Hello lovely dreamers!
I am so happy to share with you a very special post I did for an amazing website called Kind Over Matter. Check out my post and find out how I found myself Leaping Over the “How” Hurdle as I reached for my dreams and how you can too!
Enjoy!
We have all had this experience at one time or another right? You have an amazing dream, you work hard for it, you have a passion that runs deep, yet you keep running up against brick walls and speed bumps. And then as you open your Facebook page to drown your sorrows in some mindless news feed scrolling, you see the amazing things everyone else is doing. (What?!)
You see business posts about how someone just made a bajillion dollars within their very first day of launching a new program. Someone else just had a baby and is now rockin’ a beach body with 6-pack abs and don’t get me started on the other people taking amazing vacations, getting job promotions, and landing free tickets to their favorite show. All the while you feel like pulling your hair out because you can’t get your website to look right, your clients won’t call you back, and your dog just puked on the rug. (Insert a string of expletives here.)
You wonder how it can be so easy for everyone else and not for you. You question what you are doing wrong and as shallow as it might sound, you want what they have…and you want it yesterday!
Can I tell you a secret?
You are not alone. Everyone has had their own experience with the big, ugly, green-eyed monster, especially when things feel like they are taking a turn for the worst. I’ve been there and the reason I am writing this post now, is because I found my own green-eyed monster poking it’s ugly head out a bit recently and I don’t like it.
Step one in dealing with the monster is recognizing it. Step two is realizing that everyone has their own version and you are not alone. Step three, dismantle it.
But how?
I think we all know that the face we put on Facebook and other social media platforms isn’t always 100% accurate right? I mean, sure people post their best statuses and best pictures during times when things are going well, but that doesn’t accurately depict what is really going on in their lives. And even if their lives are all shiny diamonds and gorgeous rainbows, there really is no reason to compare.
Take your big dream for example. It’s YOURS. It’s unique, exciting, and dipped in all your amazing-ness because it is your dream, not someone elses. Their path to success isn’t going to be the same for you and let’s be honest, how they define success might not be the same either. For one person success is being able to live a minimalist lifestyle with their family at home while another is being able to travel the world on a whim. Your dreams, your goals, your success, are all yours. You get to dictate what it looks like, how it feels, and what that means to you.
That sounds all fine and good but when it feels like things are going nowhere and your dreams have grown stagnant, their lives sound really good. So what about that?
In my own experience (just this past week), I have had to identify where the green-eyed monster was coming from. Is it really about what they have or is it a lack that you feel regardless of the comparison? Is it because they are so much further than you or are you worrying about something that has yet to come?
Understanding the core issue to envy is key, but it can be hard to pinpoint especially when you are in the throes of it. Here are a few things to remember when dealing with your own big, ugly, green-eyed monster:
We have all experienced our own version of the green-eyed monster, so if you find yourself feeling a bit envious, just be easy with yourself. Your time will come and your journey will be amazing, in its own way. For now, just relax, regroup, trust the process, and remember why your dream is so important to begin with. And if all else fails, stay off of social media sites, chances are you could use a little unplugged time anyways.
I find that I learn life lessons far better through experience as opposed to theory and this past weekend, I found myself learning a life lesson that I have known in theory for many years, but am only now beginning to bring it into my experience by one of the wisest teachers I know….my three year old son.
You see the misconception that many people have about parenting is that the parent is the “know all” to the child. Parents are supposed to teach all the important life lessons since theoretically we have learned them all ourselves and while that may be true for some things, I find I learn far more from my son, than I have taught him in the last 3 years of his life. The most recent lesson came yesterday when he absolutely refused to take his nap. (If you are a parent, you know exactly what I am talking about.)
The lesson he taught me: Be.Here.Now.
The struggle began with my preconceived, preplanned expectation of what I wanted to accomplish during nap time yesterday. I had some work to do and it seemed that nap time was a good time to dig in and get some things done before the big game. My son had plans of his own. Mainly to avoid sleep at all costs and to teach Momma a very important lesson about life.
Every time I tried to put my little one down for his nap, he fought me. Being the parent, I thought I knew what was best for him and could tell that he was in fact tired. It was my duty to get him down so he could rest his weary head, right? Maybe. Upon further reflection today, I realized what I was really trying to do was get him to fall in line with my expectations so I could have a bit of a rest and get some (in my mind very important) things done.
Instead of listening to what he truly needed, I was focused on all the things I needed to do, but wasn’t able to. I was watching the hours tick by and was planning for the disaster that would occur if he didn’t take his nap. Cranky kid, cranky Momma, and no work done. Sadly and selfishly, my thoughts were not on what my son needed from me in that moment, but on what I needed him to do so I could move on with the rest of my schedule.
Thinking about it this morning, I was filled with guilt and the worst kind…Momma-guilt. The kind that breaks your heart and makes you feel like the worst mother on the planet. Luckily, I didn’t stay there long before I moved from guilt to curiosity. What could I learn from this?
Is the lesson that good moms never lose their patience?
Nope.
