Lamisha Serf-Walls

Where’s The Balance???

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Spring is upon us and as the weather changes and the trees and flowers bloom with color our lives tend to get busier too.  There are more activities to enjoy on the weekends, more events, and for some more work.  As a self-proclaimed busy bee, I have always enjoyed the buzzy feeling of a full schedule and yet on the flip side if I have too much busy in my life, I get overwhelmed.  From the outside it can often look like I just am never satisfied, and maybe that is true.  Or maybe I just haven’t found the right balance of it all.

I started this week knowing it was going to be a busy one with appointments galore in addition to work responsibilities.  I was of course correct in that assumption, however I often wonder if my thought of “oh boy it’s gonna be one of those weeks…” actually created my reality.  (I tend to think it did at least in my perception of it all.)  And while I know I can change my thoughts and in turn change my experience of a busy schedule, I still think I could use a bit more balance in life as a whole.

It seems when we have a lot going on something always takes the back seat.  One week I am really focused on my writing work, while other weeks I hardly touch it.  Some weekends I just want to lounge around the house and re-group, yet if I do many things that should get done, don’t.

Where is the balance???

I have tried making lists, setting schedules, and flying by the seat of my pants and yet at times I still feel overwhelmed.  And as I think about starting a business and expanding my freelance work, I am left wondering if I will ever be able to do it all???

And just before I allow myself to fall into the hole of self-pity, I remember this.  Balance isn’t something you all of a sudden have.  It’s not something you can purchase or wish for and it will appear.  It is something you learn…over time. 

I often want to say “Bah-humbug!”, because when I want something, I want it to happen right this second and yet I know that isn’t how it works.  Just like anything else I am going to have to muddle my way through this to figure out what works and what doesn’t.  It may require me to say “no” to a few things or to incorporate more free time into my schedule, but one thing is for sure it will not happen by my complaint that “there just isn’t enough time in the day”.

Instead of focusing on my perceived lack of time to do it all, I am changing my focus.  I have even begun saying a little mantra that helps calm me when my feathers get ruffled and I feel overwhelmed.  Sometimes taking a deep breath and thinking to myself “It will all get done at the right time.” puts my mind at ease.  When I stop fighting with time and simply accept it for what it is, I find I have much more time to get things done and the things that don’t get done can be saved for another day.

I am a do-er and I want to do it all.  I often want to throw on my cape and go, go, go until I can’t go anymore, but I know that isn’t what life is all about and it’s not the way we are meant to live.  So, instead of being anxious about my schedule or my dreams that I have yet to attain, I will take a deep breath, repeat my mantra and learn as I grow.  And just as I have learned to be more patient over the years, I too will learn to create more balance in my life and schedule.

I set the intention and so it shall be.

 

Remembering To Pause

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Yesterday I woke up feeling tired and worn out.  At first I thought I was having just another case of the Monday’s.  I later realized while it was Monday, that wasn’t what was going on at all.

I knew going into the week it would be busy.  Appts. for my son, myself, and my partner were packing our schedule not to mention my day job and the midnight hustle responsibilities.  Somehow on Sunday when I am normally mentally preparing for the week ahead, I had forgotten about the busy week.  I was immersed both mentally and physically in nature as we spent time outdoors as a family doing yard work and playing.  While that was a nice change of pace from what I am used to, I realized yesterday I was jumping ahead of myself and causing my mind to move far beyond the moment.

Fast-forward thinking is a bit of an epidemic in our society.  Not only are we inundated with messages to go, go, go, but we are constantly looking for ways to get things done faster and to think ahead of where we are.  In business we are constantly trying to do more in less time only to use the “extra” time to do even more.  I was reminded of this yesterday as I was looking at all there was to do this week and feeling a bit overwhelmed.  So much so, that I procrastinated on a few items.  I just wasn’t feeling it.  It hit me this morning that I was getting a much-needed pause.

How often do you take time to do nothing?  When was the last time you decided not to plan your weekend?  Have you ever just enjoyed a full day doing whatever made you feel good, without feeling guilty?

I have to say I don’t do that very often.  I have talked about this before, but I am programmed to be a “do-er” at all times.  I am constantly seeing the things that “should” be done, or the things that “need” to be done and find it difficult to just pause.  I suspect many of us are in the same boat.

