you lovely readers.  While I am planning for 2014 to be an incredible-blow-my-mind-adventure, I also want to place my focus on the abundance and beauty that is in my life in this very moment.

So, for your first gift, you can download your copy of my article : 20 Ways To Keep Your Dream Alive!  All you have to do is sign up for my newsletter and I promise NOT to send you unnecessary, boring, emails just to send them.  This list is truly my VIP list, so you are going to want to take full advantage of the awesome gifts that are coming this month.

I hope you have a magnificent weekend and as always, thanks for reading!

Love

When You Just Want To Give Up…And A Free Gift

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For some people, a life coach is thought of as a personal cheerleader who is always happy, always inspiring, and always pushing you to turn that frown upside down even when things feel difficult.  The thing is, life can feel difficult sometimes and if life can feel that way, so can your dreams.

While I like to think I am in some ways a motivator and an inspirational voice to my clients, sometimes things just feel impossible.  I know that.  I get it.  I have experienced it.

Who hasn’t been in that space where you doubt why you started this journey to begin with.  When life keeps throwing curve balls your way and you aren’t sure which side is up, how can you do anything other than lose faith in your dreams???

It happens.  It sucks, but it happens.givingup

Our current reality is what we see and feel every day.  Each time we punch the clock, check our account balance, or ponder how to find time to do that thing we really need to do to make progress, reality is staring us in the eye.  Heck, sometimes it’s jumping up and down saying, “You can’t get rid of me!!!” And it is during those times that our inspiration hits rock bottom.  The Dream Crusher starts in on us telling us things that just aren’t true.

“You’re a fraud!”

“You will never write that book.”

“You just aren’t meant to do that.”

“You aren’t smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough, clear enough, professional enough…”

You get the idea.

It is in that moment you want to just give up altogether.  You think about throwing in the towel and raising your white flag because it all just seems too hard!!!

If you are in that place right now, I want you to know that you are not alone.

Every successful person in the world has at one time or another (likely many times), felt like they were never going to get there.  They have had their Dream Crusher sweep in and steal their dreams, leading them to believe it just isn’t meant to be.  They have heard the same voices and wanted to throw in the flag.  They have wondered why they keep going and have thought about just quitting altogether.

Only they don’t.

Instead, they take a step back.  Breathe a little, regroup, revise, revisit plans, and allow their inspiration to return.  They meet with friends who believe in their vision.  They sleep.  They go for walks.  They get some exercise and by golly they get back up and keep going.

They remember why they had this dream to begin with.  They remember how far they have come to make it happen.  They remember the passion and drive that brought them to where they are today.  But most of all, they remember the faith they had to get started in the first place and remind themselves that while they don’t have the answers now, they don’t have to have it all figured out at once.  It’s going to happen.  In fact, it already is happening before their very eyes.  They are learning what kind of strength and fortitude they truly have.

And so can you.

So if you are ever find yourself just wanting to give up, just breathe, relax, and remember why you started to begin with.  Your vision, your power, your purpose, your passion is why you started and those are the things that will keep you going.

For those of you looking for some concrete practices on keeping your dream alive, sign up for my mailing list (so you get first dibs on product launches, new offerings, and free stuff) and snag your free copy of 20 Ways To Keep Your Dream Alive.  I promise you won’t be sorry you did!

What To Do With In-Between Time

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When you set out on your journey to create the life of your dreams, it isn’t abnormal to feel a slow withdraw from the reality you have been living.  Everyday responsibilities and commitments may not feel the same as they once did and though you are working on your dream in your spare time, it can seem like it just isn’t enough.  It can get to a point where you feel like you are in limbo, teetering between two worlds, yet not fully engaged in either.

I get it, in fact I more than just “get” it.  I’m living it, this very moment.

If you are like me, you might be used to fully engaging in whatever activity you have set forth to accomplish and it can feel unnatural to withdraw your energy.  If you aren’t quite sure how the future is going to unfold (and let’s be honest we don’t always know what lies ahead), it can make this in-between time feel even more unstable and often scary.  Not being fully aware of what is next on your path can easily create doubt, worry, and a loss of faith in your dreams.

So, what do you do?  If you aren’t here or there and are struggling to find your footing between worlds, what can you possibly do???

The answer is very simple and is one I have heard over and over again (and I am sure you have too.)

Be here now.

Image from bepresentproject.com
Image from bepresentproject.com

As humans we are very good at reflecting on the past and planning for the future, but most of us generally stink at being IN the moment.  We are so busy planning our next moment and reflecting on past mistakes and misgivings, that our entire lives are focused on planning on what is to come while not making the same mistakes and we miss this moment.

I am no Eckhart Tolle or Ram Dass, but I know that being in the moment is an incredible lesson to be learned and is one of my own personal quests in this life.  In fact, it is one I think I am just beginning to get a handle on.

