Lamisha Serf-Walls

Away From the Flock

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You’ve heard the saying “birds of a feather flock together” or  “misery loves company”, I was living those sayings for awhile and not in a good way.  For a long time I found myself drawn to people who could commiserate with my misery, particularly in the workplace.  I found myself in a job that I didn’t love, working for a boss that was manipulative, frustrating, and simply unfair.  Many of my coworkers felt the same way, so each day we would spend our breaks complaining about our work lives, though not many of us were doing anything about it.  I soon realized this was not healthy thing for me, and it was keeping me in a very negative mood most days and I just didn’t like the person I was becoming.  I would like to say I came to that realization on my own, but I didn’t.  My partner helped me realize I was allowing the negativity to affect me as a person.  Not only was it affecting me, but I was bringing my anger and frustration home, which was not something I wanted to do.  So after many months of thinking “I can’t help it”,  I made some changes.

 
I began seeing my job for what it was, a job, not a career.  While that thought alone didn’t fix my problematic boss situation, or keep me from being frustrated day in and day out, it was a start.  The next thing I did was limit the time I spent complaining and started focusing on the positive aspects of my position.  I began thinking of what the future may hold for me and what lesson I was supposed to be learning.  I had been looking for another job on and off for about 2 years and had difficulty finding the “right” position which I attributed that to the lesson I still had to learn in my current position.  I didn’t immediately know what the lesson was since I was so focused on the negativity, but then something happened…I changed my attitude.

Once I changed my attitude about my situation my situation changed.  It was like magic!  Within a few months I was asked to apply for a position with another company that seemingly fell out of the sky.  I wasn’t actively looking for another job at the time, but this position fit perfectly with my family life and the impending move we had planned in the coming months.  I couldn’t believe it!  Just when I had stopped looking for the things to complain about, and stopped flocking with the negative crowd, my reality changed and it changed for the better.  Lesson learned…or so I thought.

Lately I have been feeling a pull towards the future me.  The one that has her own business, sets her own hours, and is doing the work that she loves.  A version of me that seems so very far away and at times the thought can be frustrating.  Add to that the stress and frustration at work and I found myself beginning to move towards the flock of negativity again.  Not. Good. News.  With that said there is a flip side to this and that is, I am aware of it.
I am very aware of the road I am beginning to travel down, and I remember very clearly what happened the last time I was on this road.  So I am choosing to turn around and head down a more productive, more positive, more optimistic path.  One of faith.

I have faith that I am being challenged right now for a reason, and while I don’t know what that reason is, I know it will lead me to something better.  I just have to believe not only in myself, but in my dream.  And I am going to do just that.

I intend to be more aware of my complaining and limit it as much as possible so I don’t follow the flock down a road I have already traveled.  I already know what is at the end, and it is not pretty.  I choose to embrace the positive aspects of life and have faith that those positives will multiply.  I’ve seen it happen before, and I know it will happen again with a little faith.
What about you? How do you stay positive, even when your outer circumstances are less than ideal?

My Monarch Messenger

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This past weekend as my partner was leaving to run some errands, she noticed we had a beautiful visitor just outside the front door.  A monarch butterfly had landed on our mums and decided to stay awhile, several hours to be exact.  Every once and awhile it would fly out to the front yard, around our tree and back again. When she showed me the picture she had taken, I was intrigued.

I have seen many butterflies recently on walks around our neighborhood.  I have seen all yellow ones, black ones, and even gorgeous black and yellow ones quite frequently, and every time I see a new one, I smile.  I am reminded of the transformation that takes place inside the cocoon in order for this gorgeous creature to emerge.  Since I have been seeing more and more butterflies recently, I have found it to be a confirmation of my own transformation taking place and a message that I am not alone on my journey. (Something I know to be true, but a little reminder every now and then doesn’t hurt.)

Though I have seen several butterflies recently there were two things that made this particular butterfly stand out to me.  One is that it was a monarch butterfly and in the year we have lived here, I have never seen a monarch butterfly, let alone have one visit us for such a long time.  The other thing that made this butterfly stand out to me is the length of time it stayed perched on our flowers, flying away every once in a while only to return to its original place.  I couldn’t help but think there was some sort of symbolism or message that we were supposed to get.  And since I know there are no such things as coincidences, I wanted to find out the message from our monarch.

Our weekend visitor

Here is what I found from www.zimbio.com.  “Monarchs bring the message of courage: have courage, walk with courage, make changes in courage.  This butterfly travels huge distances on their annual migration following the same route as many birds.  Humans do not have the courage, generally, to travel to unknown places with the conviction of faith that the Monarchs have.  That is the other part of the message-to have faith.  Monarchs realize that the world is not something they control, and yet they make this huge journey.  Humans feel the need to control everything-people, environment, weather, plants and animals.  The message is to let go and let the journey happen. (from Spirit Animals-the Monarch Butterfly-Missing August 29, 2008)

There are many lines in this seemingly small passage that speak to me, one of which is to walk and make changes with courage.  Change has the ability to excite and scare me all in the same breath, and while my journey forward isn’t always outlined and mapped out for me, courage is a necessity to keep moving forward.

Having faith is another part of the message that really resonated with me.  Despite not knowing what may come around the corner, we all must have faith that it will work out for us no matter what.  Sure maybe our journey didn’t take us the route we thought we should go, but in the end sometimes the route we didn’t think of is much better.  We must keep the faith that all will be revealed at the right time, and we will end up exactly where we should be, even if it isn’t where we thought we would end up.

This takes me to the idea of control.  This piece hit a chord with me more than I would like to admit.  I, like many people I am sure, have this desire to have as much control as possible over the outcomes of my dreams, job, and life in general.  The reality is, I can’t really control everything…though try as I might, it just doesn’t work.  So in order to succeed on any journey we are on in life, we must learn to “let go and let the journey happen”.  I love that so much.