One thing that has really changed my thoughts on this and helped me realize the importance of the pause is a book I am reading by Renee Peterson Trudeau titled Nurturing the Soul of Your Family.  While it is meant more for parents, there is also some great information about disconnecting from the busy lives we often live and reconnecting with ourselves and with family and friends.  Taking time each week or each day to pause and become mindful of the moment can change your life.  You may find you enjoy the pause so much that you experience more time.  It is all about perception isn’t it?

When we are constantly trying to get things done and get to the end of our to-do list so we can finally breathe, we find the time passes so quickly and we don’t have as much time as we thought.  But, when we take some time to pause and do what makes our hearts sing, we find time often stands still.  Sure there are items on your list that will still need to be done, but I have learned a secret about life.  We will always find something else to add to the to-do list, so it will never really be done.  And if that is true (and I believe it is), then you aren’t doing anyone a disservice more than yourself when you don’t take time to pause.

I challenge you to take a moment today to truly pause in your action and thought.  Become aware of your surroundings, your breath etc., and do something that makes you feel good.  Maybe it is admiring the blue sky or really feeling the breeze on your skin, but whatever you do take a moment to pause.

What do you do to pause during your day?  Share in the comments below, I would love to hear how you remember to pause.

Things I’m Afraid To Tell You…

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About a year ago I read a blog post from one of my favorite bloggers (Jess Lively) listing various things Jess was afraid to share with her readers.  (You can view her post here.)  For some reason this morning I was reminded of it and inspired to share with you my own list of things I am afraid to tell you.  By sharing this list with you, I hope to make these things a little less scary for myself and bring comfort to anyone reading this that has their own list.

Things I Am Afraid To Tell You

  • I care about what others think of me far more than I care to admit.  I like to think of myself as an out of the box thinker and overachiever, but there is a part of me that wants to be well liked and accepted by others despite my desire to be unique.
  • I can be very emotional at times.  I feel my feelings very deeply and for a woman who wears her heart on her sleeve, this can become very draining. (I am learning to let some of that go, bit by bit, but in my heart of hearts, I am just one big ‘ole sap.)
  • I have a deep fear of failure and many times it stops me from doing the things my heart desires most…but this is getting better with each new dream I tackle.
  • Sometimes I think if I could just win a million dollars, life would be better.  (Materialistic I know, but I have thought it more than once even though I know money doesn’t equal happiness.)
  • There are times when I am convinced I know nothing and doubt my ability to inspire anyone to change their lives.  Those days I feel like a fraud.
  • Rejection in my work, personal life, and creative ventures is one of the biggest fears I have and I know the only way to conquer it is to accept it as a part of life.  (I am still working on that. )
  • I am a spiritual person, but not in the traditional religious way and I often hide my alternative beliefs (on social media sites and my blog) for fear of being seen in a negative light.
  • I have days when I feel weak and days when I feel strong.  The strong days are beginning to outweigh the weak and I now realize my journey is worth every single valley just so I can experience the view from the mountain top.

So, those are some of the things I am afraid to tell you.  Now that I look back at them it isn’t as scary as I thought.  I am who I am, and despite the often difficult road I have traveled to get here, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I am who I am because of where I have come from and I accept that I am a work in progress…most of the time.

Acting On Inspired Thoughts

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Recently I have been thinking about my list of dreams and wondering if I should actively be working toward them, or if I should be following my inspiration and see where it takes me.  I have often wondered which is better.  In the business/goal-oriented world, it seems setting a game plan is the best way to move forward while in the art world, leading through inspiration is best.  But what about a person like myself who is a blend of both?

I am learning that if I act on my inspired thoughts, the action feels good.  For instance, as a choreographer I found I did my best work when I was strongly inspired by the music.  I didn’t have to think too much about what I was going to do because I was so inspired, my dances created themselves.  The same thing goes for my writing.  When I feel like I am forcing myself to write about a particular topic, it doesn’t flow very well and I find myself struggling a bit.  This is exactly why I have yet to begin my children’s book.

When I initially had the thought to write a children’s series, I was so inspired and should have taken that time to write down all my ideas and words that were flowing.  And while I told myself I was going to set a date to start writing, it didn’t really work out that way.  I really want to start writing, but am not feeling the passion and fire at the moment, so I suppose it is best for me to wait and allow the fire to come back.

While I tend to believe less in a world of extremes and believe it is best to take a more balanced approach to life, I am beginning to think that acting on inspired thoughts is the way to go.  Sure, I could set a writing schedule in order to get my book written or I could allow the inspiration to flow and act on it when the feeling is right.  Does that make me a lazy procrastinating writer?  I don’t think so, I think it means I am an inspiration driven writer amongst other things.