If you are like me you are probably thinking “Yeah, I get it, focus on the present, but what can I DO to do that??”

The specific steps may be a little different for everyone, but I have outlined a few of the things that work for me.  Try them out and see if they help you too.

  • Meditate- Meditation is the act of being present.  For constant planners and doers, this can be challenging at first, but with consistent practice it gets much easier.  This practice is by far one of the best ways for me to focus on the moment and has a very powerful effect on my mindfulness throughout the rest of the day.
  • Stop Multi-tasking– Say what?? Multi-tasking is a way of life for many, but while we are trying to 10 things at once, we are robbing ourselves (and our work, family, health etc.) of operating on all cylinders.  Splitting your energy and focus can result in mistakes, frustration, anxiety, and worry.  So the next time you find yourself doing one thing, thinking about another, and planning your next steps, stop and take a deep breath.  Move into the next moment with a singular focus and take it one thing at a time.
  • Practice Gratitude-This has been another paramount practice for me during my time of transition.  Instead of focusing on the things that haven’t yet happened or worrying about what the future may bring, take a step back.  Look around you and become aware of the beautiful blessings that surround you daily.  On your drive to work how many times have you been aware of the flaming sunrise before you?  What about the crisp fall air that reminds you, you are alive?  There are always amazing things going on around you and if you can settle into the present and become mindful of them, the future will not only be incredible, but you will be able to enjoy the beauty when you encounter it.
  • Trust- While worry can creep in during moments of overwhelm, it is important to trust the process and unfolding.  Things are working out for you just as they did when you began your dream journey.  The pieces fall into your path at exactly the right moment and while you are moving toward your ultimate dream, remember to trust in the process.  You might find it helpful to create a mantra or two that remind you that all is well and everything is working out.

While the above practices appear to be much less doing and more being, it is important to continue to follow your inspiration along the way.  What is interesting is that the more you become aware of the present moment, the more you are able to recognize those inspirational nuggets.  You might enjoy a nice conversation with a stranger in line at the coffee shop or become aware of the beautiful surroundings when you hear about an incredible connection that will help you on your journey.

Life is full of those little miracles that will lead you down your beautiful path of your dreams.  You just have to be mindful of them.

My wish for you today is to enjoy the start of your week by slowing down, becoming mindful, and being fully present in the moment.

I Got The Message, “Let Go and It Will Grow”

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In light of being completely and 100% authentic with you lovely readers I wanted to share something that happened a few weeks ago.  It is something that I have only shared with 2 people for fear others might think I’m crazy and while the “crazy” part is likely true,  I think it’s an important message to share with you.

A few weeks ago I was dealing with some major fear, anxiety, and frustration around what was or wasn’t happening in my business.  I created my business Facebook page, I set up a pay what you can offer and created my mailing list sign-up and they were going nowhere.  Add to that the anxiety of what may or may not be coming next for me job-wise and you can imagine I was a mess.  Even as a life coach, I still find myself fighting back the doubt sometimes.

So there I was, trying desperately through anxious-action to make things happen.  (When will I ever learn??) I was researching, reading, writing, and trying to come up with a plan.  A solid, no-nonsense, fool-proof plan to bring in the right clients.  I could feel the stress building and my Dream Crusher was coming in loud and clear.

I heard her say, “You have NO idea what you are doing.”, “You don’t know anything about business.”, “You should really just find another job and be done with it.”, “You have a family to help take care of for goodness sake.” “You are a fraud!”

She wasn’t being very nice and while I could have continued to let that voice take over my thoughts and cause me to give up, I didn’t.  Instead I meditated.

I knew I had to quiet the fearful thoughts that were flowing through my mind so I sat down, closed my eyes, and let them go.

My 15 minute meditation felt much longer and much deeper than what I am used to and I was not at all prepared for what happened next.  Just as my thoughts floated away, I saw a beautiful butterfly in my mind’s eye with two fingers holding onto one of the wings.  The other wing was furiously flapping as the butterfly was trying to get away.  In that moment I heard “Let go and it will grow.”

What?!butterfly

I meditate at least 5 times a week, sometimes more and during my morning meditations, I very rarely hear or see anything.  I have heard experiences where some people get great inspiration and insight from their meditations, but I don’t experience it quite as clear.  That is until that moment.

A few days later, after hearing the message 2-3 more times (not in meditation), I really felt the significance.

The fluttering and frantic butterfly was me and the fingers holding one of the butterflies wings was also me.  I was the one holding myself back.  Instead of following my intuition and inspiration and allowing that to lead me to the next thing (the way I coach others), I was trying too hard to make something happen.  I was acting out of fear instead of inspiration.  I allowed the doubt, fear, and frustration to send me into a tizzy that resulted in a lot of needy action.

I wasn’t thinking clearly.

I wasn’t following my own advice.

I wasn’t listening to my intuition.

Until that moment.