What I learned is that regardless of what expectations I have set for the day, the week, the month, or the year, shit happens. Plans don’t work out. Kids don’t nap. Cars break down. It rains. (Though thankfully all that didn’t happen in one day.) And when things don’t go as planned, it’s not only best to just roll with it, it’s imperative.
You see, even with plans and expectations for what I wanted to accomplish yesterday, I could have been fully in the here and now. And if I was, I would have been better equipped to roll with the punches and find a better way to spend my time. Instead of thinking about the work I was not doing but desperately needed to do, I could have created some happy memories with my son.
The lesson in all of this is what I have known in theory all along. Life is lived in the ‘now’. Not the past or the future. When we waste our days thinking about what we could’ve, should’ve, or would’ve done or about what has yet to come, we miss the most amazing, magical moments in life. For me, those moments were with my son. For you, it might be with your spouse, a friend, or a magical moment that could lead you to the next step of your dream. And while I would love to say I have mastered this lesson and will always be patient and flow with life, I’m not sure that’s entirely true.
What I do know is that I will be far more mindful of where my thoughts are in the moment. I will breathe. I will think, and I will refocus on the present moment, especially when I am with my son. Because let’s face it, time passes by too quickly and life is too short to worry about work, stress, bills, money, and material things when we have precious children, spouses, friends, pets, family members, etc. around us.
So my question for you is this: Where are you now? Here or There???
I can hardly believe that we are at the end of January! Did the month fly by for you as much as it did for me?
How are your 2014 intentions holding up? This is usually around the time things start to turn south and people begin forgetting the reasons they started in the first place. Missed goals, frustration, roadblocks, and sometimes just overwhelm can be enough to cause some people to fall back into old habits. But, I am not going to let you do that.
Tomorrow is a new beginning (as is each day), but it is also a new month. So, whatever ‘failures'(I hate that word) you feel like you had this month, wipe them clean and start fresh! Re-set yourself and keep moving forward. Life happens and while we can’t stop it, we can flow with it, so here is your chance to FLOW.
With that said, it might be a good time to set a mini-theme for the month of February.
I was thinking about this a few days ago and decided that since my overall theme of the year is to “Show Up” and I had decided that December and January would be used to do as many introductory coaching sessions as possible (with a mini-theme of Service), it might be nice to set a mini-theme for February.
The purpose of setting a mini-theme is not to add one more thing to your to do list, but instead to help you focus on a specific area for the month. You may decide you don’t want to change your theme every month and that’s ok. Do whatever works and feels right for you.
The mini-theme I settled on is Authentic Connection. Connection can mean so many things, but I want to take this month to really focus on connecting with my readers (you lovely dreamers), my Facebook and Twitter followers and other coaches/writers/blogs etc. I want to support and connect with people from all over the world in a variety of ways. This also applies to my ‘real life’ and not just my online life. I want to chat with people in line at the grocery store and really see and hear people. I don’t think we do enough of that overall, so that is my focus!
If you want to join me in selecting a theme for the month, I would love to hear what you choose! Before you decide on a word, take a moment to tap into what you really need for the month. Maybe it’s self-care, compassion, or kindness. Maybe love for yourself, your clients, your neighbors, and strangers (February is the month for love). Whatever you choose make sure it resonates with you and your path.
Feel free to share your mini-theme in the comments below and I would love to have you follow me on Twitter to post updates about your mini-theme.
Have a wonderful weekend and as always, thanks for reading!
When you finally take the leap into making your dreams a reality, everything seems so delicate. Your ideas can be crushed by a simplest of things. Confidence flies out the window when you are met with even the slightest challenge that can send your thoughts spiraling out of control. The inner mean person comes out to play and tells you all the reasons you can’t win, won’t succeed, or shouldn’t even try.
In moments like these you need your tribe of supporters to remind you why you began in the first place.
Don’t have a tribe yet?
Get one asap!
They say it takes a village to raise a child and I strongly believe that it takes a few good minds to help keep your dreams alive. Sure you could do it on your own, but you might be met with more false starts than you care to have.
So who do you include in your tribe of inspiration and support?
Truth be told, you can include anyone that fits the description of loving, compassionate, supportive, and a good communicator to talk you off the edge when things get hairy.
While it might seem easy to include loved ones like family members and spouses in our tribe, sometimes that opens a can of worms in and of itself. You see, those people already know you and your stories. They have known you for years (in some cases your entire lives) and while their intentions might be good, they might inadvertently remind you of times you have tried and failed.
Some people use a mastermind group of people with similar interests to bounce ideas around with. You might even find a few good groups on Facebook that you can find inspiration and support from. The key is to find a group of people with who you can safely speak about your heart’s desires and receive the support you need when those negative thoughts come in.
Blogs are a good place to connect with like-minded individuals and so are online workshops or other interest groups. You can also find similar support in a meet-up group or at places like a local yoga studio. Get out there and get curious, you never know who you might connect with. I have found many amazing groups on Facebook as well and they have proven to be invaluable in the amount of support they have provided.
Have you already found your tribe? If so, how did you meet?
Would you be interested in a circle of support for your amazing dreams? Answer in the comments, I would love to know!