I have tried to make my vision of being a life coach come to fruition in various ways.  I tried setting a plan to get certain funds in place, to find the right program, etc., but those options haven’t really worked out thus far.  So, I am taking a step back a bit.  I am trusting that if I keep my vision clear about what I want, follow my intuition and inspiration, the pieces will fall into place the way they should.  Instead of working to make things happen, I am flowing with inspired thoughts.  Is it the right thing to do in all areas of my life?  Maybe not.  But, as for where I am right now, it is the right move.

What is the right move for you?  Do you set a plan and execute it accordingly or do you fly by the seat of your pants a bit?  Let me know what works for you!

Milking The (Happy) Moments

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I have been spending a lot of time in the last few weeks thinking about happiness and the components that make for a happy life.  I have also thought about the unique experiences we all have of what “happiness” means for us.  For some it may be a day full of productive activities while others view it as time spent with family, friends and what I have found is that happiness truly depends on one person alone and that is YOU.

We live in a society that often places emphasis on particular possessions, qualities, and other various things with the assumption that if only we had them we would finally be happy.  The flaw in this thought is that no matter what you have or how much money you have, happiness is not something you reach and maintain forever more.  The truth is that life happens and we have ups and downs.  We have good times and not so good times that are less than what we believe to be as “happy” and we find ourselves blaming circumstances or people for our change in how happy we are.  I am realizing that my happiness depends on me and it is something that not only takes practice, but it requires a certain amount of presence in order to maintain it.

For much of my life I wanted a life that would bring me love, a career with a purpose, and family and I thought once I had those things I would live “happily ever after”.  How many of us have wanted a life similar to that right? Some look for their knight on a white horse, while others are searching for a pile of money to take all their worries away.

I am guilty of that way of thinking too.  I have spent a good portion of my life looking toward a future event thinking that if only that happened then I would be happy only to find it didn’t exactly work out that way.  I am learning each and every day to not only live in the moment, but to milk the happy moments as much as possible.

Take this weekend for instance.  I had quite possibly one of the best weekends in a very long time.  We celebrated our son’s 3rd birthday with his friends at daycare, had a fun party for him, and enjoyed Easter festivities as a family.  My son laughed, smiled, and played all weekend while intermittently yelling “Birthday!” and singing “Happy Birthday” to himself.  The weather was perfect and I couldn’t have been more grateful.  I realized that while it was a special weekend for us, there was a lesson to be learned.

During one of the slower moments this weekend, I took our dogs out for a little walk and found myself looking at the world from a different view.  The clouds were gorgeous, the trees were swaying in the perfect breeze, and the sun was warm on my face.  I was at peace.  Complete and total peace.  For this moment, I didn’t have a care in the world.  My list of never ending “to do’s” didn’t exist and worries about work, finances, or whatever else we worry about on a day to day basis disappeared.  All I had in that moment was a full heart and an open and quiet mind.  I was living a moment of gratitude.  I gave a quiet thank you to the Universe for the moment, my son, and the beautiful weather we were having.  I admired my surroundings and took a deep breath and as I was moving back toward our house it hit me.  Every time we are feeling happy, joyful, grateful, loving, etc. we should take a moment to be fully in that moment.  Feel it with our entire being and milk it for what it’s worth.

I could have rushed to take the dogs for a walk without being aware of my beautiful surroundings.  I could have simply focused on what was next on our agenda in order to get it done, but then I would have not only missed this epiphany, but also an incredible connection to my happiness.  If I had skimmed over the moment as we sometimes do, I would have likely been so caught up in the activities we had scheduled that I would have missed a wonderful opportunity to give thanks, be grateful, and fully in tune with the moment.

This weekend changed my thoughts on happiness.  Not only do I truly understand the importance of being responsible for our own happiness, but I also value the importance of milking the happy moments for what they are.  For if we are constantly rushing from one moment to the next without truly experiencing what this moment has to offer us, we are going to allow our lives (happiness and all) to slip through our fingers.  And let’s face it, life is about living, loving, and learning on our journey, it is not a race to see who can make it to the end first.

If you don’t do so regularly, I challenge you to be more mindful of your happy moments this week and sit with those feelings for a while.  Milk your happy moments for all they are worth.