Thank you my monarch messenger for such an amazing gift of your beauty, and the reminder to have courage and faith as I move toward my dreams and just when I feel frustration and resistance setting in, I will learn to let go and allow my journey to happen.

How do you let go and allow your journey to simply unfold?

Gratitude: Fall Colors and Fresh Air

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Today the things I am grateful for relate to nature and the amazing beauty it provides for us all if we are open enough to see and appreciate it.

One thing I love so much about fall are the beautiful shades of fire reds, golden yellows, and outstanding oranges. There really isn’t anything like it. Although I don’t get to see as many glorious colors now that I live in South Carolina, I remember how picturesque the colors were in my hometown in Indiana. I remember walking under huge oak trees with colorful leaves falling all around me and smiling at such immense beauty. I miss that very much. I was reminded of that today when I saw some beautiful leaves changing colors on my walk today. Such a seemingly simple view made me smile and reminded me of the natural beauty that is all around us.

The other thing that I am grateful for today also comes from nature…fresh air. This week I wasn’t able to get outside as much as I normally do so I decided to take a much needed walk on my lunch break. The fresh air was amazing! There is nothing better than a bit of fresh air and sunshine to help soothe the soul.

Add to that the changing colors of the leaves and you get one perfectly peaceful connection with nature.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend and you get to enjoy some natural beauty in your part of the world.

My (not so) Tiny Triumph

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Today has been one of those days filled with ample frustration, work, and irritation.  For the most part my day job runs fairly smoothly without much headache, but boy was today different.  I felt like my energy was spread about in many different directions yet little was getting accomplished.  As I felt my stress building, I received an inspirational email about the upside to irritation.  Clearly this email was meant for me to read at that exact moment.  (I love when that happens. )

The email talked about how every moment or circumstance that invokes frustration or any other negative emotion, is an opportunity to find peace.  It sounds a little bit backwards, but when I took the time to think about it, I could see the point.  Every moment I allowed the frustration of the day to get to me was one less peaceful moment.  I had to make a choice to allow the circumstances that I couldn’t control (most of the work circumstances) to be however they were going to be and change my response to them.

I would love to say I got the message and my entire day turned around, but that’s not entirely true.

As the day wore on the frustration wore me out, literally and it caused me to lose some focus.  I began worrying about all the other things I had to do for the evening that were also piling up because of the lack of time (or the perception of lack, but more on that in another post).  One frustrating thought lead to another and it created a snowball effect from there.  I finally made the choice to change that.

I changed my thoughts.

My mantra for the day changed.  Instead of thinking “I don’t have time to ______(fill in the blank)”, I began thinking, “I will do what I can.”  It was amazing what happened.  I felt lighter, more productive, and surprisingly more in control.  Was all my work done in the matter of minutes?  No, but my focus had changed from what I couldn’t do and what I didn’t have (time), to what I could accomplish in the time I had left.  Everything else that didn’t take top priority for the moment was put on my list for tomorrow and the best part about it all is now I have enough energy and mental power to get a few items done this evening.  One of which is relaxing after a long day.
This may seem like a tiny triumph for one day, but to me it is a lifetime lesson.

There are bound to be many more moments when I feel overwhelmed with all of my commitments especially having a family, working full-time, training for life coaching (in the future), and starting my business.  There will be times when I need to take a step back find my peace in the midst of chaos and with this one lesson I will be a little more prepared for the future.

When you look at it that way, this seemingly tiny triumph isn’t so tiny at all.

What about you? What do you do when you feel overwhelmed or frustrated?

Go with your gut

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As a creative soul I love trying new things and thinking outside the box, but one thing is for sure, decisions are not my forte.  In fact they make me tremble with anxiety for the most part, especially those large, potentially life changing decisions that as adults we often have to make.

A few years ago I was looking to get out of the job I was in and into a job that would allow me to actually utilize my Masters degree in Psychology.  The idea of helping young children find a forever home sounded wonderful and I was up for the challenge.  Unfortunately the pay that comes along with that challenge was not even in the ball park of what I needed to survive.  I was offered the position along with the measly salary that came with it.  I had a decision to make.  I could either keep the job I didn’t like with potential for a possible raise, or take a more challenging job for less money.

And so it began…

I made ample lists of pros vs cons, looked at my budget until my eyes crossed, and tried to make sense of my predicament. I agonized over it for about a week, hoping that someone, anyone would give me the right answer as to what I should do.  My partner (as lovely and kind as she is) told me she would support me in whatever decision I made.  That was not the answer I was looking for, albeit sweet and very supportive.

I wanted someone to make the tough choice for me, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen.

I didn’t have much time left when I finally made a decision.  I was not going to take the job that I thought I wanted/needed, and instead stay in my current position while negotiating an additional $4,000 a year.  Even though it seemed like the right choice, I couldn’t help but wonder if I would regret it later.  Looking back now I know I made the right decision.

So why did I doubt myself?

It comes down to trust.  Sometimes I don’t trust myself to make the right decisions and I have a fear of doing something I will regret.  I don’t want to look back and say, I should have taken path B instead of A or vice versa and feel terrible about it later.

I realize there aren’t necessarily right or wrong decisions in life as much as there are two (or more) paths that lead in one direction or another.  Each way may lead down a different road that will inevitably converge later down the line and the best thing you can do is go with your gut.

Trust your intuition, no matter what.

Whether you find yourself making a decision about finances, business, or in how you accomplish your dreams, the most important thing to do is to trust your intuition as it is your internal compass.

If you trust your intuition, you can never go wrong.

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I want to hear from you. Do you always listen to your intuition?  Can you tell the difference between your intuitive voice, and the voice of fear?