The message “Let go and it will grow.” has come back to me time and time again.  When I find myself struggling to find a solution or plan right this moment, I know I am trying too hard.  When I am trying to force things to work a very specific way, I know I have lost my faith.  When I am too focused on what I feel is going wrong instead of seeing what is going right, I have lost my way.  When I am too focused on blog views, new followers, new likes on Facebook, and the lack of clients, I am forgetting what is important.

My intuition tells me that letting go of the outcome and detaching from whatever I believe should be the end result is going to help things along.  When I let go of the butterfly and allow it the freedom to fly, I free up energy that can be used for other things.  I know this to be true because I have seen it happen over and over again in other areas of my life.

With a strong vision, belief in myself, and my work, things will keep moving forward. 

Do you have something you need to be easy about instead of trying so damn hard?  Take a step back for a while and do things you truly enjoy.  You just might be amazed at what happens next.

 

Seeking Balance Amongst the Chaos

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I have to admit that I am generally a person of extremes.  When it comes to my time commitments, I generally have found myself either super busy or super bored.  I don’t do it intentionally, but it happens more often than not and I find myself desperately seeking excitement or desperately seeking peace and I am almost never in a space where I feel balanced.

That is going to change very soon.

I currently have a full plate and while much of the fullness is the result of my own expectations and choices, I still have a lot going on.  In addition to finishing up my last 7 weeks of my current full-time job (eek!), I am also taking on a bit more freelance work, building my business layer-by-layer, coaching a few clients, and tending to my family.  Did I mention I am also looking for other work on and off and trying to figure out where I will end up come January 2014?  Needless to say my schedule is full.

I am proud to say I haven’t reached a point of total overwhelm, but sometimes I feel like I am aimlessly juggling noodles which if you haven’t tried is not an easy task.

I know that many of you are going through similar challenges.  You are venturing into the land of your dreams while still handling your current responsibilities so it can get a little crazy.  The good news is it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.  Below I have come up with a few tips to help create more balance and to ease the chaos.  These are steps that I plan on implementing and I hope you find them helpful too!

  1. Brain dump- Write down every single thing you need to do.  You may choose to do this daily, weekly, or monthly but the key is to get every thing down on paper so you don’t have to remember it all.  You might want to divide the list into categories.  For instance, you might have Work, Business, Home, etc. and list all the tasks you need to complete and by when (if there is a deadline).
  2. Learn to say NO– Too often we find ourselves saying yes to every invitation and opportunity that comes up even when it is something we don’t really want to do. It’s ok to say no sometimes.  Heck it’s ok to say no a lot of the time if it isn’t in line with what you want for your life.  Before you go adding another item to your list, think about whether it will add value to your life and your vision.  If it is simply a time filler, say no and move onto something that you are inspired to do.
  3. Cut the fat- Go through the list you just created and figure out what you can get rid of.  Are there things that someone else can do for you?  For instance, if you have on your list to “fall clean” for the holidays, maybe you can hire someone to come in and do that for you.  Get creative and figure out what you can drop now and more importantly think of the things you can put in its place that are more enjoyable and more aligned with your vision.  If you can be writing two chapters for your upcoming novel in the time it takes to clean your house from top to bottom, by all means hire someone!
  4. Listen to your body- I have learned that when I am overwhelmed with the tasks I have to do I often feel tension and stress in the center of my chest.  When I start feeling that way I know I need to take a step back and relax.  Sometimes I go for a walk, meditate, or take a nap.  The key is to notice how your body responds to stress and not only listen, but respond to what you need in that moment.  I guarantee if you listen you will find you need to take a break.
  5. Ask yourself what do you WANT to do- This may seem counter-intuitive when you have a lot going on, but doing something that you truly want to do can give you enough energy to get through 2-3 more tasks on your list.  If you aren’t used to asking yourself what you want to do, set scheduled check-in times.  Stop what you are doing, be still, and feel for the answer.  Are you hungry?  Thirsty?  Tired? Antsy? What do you want to do?  You might be surprised at what you get.
  6. Have fun- This one is a big one.  Despite all the things we put on our plate even after we cut the fat, we need to make sure to make room for fun.  Do things that you want to do simply because you enjoy them.  Do you want to go to a museum or a concert?  Feel like going dancing?  Do it!  You might just find that following your inspiration to just enjoy yourself may lead you to the very next piece you need to keep moving forward.

I hope some of the tips above help you find balance as you move forward on your journey.  Do you have a practice that you do that wasn’t included?  Feel free to share in the comments section.  I would love to hear about how you find balance in your everyday life.

As for me, I am going to listen to my body and get some much-needed rest.

 

Have you been thinking about your intentions for the New Year and want some assistance getting clear about our dreams?  Let’s chat about how I can help you get a jump start on your vision for the future.  There is no time like the present to start.  Contact me to find how you can get started.